Hi, everyone! This is officially my fist topic I'm posting, and I hope you'll forgive me if this is the wrong section. (sorry or the mess if it isn't, mods!) I kinda winged it to here cause it seemed like the most appropriate choice.
So, I'm pretty sure the title gave it away, but I have questions and concerns and hopes about transitioning! But I'm sorta nervous.
How am I supposed to get started? I mean, I know there's a process too it, but how do I get my toes in the pool? What's my first step in trying to start my journey? What kind of preparations should I make, and what should I anticipate or expect in just trying to get the ball rolling?
What's some of the most important things I should absolutely be doing to start transitioning, or at least doing while I wait to get started? And what sort of speedbumps should I really be looking out for? Thanks!
Lets talk for a few months about this. There are so many issues involved here that many people have written books on the subject. The first and most important thing to do is accept yourself. Knowing who you are and what you want to be is part of this. Professional counselling can help and really, this is where most people start. Transition is not for everyone. There are many downsides to transition such as social interactions with family and friends to total strangers. Keep in mind the financial issues. Will you be able to support yourself after transition? But more important, will you be happy with yourself after transition?
Once you made the decision to transition, your counselor can write you a HRT letter. Take this letter to your primary care doctor or to an Endocrinologist familiar with transgender hormone requirements. From there, what you do next depends on if you are MTF or FTM. We just do the things we need to do that are commonly accepted to be gender confirming. Although, there are some of us who are NOT gender typical. They do what they want.
For MTF transition, things to do before gender surgery are electrolysis and laser hair removal, especially on the face, hair replacement for male pattern baldness, weight loss or gain if needed, facial feminization surgery and this list goes on.
The first things to do, in my opinion, are:
1. counselling
2. electrolysis
3 Hormone therapy
These can all be done at the same time and are generally considered to be reversible, if you make a decision to not fully transition.
Quote from: Sasha Rose on October 10, 2017, 04:48:18 AM
Hi, everyone! This is officially my fist topic I'm posting, and I hope you'll forgive me if this is the wrong section. (sorry or the mess if it isn't, mods!) I kinda winged it to here cause it seemed like the most appropriate choice.
So, I'm pretty sure the title gave it away, but I have questions and concerns and hopes about transitioning! But I'm sorta nervous.
How am I supposed to get started? I mean, I know there's a process too it, but how do I get my toes in the pool? What's my first step in trying to start my journey? What kind of preparations should I make, and what should I anticipate or expect in just trying to get the ball rolling?
What's some of the most important things I should absolutely be doing to start transitioning, or at least doing while I wait to get started? And what sort of speedbumps should I really be looking out for? Thanks!
Hi Sasha
I first off started by under dressing(women's underwear), followed it will small amount of perfume whilst at the same time establishing a beauty routine and by that I simple means start looking after your skin. Your skin will than you when you are on HRT. Start growing your hair out, start shaving or waxing, Definitely start Electrolysis as soon as you can because it is way more painful for most once they start HRT.
Organise a small but basic amount of makeup and start with the simple stuff , Lip gloss, BB cream, eye liner. You can practice as much as you want...the more the better.
Find yourself a therapist and a real life support group, in other words one that meets in person not on the internet.
Think about your new real life name
Buy shares in a Tissue manufacturer ....you are going to do plenty of crying...which is certainly not all bad
Start your diet and exercise regime(if you need to)...
Start thinking about how you would like to present yourself to the world...what style, what look
I might add, Many HRT effects become irreversible after 6 months (I think)...Electrolysis is permanent hair removal
Just a few idea's to get you started
Hello Sasha,
By posting here and asking the questions that you have, you have begun transitioning. This is the starting point, there is no defined end point or prescribed path. Each of our journeys is uniquely ours; some may be content taking on some feminine mannerisms while others may need full transition with hrt and lots of surgeries. But each of us has been where you are now and start with lots of baby steps. The things listed by other posters are all valid and essential, the process takes lots of time and has lots of expense, financial and emotional; it is not an easy path to take lightly. A caveat that I often give out is that if you can live fully and happily without transitioning, by all means do it and more blessings to you. But if you are here asking the questions that you are asking you are possibly beyond that point. Now you may want to begin the steps already listed but more than that, look around you and identify what it is that you are seeking, what makes you happy and attracts you, then figure out baby steps in integrating those things into your life. There are many on this site that will help you in each step.
Most importantly, enjoy the journey!
Anne
I'm still getting into the swing of things myself, so will offer some of the things I've been focusing on just in case it helps. Though with the caveat that like others have said, it is different for everyone. If there was a step by step guide this would be so much easier. :D
First things first: Therapist! I think this is probably the only one that the majority of people agree with (aside from hair removal as allowed). A gender specialist preferably. It was a little daunting to find one in my area, and I have to attend online sessions, and likewise depending on where you are and what you can do financially (limited by insurance, etc.) this may be either a hard or an easy step.
