Hi. I am 40 and I am some form of MtF.
My dysphoria has been here in some form since I was in 2nd or 3rd grade but it really hit in my preteens. I didn't understand and there was no internet and no one to ask. I spent a lifetime thinking I was weird, keeping it all hidden away and, as much as I could, keeping it suppressed. I've done a lot of damage suppressing and hiding things. Frankly looking back people have always commented on it despite how well I thought I was doing. I think I was in some kind of self Stepford wifeian denial. It's incredible what denial can achieve in your mind. I can no longer deny what I am. Recently too many experiences have come together and transgender rights, science, and issues are a mainstay in society that I have had a kind of self-awakening.
What I have to do now is figure out where I am in the spectrum exactly.
I've been writing a document, a kind of backwards diary of all the moments I can remember where I had experiences or feelings of dysphoria. I'm also adding to it when I read something that resonates with me I previously was unaware of and then going back and reconstituting those moments and feelings into that document.
Yesterday I found a therapist and confirmed their transgender safeness with the local LGBTQ equality group. I called and left a message but have not heard back yet.
I think I need to try dressing up, which I haven't done since I was young and haven't really ever done properly and see how I feel. I am married, she doesn't know. I have family living with me and they don't know. I live in a terrible place for this. I'll have to keep this more obscured as a result, but maybe I can find a livable balance.
Admitting this to myself has brought on a flood of new feelings. How I find myself compelled to all kinds of things and feelings now. Playing around with tucking in the bathroom. Hating my body hair much more than before. Peeling layers away.
I posted what I wish someone would have said to me on a post Roll made. It's one of the first times I've ever let my more female side have the wheel for a minute since I was a kid and learned that would get me abused by them.
I'm in a storm at sea. I can deal with this personally. Frankly, it's a relief in a big way. It's the people around me. That's devastatingly terrifying. I know... I've read enough posts here to know someone will say "you have to be true to you" but I also know many of you will know and understand exactly how it's just not going to be that easy.
What else would you like to know? I can't give too much specific information for my safety and the safety of my life's current conditions, but I will try.
Welcome to Susan's Place. It's not so much what I want to know about you because this is a decision you need to make for yourself. There are a few things for you to consider.
The first is what are you dysphoric about. Some of us are uncomfortable with features of our bodies. Others are uncomfortable with the role we play in life. If there is something else that makes you uncomfortable, I would be interested in knowing as I haven't seen anything other than those two.
Next I have the two standard links you should review as they are a very good starting place. The first is our WIKI (https://www.susans.org/wiki/Transgender) where you will learn what is transgender. The second link is "the transition channel" (https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCfO3B57E6NpIn-KsVjvmLLw) where a gender therapist will help you explore your feelings.
Most important, keep asking questions and looking at the site. Another experiences may trigger something in your mind and the questions you ask will help make the picture clearer.
Hi Katie,
Welcome to you. My name is Monica. I am glad to see you letting yourself out for a spin around the boards. You are right nothing is easy or convenient to our lives when it comes to trans issues. It is so good to talk to others who understand trans feelings though. What your feelings mean in your life, only you will know and you may not know for a while. When you are faced with an inconvenient reality of life, it is best to figure out how to cope. I spent 50 years running from myself. Even if I had never taken any actions about being trans, running from it was not an answer in my opinion. Glad you are here. Good luck.
Moni
Hi Katie [emoji4]. I'm a 40 y/o mtf in the UK.
You've found a great spot on the Web to pitch up, we don't bite[emoji6]
There's plenty of great info here, that should help you find your way forward. X
Sent from my MI 5s using Tapatalk
Hi Katie :icon_wave:
Welcome to Susan's Place :) Glad to have you here, join on in the fun
Hugs
V M
Hey, thanks everybody. It's been nice to be here and read and tsay some things. Though, I'm not sure if I should be saying much yet. I'm so unsure. I'm trying to be more cautious as I navigate.
I appreciate the warmth and greeting. I read all the links posted by two different people here in the Transgender Talk thread concerning the rules and the ranks and all.
