Yesterday I had another passing experience which left me happy and feeling a bit odd...
I was getting my CO2 bottles refilled, the large one at 35 lbs, the small one at 10 lbs. only the shop owner was there in his early 70's and he insisted on carrying the bottles a down the stairs to my car stating "ma'am I dot this" and I could clearly tell it was much harder on him that it would have been on me.
That made me thinking: one of the hardest things for me to get used to is this kind of gentleman like behavior: being offered a seat, men holding the door for me or offering to carry heavy stuff.
Usually I was the person holding the door, offering a seat and carrying and it is so deeply engrained in my personality that I have a hard time shaking it which every now and then leads to odd situations...
What was the hardest social adjustment for you?
Quote from: sarah1972 on November 05, 2017, 08:32:50 AM
Yesterday I had another passing experience which left me happy and feeling a bit odd...
I was getting my CO2 bottles refilled, the large one at 35 lbs, the small one at 10 lbs. only the shop owner was there in his early 70's and he insisted on carrying the bottles a down the stairs to my car stating "ma'am I dot this" and I could clearly tell it was much harder on him that it would have been on me.
That made me thinking: one of the hardest things for me to get used to is this kind of gentleman like behavior: being offered a seat, men holding the door for me or offering to carry heavy stuff.
Usually I was the person holding the door, offering a seat and carrying and it is so deeply engrained in my personality that I have a hard time shaking it which every now and then leads to odd situations...
What was the hardest social adjustment for you?
It's the same for me and I had a date on Wednesday. He invite me to coffee, it was really hard to accept it, because I was always the one covering the bill.
I enjoy being treated like a lady, mostly for the external validation (a bad need I haven't entirely erradicated.)
My hardest adjustment has been not looking up when someone says "sir". Oddly, I quickly began responding to "ma'am".
:
April 22, 2015, the day of my first face to face pass in gender neutral clothes and no makeup. It may be months to the next one, but I'm good with that!
Being transgender is just a phase. It hardly ever starts before conception and always ends promptly at death.
They say the light at the end of the tunnel is an oncoming train. I say, climb aboard!
Think outside the voice box!
Quote from: sarah1972 on November 05, 2017, 08:32:50 AM
Yesterday I had another passing experience which left me happy and feeling a bit odd...
I was getting my CO2 bottles refilled, the large one at 35 lbs, the small one at 10 lbs. only the shop owner was there in his early 70's and he insisted on carrying the bottles a down the stairs to my car stating "ma'am I dot this" and I could clearly tell it was much harder on him that it would have been on me.
That made me thinking: one of the hardest things for me to get used to is this kind of gentleman like behavior: being offered a seat, men holding the door for me or offering to carry heavy stuff.
Usually I was the person holding the door, offering a seat and carrying and it is so deeply engrained in my personality that I have a hard time shaking it which every now and then leads to odd situations...
What was the hardest social adjustment for you?
Thanks for posting that for me! The first time I knew I was passing somewhat was when some random guy insisted on carrying my two propane tanks for me.
When I saw your thread title, I thought we were going to gripe about Daylight Savings Time. :laugh:
Hugs, Devlyn
For me, it was learning not to hold a door for my wife like a man. She told me that women do it differently from men. A man opens the door and stands aside while the woman walks through first. A woman opens the door, walks through and then holds it open behind her for the other woman to walk through. It still feels unnatural.
I am learning to like it when men hold a door open for me. I always give them a big smile and say thank you.
The hardest thing for me was to get over being afraid of guys. Before transition everytime I was around any group of young guys they made fun of me, laughed at me, called me a ->-bleeped-<-ot and said all kinds if other gross and mean stuff. Now guys flirt and are sweet. Well some guys are pigs of course but guys no longer have hostility towards me like they did before. Of course I'm talking about guys who don't know I'm trans. If they know I'm trans then all bets are off. I haven't had any bad experiences with guys who didn't know me before transition. But even so when I see a group of young guys I automatically look for another way to go to avoid walking past them. And I say young guys because I never had problems with guys except guys in my age range.
In real life I'm quite verbally "articulate". I notice that people generally don't expect that from anyone, especially someone like me who will be quiet as a post unless I have a reason or mind to talk to people, but when I do, I can talk. For hours, if need be, about anything if need be.
What's always been difficult to adjust to is this: when I was a young kid, my teachers, peers, relatives, and just people on the street sometimes would complain that I would not talk. I was too quiet, I was too shy, I was too this I was too that, I wasn't sociable enough, I wasn't articulate enough. They would tell me you need to learn to talk to people. If you don't learn to talk to people where will you get in life? I probably had some autistic tendencies as a child but these were never diagnosed or looked into. Anyway, at some point I knuckled down and learned how to talk to people, and I did so much practicing that I soon pretty much outstripped the average conversational partner in the ability to talk, make a speech, rationalize things out in speech, look them properly in the eyes and make all the mannerisms that people tend to expect. Then what I found is that most people don't actually want to converse. Or not about anything more significant than TV shows or other fairly mundane and "safe" things, and only for a short time. Sometimes I believe they do it only to size you up as a person. If you appear confident and know what you're talking about, that can often just turn them off talking completely.
