I will have a meeting with the highest bosses in my company. And some other people.
I've met some of them already. Wore my binder and had t-shirt, hoodie and jeans. Nobody said anything about it.
But now I need to be casual business. I've bought a black business jacket. And two shirts. I'm planning to go as myself. It's the first time I will se the other people.
Is this a bad idea? To go as Tony? Maybe people will be confused if they know me as a woman for a year and then bam I'm a man.
I was thinking this is a perfect way to test my company's policy of discrimination.
I feel really really uncomfortable in womens cloths. I tried a woman's business jacket but I was feeling like I was cross dressing.
Tony
I've tried my outfit on this morning. I feel good. I feel handsome. I will present male in the meetings. If anyone has questions I'll answer them. If anyone is stupid I'll bang the code of conduct and policy of discrimination on their heads.
I will not tell them I am Tony. I will tell them my female name so far, because that is the name in the invitations.
But coming out this way, through HQ, and if I am accepted, I'm sure I will, my "small" bosses need to accept me too or I'll use my contacts with the HQ to slap them in the face with the company's code of conduct.
Tony
Sounds good.
Be confident and pleasant. And be understanding.
I came out much the same to many of my executives and there was natural shock and of course curiosity. People are usually too sensitive to say anything but some may ask a polite question and those questions, as long as they are not intrusive, should be answered with a polite reply.
In many ways you can advance your career by demonstrating what an understanding and considerate man you are. Firmness and Fairness are excellent qualities.
Good Luck and break a leg (as they say in the theatre)
Cindy
Something that's not clear to me is if all the people who knew you previously are aware of your status. If they are, then there shouldn't be any problem. If not, it's somewhat risky just springing this on them. Consider if you just spring it on them, the topic of the meeting might be you instead of the intended subject.
True, but if that is his avatar I suspect that they may know something is going on!
Tony only you can answer that!
I photoshopped my beard. I don't want people to recognize me at once. Haha.
But I dress in uniform at work. People in public gender me male.
I have been thinking. I will go as myself. I will tell my closest co worker about this next week so that she won't be shocked. But I guess she won't be very surprised.
I hardly own any women's cloths. Maybe some t-shirts and stuff like that.
Tony
The people I meet, some of them I met 10 years ago. Most of them has never seen me.
I hate selfies. But this is one of the shirts I will wear with my jacket.
https://imgur.com/a/NTOhM
Will 4 shirts be enough for 3 days? I hate packing for business trips. Haha
Sounds a good plan.
It sounds like a time that the bell rings and you think. "This is an opportunity in life and I should take it"
It happened to me and probably to many others. I was also gradually changing and then I had reached a more than half way mark and suddenly there was an occasion that would 'spring' me. I saw it, warned my people and let the spring be sprung.
People reacted suitably surprised if they felt that they had too but most just acted with the 'everyone is glad that is all over aren't we?' Do get use to the "Welcome and please accept my apologies if I stumble over your name until I get my head around it all" sort of comment.
I have to say I look back at those days with great fondness. People were absolutely lovely.
Thank you Cindy. This is it.
Quote from: MeTonie on October 08, 2017, 02:15:12 AM
The people I meet, some of them I met 10 years ago. Most of them has never seen me.
I hate selfies. But this is one of the shirts I will wear with my jacket.
https://imgur.com/a/NTOhM
Will 4 shirts be enough for 3 days? I hate packing for business trips. Haha
I'm sorry but I'm laughing.
No one is going to believe that you were AFAB. You are all man. even to the beer gut! Lose that hon.
Your biggest issue will be people asking/saying "Sorry, I always thought you were a woman with that name" 'So glad to finally put a face to the name!'
Please a shirt a day. Fresh undies each day the same as socks and is there a formal dinner? In which case a pair of pants instead of jeans
Ahh,
You may need to be a little careful.
I mean this seriously believe it or not.
You are a handsome looking man. I read another post of yours about a friend falling for you, it is understandable on your looks and on how you have presented yourself on the Forum. You are a nice man and a good looking one. Women will pick up on that.
Be aware of that and have exit strategies if you need them.
Quote from: Cindy on October 08, 2017, 02:31:25 AM
I'm sorry but I'm laughing.
No one is going to believe that you were AFAB. You are all man. even to the beer gut! Lose that hon.
Your biggest issue will be people asking/saying "Sorry, I always thought you were a woman with that name" 'So glad to finally put a face to the name!'
Please a shirt a day. Fresh undies each day the same as socks and is there a formal dinner? In which case a pair of pants instead of jeans
Ahh,
Haha. Laughing is ok. Maybe some people will be confused about my name. It was a bad pic from below. Had my phone on the coffe table.
Thank you for the clothing advice.
I'm working on getting rid of the beer gut. ;)
Quote from: Cindy on October 08, 2017, 02:38:33 AM
You may need to be a little careful.
I mean this seriously believe it or not.
You are a handsome looking man. I read another post of yours about a friend falling for you, it is understandable on your looks and on how you have presented yourself on the Forum. You are a nice man and a good looking one. Women will pick up on that.
Be aware of that and have exit strategies if you need them.
Exit strategies. I'll remember that.
Thank you very much, I guess I look better as the man I am than a pretend-to-be-a-woman that I tried for so many years.
MeTonie, you look great in your pic. if your voice is fine noone would ever think you were anything but a cis guy.
I agree with the others Tony, you're definitely a handsome guy! Just relax & be yourself, I'm sure everything will go great.
I encountered another problem. Business Casual...do I need a tie or not? Anyone expert on these things? I am a complete novice on business language.
Quote from: mm on October 08, 2017, 07:49:12 AM
MeTonie, you look great in your pic. if your voice is fine noone would ever think you were anything but a cis guy.