Quote from: Dena on October 07, 2017, 01:32:54 PM
The first is what are you dysphoric about. Some of us are uncomfortable with features of our bodies. Others are uncomfortable with the role we play in life. If there is something else that makes you uncomfortable, I would be interested in knowing as I haven't seen anything other than those two.
Next I have the two standard links you should review as they are a very good starting place. The first is our WIKI (https://www.susans.org/wiki/Transgender) where you will learn what is transgender. The second link is "the transition channel" (https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCfO3B57E6NpIn-KsVjvmLLw) where a gender therapist will help you explore your feelings.
Most important, keep asking questions and looking at the site. Another experiences may trigger something in your mind and the questions you ask will help make the picture clearer.
I will check out those links ASAP!
Well I didnt want to write a whole novel, heh. Actually, I can share with you this thing I've been writing. I just dont want it to get out but its got everything in it, but there are things in it that could out me.??
I plan to keep working on this and its been consuming my thoughts since I really had this awakening. Rachel put it a way in her thread which I read tonight. i had clipped this bit because it so much better said what I've noticed but had trouble putting into words:
"I started writhing down my history and then a flood of things came in. Volumes of things I surpressed. Refused to remember, did not happen if I could not remember. I looked over what I wrote and thought. I am a complete fraud, chicken and transgender. "
Post as much or as little as you are comfortable with. In my first two days on the site I made 22 post and my current average for my total time on the site is 14+ posts a day. As long as they are meaningful posts, we have no problem with you spilling out years of accumulated thoughts.
It's a little different in my case as I came to the site as a know it all and instead of kicking me off the site, they pined this moderator badge on me as punishment. ;D
You will find very few of us who faced up to the fact we were transgender at an early age. All of us understand that we don't fit into societies idea of normal and it isn't going to be easy to deal with the problems that will occur. Often it's a matter of waiting for the proper time and that can take more inner strength and courage than most people have. One of my sayings is the worst thing you could wish on another person is that they be transgender.
Yeah, I have alot to learn. ;)
Those videos were very helpful. Her other videos are even more helpful. Things I needed to hear. It's hard to navigate my mind about what I felt through all the repression and guilt/shame at the time. I kind of feel like I've been the victim of brainwashing sometimes.
It's possible some element of my story could be a trigger issue as I was bullied and the victim of violence and constant ridicule. I will try to limit the details, just wanted to warn you.
I've never liked my body hair or the hair on my head. I hate my huge feet. I don't like my build, everything is so big and tall.
I've always wanted to be a girl, but I thought I was sick or wrong. I knew it was wrong to everyone else. They were already picking on me and bullying me. Calling me "->-bleeped-<-" and "homo" and things like "Alice". "You stand like a girl" or "You act gay" or "Thats girl ->-bleeped-<-". My girlfriends and friends would just tell me I was just more effeminate and sensitive. I would make excuses. "I was raised by my mother alone." Things like that. I tried very hard for decades to kill my overly feminine presentation and traits to stop these comments, to stop them noticing me. In order to get by, to survive, and I would never equate the two. It's caused a lot of issues I think.
When I was younger and could "get away with it" I would wear women's underwear and tuck my penis when I was alone. I shaved my legs but the boys in gym noticed so I had to stop. When I was first married I could wear her stuff, which I did when she wasn't around but that got harder after we had our kid and I got bigger than her and I was almost never home alone.
I spent alot my free time as a teen on in chats pretending to be a girl.
I've envied girls my whole life. I used to try to wish hard enough that I'd wake up female. "They had it all, and none of these negatives", I would think. I've told about every girlfriend I ever had that I wished I could just be absorbed into their bodies and be a part of them and I think I really meant this as love, it was love-wise, but now I'm suspicious if it wasnt in part my longing to be them.
It seems, at least for me, missing parts bother me more than having a penis does. I don't know what that means, if anything, but my longing for breasts and a vagina has always been far stronger than my feelings about my penis. I didnt hate my penis, but I didnt love it either. It was more like I had been given the wrong luggage. I could wear the male clothing but I really wanted to get my luggage back, but that wasn't possible because I was well aware by the time I knew I felt this way, that this was essentially like a crime. I still want that luggage though, I'd trade right now, because waking up a girl wouldnt be my fault, they couldnt blame me, they might even just accept me. All my fear is based on how those closest to me will react.
