(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20171011/8b68eb027d6b6d2e27719913daee256d.jpg)Says it in the tile. I've been stuck in the same mental place for the last 10 years and am desperate to either move on with my life or take the plunge and start hormones. I've always wanted to be a girl and have always been super jealous of girls and get really sad when I think about the fact that I am not one. I makes me feel really bad when I think about how much I wish that was my life.m sometimes. But at the same time I'm not unhappy being masculine and actually enjoy feeling handsome strong attractive etc when I'm living as a guy. Though I enjoy feeling cute girly and attractive as a girl even more. I could probably be fine with living as a guy and just accept that even though I would rather be a girl, I'm not, so just enjoy what I do have and try and put it in the back of my mind. It just seems so much easier than living life as a trans girl coming out to my family and friends, dealing with it impacts on my job/ career in the construction industry. I don't have any obvious dysphoria as far as being uncomfortable in my body as a guy. It's like deep down I have always been 100% I would have rather been born a girl but I can't decide between if I would be happier living as a trans girl or a cis guy. Because what I want, to be a cis girl, will depressingly never be an option. Any advice on how to decide what is right for me so I can get on with my life ??
Also here are pics for anyone who is curious. I am 25, pre hrt and only present as a girl occasionally in private right now. Would love to know what you think, how you think I will do on hrt, and if you think I will be attractive as a girl once it's all said and done and be able to go stealth.
Girl = https://imgur.com/a/BLNfB
Guy = https://imgur.com/a/RrAop
I cant really give any advice other than talk to a gender therapist but i will say this, if you feel that given the choice you would have been born a girl there probably something there to explore. By the way if you go for it, you already look pretty so try not to stress about looks.
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Let's start with the obvious. Your options probably aren't between cis guy and trans woman. From the way you've described yourself, you aren't a cis guy. Almost definitionally cis guys don't wish they were born girls. That doesn't necessarily make the other half of the dichotomy true. You may indeed be a binary trans woman, or you may fall somewhere else under the trans umbrella. That's a question you get to explore at your leisure. You get to define who you are and what that means in your life. But based on your initial post, I'm betting that you are under the trans umbrella.
So, you're almost certainly trans, what do you do about it? That's another question you get to explore. You say you're not dysphoric, but that longing and jealousy reminds me of my own dysphoria. I was more defined by what I wanted to be than what I disliked about what I was. There is no one size fits all definition for dysphoria. But I got distracted. You want to know what comes next.
The answer is: exploration that you feel comfortable with. Maybe that means a therapist to help you articulate your desires. Maybe it means getting some hair removed. Maybe it means trying on new names and pronouns with trusted friends. Maybe it means starting HRT on a trial basis. The big myth that baby trans people have is that transition is one big thing. It ain't, it's a small series of little things that may eventually add up to a big thing. None of them commit you to the others, so you can explore then at your leisure.
Also, I'm just judging from a single picture, but in that pic you already pass. You look lovely!
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Welcome to Susan's Place. While therapy is always a good idea, your other option is testing the role. Spend as much time in the feminine role as possible. You could switch to it after work, do all your shopping and spend your weekends exclusively in the feminine role. If that goes well, then consider switching to the feminine role at work. You don't need to make a final decision now and at any point you can say no if it's not right for you. RLE is normally a requirement for surgery for this reason. Even if we think we are sure we want surgery, living full time will determine if it's right for us.
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First of all, when I saw this picture I thought it was a fully transitioned transwoman dealing with something different. You already look absolutely beautiful and passable and will get even more gorgeous on hormones.
Second, I can relate to these bolded statements:
Quote from: Courtney.lane408 on October 10, 2017, 09:11:42 PM
But at the same time I'm not unhappy being masculine and actually enjoy feeling handsome strong attractive etc when I'm living as a guy. Though I enjoy feeling cute girly and attractive as a girl even more. I could probably be fine with living as a guy and just accept that even though I would rather be a girl I'm not so just enjoy what I do have and try and put it in the back of my mind. It just seems so much easier than living life as a trans girl coming out to my family and friends, dealing with it impacts on my job/ career in the construction industry. I don't have any obvious dysphoria as far as being uncomfortable in my body as a guy. It's like deep down I have always been 100% I would have rather been born a girl but I can't decide between if I would be happier living as a trans girl or a cis guy. Because what I want, to be a cis girl, will depressingly never be an option. Any advice on how to decide what is right for me so I can get on with my life ??
