It's been discussed before, and it was going to happen to me at some point.
I just got back from the GP. There was another trans woman in the waiting room. We obviously clocked each other, but I was fine to trade a brief smile when I saw her looking at me, and carry on with my day.
After I'd had my conversation with the secretary, this other person waves at me and beckons me over, to tell me (in the middle of a busy waiting area) that she's trans* like me. I'm then forced to confirm this fact, and have a brief conversation about GRS (still in the waiting room), before making a polite and rapid departure.
I want to support all trans* people, we need unity to make progress and gain acceptance. However, my own ego has obviously taken a minor battering. I don't pass, but I'd prefer not being reminded of it out in public [emoji853].
I'm conflicted between a desire to promote our acceptance and my own emotional needs. There isn't any easy solution to this, but I'm curious of others thoughts? X
Sent from my MI 5s using Tapatalk
Big hug! It's always going to be tough passing in the eyes of another transgender person.
We have a lot of unwritten rules. She may have crossed this one unintentionally out of excitement at running into a sister. She might be isolated? I hope you gave Susan's a shameless plug? :laugh:
Hugs, Devlyn
Sorry this happened to you. Trans people should know better than to out each other.
You had limited options, and it sounds like you handled it gracefully, at some cost to yourself. Other options would be to ignore the person (hard to do if you have been raised not to be rude) or to tell them never to out someone again.
Some of us in the local support group wear pendants with the three-pointed trans symbol when we are in public and feel open to acknowledging our trans-ness. If I see someone wearing one, I might go and introduce myself. If I don't see one, all I'll do is smile.
In our support group, never outing someone is an iron-clad rule. Someone was expelled from the group recently for violating that rule. I think most support groups would have that rule. So perhaps that person has no support group. That's why I think I would tell them not to do it again, because they might not know.
Tnx all. I'll be fine, I'm big and tough enough to laugh it off.
I didn't get a plug in Devlyn on this occasion, though many have been given before; do I get commission? [emoji3]
Sent from my MI 5s using Tapatalk
That was totally totally messed up! Anyone with any common sense knows you don't out someone in public. It's dangerous. Yes you were in a drs office but someone who has a problem with trans people could easily follow you out when you leave. If it had been me I would have said " I'm sorry you are mistaken" and then totally ignored her.
What she did was wrong but without knowing her story it wouldn't be right to punish or chastise her. She could be a very lonely person with no support group who saw someone that she could feel she could speak to. How many of us are comfortable telling a stranger that we are transgender? I know I'm not.
I think there a doughnuts in the staff area...
Quote from: Megan. on November 15, 2017, 06:42:14 AM
I didn't get a plug in Devlyn on this occasion, though many have been given before; do I get commission? [emoji3]
Sorry this happened to you...
I can kind of understand why she did it, it is tough not me not say anything if I see another trans person. I have yet to talk for more than 5 minutes to another trans* and I really want to but there has just never been a chance to do so. It is tempting to just walk up and start talking. But I do know the rules.
On our fall road trip, I saw at least one in every hotel we stayed. But ended up just smiling and nodding and went my way. It would be wrong on many levels to out anyone in public and I am surprised that person did not know about it.
Hi Megan,
First things first.. I love the new avatar picture. You look very good in it and younger too.
In regards to the encounter, I would not have a problem with it myself. I don't pass and I know it so I just accept that I'll be clocked so I try to own it. I'm full time, do not pass, i'm going to be clocked, so don't sweat the small ->-bleeped-<- from small minded people. Being called Mister or Leonard in public is a bit of a different matter for me. That is why I requested my name be noted on the paperwork for my appointments at the VA.
That is just me though. In your situation I would probably have been polite and talked to her but tell her you were not comfortable discussing such things in public and change the subject.
Quote from: KathyLauren on November 15, 2017, 06:37:35 AM
Some of us in the local support group wear pendants with the three-pointed trans symbol when we are in public and feel open to acknowledging our trans-ness. If I see someone wearing one, I might go and introduce myself. If I don't see one, all I'll do is smile.
.
Do you have a source for these? I've been stared down by a trans woman before. I think it might be she recognized that I might be like her, but I was in drab. If there was a small pin to give a clear message of yes, we can talk, I'd wear it. I wouldn't want one that's obvious to the world outside of us trans people though.
Bari Jo
Quote from: Bari Jo on November 15, 2017, 10:06:58 AM
Do you have a source for these? I've been stared down by a trans woman before. I think it might be she recognized that I might be like her, but I was in drab. If there was a small pin to give a clear message of yes, we can talk, I'd wear it. I wouldn't want one that's obvious to the world outside of us trans people though.
Bari Jo
I found some on Amazon...
Is this the pin? I think it might be a bit too recognizable for my tastes. Maybe if it was tiny...
https://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/B01GR53JR2/ref=mp_s_a_1_3?ie=UTF8&qid=1510793206&sr=8-3&pi=AC_SX236_SY340_FMwebp_QL65&keywords=transgender+pin&dpPl=1&dpID=41xZw4edesL&ref=plSrch
Bari Jo
Quote from: sarah1972 on November 15, 2017, 08:14:31 AM
I think there a doughnuts in the staff area...
No, I didn't see any doughnuts. <brushing off crumbs>
Quote from: Bari Jo on November 15, 2017, 10:06:58 AM
Do you have a source for these? I've been stared down by a trans woman before. I think it might be she recognized that I might be like her, but I was in drab. If there was a small pin to give a clear message of yes, we can talk, I'd wear it. I wouldn't want one that's obvious to the world outside of us trans people though.
Bari Jo
One of the group members picks up a bunch of them when she is travelling in the States and brings them back to hand out to members. I'm not sure where she gets them. But I think this is the same one: https://www.prideshack.com/products/transgender-necklace-male-female-symbol-triangle-pendant-silver-color-pewter-lgbt-necklace.html (https://www.prideshack.com/products/transgender-necklace-male-female-symbol-triangle-pendant-silver-color-pewter-lgbt-necklace.html)