Hi all,
Finally the meds are kicking in, and my panic attacks are in abeyance for the time being, however I've a sneaking suspicion that dysphoria is quietly kicking me to the curb.
I'm really struggling socially - and the idea of getting out to meet folk is a little overwhelming, but getting out with few folk is manageable, and my range of getting around is shrinking.
Whilst I'm not feeling anxious, I am feeling crushed, and suffocated like I can't breathe and it's making getting moving around really difficult - I've clung on to the facade of masculinity by hook or by crook, and this feels catastrophic - not helped by my partners reiteration that I can dress at home (not knowing the problems I have with dressing, and how I've had to resist for a very long time), and the desire, (or need), to harm is growing as well as desire for it all to stop and go away.
I feel so debilitated.
So, thoughts and strategies please - I'm sinking right now, and it's not good.
Rowan
Dysphora is a tough one to go through and im so sorry your experiencing that. I have dysphora to but it effect me in certain ways. In my personal experience i have had to find coping mechanisms to help with it. For instance instead of buying those lovely platform heels i want i settle for lifted boots. Slightly masculine really feminine . I found i have to ease myself into things. Dont ever rush it because it could trigger something. Take your time and let yourself be you. Its easier said then done i promise you that. Are you talking to any mental health professional about the anxiety?
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Hi Taylorcaudle,
Yes, it was so bad a few months ago that I was fast tracked onto some mental health support - for the anxiety and depression.
Thanks for your suggestions, I'll give them a try.
Rowan
I also think taking it slow is key. Sometimes we can overwhelm ourselves and end up feeling terrible.
I was once talking to a friend about my insecurities and all the negative thoughts I have sometimes about my transition and he said something that really helped me, he said: "You need to get out of your head, and stop feeding your insecurities with your own thoughts, get distracted, go out, watch a movie, read a book, but don't let your mind trick you and make you feel worse".
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No, Rowan, just No! Stop those thoughts and go back to your therapist and tell them you need more help.
That's all I have for you except a ((HUG))
Laurie
To get over those issues I found a group in the city 50 miles from home who were accepting. It helped me to get out and socialize as Denise.
I would say from a social interaction stand point it helped more than anything. By the time I went full time I was confident in who I really was.
My therapist guided me along and helped me to validate all I was feeling. But she was not a "social environment" which I needed badly.
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I observed that since I started HRT that my dysphoria has gotten worse. I am not sure why. It makes me more impatient for changes that require a lot of patient.
Dysphoira has been pretty bad for me lately :/
I know how you feel. Mine comes in waves but always affects me the same ways. I want to go out less, I struggle socially and have pushed people away over the years. I get into a rut and then when the dysphoria passes I have to get myself out. It's like trying to get out past the surf at the beach before a storm when the waves are high. Every time progress is made, the wave drags me back to where I started. If this is any help... I deal with it by listening to music/ going for drives to escape everything. My best advice is to relax and do something to ease your mind.