I don't really have a physical dysphoria. Most of my life I've enjoyed getting attention because of my looks, even if I looked like a man. But the thoughts were always there. At 29, I am on therapy and HRT, after dealing with this for pretty much all my life. Still living as a guy cuz I just started but hoping to switch at some point.
So the point is that not all trans people hate their bodies or have to. It's ok if you like feeling attractive, whether as a man or as a woman. It's very likely that your dysphoria is social and not physical. Only you can understand what's best for yourself, but the first step as everyone else said, is therapy. Keep in mind that if this is bothering so much then probably this is bigger than you think, so just repressing it and trying to forget it will not work.
Quote from: Charlie Nicki on October 11, 2017, 12:20:29 AM
First of all, when I saw this picture I thought it was a fully transitioned transwoman dealing with something different. You already look absolutely beautiful and passable and will get even more gorgeous on hormones.
So the point is that not all trans people hate their bodies or have to. It's ok if you like feeling attractive, whether as a man or as a woman. It's very likely that your dysphoria is social and not physical. Only you can understand what's best for yourself, but the first step as everyone else said, is therapy. Keep in mind that if this is bothering so much then probably this is bigger than you think, so just repressing it and trying to forget it will not work.
Totally agree with you on the pic, she looks very passable even without HRT.
However, the impression I get is that her dysphoria is physical and not social. Most people (including transwomen) get self esteem boosts from others' compliments. As she stated, even when people like her looks when presenting as male, she still feels like she should be physically female. Sometimes (in my case for instance,) self denial and trying to take the easiest road caused me to be somewhat happy with any success I achieved, be it dating, sports, military etc. The more attractive my physique was, the less dysphoria I felt, mostly due to how successful I felt. There was always the underlying dissatisfaction though, occasionally building up to a point of suicidal depression. Though common, this extreme is not always the case. I definitely agree with everyone else when it comes to a need to seek therapy, if for no other reason than to understand yourself better.
Keep in mind, either path you choose won't be as easy as it is for a cisgender. The easy path is well traveled, for the very simple reason that it is easy, though it rarely leads to fulfillment. The harder path is lonelier and occasionally disheartening, but just about guarantees true feelings of joy once you reach the end of it. Not everyone is strong enough to take the less beaten path though. Whichever path you discover is the one for you, take heart, for You Are Not Alone! We are all here to support each other, regardless of where or who we are in life. Stay Safe and Be Strong.
HUGS!
If you never ventured out as a girl, I think you should. You are very passable, and it's more fun to go out. Then, you could do a few things that would improve your female image without being too obvious - remove facial hair, grow out your own, shape eye brows, shave your body. Maybe, you'll enjoy it so much, that coming out won't look too big of a problem. Or maybe after some time you'll get tired of the need of higher maintenance and decide it's not worth it?
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Hi, Courtney, and welcome.
I felt like you do most of my life. I didn't hate my male body, and I took good care of it. But I always wished I could be a woman.
Quote from: Courtney.lane408 on October 10, 2017, 09:11:42 PMI could probably be fine with living as a guy and just accept that even though I would rather be a girl, I'm not, so just enjoy what I do have and try and put it in the back of my mind.
I thought this, too. I tried it most of my life, but the longing to be a woman kept getting stronger and stronger. Don't believe that, just because you don't hate your body, you don't have dysphoria. That incessant longing IS dysphoria. Dysphoria comes in many flavours and intensities. And it does get stronger with time.
As the other respondents have said, I would recommend that you explore your feelings and desires with a therapist. I have no doubt that you are transgender, but you will want to get some more clarity on what you feel and what you want to do about it. A therapist is the best place to start.
It took me until I was 61 to do anything about it. I don't recommend that you wait that long.
Quote from: KathyLauren on October 11, 2017, 06:42:09 AM
Hi, Courtney, and welcome.
I felt like you do most of my life. I didn't hate my male body, and I took good care of it. But I always wished I could be a woman.
I thought this, too. I tried it most of my life, but the longing to be a woman kept getting stronger and stronger. Don't believe that, just because you don't hate your body, you don't have dysphoria. That incessant longing IS dysphoria. Dysphoria comes in many flavours and intensities. And it does get stronger with time.
As the other respondents have said, I would recommend that you explore your feelings and desires with a therapist. I have no doubt that you are transgender, but you will want to get some more clarity on what you feel and what you want to do about it. A therapist is the best place to start.
It took me until I was 61 to do anything about it. I don't recommend that you wait that long.
Wow. Pretty much "ditto" on Kathy Lauren's answer.