I never liked my balls though, its like because I knew that's where all the maleness came from I've always kind of had a kind of contempt for them. Thier really gross. I've often commented to girlfriends that I wish I could just get rid of them. "Thier useless and have caused me so much trouble", I would say. They would just laugh. My wife told me once that sex was discomforting and I spent a month or two researching penial reduction surgery, which I can tell you, basically doesn't exist and the people who answer the phones at the enlargement surgery places acted pretty awkward about me inquiring about it. I could never tell a single male friend about that research. So this a hard question to answer.
I never not played a female video game character if one was available. And towards the end of this last year I played a particularly immersive story driven game where the protaganist is a girl and had alot of feelings come out. I WAS that girl and I had some real backsliding on feminine feelings and I got pretty confused and spent every waking moment playing this game and when it was over I had essentially a mourning period. It really messed me up.
Backstory, one night my wife showed me transition videos. I've watched them every so often ever since. I know I thought right away, i would do this. I saw Emma, shes from Norway, and she got to go female before her male hormones really came too hard and I was so jealous. To go back to that age and change, you cant even tell. "In a minute", I thought.
When the video game thing happened, a couple of months later I just started to have a stumbling. My feed is often filled with LGBTQ issues and I'd been reading through comments. Watching transition videos. Googling. Having these thoughts and it all just clicked when I read a piece over on Medium that felt similar enough that I kind of freaked out. I panicked so bad I was flailing about mentally. Trying to find someone to talk to. So I started writing the piece I mentioned, this post is maybe 40% of it, and looking for a place to read and talk to others to try and quell these mental white water rapids I'm on.
I found Susan's.
You have found the right place to deal with being transgender. If you should need proof, start reading the introductions. After you get past a few hundred, you will discover they tell much the same story and your story matches their story. This is nothing new as I saw the same thing in my therapy group long before the public internet existed. Take your time and don't worry about why you are this way. Instead work on what you are going to do about it. That will be your key to happiness.
Also, I just choose katie on a whim and have no attachment to it... I don't know if that's the name I want, but I didnt want to take a male name. I dont think i should choose yet. I hope its okay if it might change.
Quote from: katiekatt on October 07, 2017, 07:37:11 PM
Hey, thanks everybody. It's been nice to be here and read and tsay some things. Though, I'm not sure if I should be saying much yet. I'm so unsure. I'm trying to be more cautious as I navigate.
Hi again Katie! <3
When I first started posting here I was so terrified it was unreal. I was terrified of who I was. I was terrified of people in my life finding out. I was just plain terrified of everything. A lot of the introductions from people earlier on in the exploration process are the same way. Those feelings of being unsure are normal, and being cautious as you feel things out is smart.
It's hard when you go your entire life without expressing such a key part of yourself to suddenly just overnight be able to throw caution to the wind and embrace it. I'm still very much learning to do so and hold back a lot, though it has been amazing progression for me nonetheless, as I actually just posted a picture of myself the other day! I'm not suggesting you have to do the same or anything, simply wanting to convey that you will find your comfort level overtime, and it may surprise you. :)
(It also helped me to realize that if anyone in my life does happen to find what I've written here... well, what were
they doing here to begin with? ;D)
Quote from: katiekatt on October 08, 2017, 02:01:22 PM
Also, I just choose katie on a whim and have no attachment to it... I don't know if that's the name I want, but I didnt want to take a male name. I dont think i should choose yet. I hope its okay if it might change.
All you have to do is let a moderator know your new name. It can't be used by anybody else and naturally it has to be socially acceptable. It just takes us a couple of minutes to change it. In the upper right hand conner there is a members tab. That will allow you to see if the name is available.
Quote from: Roll on October 08, 2017, 02:06:31 PM
Hi again Katie! <3
I'm still very much learning to do so and hold back a lot, though it has been amazing progression for me nonetheless, as I actually just posted a picture of myself the other day! I'm not suggesting you have to do the same or anything, simply wanting to convey that you will find your comfort level overtime, and it may surprise you. :)
I saw your before after makeup post Roll, it was amazing. This place is so great and such an uplift everyday, and I learn something everyday too about myself and about our collective journies! I dont know what I would do without it!
