Hi,
I've browsed this forum for a while now, a lot more recently but a few times over the past years. Figured I'd might as well make a profile.
To TLDR it as much as possible:
I've had gender dyshporia since somewhere around age five, starting with secreting myself away to my parents closet to put on my mothers' heels and daydream. It progressed into crossdressing in private when I was a teenager until the Emo phase hit the midwest.
Coming from a fundamentalist baptist background, I developed a pathological hatred of myself for my behavior and homosexual tendencies/thoughts. Combined with the years of bullying and ridicule I endured from childhood due to my mannerisms ranging from how I walked, held items, stood, spoke, hobbies, and so on; I developed manic depression and anxiety and became repeatedly suicidal.
In an effort to escape my home and force myself into the role everyone demanded of me, I enlisted at 17. I spent 6.5 years as SIGINT, but it didn't fix anything. After getting out I went to University and became a closet case, unwilling to leave my house except for school and work for 3.5 years. I developed a drinking problem, did drugs and went from 140 pounds to 210.
After my roommate kicked me out as I was graduating, I ended up moving in with my parents in Georgia because I had nowhere else to go. During Uni, I began learning about the trans subject, and contemplating my nature. After moving to Georgia, I came out and spilled my guts to a trans friend I'd met on a game online. I made a radical shift, I cut all soda, sugar, processed food, alcohol, etc. out of my habits and am back down to 150.
I didn't just come out to my friend, the positive feelings that came from it saw it cascade into telling all of my siblings and friends; all of whom were supportive. I found a therapist, and after a few months, got on HRT which I've been taking for 1.5 months now.
I eventually came out to my parents, and my father was "supportive" at first about this particular thing. He assured me I wasn't going to be kicked out or disowned, and that it didn't matter if I was gay or whatever; he still loved me and would do anything for me. He met me at a pub so I could come out, and said finding this out was a relief; as he thought I was gonna tell him I was suicidal again or a democrat (lol).
My mother was silent when I told her. She has since outed me to people she knows and questioned it (I overheard phone conversations when she was trying to hide). She's tried to lightly gaslight me, and suggested that my dysphoria and crossdressing was caused by depression, despite the fact they started a decade before ever becoming depressed.
Fortunately enough, I went to Uni for History and Theology, so she knows better than to use religious arguments on me. Both have also become slightly dismissive and antagonistic towards the issue now that they've found out I've started the transition; something akin to the whole, "It's ok to be gay so long as you don't act on it," argument.
That being said, they've still been far better than many.
Unfortunately I live in Atlanta, and the housing/rental market has gotten screwed here and ghetto cockroach infested studio apartments cost 800 dollars a month around here because of the film industry. In a surprise that made me breakdown into tears, my father told me last night that they had been planning since years ago to buy another house/townhouse/condo/duplex, in order to rent out to people.
They've offered to let me stay in one for the same costs I'm paying them now, and said if I find people who are cool and need a place that they can stay there too.
I know I'm lucky, incredibly lucky. I was blessed with far more accepting parents than most have, a middle class background, and a good education. I'm lucky to have a body that hasn't, despite my 28 years, been terribly masculinized. I'm 5'11, wear a size 7.5-8 shoe, and my body proportions are within avg. female norms.
I hope that I can finally find a decent job down here (been here 1.5 years), and provide a safe place to another trans person who needs the help. I've been given incredible things, and pray that somehow I'll be able to return those favors to others in the future.
Thanks for having me!
Welcome aboard Izzy!!!... A lot of us here treated our dysphoria in our younger days with substance abuse... I was a heavy meth user for 14 years and managed to walk away from it in 1995.... Congrats on starting HRT!!!!
Onward we go brave sister!!!
Ashley :)
Hello Izzy, welcome to Susan's!
Your story gave me goosebumps and affirms my belief some of the best people on the planet are transgender. You have already accomplished so much and I think you're going to do amazing things.
I live in the opposite corner of the US, in Seattle. I am MtF and started HRT around the same time - I am your older sister by two weeks. ;) Much as you changed habits to get control of your health, I dropped 16 inches (40cm) from my waistline several years ago and kept it off. I quit alcohol in 2003 and haven't had any processed meat this century. If I continued to drink I am certain I would have been dead before age 50.
Sounds like your assessment of your parents' response is accurate - far better than many. And the news you are about to be moving into a great place is awesome. You are already thinking of others even when you have so much of your own stuff to deal with... proof we sometimes get our best strength by helping others.
Susan's has unique requirements and characteristics, I'll add them here for you. Some links and pointers to save you time - we always provide this to new members.
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Izzy I am so glad you joined, and for your awesome introduction. Great to see you here!
Kendra
Hi Izzy! I'm in GA too, though about 6+ hours to the southeast of you on the coast (Brunswick area). I will hopefully be moving up to Atlanta next year sometime, so you are scaring me a little with the rent issue. :D
Quote from: Roll on September 29, 2017, 11:17:16 AM
Hi Izzy! I'm in GA too, though about 6+ hours to the southeast of you on the coast (Brunswick area). I will hopefully be moving up to Atlanta next year sometime, so you are scaring me a little with the rent issue. :D
:C
Sorry, but it's unfortunately true. I haven't checked as much in the inner city, since I live about 20 minutes NW of the city itself; but it's very much true for the areas around here.
Cheapest places are in Smyrna, but that's not the one you want. :(
That being said, I've always found work through Aerotek super easy around here. Tons of stuff. The AGE trans group in Atlanta has some pretty cool people in it too.
Hi Izzy,
I'm Laurie, welcome to Susan's Place and congrats on coming in out of the shadows. Do come in , that's it a little further. You're doing fine. Now come all the way in girl. ((Hug)) Gotcha! Honestly Izzy we are glad you are here. I'd invite you to come to Oregon where the LGBTQ+ community is a bit more accepting than a lot of places. I suppose having a lesbian governor helps with that. Oh sure the are a lot of folks here that disagree and hope to maintain more prejudicial views but overall I think our state is pretty accepting.
I myself used to think LGBTQ+ people were pretty weird but thought they had as much right to be here as I do. At the time I held the attitude that "they" could do as the wished as long as it didn't affect me. Other than that I wanted no part in it. My hypocritical attitude did nothing to help myself and my self loathing of who I was. I hated being a crossdresser and had not yet had my epiphany that I was actually transgender. Since then I have changed my mind on the issues. Now if I can just change them about myself.
Well enough of this. You will get to know me and us better as you spend time here participating in conversations with us as we learn more about you. Welcome again Izzy.
Hugs,
Laurie
Hi Izzy :icon_wave:
Welcome to Susan's Place :) Glad to have you here, join on in the fun
Hugs
V M
Welcome Izzy, you'll find a lot of us have similar sties, sometimes similar vices too. Good to have you here.
Bari Jo
Quote from: IzzyC on September 29, 2017, 10:26:40 AM
Coming from a fundamentalist baptist background, I developed a pathological hatred of myself for my behavior and homosexual tendencies/thoughts. Combined with the years of bullying and ridicule I endured from childhood due to my mannerisms ranging from how I walked, held items, stood, spoke, hobbies, and so on; I developed manic depression and anxiety and became repeatedly suicidal.
Hi Izzy,
You just described me and my history perfectly, including the Bi-Polar thing. A lot of us probably have the same back story. Sounds like things are going pretty well. Take care.
Tommie
Hi Izzy, welcome to Susan's Place! Thank you for your service, and get your butt over to Roll Call! (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,96755.0.html) right now! ;D See you around the site!
Hugs, Devlyn