Most of the time I didn't hate my male body it was more that it just felt wrong and total jealousy just about anytime I saw a woman in a skirt. I always wanted to transition but for a long time convinced myself that I couldn't or didn't need to.
The noise in my head got to the point where I needed to figure out just what was going on. A little more than a year ago I went to therapist for first time at age 54.
Sometime after that I realized that all the things I liked to do as a male I could still do as a female (golf being my major "male" activity) and that I needed to transition.
As to your question about how you look as female, until I read further after seeing the photo first, I thought you had already started transition.
I will add that if you have a significant other, you will need to tell them about whatever is going on sooner rather than later. My wife did know that I cross dressed, but that was as much I felt I could let on. Thinking I never would transition, I pretty much tried to hide that part from everyone else. I also hid from her that it was possibly more than that. I never physically cheated on her, but the secrecy involved in the way I dealt with my feelings is the biggest issue we are having right now.
So basically repeating what everyone else is saying, go see a therapist yesterday and figure out what is right for you.
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Yeah, I thought you were already transitioned too with that first picture. You've got zero to worry about based on it. Actually remind me a bit of a combination of the actresses Kirsten Johnson from Third Rock from the Sun and Kaitlin Olsen from It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia.
I will pile on with the crowd with saying I felt the same way about being male, and that my issue was what I wanted to be more than about what I was. You'll find it is actually a very common sentiment, perhaps even more so than the common assumption regarding transgender individuals absolutely despising their current body. I know I was always stuck in limbo because I felt that I didn't qualify as transgender simply because I didn't have extreme dysphoria, and it helps to recognize that is a bit of a cliche and not always the case. (Or rather I should say that dysphoria manifests in ways other than the desire to immediately be rid of male genitals at all costs and certainly doesn't always carry with it that absolute certainty of the 5 year old in the news headlines declaring emphatically they are the gender opposite their birth assignation.)
Also, is it just me or does everyone look so much sadder in their assigned gender pictures? (Well, at least mtf in guy mode. I haven't seen a lot of ftm pictures in girl mode.)
Courtney! Hi!
I'm just starting down this trail too.
I'm learning that people experience dysphoria in so many ways. For me it's more of the incessant longing and dreaming/wishing. I did have a super immersive experience and that caused some deep soulful mourning when I could no longer take on that role. That was kind of the straw that broke the camels back as they say.
I have found dysphoria gets worse as you continue going forward taking steps towards femininity.
I recommend you work on getting a gender therapist as soon as possible and don't rush your journey too much. If you're making movement on this, you're not stagnating anymore youre doing the work! Moving fast isn't necessarily going to make you feel better or equal to good outcomes. Giving yourself time to work out who you are and where you are on the spectrum is super important. I personally think a good therapist is best but YMMV.
I owe that advice to the lovely ladies here, on youtube, and on medium. These avenues do help with dysphoria in the long lulls between progress.
Quote from: katiekatt on October 11, 2017, 03:46:29 PM
I'm just starting down this trail too.
I'm learning that people experience dysphoria in so many ways. For me it's more of the incessant longing and dreaming/wishing. I did have a super immersive experience and that caused some deep soulful mourning when I could no longer take on that role. That was kind of the straw that broke the camels back as they say.
I have found dysphoria gets worse as you continue going forward taking steps towards femininity.
It is entirely possible that this feeling (dysphoria) gets better as you more fully come to terms with who you are, and start seeing physical changes. It was that way for me at least. Initially, I became more depressed as the full weight of my situation and feelings of lack of control over it bore down on me with the weight of an elephant. As I started to see progress, this feeling has been fading away. Now that I can see the light at the end of the tunnel, and chart my progress towards it, most of the dysphoria is being replaced by a much more manageable impatience. ;) There is still the general dysphoria regarding whats currently between my legs, and probably will be until the glorious day that I'm post-op. But I can't do anything about that at the moment, so I may as well make the best of it and focus on what I can control.
However, I definitely agree with all the suggestions to seek counseling. Even if you don't find it immediately mentally or emotionally helpful, it is still the first step if you plan on transitioning. Often it is required before being prescribed HRT. Just remember that we are all here to support you. Stay Safe and Strong.
HUGS!