Thank you all so much!
Welcome girl
Your story rings so many bells for me so I hope you really talk to the right help on your issues, but in reality they aren't your issues, you are like us in that the issues are with society in general ignoring us or not understanding us. Just be true to your heart and life will get you through (avoid dodgy places late at night etc). wW at all here to help each other so you can ask difficult questions and fun ones etc (within the terms of use obviously)
Good Luck have fun
Hugz
Katie Jade :angel: :angel: :angel: :angel: :angel:
I asked a difficult one earlier in the MtF sub-board of the transexual section and then got embarrassed and removed it. I know, silly. Maybe I'll repost it.
My emotions are all over the place.
Thanks for the kind words and the support, everyone!
Sorry for a double post but didnt want to hijack the thread and just realized:
I didnt even know you could go on hormones without the clear intention to transition ASAP. Can you try hormones for a couple of months and see? Would people be able to notice, is it the kind of thing you should be "out" for?
Often people start HRT 6 to 12 months before going full time in order to improve their appearance and making it a bit easer to pass. We have members who have gone for years on HRT without transitioning and without going public. Testing for a short period of time has the associated risk that once you start, you may not want to stop. The hormones are not addictive but the mental improvement can be after living years with depression. I went a couple of years without transitioning because the treatment I received didn't affect my appearance that much. Even after about 5 years, I wasn't fully filling out a AA bra.
Welcome Katie, you've come to the right place. Many of us have similar stories and similar issues. It's really helped me, and I'm sure it'll help you also.
I love the name Katie Katt too, consider keeping it!
Bari Jo
Another person said it in a thread that they were worried baout living up to thier chosen name. Its just something I picked in a kind of hurried frenzy when asked on a site, and I almost have some strange worry about living up to it. I, very slyly, asked my mom what she would have named me if I had been a girl and she answered immediately, Amber. So I've been conflicted. Should I take the helm like I'm taking the helm or should I take what was almost mine?
I spent some time like I used to in junior high (writing on my notebook) only on a pad this time practicing writing my name in both... I must work on my handwriting! I'm still conflicted. I think it will come with time.
Quote from: katiekatt on October 11, 2017, 07:51:28 PM
Another person said it in a thread that they were worried baout living up to thier chosen name. Its just something I picked in a kind of hurried frenzy when asked on a site, and I almost have some strange worry about living up to it. I, very slyly, asked my mom what she would have named me if I had been a girl and she answered immediately, Amber. So I've been conflicted. Should I take the helm like I'm taking the helm or should I take what was almost mine?
I spent some time like I used to in junior high (writing on my notebook) only on a pad this time practicing writing my name in both... I must work on my handwriting! I'm still conflicted. I think it will come with time.
Hello and Welcome Katie,
I joined this forum only the day before you did. So I'm a noob too. We seem to have a fair amount in common, such as having a wife and gaming. Feel free to buddy me (or not) if you choose.
With regards to your name: It only needs to be thought of as permanent if you are planning a legal name change soon. While it can get confusing to others if constantly changed, it's still your decision. As far as your Mom having picked out Amber, if it doesn't suit the inner you (personality,) you could always take it as a middle name. I did the same thing. Take some time for self reflection and try out a bunch of different names, say in front of a mirror when "dressed," similar to how some parents pick out the names of their children. More than likely, one will suit you more than others. You then get to choose spelling, short or long version (Katie, Katherine, Kathleen, etc.) The choices are endless. Just make sure you don't settle on one that causes you torment for one reason or another.