Not on T yet...sooo..
I don't have a squeeky high pitched voice. More in the middle range.
Quote from: MeTonie on October 08, 2017, 01:33:02 PM
Business Casual...do I need a tie or not? Anyone expert on these things? I am a complete novice on business language.
No, you don't need a tie for business casual.
Or, if you have any doubts, you could of course wear one and then take it off if no one else is wearing it either. But if dress code is business casual folks don't usually have tie, save for some higher ups maybe. That has been my experience at least, and I've been to quite a few events with business casual as a dress code. (Not sure if there is a lot of variation in this depending on your field and country, but if I recall your country correctly I doubt it's much different from what I see over here.)
Quote from: MeTonie on October 08, 2017, 01:33:02 PM
I encountered another problem. Business Casual...do I need a tie or not? Anyone expert on these things? I am a complete novice on business language.
Think back at what was worn at previous meetings. Ties are pretty common with suit jackets and if you wear one and nobody else does, you can always slip it off and put it in your pocket. The advantage of being male is many big pockets where you can hide mistakes. ;D
I'll bring a tie just in case. But I'll not wear it until I see the others.
Thank you :)
Business casual when I worked in an office meant dress slacks, dress shirt, open collar, sport jacket optional.
Quote from: MeTonie on October 08, 2017, 01:33:02 PM
I encountered another problem. Business Casual...do I need a tie or not? Anyone expert on these things? I am a complete novice on business language.
You look spot on in your photos. Sometimes business casual means trousers not jeans but very rarely these days - just avoid ripped jeans or any that have a distressed, aged look. I wouldn't bother with a tie and, unless you are an 80's oil tycoon, never with jeans...
Now I'm packed and ready for next week. 5 shirts depending on what mood I'm in. I told my co worker who comes along that I am male and will present as male on the meeting.
I'm hosting the meeting. It will be interesting.
In my experience business casual is usually some variation of khaki pants, button down shirt and tie, and sports jacket, usually blue.
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
You don't have to go too mainstream with business casual for a guy. Indeed, the khakis, polo, or khakis plaid shirt thing with loafers is a bit overdone in my opinion.
For a bit more urban hip vibe (should that be your thing), i'd go with a plain, darker color button up shirt, for instance burgundy would be nice. Then for pants something not the standard beige. With burgundy you could go a dark gray or even better an olive color. A decent but not too dressy belt to match the shoes. I don't think you have to wear a tie or a sport jacket at all for business casual but you certainly can if you like to. i wouldn't do both at the same time though because they you are getting too close to a more formal suit look.
For footwear i really like the desert boots or chukkas like these: http://www.redwingheritage.com/us/USD/product/mens-footwear/chukkas/chukka-copper-r-t-03137?gclid=EAIaIQobChMIj4XhxI3p1gIVkYl-Ch3KQA-xEAYYBSABEgJLTvD_BwE
I asked some people at work. They said jeans and suit jacket with a shirt will be fine. I have three dark shirts and one light gray, and the fith with short sleeves with some red in it. Not sure I'll use it though. I like the gray one. It looks great with the jacket. Bought black shoes to match the jacket and belt.
Quote from: MeTonie on October 11, 2017, 12:53:13 PM
I asked some people at work. They said jeans and suit jacket with a shirt will be fine. I have three dark shirts and one light gray, and the fith with short sleeves with some red in it. Not sure I'll use it though. I like the gray one. It looks great with the jacket. Bought black shoes to match the jacket and belt.
No tie- that is only for people who come for an interview.
No jeans - even if your company is ok with it... pants would be a classier casual.
Black shoes are always good. So are brown shoes. I mean snickers work only with jeans.
Although, some companies mean business casual = not in your pajamas.
good points, elkie-t, I agree no jeans.
Then I'm off shopping tomorrow...
Quote from: KathyLauren on October 08, 2017, 03:20:28 PM
Business casual when I worked in an office meant dress slacks, dress shirt, open collar, sport jacket optional.
Yup....I'll second that, go with that and you'll be fine!
So today was the first of three days in the conferens.
One of the guys who knew me from 10 years ago....started by saying HE to me! He understood at once.
Everyone treated me like a human being and we had very natural discussions. I was not excluded in any way.
White shirt with black jeans. Black shoes.
God damn I am surrounded by good people.
Tomorrow it's CEO coming to the conference. And the HR director. I'm excited and feel very confident. If the big bosses accept me...the middle bosses need to do that too.
So glad its going well!
Yay!! Congrats!!
Funny. The CEO shaked my hand. When I told him my girl name (I was registered with that) he looked surprised and double checked my name plate on the desk. But then...everything was back to normal.
I had a good long talk about work and the code of conduct with the HR after the meeting. He is a really nice guy.
Not gonna tell you my company's name. But I feel it's a great place to work.
Sounds like a great company and some great and thoughtful colleagues. Lovely to hear [emoji3]
Sent from my MI 5s using Tapatalk
Glad it is going really well for you Tony
Awesome. That is marvellous Tony. Congrats and what a future!!!
Wow! So happy for you! So glad everything worked well for you!
I was such a nervous wreck the day I had to meet my CEO (at a customer site)... I "dressed down" since I know he is a bit of a bully. I was told he leaves at lunch and right after lunch I thought he had long left and I avoided him, so I decided a comfortable skirt and a t-shirt in company colors would be so much more fun (actually a long story for a different time)... I went back to work and not even 10 minutes later he turned around the corner with his entire entourage... and nowhere for me to run...
So I was introduced to him, I immediately apologized "Sorry, I am running some tests here", turned around and buried myself in my laptop... I was sure to get fired that week. Well, I am still around. Not sure why and how...