Susan's Place Transgender Resources

Sorry if this is a bit personal, I would like to say that first off I'm 24 years old and am still a Virgin, not ashamed of it I just can't see myself ever being close with someone before I feel my body is how it is supposed to be. Would love to hear people thoughts on this, just wondered if I'm the odd one out.

No shaming, we are all civilized animals here, better to experience life before committing fully, regret is harsh at times. I wish the best for you in your decisions/transition.

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I was a virgin up to the age of 32, because I was so confused about who or what I was,  and because I've only ever valued sex as part of a serious emotional relationship. Once I'd found someone I wanted to spend my life with, it was a part of forming that emotional bond,  but was never a vital thing for me; I feel I'm probably borderline asexual and always have been.
To explicitly answer the question,  no,  I'd had one sexual partner.

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Given that I am transitioning at 62, I answered no.  But my experience is similar to yours.  I was a virgin until age 30.

I think that the social stresses inherent in being trans, even if we are not aware that that is the cause of the stress, can hinder the development of a "typical" social and sexual life.  This is something I have speculated on ever since I discovered I was trans and started trying to make sense of my past.  It is interesting that other responses show a similar past to mine.

Being a virgin is nothing to be ashamed of at all. I never had any confusion at all about my sexual orientation, but it can be complicated for a trans person. I've always been into guys only. If giving oral sex counts as losing your virginity then I lost mine at 14. I did anal the first time when I was 16.  Any hookup with a guy never involved anything with my boy parts. My boyfriend now is straight. It's definitely more stressful having a relationship with someone when you're pre surgery but depending on the person you're involved with it can still be really nice.

If you want to maybe explore a relationship that's cool. But if you do, do it because you want to do it, not because you think it's a bad thing to be a virgin at your age. Who cares what anyone else thinks? It's your decision and your body. And also a lot of people lie about losing their virginity because they are afraid people will make fun of them for being a virgin. Again, no one's business but your own.
Julia

23 and a virgin. Proud of it, I dont want to have sex with that thing. Once the proper equitment is up and running then I will be open to intercourse :)

I never was a Virgin, always a Cancer. [emoji28] However, I was virgin until 27 years-old and then the very proud non-virgin parent of two wonderful boys. Soon enough (hopefully), I'll become virgin again - without a hymen, but that's not what really matters, is it?... Anyways, I'm sure my wife will quickly find a way to end my second virginity... again! [emoji23]

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18 oral. 19 stationary. Maybe at that time I put value on it, but now I'm indifferent to it.

For the sake of valuing virginity is social effect of a patriarchy society, where men aren't held up to the same esteem of virginity. They created chastity belts for women back in the medieval days even.

Lost it around 21. Wish I hadn't, but at least it helped me realize that something was wrong (even if I suppressed it for the most part for another 2 decades  :( ). Still didn't realize back then that I was more interested in men than women, either.
Though I haven't been with anyone since then (about 20 years now...). If it's possible to 'regain' your virginity, I'd like to think I qualify.

Yes, I am a virgin and I am 20.

I am not waiting for marriage. I just feel like I really have to trust and care about a man before opening up to him sexually. Might seem old-fashioned. I also wouldn't have sex before SRS, which is one week away. After that, my heart will be open to meeting someone.

Quote from: Aurorasky on August 28, 2017, 12:57:18 PM
Yes, I am a virgin and I am 20.

I am not waiting for marriage. I just really feel like I really have to trust and care about a man before opening up to him sexually. Might seem old-fashioned. I also wouldn't have sex before SRS, which is one week away. After that, my heart will be open to meeting someone.

And that is totally ok. I also understand how you feel. After I transitioned I wasn't planning on a relationship because I figured it would be too complicated until after SRS.  But then I met Tristan and things just happened.

Julia

I had a drunken almost finished event with a girl when I was 19, (she cheated on her boyfriend every chance she had) then never again until I met my SO at 29. It was always so confusing. Back in my teen days the boys all put so much emphasis on sex and sex talk. (OK so maybe they never grow out of it). I was always attracted to girls but there was the confusion of also wanting to be a girl. Then when I was involved with conversing with girls the sex thoughts were not really there.

One thing I've realized was even with raging hormones of a teenager I never had that need or really the ability to hit on girls the way guys did. I just never could be a regular guy no matter how hard I tried. I think for them it really is a natural thing, not for me though. Now of course it all makes sense to me. I still need an emotional warm up before sex can be really enjoyable for me. Although with transition there hasn't been much of that.  :-\ ehh.


Whoa, I just went back and reread that! Aurorasky, you're getting SRS in about a week!! Yea for you! Congrats :eusa_clap: :eusa_dance: :icon_birthday:

Quote from: josie76 on August 28, 2017, 01:26:48 PM
Whoa, I just went back and reread that! Aurorasky, you're getting SRS in about a week!! Yea for you! Congrats :eusa_clap: :eusa_dance: :icon_birthday:

awww thankies!!!!  :-* :-* :-*

I stopped being a  hetrosexual virgin at 27 and a bisexual virgin at 34.