With regards to hormones, if you want to dip your toes in the water so to speak, anti-androgens such as Spironolactone and/or Finasteride may help. In fact they are often prescribed weeks or months in advance of estrogen as their effects are easily reversible. Some of us (myself included) have particulars in our biochemistry that make the effects of estrogen or progesterone obvious rather quickly. For me it was the fact that they stored dormant in my fat cells from the first time I attempted (unsuccessfully) to transition. I went from having pecs to a small A cup after just a couple months on anti-androgens as the stored estrogen in my fat cells was released. 2 months on Estradiol and I'm almost a B cup, so nearly impossible to hide completely. But cases like mine are exceedingly rare. They all have health risks, though usually minor, an underlying health issue you already have could limit your options and dosage. Ultimately, it is up to you, your mental health professional, and your doctor what you do. Hope this helps. Stay Safe.
HUGS!
Quote from: katiekatt on October 08, 2017, 02:01:22 PM
Also, I just choose katie on a whim and have no attachment to it... I don't know if that's the name I want, but I didnt want to take a male name. I dont think i should choose yet. I hope its okay if it might change.
The longer you use your new name, the more weight it makes. My first one - Sandra - has none, but Eli/Ellie - many people met me under this name and it's tough to drop it now. It grows on you with use, or you quickly pick a new one.
Jenny! Yes! Hi! I would love to be friends. I'm spinning out on things, you joined a day before me, but I can just tell you've got a lot more under your belt.
that makes total sense. I'm going to just ride it out for a while and see who I am, so much keeps coming out and revealing itself... thanks for the calm words of reason. I get to mentally flailing. Sometimes I can just navigate things and sometimes I'm just a flibbertigibbet. I can say that if I'm Katie, its katie, not kathleen or katherine, heh, one down.
Wow! Did the hormones and blockers have similar effects to any degree on your height? I guess its obvious what star I'm wishing on. I've read alot of girls say they experience some moderate shrinking. I dont expect anything, but I'm hoping for moderate. Though i know that kind of change will take some real time.
Ellie! Hello!
That makes total sense, sometimes I just need people to help me get down out of the clouds of my worry and get back to the ground, heh! ;D
ANYONE/EVERYONE
Where can I go to get advice on counseling?
I'm having an issue where my counselor I was going to see isn't licensed as a therapist and has been cited for claiming to be one and misrepresenting her status and level of experience. I guess she knows operates as a lifecoach. I don't know enough here on my own to be informed enough to make a decision on this and I dont want to make a mistake on this issue.
I understand people probably arent comfortable giving advice on this, thats fine, but maybe you know of a resource that does help with this kind of thing?
Things is, I dont have insurance and the insurance options I have even if I did dont cover mental health well at all, so I was on sliding scale.
Depending on where you are it can take a bit work to find a therapist unfortunately, though most major cities should have reputable gender specialists I imagine. I'm not sure what links are or aren't allowed on the forums so I'll leave the direct links to people who do know, but there are a number of LGBT care provider search sites out there that are a good start, it is how I found the name of the person I am seeing (though I did homework beyond just the search). If you need online like I did because of a lack of proper providers in your area, there is a thread in the therapy section here with some online names, but I'm not sure how up to date it is and one or two I reached out to wouldn't take out of state patients. To find someone that would see me online I had to sift through state results and sort of go site by site.
If you don't have an insurance, you might find a supportive help from someone else... I personally don't think going to a shrink is a requirement to one's wellbeing.
You don't need gender therapist to start HRT, you can find an endorsed working on 'informed consent' model, although it's advisable to think it through...
Neither is needed for facial surgery or facial hair removal.
One would need a letter from GT for the final surgery, but that is so quite down the road...
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
Quote from: katiekatt on October 12, 2017, 10:52:52 AM
Jenny!
Wow! Did the hormones and blockers have similar effects to any degree on your height? I guess its obvious what star I'm wishing on. I've read alot of girls say they experience some moderate shrinking. I dont expect anything, but I'm hoping for moderate. Though i know that kind of change will take some real time.
The only "shrinkage" (pun intended) type of effect they have on height is that with the reduction in muscle and tendon size, there is a minutely smaller space between joints, we're talking nanometers here, and if you don't correct it a slight change in natural posture that makes for an apparent loss of height. Have to be careful with that since poor posture has all sorts of problems. Basically the way it works is, you have decades of muscle memory and muscle tone that help you stand erect without effort. Take away a large chunk of that and a conscious effort is required to combat the effects of gravity. Trust me, it would be much easier to pass if I was shorter rather than half an inch shy of six foot, add that to my massive former body builder frame, and you can imagine why I would wish for "shrinkage" as well.
