That caught you!
I'm in a reflective mood.
I have to give a talk on Saturday morning to a conference and it is something that I used to enjoy and it would excite and inspire me.
When I could speak.
I volunteered to give the talk when I was still in hospital recovering from the surgery that removed my ability to do so. I volunteered to prove to myself that I wouldn't give in; I would face my life without fear or compromise.
I am after all me. And I do not accept weakness from me. It is how I have built my armour and protected me from the assails of my transgender life and its consequences.
I miss speech.
I can communicate and do so with good effect. I do not fear being misunderstood but I miss speech. I can talk but I cannot speak.
I miss the nuance of emotion the anger and pain. Shakespeare should always be spoken out loud for that is what speech is for; so I find it hard not to want to wave an emoij when talking through my reconstructed 'voice'.
I am deservedly happy with what I have and with what I have recovered. By all rights I should be dead.
I think I would miss life if I were aware of losing it. I looked in that direction and made that call.
I'm glad to be alive.
I miss the past but I am old and that is how life should be; you miss the opportunities that you called the past and you fail to see the opportunities that are the future.
Hold on, maybe I'm not that old and I can see opportunity.
So maybe I cannot speak; but I maybe I can talk?
It is not easy to give up on a task that is worthwhile and challenging, although it can appear to be appealing. There appears no effort to giving in - yet of course there is. Every time you give in you lose a bit of your will.
So I'll prepare my talk and face my audience and stop writing procrastinative posts.
Sky looks nice tonight.
Not much on TV.
Must check Twitter.
Oooh a cup of tea sounds lovely! Yes and a TimTam.
Depending on the topic, hand gestures may help - as may body language. The actual language used also plays a part.
I don't know why I'm telling you this, however, as I'm sure it's all stuff you know. I'm sure you'll do just fine.
Hi Cindy. Forgive me if this is a stupid question but can't you use an artificial larynx? I've seen people use them. They do sound electronic but you can totally understand everything the person is saying.
Julia
One of the things I found remarkable when we spoke last, was that your slight English accent still came through and I could easily pick up the nuisances of your speech. To me you sounded like the Cindy I have always known. :D I can't imagine how difficult it has been for you but I remember talking to Meryl and saying how pleasantly surprised I was that I could detect and feel the emotion of your communication despite the physical limits you now have.
Hi Cindy,
Quote
I think the kangaroo in the corner is wearing an orange hat.
I have to say I love the title of this post. :) By the way, what is the topic of your presentation?
All the best,
Paige :)
Cindy you have a voice! It would be disrespectful to minimize your struggles and strength of character facing them but your character does clearly shine through. I have heard your "voice" for many years, right here, and in applications where your words bring reflection and greater understanding. You words and voice have called many of us from the darkness of our closets and fears to step into the light and live our truth.
Like thousands of others who know you through these pages I only hope to hear a lot more for a very long time. :-*
Quote from: ElizabethK on August 17, 2017, 08:41:51 AM
One of the things I found remarkable when we spoke last, was that your slight English accent still came through and I could easily pick up the nuisances of your speech. To me you sounded like the Cindy I have always known. :D I can't imagine how difficult it has been for you but I remember talking to Meryl and saying how pleasantly surprised I was that I could detect and feel the emotion of your communication despite the physical limits you now have.
Cindy,
I can vouch for what Liz tells you above. She expressed those same sentiments to me after she visited you in one of our skype talks.
I enjoyed your reflective musings as your tongue in cheek humor and positiveness certainly comes through as it always have. Though you broach serious thoughts you convey your resolve to not let them get the best of you. though your voice be mechanically derived now, I am sure your speech nuances you lament are still being heard loud and clear through your rich vocabulary and careful choice of words.
You continue to inspire me and many others with your words of wisdom, unquenchable positive attitude, and keen humor. Thank you, Cindy.
Hugs,
Laurie
Another conference, another person talking at me..blah.. blah.. .. Wait! What is this: Through the power of mime, interpretive dance, suggestive hand gestures and many other multimedia aids I have been informed, educated AND entertained, thank you Cindy!
You're the most irrepressible person I know, go get 'em. X
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Quote from: Paige on August 17, 2017, 09:40:43 AM
Hi Cindy,
Quote
I think the kangaroo in the corner is wearing an orange hat.
I have to say I love the title of this post. :) By the way, what is the topic of your presentation?
All the best,
Paige :)
Thanks everyone. I'm girding my loins and cleaning my throat, neither are a pretty sight :laugh:
The talk is to medical students on the problems that transgender people face in hospital and how medics should deal with those issues.
Any helpful examples are welcome.
I took part in a panel discussion to 150 final year med students a few months back on the same subject. It is challenging for them medically I'm sure.
-don't make assumptions
-be sensitive
-listen to the patient
-there is no single 'right way'
Good luck. X
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Last time in the hospital I had a medical student asking me about the Patches I was. Wearing and a nurse Asking how To put them on.