Depending on the status of your hair, you should also immediately look into starting a hair regrowth or at least a loss prevention regimen. My philosophy is that even if I can't get complete coverage, it will shave off some money on a hair transplant bill down the line. This is probably the big time sensitive issue unless you are still in puberty (in which case HRT itself is super time sensitive).
Weight loss has been my other big thing, though I've largely accepted I'll have to finish my weight loss while on hormones if I want to get started anytime soon. But if you have weight to lose, it's easier to get it off beforehand as much as possible.
In the meanwhile between appointments, and while waiting to start Hormones I have chosen to work on the following things in no particular order: Learning what clothes and colors suit me (thank you 10 dollar outfits from walmart.com!), trying to figure out makeup (mostly beard shadow cover), voice training (mostly just exercises to strengthen voice and work on range rather than actually speaking in a female voice right now), and just generally absorbing whatever I can about socialization as a woman. All of these are long term things that have no particular time frame, some of which you cannot be expected to master quickly but at the same time aren't top of the heap in priority (though it is good to at least start working on voice some, that seems to be one that varies more heavily person to person than just about anything from what I've seen and you may find it comes naturally).
As others have referenced, beginning hair removal if possible is also a good use of your time, but it is also a fairly expensive process and may not always be practical (at least it isn't for me yet). Laser/electrolysis can take years to complete. Going along with this, figure out what works for you shaving if you are on the hairy side (like me :() so that you can at least feel comfortable you are as walking around as smooth as possible without tons of ingrown hairs in between treatments (word on the "street" is that waxing, epilating, and other methods of removal damage long term potential for laser/electro, so seems to pay to get the full body shave down).
Oh, and as for speed bumps to look out for: EVERYTHING! I don't say this to be discouraging, but simply it pays to recognize that none of this comes easy. I've wasted a ton of money on the wrong makeup, I'll get frustrated with voice progress (I'm unrealistic about it because I tend to be good with voices in general, so I get mad I can't immediately settle into a female voice :D), and time has just stretched out endlessly for me. Two months has felt like two years, and even though I've made enormous strides it doesn't feel like it most of the time. It can be depressing when you just want everything done right away. For a more specific speed bump, finances are the big one probably. Prepare accordingly, save now, find what your insurance covers, etc.
I see a few people recommend electrolysis at a near-starting point. I would word that as "facial hair removal". I used laser and have had excellent results. I don't get a 5 o'clock shadow even after 2 or 3 days. I'm in my 50's so there's a bunch of gray that I need to shave. But I've actually forgotten to do it and no issues.
Electrolysis is forth coming but Laser is a tiny fraction of the cost and will help reduce the amount of Electrolysis you need.
This is my experience and others may disagree. But I probably saved many thousands of dollars.
Ooh! This topic! Okay so, first of all, I don't know where in the world you are or in fact which direction you're going - but I'll take your name as a clue =D I am MTF and very early, like Roll (Hi!)
QuoteTwo months has felt like two years
Tell me about it.
Okay, so I'm gonna speak from my UK perspective, how I started out, and its relevance may be limited, but here we go:
Okay, this bit sucks, but imagine living a hundred years ago, no HRT, no SRS, etc. There's a wonderful youtuber who described this much better, but essentially, there have always been trans people, and until recently the best they could do was simply accept themselves, and say "I am a girl in a man's body" (which is not necessarily how all of us feel, and not how I feel most of the time, but it's a foothold). And so, even if you don't feel like a girl all the time (God knows I don't, but I feel best when I do), at those moments when you do, get in touch with your body and just accept it as a female body. There are pages on Pinterest and other sites to help with this: a cartoon of a tall pencil-figure with a female symbol on it, stuff like that. Really helped me, for whom HRT is still several months away.
Tell close people. I mean, maybe you've already done this, in which case you've already done first steps and the thread title is wrong ;) I started with friends rather than family, but it's up to you.
Learn body language! If this is important to you. It is to me, and I'm learning, but within a month or two of practice, it comes very naturally to me to move in a feminine way, sit with legs crossed and all that crap. Seems very daunting, it's possibly the main part of "passing", but it's much easier than it seems.
J xx
Hi, I wrote a similar post three months ago. Welcome :-)
I started with therapy, though in the US it's not required to initiate HRT (you'll just need to provide patient consent if/when you decide to start). My first therapist didn't seem competent even though she said she was (she used the word transgender as a noun!), but now I'm seeing one that is great and it's been very helpful. Finding self-acceptance and initiating a physical transformation feels daunting, and therapy reminds me that I can't do this alone and that's okay! I've also been going to a couple of support groups. If you can find one in your area and you enjoy group work, then I'd suggest it as well.
I haven't started HRT but I have an appointment in a couple of days. Hormones are not prescribed the same day unless you've already been taking them. The'll run some lab panels before prescribing. And when they do, they'll start at a low dose and titrate up.
I had my first electrolysis session a couple of days ago because I heard it'd be more painful when I'm on estrogen. I didn't find it to super very painful, but my electrologist used lidocaine for my upper lip, which I found to be the most painful area. I don't have a lot of facial hair (very lucky) and she was able to get all of it out in an hour. The benefit of starting electrolysis before HRT is that hair comes out stronger/faster when one is on "male" hormone levels, and destroying the follicles is easier and faster.