No

Quote from: Aurorasky on August 28, 2017, 12:57:18 PM
Yes, I am a virgin and I am 20.

I am not waiting for marriage. I just feel like I really have to trust and care about a man before opening up to him sexually. Might seem old-fashioned. I also wouldn't have sex before SRS, which is one week away. After that, my heart will be open to meeting someone.

This is exactly how I feel, glad to know it's not just me out there, good luck with your SRS can't wait till I have this opportunity.

Robin

Quote from: josie76 on August 28, 2017, 01:26:48 PMOne thing I've realized was even with raging hormones of a teenager I never had that need or really the ability to hit on girls the way guys did. I just never could be a regular guy no matter how hard I tried. I think for them it really is a natural thing, not for me though. Now of course it all makes sense to me.

Same for me 100%.  Never imagined that my lack of sexual aggression was because I didn't want to come across as slutty.    :eusa_naughty:

Best of luck, Aurorasky!

Far from it ...

This turned out to be an important part of my transition. It was because I experimented widely ... that I learned I could be more than happy without surgery ... it also killed off any hangups I had about my sex.

So yes ... I definitely recommend trying things out before rushing into operations ... you might be pleasantly surprised and save yourself a lot of trouble!

23 here and still a virgin.


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Here's the question that will really get your ticker ticking:

After you've had SRS, do you get a 'reset' on your virginity status?

No, I lost my virginity at the age of 18. I lost it to my prom date (A lady).. we were friends through high school and we decided to try this thing called sex as were both going away to school (different schools) and it was nice to say goodbye, For me it was not a great experience and never did again as a man. I embraced the women inside me at 19. The next time I had sex I experimented  with anal sex while deep into transition (with my boyfriend at the time), that was ok.. but after SRS experienced vaginal sex with another man and I can say I love it.

As having experienced sex from both sides, I can say I prefer the female side.. being penetrated instead of penetrating.

I Still have not transitioned. But no I was not a virgin. Just to get it out of the way. Heterosexual sex when I was really deep into my twenties. The gender issues were holding me back here. I am really bad with dealing with my own problems and issues. I take a very long time to figure things out. Now I am not having sex because I am unsure about transitioning or not. That would complicate the whole sex and relationship thing again to another level

Just be sure what you are doing is healthy and what you do , you do for the right reasons. Not having sex because of your issues and additionally developed performance anxiety because you never did try it? Do something about it. Like work on your gender issues or whatever it is holding you back . There is information about sex as well. Enough to get you started and the rest you can figure out with your partner. In my experience the best advice comes from people who have worked in this area for a long time. They may lack your specific background and generational viewpoint but the experience is there. You never knew such older ladies can have such good information about this ;D

Don't get into relationships because you think you have to be in a relationships. Guys in their 30 and 40s whine about being in a relationship and their family all the time. It's not necessarily better. Neither does it have to be worse than earlier . Also don't pretend time is standing still because that may be important for having a family

Quote from: Zoetrope on August 28, 2017, 09:09:05 PM
So yes ... I definitely recommend trying things out before rushing into operations ... you might be pleasantly surprised and save yourself a lot of trouble!

Just because I'm a virgin before surgery doesn't mean I'm rushing transition or operations. I have transitioned two years ago and while growing up I had various crushes on boys, I would never be considered for partner because I was very very girly and andro. I wouldn't go to bed with someone I don't trust and care about, which so far hasn't happened and that's the reason why I prefer to wait than to rush into sex that will make me dysphoric and with someone I don't trust. To each their own.

My post was not some kind of personal jab :~) Just saying, life can surprise you sometimes. I used to want surgery. Experiences changed my mind ...

I was not a virgin when I started HRT over a year and a half ago. I have had sexual relations with both male and female; the last female I had sexual contact with was when I was 20. I am currently in a relationship with a man now who is fully aware and supportive of my transition and he gives me dick whenever I want it; we have sex often. Sometimes, he likes to play with my unwanted parts, but since I am on hormones, it is very hard for me to ejaculate.

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Quote from: OU812 on August 28, 2017, 11:23:42 PM
Here's the question that will really get your ticker ticking:

After you've had SRS, do you get a 'reset' on your virginity status?

Very good question, I had sex once as a guy with a girl before my transition, I didn't get anything out of it at all and I don't think she did ether, I'd say I was probably the worse guy for sex she was ever with, I was never a real man.
Then transition and becoming a woman, my virginity was reset when my boyfriend penetrated my new girly equipment the first time, only once as a guy but very much a ''non event'' but serveral times as a woman with men, these days I'm faithful to only one man, my husband of 7 years, I finally settled down as a married woman.