Hello! I'm new here and I figured I'd join to ask some questions regarding ftm things. I realize my boyfriend will be the best person to answer questions but there's no harm in asking others.
First of all, I'm a queer cis-female. My boyfriend is a queer pre-t ftm. We've been together for around half a year and he came out to me maybe...four months ago..? He's very dear to me and I would do anything for that kid, but sometimes it's really hard to. I'm unnallowed to touch him anywhere below the shoulders. This makes cuddling, sitting with him, or doing anything remotely intimate with him very difficult. I'm the person who wants everything to be completely equal. So we haven't done anything more intimate than snuggling and kissing because I don't want to be pleased unless we both are, but of course that's off limits. I just want to be able to do things as a couple without triggering his dysphoria.
All advice is appreciated.
-Rosey
I can't offer much in terms of advice, but what about strap ons? Lol ;)
Try some sex toys!
Like any relationship best to just act outright what your partner is comfortable and not comfortable with. Every person is different. And won't help things in my experience if you treat the other differently because you're not sure what is or not ok.
Throwing the odd 'hey handsome' works too ;)
ftm here, best to try to talk to him and see what he might like to try, don't push let him decide for himself. Also might let him know what you would like for him to do with you.
Okay, I will chat with him about it when the topic comes up.
I'm still doing my research so I will continue to be cautious.
Thanksss :^)
Is your BF wearing a binder? I know a lot of trans guys and for them, having a flat chest is a huge confidence builder. So the key to at least being able to hug at chest level probably involves him being confident about his chest. If he is wearing binders already, then you may have to wait for testosterone and top surgery before things get really good.
Please be sympathetic and do not give up on him. Gender dysphoria is a really funny animal, and it tends to affect us in some pretty strange ways.
Don't worry, once he gets into the nuts and bolts of transition, he will be far more confident in his own body.
Having breasts can kind of swing both ways though, even biological or cis men can have breasts although it is much more female exclusive but females can be without breasts especially if they go through breasts cancer.
Just consider that he's probably as or more frustrated than you are. This whole GD and trans thing requires boatloads of patience and discussion, there is so much going on. It's like an iceberg, so much you don't see. It sounds like you care a lot for him so let him know (I suspect you have, but don't stop!). Talk enough to trust each other and encourage him to form a plan and let him know you want to be part of that if you do. Encourage him (and you) to use the resources and talk to the kind people here that will share and try to help both of you with what they've learned. You've already shown that you have what it takes to work through this. Toni
I'm ftm and I can vouch for this too. There are days when I don't want my girlfriend to touch parts of my body, even if they aren't inherently gendered parts of me, like my leg. Gender dysphoria screws up a lot of the thought process surrounding intimacy. It's hard for us to be intimate a lot of the time because I am pre-op top and bottom, and I don't want her touching me sexually. It can be rough not being able to be intimate but try and make up for that through communication.
It can be tough, but there will be a light somewhere along the line.
-aves
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I am ftm pre t and pre op. Me and my husband have not had sex for...about 8 years? We hug and kiss. But that's it. I recently came out to him. A month ago. Dysphoria is hard to live with. I don't like to be touched because my body feels wrong. I have never liked it but until I admitted to myself I am TG I tried so hard to be the perfect wife and perfect mom. But I felt awful inside.
After I started coming out, my depression lifted. I see a light at the end of the tunnel. There is hope for me, to be myself.
We have been a couple for 19 years. But how he will take the changes...only time will tell.
Tony
Yes, he has a binder. I am not worried about not being able to be intimate with him. Simply the lack of close contact with him. He won't be about to start t for quite some time so I suppose it's a waiting game, but it's a game I'm willing to participate in. I will definitely keep the communications open and clear. :)