Re: Weight loss and growing out your hair. One step at a time. Instead of weigh loss, I'd say try your best to stay healthy (exercise, eat healthy food, get good sleep). And, of course, only grow out your hair if you can grow it out and want to. Women can also be bald or have short hair :-)
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
I have one word for you Electrolosis
What to expect?
Wow. Gender transition is such a complex and life-changing experience. It is a significant social role change, medical change, and legal process. I don't think you can really plan for it, and it's different for everyone. What journey is right for someone else might not be right for you and vice versa. The sole objective should be a body and social identity that you are content with.
My advice would be to take your time and enjoy the journey. Transition takes a long time and all the little milestones can be hugely fulfilling as you explore your gender.
I recently came to the realisation that my transition is complete. I don't think much about being transgender anymore, and I'm comfortable with my own body.
I'm very privileged - I pass well. SRS was the one thing that made me feel female the most (and made me legally female), but FFS had a more profound impact on how the world perceives me. FFS made me completely and undeniably female in the eyes of others.
I also had random weird experiences that cisgender people couldn't possibly relate to. I got fitted for my first bra whilst on my lunch break wearing a men's business suit. I didn't look remotely female. I found myself an emotional wreck during the early stages as my hormone levels got a bit out of control - bawling my eyes out at puppies, sunsets and pretty autumn leaves. Hormones changed so much of my life - my emotions, sleeping patterns, urine scent, olfactory senses, parenting propensity, experience of sex, and general life priorities. Hormones gradually caused my genitals to change shape, size, and colour too. My body stopped producing sperm, then semen - a tradeoff of fertility against bodily congruence..
I spent time in public and at work during that difficult 2 year phase where you are visibly between genders. People would call me 'maam' and 'sir', often in the same sentence. Children would ask me point blank whether I was a 'girl' or a 'boy'. I had no answer that would satisfy them. And I'll never forget the day the CEO of my company sent an email to 1,200 of my business contacts notifying them that I was now known by a new name. I didn't know if I would have a functional life afterwards. I did, and it's an even better life.
I had little trouble adapting to female social behaviours, and I received a lot of support from friends. I find these days I tend to smile a lot rather than nodding. I sit, walk, talk and interact very differently. Conversation dynamics are different. It takes a bit of time to adapt.
There were some unpleasant moments. I had my first (painful) vaginal/pelvic exam with the gynaecologist. I found out the sheer terror of being a transwoman getting intimate with cishet men who are oblivious to our trans status. He had his tongue in my mouth and all I could think was "are you going to murder me when I tell you in few moments?"
I sobbed through six-hour sessions of electrolysis. I did voice therapy. I looked at intra-operative photos of my forehead reconstruction where my face was removed from my head. I lost 25% of my blood during the second stage of SRS surgery and took months to recover. I also had the most confronting wound imaginable, but it slowly healed over many months into a wonderful vagina. I went through sanitary pads like the world was ending.
I met amazing new friends - transmen, transwomen and non-binary peeps - hundreds of them, some stealth, some vocal activists. I met Janet Mock. I used my legal skills to help improve legal rights for trans people. I met some intersex people with pretty unique DNA, and some awesome rainbow families.
I went from being ashamed about buying women's underwear to complaining to staff that they never have enough stock of the purple color.
I became close to my female friends - they shared their most personal experiences and stories, and I did too. I learned a lot about feminism and how girls are socialised in a way that is harmful to their sense of self. I learned about the pervasiveness of sexual assault, and how to keep myself safe where I could.
I had awkward conversations - explaining to our business travel team why I cannot visit or transit through certain countries. I was forced to submit to invasive and humiliating body searches in private rooms at airport security (TSA) checkpoints whenever my genitals triggered alarms. And I subsequently traded that problem for another problem: being made to take out my dilators for inspection at the baggage screening.
I let go of a lot of both male and female stereotypes and got to know my own personality and dreams better. I cried with my psychologist more than once. We did some hilarious social experiments, like trying on wedding dresses.
I flew to the other side of the planet for surgery in a hospital where the first language is not English. I bawled my eyes out with fear the night before surgery when the nurse turned the light out and I lay there in the dark in a foreign country anticipating what was going to happen the next day. My friend hugged me all through the night, and we decided to leave the light on.
I spent years struggling with TERF conflicts in my head, especially when I changed my employee file from 'male' to 'female' and immediately the average wage of all women in the department increased. After reading thousands of opinions and militantly defending my gender identity online but still feeling insecure, it was an article by Judith Butler that finally put the whole issue to rest. I resolved once and for all that my existence on this planet is not a boon on other women.
But I never got used to chatting with others while peeing. That should be outlawed.
Hi @Claire_With_Hair, thank you for sharing your story. It makes me happy to see that we can actually be happy and successful. I hope I can reach that point you're at soon.
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