Quote from: JennyBear on October 11, 2017, 03:57:26 PM
It is entirely possible that this feeling (dysphoria) gets better as you more fully come to terms with who you are, and start seeing physical changes. It was that way for me at least. Initially, I became more depressed as the full weight of my situation and feelings of lack of control over it bore down on me with the weight of an elephant. As I started to see progress, this feeling has been fading away. Now that I can see the light at the end of the tunnel, and chart my progress towards it, most of the dysphoria is being replaced by a much more manageable impatience. ;) There is still the general dysphoria regarding whats currently between my legs, and probably will be until the glorious day that I'm post-op. But I can't do anything about that at the moment, so I may as well make the best of it and focus on what I can control.
However, I definitely agree with all the suggestions to seek counseling. Even if you don't find it immediately mentally or emotionally helpful, it is still the first step if you plan on transitioning. Often it is required before being prescribed HRT. Just remember that we are all here to support you. Stay Safe and Strong.
HUGS!
I think hormones and physical changes are going to be huge. I mean I've felt euphoria at just the freedom of being me for sure, but the dysphoria when I have to continue accepting my life as it is now is worse as well. I'm hoping youre exactly right!
If that makes any sense! lol, it did when I typed it! :)
Quote from: katiekatt on October 11, 2017, 04:09:20 PM
I think hormones and physical changes are going to be huge. I mean I've felt euphoria at just the freedom of being me for sure, but the dysphoria when I have to continue accepting my life as it is now is worse as well. I'm hoping youre exactly right!
If that makes any sense! lol, it did when I typed it! :)
I hope I am too, and not merely for the ego boost of being right, but for your happiness as well. It may help to consider that whether or not you transition, the road will be filled with struggle, but which path has the more desired outcome. You don't have to accept your current situation other than being realistic about what steps you can and can't currently achieve. Ambition for something better provides the needed motivation for change. Even if that euphoria comes and goes, it is a preview of what your life can be once your journey nears its end. I hope this helps.
HUGS!
Susans and all the people here always seem to help!
Courtney,
I wish I had a face like yours! You're gorgeous!
Quote from: katiekatt on October 11, 2017, 08:12:53 PM
Courtney,
I wish I had a face like yours! You're gorgeous!
I totally agree. I'm jealous of her uber femme jaw and brow lines.
As other people (and me) said before - you register as a female based on your pictures.
Unlike what others said - you don't have to do nothing. It's more of a question of what you want, and how much price are you ready to pay for it. Especially - how much are you ready to pay (because no one cares about your wants that you aren't willing to pay for - be it humiliation, emotional or physical suffering, or plain stupid boring almighty money).
When what you have is no longer acceptable to you, you will find a way to raise stakes and make your life interesting to you again.
Ps: old Chinese curse - may you live in an interesting times.
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Quote from: JennyBear on October 11, 2017, 09:00:57 PM
I totally agree. I'm jealous of her uber femme jaw and brow lines.
I'm just seeing all this messages and I'm gonna try and respond to everyone because there is so much amazing advice on here and you guys are so nice for giving me your time! I'm trying to digest everything now haha.
But awh I hope so, it feels amazing when someone says that you have a pretty face so thank you for that. When am in guy mode I have doubts.
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Quote from: Tamika Olivia on October 10, 2017, 10:23:06 PM
Let's start with the obvious. Your options probably aren't between cis guy and trans woman. From the way you've described yourself, you aren't a cis guy. Almost definitionally cis guys don't wish they were born girls. That doesn't necessarily make the other half of the dichotomy true. You may indeed be a binary trans woman, or you may fall somewhere else under the trans umbrella. That's a question you get to explore at your leisure. You get to define who you are and what that means in your life. But based on your initial post, I'm betting that you are under the trans umbrella.
So, you're almost certainly trans, what do you do about it? That's another question you get to explore. You say you're not dysphoric, but that longing and jealousy reminds me of my own dysphoria. I was more defined by what I wanted to be than what I disliked about what I was. There is no one size fits all definition for dysphoria. But I got distracted. You want to know what comes next.
The answer is: exploration that you feel comfortable with. Maybe that means a therapist to help you articulate your desires. Maybe it means getting some hair removed. Maybe it means trying on new names and pronouns with trusted friends. Maybe it means starting HRT on a trial basis. The big myth that baby trans people have is that transition is one big thing. It ain't, it's a small series of little things that may eventually add up to a big thing. None of them commit you to the others, so you can explore then at your leisure.
Also, I'm just judging from a single picture, but in that pic you already pass. You look lovely!
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Thanks for your response I really appreciate it! One thing I am definitely realizing is that you are right it's never gonna be one big decision. I'm never gonna know for sure one way or another, and no amount of pondering / anlyazing my thoughts / Talking to people is gonna convince me one way or another either. That is what I have been doing for the past 10 years since I was 15 and it hasn't worked.
