Hi, I'm Gasket. I've come here because I want help. I'm really new to this, so I don't even really have the right words to tell my story, but luckily for you, dear reader, it's pretty short.
I am male, but I have always had a pretty subdued sense of gender. I don't necessarily dislike being male, but I often feel excluded from female things, and often I am disgusted by social ideals of masculinity. For a long time these things didn't feel like problems because I was kinda emotionally stunted, but recently I have undergone something of an emotional awakening, and with that my feelings have gone from internal novelties to somewhat painful dysphorias.
I do not want to transition to female, but I also don't want to keep experiencing these discomforts. I want my body to have the gender that I feel: not much of anything. So I'm looking for help with some sort of male-to-neutral transition.
But here's where things get kinda strange: although my body does cause me some discomfort, I can live with it. It's my mind that makes me ache for change. I want to move away from the male mind, and I've heard that HRT (what does that even stand for?) can do that: less libido; more feelings; more focus.
But the more I read the more it sounds like I am looking for something which is impossible: hormones don't play tug-o'-war with your body, they change it permanently. Is there any solution out there? Is there some drug or combo of drugs I can take, maybe in a very low dosage, which will minimize permanent bodily change (some is okay) while allowing me to have a more feminine mind?
I know that this introductory board is not the place to ask questions, and I will take my problems somewhere more topical, but I just wanna get it out there. I am nervous to be here but also excited to learn and meet new people.
-Gasket
Welcome Gasket, you are safe here. There are many different stories and there is room to be yourself. RLE is real life experience. Someone for instance going from female to male would life in male clothes, experience life in the desired gender as a male. My name is Moni. I am glad you are here. Vent, explore, learn, and be your true self at Susan's. People are pretty respectful here.
Welcome to Susan's Place. HRT is hormone replacement therapy which varies depending on your goal. Estrogen has always been a part of the package but the dosage may vary depending on your goal. The modern addition is a blocker, a drug that reduces or prevents testosterone from acting on your body. Low dose is an approach that some have used who feel similar to you however HRT will still have an effect on your body. I am adding some extra links that might give you a starting point to think about.
https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,130268.0.html
https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,207785.0.html
https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,209589.0.html
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Thanks; you've given me a good start. And thanks for the reminder, but I think I have taken reasonable measures to ensure my privacy. I've always been sorta paranoid so there's nothing new here in that regard.
Hi Gasket.
I'm Laurie. I am MTF and I am on a HRT, Hormone Replacement Therapy or more appropriately in a MtF just hormone therapy. I had though for many year that I hit the trans spectrum as a crossdresser though at the time I didn't even know there was a spectrum. After discovering the term gender dysphoria I came to understand that I am actually a trans-woman on the spectrum and started HRT to help my body change to better match my head.
Being unsure and questioning is a common state for many of us that come here. Know that you are welcome here and wanted while you explore and try to figure out just where you fit into the scheme of things. If you haven't been speaking to a therapist (hopefully a gender therapist) about your thoughts and feelings I would suggest that you do. They can be helpful in figuring things out.
Welcome to Susan's Place. The door is open so come on in.
Hugs,
Laurie
Hi Gasket :icon_wave:
Welcome to Susan's Place :) Glad to have you here, join on in the fun
Hugs
V M
Whoops! Looks like dosage discussion is prohibited here. I'll find another resource for the info I need. No doctor would talk to me because my needs would probably be considered too minor. Also I would be unable to do it discretely.
You are correct about dosage not being discussed and the truth is the information isn't very useful because our bodies don't alway handle hormones the same way. You may discuss levels which are tested every time you have a blood draw. The following table will give you a starting point however doctors tend to target 200 pg/ml for MTFs who are transitioning.
ESTRADIOL LEVELS
SEX pg/ml
Women (> 18 years old)
Follicular Phase 30-120
Ovulatory Peak 130-370
Luteal Phase 70-250
Post-Menopausal 15-60
Male 15-60
TOTAL TESTOSTERONE LEVELS
SEX ng/dl ng/ml
Females 6 - 86 0.1 - 1.2
Males 270 - 1100 2.4 - 12
Conversion factor: 1 ng/ml = 3.47 nmol/l
Hello Gasket. This is a good place to hang out. Good vibes your way as you explore and discover yourself!
Tommie