Regarding Therapists, there is the healthcare Section of the LINKS area of the website. A more concentrated google/yahoo search also helps yield results. Use all of the following terms in the search bar to narrow down sites to those that would better help you: Transgender, Psychologist (psychiatrists can't prescribe meds,) Your State, Your City (if you live in a small town, use the nearest major city.) Hope this helps.
HUGS!
Quote from: Roll on October 12, 2017, 12:13:03 PM
If you need online like I did because of a lack of proper providers in your area, there is a thread in the therapy section here with some online names, but I'm not sure how up to date it is and one or two I reached out to wouldn't take out of state patients. To find someone that would see me online I had to sift through state results and sort of go site by site.
I do need someone online. I really am in a horrible place for all of this. Thanks for the insight. I will dig a bit deeper on that question.
Quote from: elkie-t on October 12, 2017, 01:45:14 PM
You don't need gender therapist to start HRT, you can find an endorsed working on 'informed consent' model, although it's advisable to think it through...
I found a doctor a bit of a drive away, a doable drive, and she does not need a letter for hormones. I just think I need a bot of help navigating all these feelings and issues. I wish i could say I dont, but...
Quote from: JennyBear on October 12, 2017, 02:07:12 PM
Trust me, it would be much easier to pass if I was shorter rather than half an inch shy of six foot, add that to my massive former body builder frame, and you can imagine why I would wish for "shrinkage" as well.
Regarding Therapists, there is the healthcare Section of the LINKS area of the website. A more concentrated google/yahoo search also helps yield results. Use all of the following terms in the search bar to narrow down sites to those that would better help you: Transgender, Psychologist (psychiatrists can't prescribe meds,) Your State, Your City (if you live in a small town, use the nearest major city.) Hope this helps.
Yeah, I'm just over 6'. dang. I'm not super muscley, though my legs are far more lean. All my weight is in the hips, stomach, I'm pretty lean everywhere else. I totally understand!
Quote from: katiekatt on October 12, 2017, 06:33:56 PM
Yeah, I'm just over 6'. dang. I'm not super muscley, though my legs are far more lean. All my weight is in the hips, stomach, I'm pretty lean everywhere else. I totally understand!
Cool. You can be a model. Feminity is not defined by height (which you cannot change), but on a combination of things - and most of them you can change in your favor. And if you register as a female - then your height is no longer a drag, it becomes a not an issue. Think of all models - all are tall, all are feminine, all are envied.
I know! I swear I do know!
It's "Residual Self Image", how I have seen the girl inside all these years. Not model tall and fierce. Petite and cute. I am sure I can get over it, but its part of my journey, you know?
That's why the game Life is Strange was pretty much the big event that started tearing down my walls. Everything about it fit the ideal internal visualization I had built up in my head all these years. Everything I am inside turned into a visual form and I just attached to it completely.
When it was over, I literally had a mourning period for the outward expression I was having. I was crying driving back and forth to work and in a big funk all day for a few weeks. I really was living both those girls as my life to full tilt. I've got a healthy imagination, let me tell you and of course, I was ripe for this to all come pouring out, it couldn't have been more serendipitous. That was probably the worst dysphoria/discomfort I have ever had in my life. I felt like dying. There was a perilous moment where I just didn't understand what was happening to me but I felt like giving up on everything.
I couldn't just pick it back up because it didn't feel like real experiences, unknown and revealed for the first time anymore.
Ever since then everything has been on a steadily increasing curve as I started deviating on the big question. Literally, it was like part of my mind was just playing at subterfuge, increasingly deviating. Watching transformation videos like a lot, all the old favorites, crossdressing, wishing, everything. I could no longer ignore, despite trying, until I had the A-HA moment when I read Jennifer Coates post on Medium, and then I had a panic attack and freaked out and from there its just been a kind of rebirth.
Today I got a last minute referral to a therapist, no idea if she was affirmative. I just went and it was again, serendipitous. Shes fully affirmative and I cried like I haven't cried in years and it all just flooded out and I left there feeling better than I have in.... decades.
