I've never been that good at these things, but hopefully that will all change now that I've finally started my own journey. I'll list below some information about my struggle in bullet points; I find that to be the most comfortable way for me.
-First questioned my identity when I was a child, around 9-10 years old. I had also gotten into my mother's lipstick as a very, very young child (Of course, she made this the centerpiece of my graduation party!). They took me to a counselor and he said "Oh, it's just a phase, you'll grow out of it."
-Second questioned my identity during my teenage years. My parents had divorced around this time and I was living with my mother, so it took me a while to decide I needed to see a counselor again. When I did? "Oh, it's just a phase you'll grow out of it"
Fast forward to my being about 25? 26?
-Questioned my gender identity again, based on my not liking many, MANY things most guys do and my desire to wear slimmer clothing. Saw a counselor, and this time he actually said, "Hang on, let's sit down and talk about this."
I'll leave out several details from then on, buuuuut.....As of November 27th, 2017 I have finally started on hormone replacement therapy. I am 30 years old.
I don't know what lies ahead for me. I'm an incredibly intelligent and perceptive person with a passionate hobby for medicine and medical research. If I want to know something, I research until I'm satisfied, and I flat out refuse to use WebMD or any other "popular" diagnosing website. If I do, I check symptoms and research a differential diagnosis. If it seems troubling, I'll call a doctor. If it isn't that big an issue, I just monitor it until it goes away or becomes an issue.
To experience a major change in my life for the better with only possible symptoms and no common experience frightens me. I *know* everything going on in my body, and when I don't I know I can research until I'm satisfied. Several years of research always points me in the same direction. Yes, that's right. "YMMV". But I'm going to stick this through....
I started on HRt because I wasn't getting answers from psychologists, counselors, other transwomen, anyone. My research online kept turning up more questions than answers, so I decided that sometimes you just need to leap in with both feet. So. I'm on HRT now. And I so look forward to taking my Estradiol and Spironolactone. Only issue is....I have high-functioning autism, and have spent my entire internet life "roleplaying" as a female (Think collective storytelling/Dungeons and Dragons), starting it because it would get me more attention and.....well, I can't think of the rest, but....it didn't start because it felt "right" just....I don't know!
I apologize for rambling here. It is 6:30 AM and I got off from work three hours ago. Usually hit the hay a couple hours from now.
In summary, I'm an Aspie who refuses to let labels define who I am and how I live. I've started HRT and I intend to stick it through until I'm 100% certain that I want to be "one of the guys". If that never happens? Awesome, I'll keep on with the program. I don't think I'm going to go for surgery, but who knows what the future will hold. I view my bits as "If I can't bear children myself, I don't want kids"
Hi Raina & welcome to Susan's!
I'm Charlotte, MTF from the UK and can relate to many parts of your story. Looks like you have an interesting voyage of discovery coming over the coming months!
I look forward to seeing you around the site
Welcome Raina!
Well welcome to the group and welcome to the journey!!!!!
Hi Raina :icon_wave:
Welcome to Susan's Place :) Glad to have you here, join on in the fun
Hugs
V M
Heya Raina!
I want to throw in a disney quote but I can't think of any good ones. ;D
How about "Some day my Prince will come"? LOL
Welcome aboard Raina! 😀!!!!