What I'm allowing myself to do now is to embrace this littlle by little. I've started presenting female more and more at my house and am talking with and hanging out with other trans girls in my area now. I think the only way this is gonna work for me is that if the times where I am presenting female with the other girls and at home by myself and whenever become when I'm happier and more comfortable and then I notice I'm not as happy in guy mode in comparison and I would rather just get to stay in girl mode for longer and longer each time than I'll come out to my friends and family and transition. If I find out that while I like presenting as a girl and being in social situations as a girl but I also miss my guy mode and do want to go back to it sometimes then transitioning probably isn't right for me. I just think I have to give it a real world test run that isn't half assed crossdressing ->-bleeped-<-. The only way I'm gonna know what would make me happier is trying both with max like effort and immersion and seeing which I like better. The trick is how do I do this without coming out to my friends and family when I live in the same city, Richmond Virginia, as I grew up in?
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Quote from: elkie-t on October 11, 2017, 06:11:15 AM
If you never ventured out as a girl, I think you should. You are very passable, and it's more fun to go out. Then, you could do a few things that would improve your female image without being too obvious - remove facial hair, grow out your own, shape eye brows, shave your body. Maybe, you'll enjoy it so much, that coming out won't look too big of a problem. Or maybe after some time you'll get tired of the need of higher maintenance and decide it's not worth it?
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Yeah this in real life practical sense makes the most sense. I'm just letting my self be more and more feminine, present as a girl more and more. If I decided then that I would rather just get to stay a girl forever and not have to go back to being a guy for work or to hang with my old friends then I guess there is my answer time to transtion. It's that simple. What my family and friends think, how it will effect my career, interactions with strangers, love life is important yes but it should not have anything to do with this decision in the end.
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Quote from: Courtney.lane408 on October 11, 2017, 09:38:32 PM
Thanks for your response I really appreciate it! One thing I am definitely realizing is that you are right it's never gonna be one big decision. I'm never gonna know for sure one way or another, and no amount of pondering / anlyazing my thoughts / Talking to people is gonna convince me one way or another either. That is what I have been doing for the past 10 years since I was 15 and it hasn't worked.
What I'm allowing myself to do now is to embrace this littlle by little. I've started presenting female more and more at my house and am talking with and hanging out with other trans girls in my area now. I think the only way this is gonna work for me is that if the times where I am presenting female with the other girls and at home by myself and whenever become when I'm happier and more comfortable and then I notice I'm not as happy in guy mode in comparison and I would rather just get to stay in girl mode for longer and longer each time than I'll come out to my friends and family and transition. If I find out that while I like presenting as a girl and being in social situations as a girl but I also miss my guy mode and do want to go back to it sometimes then transitioning probably isn't right for me. I just think I have to give it a real world test run that isn't half assed crossdressing ->-bleeped-<-. The only way I'm gonna know what would make me happier is trying both with max like effort and immersion and seeing which I like better. The trick is how do I do this without coming out to my friends and family when I live in the same city, Richmond Virginia, as I grew up in?
Other transgirls [who are afraid to go out] are rather boring. The world is wide. Experience it. Or not.
You don't need to come out immediately, if you go out now and then
Quote from: katiekatt on October 11, 2017, 08:12:53 PM
Susans and all the people here always seem to help!
Courtney,
I wish I had a face like yours! You're gorgeous!
I'm sure you are gorgeous in your own way! But that is really nice of you either way :) I wish I got to have the face of all these girls I see on YouTube who transitioned at puberty. There wishing they could be cis. The cis girls are probably wishing they could look like some actress. Point is you just gotta to learn to be happy with what you got. knowing that, and really believing it are two different things though lol and I haven't been able to accept that but I'm just more or less quoting a wise friend on wishing you looked like someone else.
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Quote from: Courtney.lane408 on October 11, 2017, 09:53:39 PM
I'm sure you are gorgeous in your own way! But that is really nice of you either way :) I wish I got to have the face of all these girls I see on YouTube who transitioned at puberty. There wishing they could be cis. The cis girls are probably wishing they could look like some actress. Point is you just gotta to learn to be happy with what you got. knowing that, and really believing it are two different things though lol and I haven't been able to accept that but I'm just more or less quoting a wise friend on wishing you looked like someone else.