So it's difficult to accept after being incessantly nagged and ridiculed in early life to talk to people, I find most aren't up for it anyway. And what's more, they expect it even less from a male. I suppose they figure females are the ones who really enjoy talking and men are supposed to just grunt in agreement or disagreement, or something. People can be unnerved by articulation in both sexes, I suppose. In any case, it has me these days not bothering so much with people or accommodating them in this way. At least when I do that now, it's seen as perfectly normal. But after training myself for 25 years to be able to, it's a difficult adjustment to make to go back to having "nothing to say".
For me the hardest things to adjust to are the lose in physical strength as I lift and turn people all day I used to pick up 200 + pound people no problem now I can't and I need help, I also have a hard time when guys are extremely nice to me where it is flirting I am not used to that it is very nice but just I am on the other side of the fence now so I also know what guys say to get some where, and I have heard some of the lamest pick up line. I also having a hard time adjusting to my attraction with guys it is unbelievable.
Quote from: sarah1972 on November 05, 2017, 08:32:50 AM
one of the hardest things for me to get used to is this kind of gentleman like behavior: being offered a seat, men holding the door for me or offering to carry heavy stuff
What was the hardest social adjustment for you?
The hardest things to get used to:
Guys who knew me from before treating me like that and
Not holding a door open in the same manner as before.
It has been a year and I'm still not used to holding the door open differently.
I don't really know because I'm not full time yet but I look in the mirror and see my body changing somehow. I can't put my fingers on it but I look slimmer, more svelte (even though I eat like a high school quarterback) somehow? Maybe my mind is playing tricks on me but I like it lol a lot more than I thought I would!
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Quote from: KathyLauren on November 05, 2017, 10:14:02 AM
For me, it was learning not to hold a door for my wife like a man. She told me that women do it differently from men. A man opens the door and stands aside while the woman walks through first. A woman opens the door, walks through and then holds it open behind her for the other woman to walk through. It still feels unnatural.
I am learning to like it when men hold a door open for me. I always give them a big smile and say thank you.
I agree. My female coworker gives me the dirtiest looks and hates it when I hold the door for her. It's much better to do what you say and open the door walk through it and then hold it open behind you.
I'm surprised men are still holding doors open for women. Aren't women supposed to be opposed to that sort of thing in this modern feminist climate?
I'll hold doors for people who look like they're struggling, old people, people with pushchairs, disabled, etc. Other than that, I'm sure everyone else can open doors for themselves.
That said I've met a few women who really enjoy the chivalrous attitude and complain they don't get it anymore.
I've had men open the door for me to the elevator a few times in my building because i can't bother to lol actually they pretty much rush to open it and I just let them. That's the least of my worries
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Quote from: Viktor on November 05, 2017, 04:16:58 PM
I'm surprised men are still holding doors open for women. Aren't women supposed to be opposed to that sort of thing in this modern feminist climate?
Around here everyone holds the door for each other regardless of men or women. People here may be largely religiously conservative but they are mostly all very polite.
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I am not out to anybody other than my wife and the necessary health care professionals I am working with. For me, the hardest thing to adjust to is coming to terms with the fact that this is actually happening, I am transitioning. It is a mixture of excitement and absolute shear terror.
Quote from: Jayne01 on November 05, 2017, 04:31:24 PM
I am not out to anybody other than my wife and the necessary health care professionals I am working with. For me, the hardest thing to adjust to is coming to terms with the fact that this is actually happening, I am transitioning. It is a mixture of excitement and absolute shear terror.
Same thing here! Most of the times it is like living a dream, but sometimes it is scary as hell...
Being married to a heterosexual woman and without a not having a stable job really contributes for that.
I guess the only difference about us is that I'm kind of... a little bit out... I do not yet present myself socially as a woman, but people just need to put together a few puzzle pieces...
I'm out but i don't really pass so everythings a bit of an adjustment but the big one is how often random groups of guys harrass me, idiots all think it's clever to use male pronouns loudly and tend to get offended and start screaming abuse and theatening me when i try to ignore them.
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Quote from: Julia1996 on November 05, 2017, 10:24:43 AM
The hardest thing for me was to get over being afraid of guys. Before transition everytime I was around any group of young guys they made fun of me, laughed at me, called me a ->-bleeped-<-ot and said all kinds if other gross and mean stuff. Now guys flirt and are sweet. Well some guys are pigs of course but guys no longer have hostility towards me like they did before. Of course I'm talking about guys who don't know I'm trans. If they know I'm trans then all bets are off. I haven't had any bad experiences with guys who didn't know me before transition. But even so when I see a group of young guys I automatically look for another way to go to avoid walking past them. And I say young guys because I never had problems with guys except guys in my age range.
