So , I cant say I didn't knew it, I actually knew it at least 2 years now, but I couldn't let myself believe it, Disphoria is been rough, but I always ended up saying to myself "youre a MAN"....
One of the things that confused me is that I am attracted to girls, and that I have much adrenaline....
But last month I promised to myself that this hidding is going to over...so im looking forward to try transitioning in a few months or a year, to see if that will make me happier...
Evry single thing about my gender comfuse me , but it have come to a time that I can't keep living like this, I want to look at the mirror and see a beautiful woman, not that man I've become...
I recently learned that in my country im probably able to change my name at anything and without getting srs..witch is good news, because it is not something im interested in yet (srs)....
I just want some people out there in the earth know a little something about my true self because I can't tell anyone yet, it is risky and I don't want to lose close people to me , at least for now...so everyone in my life haven't noticed anything...I guess thats because of Disphoria, because it always maded me wanting evryone to see me as a man to not think I might have other thoughts...and thats happened in a level too big to be only wanting to be what everyone told me when I was a kid, but It happened because I felt different inside...I believe if I start hrt many things will be easier, of course, I know that many will be harder, and the first months will probably be rough....but I have to try no matter the cost, of money, of friends, of my mans life, I don't care, I just want to be a woman....im thinking that if I will be ugly as a female I will stop transitioning...it has been the most disphoric part of my body, my face...if after all this i do makeup, take hrt, grow nice and long hair and stuff like that , and i still look a lot like male, I will stop...
Im probably just to negative, but I will try my best...
Well, thanks for reading my post, it really means a lot...
Welcome to Susan's Place. Something people often get confused about is gender attraction. The simple way to think about it is Sexual Preference is who you want to go to bed with and Gender Identity is who you want to go to bed as. You are transgender only if you are uncomfortable with your Gender Identity. This was first explained to me in the late 1970's and it brought up the though of a MTF being lesbian. In my therapy group there were MTFs who would remain with their wife and you will discover many on this site who are the same. It's perfectly acceptable however some countries have outdate programs that don't accept this fact. Be careful about what you say until you understand how this is handled in your country.
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Welcome to the site Caity.
I think it's great having the freedom to explore your gender identity at such a young age but it sounds like you could really benefit from talking to a gender therapist. For example, you say that you would only want to transition if you are attractive as a woman and while this is a very good goal you should know that many of the changes HRT causes are irreversible. It's not simply a matter of stopping after a couple years on HRT if you don't think you are pretty enough. There are real consequences that you would have to deal with at that point. Like permanent damage to your reproductive organs and possible permanent damage to your male love making capabilities. As well as boobs that you will be stuck with even if you don't want them anymore. When and if you start HRT you better be darn well sure it's what you want and know what you're getting into.
Hi Caity. I suggest that you talk to a gender psychologist and let your parents know what is going on in your head sooner rather than later. You don't have to transition, but the longer you hide it from the parents, the more difficult it will be to tell. Plus as you build up your adult life, you meet new people, some of whom would become good friends. It's much easier to come out to the world when you don't spend 20-40 years building some life that you would throw away one day.
Having said that, you really need to understand you cannot know your transition results until you commit to it (at least hormonally), but the sooner, generally means the better results would be again.
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Hi Caity, where are you from?
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Thanks for replying and for your advices...
I long time now have the idea of finding a therapist but in my country theres not many and maybe even none at all..
Im from greece, and not from a big city, from an island, so even if there is in my country ill have to travel, witch is ok...but if I have to be there once every month or 2, I will probably cant pay for all of this....
But I want to be sure first and then take steps on telling anyone and going to a therapist , I want to kind of find my self first...
18 isn't really that old to realize you are transgender. There are stories from people on here with ages ranging all over the place, anywhere from single digits to 60+ years old.
The good thing is you want to take action now. I knew I was trans when I was a small child, but due to fear I waited until now (35 years old) to finally admit that being transgender is more than just some feelings and won't go away. But now I've been married for 9 years and have 5 kids and addressing my ->-bleeped-<- isn't as simple as it would have been when I was younger and single.