Hi Cindy. Not real sure what you are asking for, but, I have worked with the deaf community for many years. I would suggest to explore how they communicate without voice. They do just fine with written (power point) presentations, sign language, interpreters, physical gestures, and even computer generated voices. Best wishes. :)
I believe its what you have to say that's important, not how you say it.
Steven Hawking has no voice, and yet when he speaks people listen.
The fear of speaking in front of a group is all to common. Adding any challenges only contributes to fear.
But it sounds like you are given the opportunity to speak about what you know to a non-hostile audience. Speak from the heart about what you know. Toss out enough to encourage questions if it is a smaller group and you should be off to a great things! I am not saying anything that people have not said before about speaking.
I am offering encouragement to speak candidly about what you know as that is what I appreciate listening to the most. The stuff from text books is already out there. The human part that is unique to you pulls in the most attention. And, is most likely to be remembered later.
Just to be clear Cindy, you can not physically speak? This is not a shy thing, or not sure what to say, but it's a I physically can't speak problem due to cancer or other health issues where I can't literally speak?
If that's the case, there are voice boxes that can be placed on the lower throat to get an electronic voice. As I stated before, if you physically can't speak, the deaf community has options, including voice interpreters that speak for you, or use a computer generated voice to read text.
You say you can talk but can't speak. I'm a little lost on what the issue is. Best wishes.
Time for an update.
Just to clarify. My meanderings or reflections were very much me trying to put myself in the mood to prepare my talk. I am a very experienced public speaker and a very experienced lecturer so I have no fears at all about public speaking. I also write all of my talks in my head so it is a matter of getting my brain to concentrate on the task.
For those who don't know, I had my larynx removed in March and that includes the vocal cords. I have had a tracheal-oesophageal fistula (ToF) inserted which is basically a one way valve from my trachea (my breathing tube) to my oesophagus (my swallowing tube). In people who have not had a laryngectomy both of those tubes are one and the same. The larynx prevents food going into the lungs and air from going into the stomach.
In may case the tubes are now separate. I breath through a hole in my neck as seen in my avatar. To speak I force air from my breathing tube through the valve and use my newly formed oesophagus muscle (which was take from my thigh) to vibrate and so form words and enunciate with my lips.
It works very well to allow me to talk but for someone who could once command the attention of a crowd with my voice it is not speech.
It is wonderful and a testament to the work of scientists and medical personal to help cancer survivors live a full life.
I was asked to speak at the Global Health Conference while I was recovering from the laryngectomy and I agreed as I like a challenge and I thought it was a good subject to discuss Transgender health issues with medical students. I presented with two colleagues at a workshop and I spoke first. My ToF started to block about half way during the talk and my voice went into a squeaky gurgle but I kept going and my slides covered the important points as I had prepared them in case this happened.
We had some useful discussion in the workshop and I will note a few points.
Firstly this was in Adelaide in Australia. Australia I find is a very accepting place for gender diverse people and transgender people. Adelaide tends to be so laid back it could fall over.
Mine was one of 3 concurrent workshops we had about 200 people. The vast majority (>99%) were female. There was quite a lot of interest in how to get into transgender medicine. There was astonishment and dismay expressed on how transgender people are treated in the medical system. Several people in the audience made comment about an American President and his views on TG people in the military. None were supportive of those views.
If this conference of our medical people of the future is any indication then we will be in good hands. We just have to get there!
I thought this would be my last public speaking engagement and that I would retire, put on my slippers and dressing gown and fall asleep in front of the TV. When I got home I had a few emails, one thanking me for my talk and expressing astonishment at my ability to speak in public only six months after a Larri and could I talk at the conference they are organising. The second was asking me to sit on the gender equity committee of a prestigious research institute. The third was from a member of the audience who would like to talk to me about their gender identity.
It looks like this old chook has a few more years to go before her dotage.
Thank you everyone for your lovely comments and helpful hints. They all said the same thing in different ways and it is important that we follow them.
Never give up and never give in.
Cindy, it's getting boring the extent to which you continue to inspire, amaze and make real change in the world, from one person to a legion of them.
Please continue, for all our sakes [emoji4]. X
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Quote from: meganjames2 on August 19, 2017, 03:48:37 AM
Cindy, it's getting boring the extent to which you continue to inspire, amaze and make real change in the world, from one person to a legion of them.
Please continue, for all our sakes [emoji4]. X
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It is with great pleasure that I acknowledge the last slide that I showed to today
-don't make assumptions
-be sensitive
-listen to the patient
-there is no single 'right way'
It is of course from Megan in her post in this thread. I was very much into squeak rather than gurgle by then so I could not acknowledge the source (I was just pointing by then).
Many young heads nodded to wise words.
Thank you Hon.
Cindy
It's a team effort, the Susan's team! [emoji16]
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