Good attitude to have at the very least. I guess that's the difference between acceptance and complacency. You can accept your current lot in life, yet still strive to improve it, unless you're Hindu, but that's a completely different subject. While true, you can always take another step, ad infinitum, until you get to the point that the "Human Barbie" is at, and be full of regret about poor choices, or surgical mishaps, it usually doesn't hurt anything to take a few, well reasoned ones, at a pace that you are comfortable with. That pace might only be 1 baby step a decade, but if it works for you, then who is anyone else to judge, much like Elkie-T stated.
HUGS!
Quote from: JennyBear on October 11, 2017, 01:30:45 AM
Most people (including transwomen) get self esteem boosts from others' compliments. As she stated, even when people like her looks when presenting as male, she still feels like she should be physically female. Sometimes (in my case for instance,) self denial and trying to take the easiest road caused me to be somewhat happy with any success I achieved, be it dating, sports, military etc. The more attractive my physique was, the less dysphoria I felt, mostly due to how successful I felt. There was always the underlying dissatisfaction though
Jenny all of this is a perfect way to explain and I had never thought about it that way. The fact that I always felt good about getting compliments as a man gave me a lot of doubts about my "transness" so what you say is definitely enlightening and relieving.
Quote from: Charlie Nicki on October 12, 2017, 12:47:09 AM
Jenny all of this is a perfect way to explain and I had never thought about it that way. The fact that I always felt good about getting compliments as a man gave me a lot of doubts about my "transness" so what you say is definitely enlightening and relieving.
I got out of the Army in 2001, just before 9/11, and fully came to terms with my trans issues over the next year or so. That means that I've had nearly 2 decades to deal with it and explore myself and the issue. I've also taken some psychology and counseling classes. Combining the two just adds to my familiarity with internal issues. That's where the theory came from, not some genius light bulb in my head or anything, just good, old fashioned experience. ;) I'm glad that it's helped you as well as hopefully the OP.
HUGS.
Courtney, wow. You are lucky to have your facial structure. You have so many options if you decide.
I wasn't sure about HRT or rearranging part of my life, but at that time I received advice to seriously tackle facial hair and I did that first - and very glad I did. Looking at 2 or 3 years for hair removal seemed like infinity until I realized if I had started a couple years earlier I'd already be done. The way I figured it was, even if I didn't transition at least I wouldn't have to deal with shaving as I aged.
It's called a gender spectrum for a reason... you can blend, mix and match characteristics for clothing, hair style, etc. I switched to women's jeans long before I started a more visible transition (HRT etc.) and starting finding shoe styles that weren't as gender specific.
Quote from: elkie-t on October 11, 2017, 09:44:13 PM
> Other transgirls [who are afraid to go out] are rather boring. The world is wide. Experience it. Or not.
Elkie-t I don't agree with what you said here. In the years before I had the courage to go out as my true self nobody called me boring. I have many hobbies and worked hard for what I have. I see transition as unlocking additional potential for me but everyone should make decisions best for themselves. If an individual is transgender and dresses privately that might be the best therapy available at that point in time.
Quote from: Kendra on October 12, 2017, 09:31:15 AM
Courtney, wow. You are lucky to have your facial structure. You have so many options if you decide.
I wasn't sure about HRT or rearranging part of my life, but at that time I received advice to seriously tackle facial hair and I did that first - and very glad I did. Looking at 2 or 3 years for hair removal seemed like infinity until I realized if I had started a couple years earlier I'd already be done. The way I figured it was, even if I didn't transition at least I wouldn't have to deal with shaving as I aged.
It's called a gender spectrum for a reason... you can blend, mix and match characteristics for clothing, hair style, etc. I switched to women's jeans long before I started a more visible transition (HRT etc.) and starting finding shoe styles that weren't as gender specific.
Elkie-t I don't agree with what you said here. In the years before I had the courage to go out as my true self nobody called me boring. I have many hobbies and worked hard for what I have. I see transition as unlocking additional potential for me but everyone should make decisions best for themselves. If an individual is transgender and dresses privately that might be the best therapy available at that point in time.
I called them boring in the context of meeting them in private environment. All talks usually turn out to how they are miserable with their need to hide their girl self. I wouldn't call them boring as a persons, sorry for not being clear
Quote from: elkie-t on October 12, 2017, 10:21:04 AM
I called them boring in the context of meeting them in private environment. All talks usually turn out to how they are miserable with their need to hide their girl self. I wouldn't call them boring as a persons, sorry for not being clear
Even then, a statement like that with a broad generalization can be misunderstood and act as a trigger for dysphoria and depression. It can come across as insensitively invalidating them as a transwoman, like saying those that aren't ready to go out in public are boring as people and not fully "trans" yet, regardless of how you meant it. In a sanctuary environment like this website, its best to refrain from all disparaging remarks regarding other transwomen in particular or in generalized groups. Kinda like how the term "guys" which is colloquially used without a gender distinction, can still be a trigger word for some due to is masculine connotation. Whoever you talk to here might mentally include themselves in whatever trans category you refer to, so try not to accidentally cause pain. We're all in this together.