I know its a work in progress but for 15 minutes I feel good about myself in a new and also in an old and long forgotten way.
Quote from: katiekatt on October 13, 2017, 05:00:19 PM
Today I got a last minute referral to a therapist, no idea if she was affirmative. I just went and it was again, serendipitous. Shes fully affirmative and I cried like I haven't cried in years and it all just flooded out and I left there feeling better than I have in.... decades.
I know its a work in progress but for 15 minutes I feel good about myself in a new and also in an old and long forgotten way.
<3!! I'm so happy for you that you found a therapist that you connected with! I hope that you continue to have wonderful experiences like you did today!
Also I really need to finish Life is Strange. I am a total Ashley Burch fangirl so have no excuse. :-X
Quote from: Roll on October 13, 2017, 08:49:18 PM
Also I really need to finish Life is Strange. I am a total Ashley Burch fangirl so have no excuse. :-X
I've never heard of it. Don't even know if its a book, movie or TV series. Care to fill me in?
HUGS!
Quote from: JennyBear on October 13, 2017, 09:10:03 PM
I've never heard of it. Don't even know if its a book, movie or TV series. Care to fill me in?
HUGS!
Video game about a girl who suddenly finds herself with the ability to rewind time slightly, mostly used as a game mechanic to allow the player to explore different facets of the world (ie: asking different questions, giving different answers) while still maintaining a cohesive narrative. Considered a storytelling masterpiece of the medium, and has particularly developed a following in LGBT circles because it deals heavily with a story line involving a teen lesbian relationship that isn't treated as voyeuristic-ally as titillation for male players. Also heavy themes of alienation without falling prey to that uber Catcher in the Rye-esque level angst, which feels more realistic and less heavy handed than most attempts at the subject. It is part of the Twin Peaks homage renaissance of the past few years. All wrapped in an interesting murder mystery of course.
Quote from: Roll on October 13, 2017, 10:22:55 PM
Video game about a girl who suddenly finds herself with the ability to rewind time slightly, mostly used as a game mechanic to allow the player to explore different facets of the world (ie: asking different questions, giving different answers) while still maintaining a cohesive narrative. Considered a storytelling masterpiece of the medium, and has particularly developed a following in LGBT circles because it deals heavily with a story line involving a teen lesbian relationship that isn't treated as voyeuristic-ally as titillation for male players. Also heavy themes of alienation without falling prey to that uber Catcher in the Rye-esque level angst, which feels more realistic and less heavy handed than most attempts at the subject. It is part of the Twin Peaks homage renaissance of the past few years. All wrapped in an interesting murder mystery of course.
Ok, I had heard about it, but forgotten, as most of the mystery genre normally isn't my cup of tea. I didn't know about the GBLTQ aspect, so I may have to check it out. The last queer themed game I played that wasn't a Yuri was Void and Meddler, which while interesting in concept, was rather disappointing in execution and enjoyment IMO. Thanks for the info.
HUGS!
Quote from: Roll on October 13, 2017, 10:22:55 PM
Video game about a girl who suddenly finds herself with the ability to rewind time slightly, mostly used as a game mechanic to allow the player to explore different facets of the world (ie: asking different questions, giving different answers) while still maintaining a cohesive narrative. Considered a storytelling masterpiece of the medium, and has particularly developed a following in LGBT circles because it deals heavily with a storyline involving a teen lesbian relationship that isn't treated as voyeuristic-ally as titillation for male players. Also heavy themes of alienation without falling prey to that uber Catcher in the Rye-esque level angst, which feels more realistic and less heavy-handed than most attempts at the subject. It is part of the Twin Peaks homage renaissance of the past few years. All wrapped in an interesting murder mystery of course.
Wow. Roll, seriously, have you considered writing and reviewing for profit? Spot on and well done! Yeah, the realism of the relationship, being a girl, alienated, etc... it was just so well done. The whole game was so empathically accurate and deep, it just kicked open the doors I had locked upstairs. Admittedly, I was nearing a threshold and the effects of a lifetime of repression, lies, and depression.