Yeah, the flirting thing is definitely an odd change of pace. It's strange how the qualities that make you unattractive as a guy can make you attractive as a woman.
I'm jealous that you can get guys your age to hit on you. Most of the men that ogle me are well past they're thirties... not that that's a bad thing... I just think guys my age are more attractive :/
Quote from: Jayne01 on November 05, 2017, 04:31:24 PM
I am not out to anybody other than my wife and the necessary health care professionals I am working with. For me, the hardest thing to adjust to is coming to terms with the fact that this is actually happening, I am transitioning. It is a mixture of excitement and absolute shear terror.
I'm ready to be out in open about my transgender since I will begin my Hormones Replacement Therapy soon, and I plan gradually be out. Since very soon I will not able to hide my transition. Right now I just ready when it's happen.
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The hardest or oddest thing that I found adjusting to was the quite sudden perceived reduction in my intelligence and skills. Even in committees that I ran I was gradually regarded as not quite up to the same level as I was went presenting as male.
I of course rectified the situation with my usual politeness.
I was highly amused when a young man started to explain to me how flow cytometers worked, unfortunately one of my staff intervened and explained that I almost invented the things before I worked up my head of steam and removed parts of his body as being redundant.
Quote from: Cindy on November 05, 2017, 10:40:52 PM
, unfortunately one of my staff intervened and explained that I almost invented the things before I worked up my head of steam and removed parts of his body as being redundant.
[emoji23][emoji23][emoji23]
Cindy, I nearly peed myself when I read that. I would have liked to see his reaction after he was suitably put in his place.
Quote from: LadyGreen on November 05, 2017, 07:00:24 PM
I'm out but i don't really pass so everythings a bit of an adjustment but the big one is how often random groups of guys harrass me, idiots all think it's clever to use male pronouns loudly and tend to get offended and start screaming abuse and theatening me when i try to ignore them.
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You are really brave to be able to cope with that!!! :eusa_clap:
I haven't thought about that, but that is one thing in me that is really changing. When i thought I was a man, I was completely comfortable near anyone, no matter genders or whatever. I used to feel myself "at home" when interacting with any person or group.
Now, transitioning, guys scare me a lot, specially a group of late teens or young adults. I guess I still lack self confidence to be able to resist harassment, offenses and verbal (or even physical) abuse. :icon_neutral:
First time I was hit on and asked out was by a kid in his early 20's... half my age... I sat in my car afterwards and thought: "yeah - I am not a cougar" ;D
Quote from: Allie24 on November 05, 2017, 07:06:31 PM
I'm jealous that you can get guys your age to hit on you. Most of the men that ogle me are well past they're thirties... not that that's a bad thing... I just think guys my age are more attractive :/
Definately its been the reaction from guys mainly.
I started worrying about how I was being seen as soon as I started HRT and had already shaved the "denial beard" away. When I was working and still thinking I had everything well covered, there were a couple of times entering a gas station when a man would hold the door open for me. The two times I can think of I was a good distance away from the door and once I motioned he should go ahead and he insisted I go first. I was never sure what to make of that because when I did sport a beard that NEVER happened. Speaking of gas stations, there was also one time at a convienence store I stopped at often to use the bathroom where as I walked to the back, one of the female clerks said to the other "did you see that girl?". The other responded, "you mean that guy?" Followed bya "that's a girl". There was no one else in the store at that moment aside from 3 employee's and me. My reaction was an internal 'WTF is going on'. I really didn't think I was not-passing as a regular guy at that point. Did she think I was FTM?
On the job a few times things seemed different. I worked a large region doing repairs at the customer location. In a machine cab, when doing instruction or diagnostics, the "trainer seat" is really small. I normally keep my knees far to my side and guys running the machine keep a distance. You know, its not "normal" for guys to let their knees touch. Weird thing is a few times, guys let their legs over so near mine I had to pull my legs together all the way and keep them against the cab door. Then there was this time a guy came up and put his hand on the small of my back. Way weird for me to have that experience.
So right now I'm still on disability from work. In the community we are staying in now, my kids are going to the Catholic church grade school. Everyone knows I'm trans there. The rumors must have traveled like the wind. So a couple of times when walking up to get my kids, I have noticed guys may see me then just turn away averting their eyes. The other mom's seem to never drop their current conversation, like I'm just a person, which is so nice. Last week though, I was picking the kids up from after school care. The kids were in the cafeteria under the gym. The door used is from the playground and has a small flight of stairs down like 5 steps or so. Two dads were already waiting for someone to open the door or buzz them in. The closest one went ahead and held it open for the guy next to him but continued to hold it and looked up at me. I said thanks as I quickly passed by him. So again, so strange to have the door held open, even though they know I'm trans here.
Although strange to get used to, its been reaffirming especially since I know I don't pass as female really.