HUGS!
Quote from: elkie-t on October 12, 2017, 10:21:04 AM
I called them boring in the context of meeting them in private environment. All talks usually turn out to how they are miserable with their need to hide their girl self. I wouldn't call them boring as a persons, sorry for not being clear
I actually appreciate this advice since I'm just now trying to meet other trans girls and hang out. I want girl friends, not trans girls my age who can be some kinda guide or mentor. I realize this is a 100% something I have to decide for my self and I have strangers on the internet to whine, complain, question or whatever to.There are only but so many cool trans girl my age in the area so it's important reminder to make sure when we do hang I remember all my social skills from being a guy. I'm sure the last thing they are gonna wanna do is have heart to hearts with some stranger. There just looking for causal friends like everyone else.
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Any statement or lack of response can trigger an unstable person to do stupid things.
Again, I share my personal opinions based on significant attempts to socialize. The only interesting ones (for me) came from people who were confident in being out and therefore had interesting experiences to share with me and teach me a thing or two. Those transgirls that aren't ready to venture out, they are so early on - they mostly just complain how they cannot do what they want to do. What fun is there for me?
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Quote from: Charlie Nicki on October 12, 2017, 12:47:09 AM
Jenny all of this is a perfect way to explain and I had never thought about it that way. The fact that I always felt good about getting compliments as a man gave me a lot of doubts about my "transness" so what you say is definitely enlightening and relieving.
Ohhhh, that and sooooooo many things. Or at least for me. So much doubt and I'm just swinging from doubt to confidence, doubt to confidence. I'll experience something affirming and feel like this is it, and then something will cause distress and I will doubt, doubt, doubt.
Quote from: elkie-t on October 12, 2017, 04:28:47 PM
Any statement or lack of response can trigger an unstable person to do stupid things.
Those transgirls that aren't ready to venture out, they are so early on - they mostly just complain how they cannot do what they want to do. What fun is there for me?
Oh... I've posted and deleted like a handful of messages already. No one responds and I got all twisted up and I delete it thinking I must be so whacked out no one will even respond. :-\
You have a little something I wish I had more of and hearing all this its probably true on some level. I'm not judging you for that. It is what it is, but I have to say out loud.... I wish I had that kind of confidence, but I can't help who I am.
I want to find someone else who understands because I'm wobbly and unsure I can stand on my own. That support in a vacuum of anyone who even cares, let alone might wish us harm, is everything to me. I won't be like this forever, I'll get stronger, but not today probably. Probably not this month. It seems to me most girls come in here in the beginning like this. Flailing with this new territory that none of us has experience with before this, and most people will never have to learn to navigate. I don't find it weak, its just human.
That's just me.
Quote from: katiekatt on October 12, 2017, 06:53:04 PM
Ohhhh, that and sooooooo many things. Or at least for me. So much doubt and I'm just swinging from doubt to confidence, doubt to confidence. I'll experience something affirming and feel like this is it, and then something will cause distress and I will doubt, doubt, doubt.
Welcome to the club :D
Quote from: katiekatt on October 12, 2017, 06:53:04 PM
Oh... I've posted and deleted like a handful of messages already. No one responds and I got all twisted up and I delete it thinking I must be so whacked out no one will even respond. :-\
You have a little something I wish I had more of and hearing all this its probably true on some level. I'm not judging you for that. It is what it is, but I have to say out loud.... I wish I had that kind of confidence, but I can't help who I am.
I want to find someone else who understands because I'm wobbly and unsure I can stand on my own. That support in a vacuum of anyone who even cares, let alone might wish us harm, is everything to me. I won't be like this forever, I'll get stronger, but not today probably. Probably not this month. It seems to me most girls come in here in the beginning like this. Flailing with this new territory that none of us has experience with before this, and most people will never have to learn to navigate. I don't find it weak, its just human.
That's just me.
I'm with you 100% on this.
But don't delete posts, give it time! Particularly if it's in a sub forum, it's easy for stuff to get lost in many of them. And I know how that feels, trust me. I have to struggle to make myself post threads and leave them be. 99% of the time I'm a passive participant in other forums, joining in on threads but not creating them for pretty my entire life. As part of my journey I'm trying to find the confidence to become more proactive though, since I figure if I can work up the courage to even take the small steps I've done so far, then posting something that gets ignored is nothin'. And even getting to that wasn't overnight.
i for one certainly still lack confidence. I don't think I'm a wallower per se and I wouldn't sit around complaining, but at the same time I'm definitely not one of those girls that is ready to venture out. I'm not even ready to venture downstairs. Every little step though, every little thing I figure out about myself I find that my confidence grows. (Flattering clothes instead of trying to squeeze into those designed to fit people 10 inches shorter than me helped a lot. ;D)
I actually feel a bit bipolar in all of this. I reach some serious almost manic highs, usually when I'm posting here, looking forward to a therapy appointment (which is itself a weird feeling to me), or feel like I made progress on makeup/voice/weight loss/etc. Confidence soars, perhaps even a touch of overcompensating arrogance. (I found myself looking at a picture of a woman in a magazine earlier thinking "I'm prettier than you..." ;D) But then there are times that confidence is nowhere to be seen, and I'm the scared little girl in tears trying not to throw up while submitting my introduction post. (From a whole month and a half ago that has felt like years. Or something like that, I don't know, I'm bad with time.) But then I guess that's why they call it a rollercoaster.
Quote from: katiekatt on October 12, 2017, 06:53:04 PM
You have a little something I wish I had more of and hearing all this its probably true on some level. I'm not judging you for that. It is what it is, but I have to say out loud.... I wish I had that kind of confidence, but I can't help who I am.
I want to find someone else who understands because I'm wobbly and unsure I can stand on my own. That support in a vacuum of anyone who even cares, let alone might wish us harm, is everything to me. I won't be like this forever, I'll get stronger, but not today probably. Probably not this month. It seems to me most girls come in here in the beginning like this. Flailing with this new territory that none of us has experience with before this, and most people will never have to learn to navigate. I don't find it weak, its just human.
That's just me.
Oh, darling. Confidence comes with age, and with realization that life goes on and you don't want to regret missed opportunities and unfulfilled dreams.
I knew I was transgender since 12? Not really sure, because some vague memories goes much further. I came out publicly to my class during Halloween-kind of excuse when I was 14, but it was well in late 80s and we didn't know better. I got a little friendly teasing, and huge mental satisfaction, but did not follow through. My manboobs started growing when I was 16 and my mother took me to a doctor who prescribed me T. What a wonderful opportunity to come out to my mother (and she was supportive dressing me as a girl a few years before)... yet I did not. But I did dispose T as soon as I get it.
Fast forward... After many wonderful experiences, living for a year nearly full time as a girl (and having wonderful memories and positive response 99% of the time - much more than I ever had as a male), I am completely in detransition (other than being on this forum - I don't do anything related to crossdressing, and present as a very convincing male). I did experience all that crossdressing could give me, and found it's enjoyment diminishing with time. So short of full transition - I was feeling incomplete or even fake, and I was not (am not) ready to start transition.
So - you have more potential to live your dreams than me, don't be envious :) I realized my limits and for you - everything is still open.
As far as going out - it's simple. As long as you change from male to female (and back) far enough from your house and venture far enough - you're safe in anonymity :) Don't mix places visited as a guy and as a girl, don't change at home (well changing in your garage and driving out is a possibility if you don't care what your neighbors would have to say), otherwise - get a place to store your belongings and change in any storage facility way outside your male movement patterns (not near home, not near work, not near a place you go with your kids), and voila... simple
Yet, even if you go 100 miles from your home, to a safe place, it's scary for the first few times. But it is scary and exciting. When it is no longer scary - it becomes a boring routine....
Quote from: elkie-t on October 12, 2017, 04:28:47 PM
Any statement or lack of response can trigger an unstable person to do stupid things.
Again, I share my personal opinions based on significant attempts to socialize. The only interesting ones (for me) came from people who were confident in being out and therefore had interesting experiences to share with me and teach me a thing or two. Those transgirls that aren't ready to venture out, they are so early on - they mostly just complain how they cannot do what they want to do. What fun is there for me?
Agreed, and much better way of phrasing your feelings on the subject, IMO. If that came across as bitchy, I apologize. Was more meant as a reminder about comments often taken as derogatory, not as a personal attack.
HUGS!
You are very cute! You make a better girl than guy. You are almost stealth as it is. I think with hrt, you'd be a babe. I'm so jelly.