I've heard some people have even gone to the extreme of identifying as radfems before realizing they were a trans man ;D!
So, have you guys gone that route? And thought you were gay/lesbian etc. before identifying as trans? How did that happen? How did you come to terms with being trans instead?
Or were you just 'typically straight' before transition & now identify as gay ;D?
If you were very involved in gay circles beforehand, how did your friends take this new information? Still friends/ok? Or did your radfem friends give you the bad look after announcing you were to become a man?
Feel free to contribute no matter what is your sexual orientation (or used to be)!
--
As for me: No, I did not have the time to identify as lesbian bcs transitioned at 13. Before that I guess I thought I was straight (the "normal" option!) or maybe bi-curious... But tbh I think I've actually always found women attractive - without even really realizing it as a child. After transitioning I identified as bi for a long time... only to discover that I'm probably just boring & straight :D. I don't find men attractive at all...!
Yep thought I was a lesbian randomly when 18 then when I went out with my gf quickly realised I felt more like her bf
I never identified as gay, but I went through various phases throughout the years when I thought I might be. But it was odd because I was never really attracted to any specific guy. I think it had more to do with just feeling like I was not in the right role as a male having sex with a female.
In retrospect, i think my confusion/questioning was about not knowing how to come to terms with being trans. Ever since I've come to terms with that, I've been quite a bit more confident about my sexuality.
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I have always been a guy and bisexual. Never identified myself as pure gay or straight.
I tried being a woman but failed miserably.
Before I came out as transmale, I was 'straight' for sure. I've only really ever been sexually interested in cismen. Yes, specifically cismen. It's not just the gender but the parts as well. I have tried dating ciswomen, transmen and transwomen and it never felt right.
I guess I've just always been a gay boy!
I've heard some people have even gone to the extreme of identifying as radfems before realizing they were a trans man ;D!
So, have you guys gone that route? And thought you were gay/lesbian etc. before identifying as trans? How did that happen? How did you come to terms with being trans instead?
Nope. Ive always thought that men were gorgeous. So imagine my shock when I realized that "since I'm male, I'm gay!" :icon_eek: :icon_blink: Oh well, my feelings towards men still haven't changed. :icon_nosebleed: My genderfluid bf still has female parts, but when we have sex, we're definitely both male nonetheless.
Or were you just 'typically straight' before transition & now identify as gay ;D?
See above answer.
If you were very involved in gay circles beforehand, how did your friends take this new information? Still friends/ok? Or did your radfem friends give you the bad look after announcing you were to become a man?
I don't know yet. I'd have to go back to my home state and ask. :icon_dizzy: I imagine that I"d still be loved, but not thought of the same way. I'm the youngest of my radfem friends, many of them were hippies and whatnot back in the '60s, and feminists in the '70s. I'm a little bit worried about how my new maleness would be received by them now. Hopefully we'll remain friends.
Ryuichi
Big paradox for me..maybe? I am very much attracted to females, very little attraction to males. But also an attraction to many transwomen :)
I didn't identify as gay, because the thought of being with a man as a man was and still is a turn off for me.
People perceived me as heterosexual, because I was in a marriage to a woman, I never went out of my way to deny this perception.
I now clearly identify as pansexual, and probably always have been.
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Everyone assumed I was gay but I never identified as such. I did hook up with gay or bi guys before I transitioned but only because those were the only guys available to me at that time. I'm not male and I've never identified that way so having sex with a guy felt normal to me not wrong or nasty.
Bi-sexual
Best wishes
Denise
I initially came out in 7th grade as bisexual, and then later in my junior/senior year of high school identified as a lesbian. There was a period of time after that where I identified as pansexual, and then I came out as a trans man!
Now I'm grappling with my sexuality again and figuring out if I identify as straight.
I identified as straight (though mybe not 'typical') prior to transition. After transition, I identify as lesbian.
So does my wife, through no choice of her own! :D
I identified as bi-sexual, because it felt good. I never felt comfortable in the "top" role with a guy, but I'm ok being with my wife in that role. I felt if I am to be penetrated, I should have a vagina. But I was in a bit of a quandary in that I still enjoyed having sex with my wife. I have for years wished to have both. At my point in life now, my wife isn't very interested any longer and I feel this is a good time to try my other side out. Being non-binary on a sliding scale, my inclinations now are to be more feminine. Happily my wife is on board.
I'm a girl! Jessica 🤦♀️
I always identified as a gay male becuse that's "what I was", both in my presenting gender and attraction towards guys. Now I'm honest about wanting to be seen as a female. It definitely got in the way for me many times with gay cismen I dated. We can't give each other what we want even on a personality level. And I'm friends with many gay men, but that's where it stops.
Almost a year ago I decided that it's more important for me to be viewed in my true identity as a straight female. I couldn't pretend anymore and I actually stopped all intimacy with guys who viewed me as a male. It just turned me off at some point.
All my friends have been acceptint so far and that includes 1 gay and 1 bi person. My other gay guy friends I haven't been in contact with because I don't feel like we relate much.
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Ok for me When I was male I would totally act straight and say I was even though I fooled around with guys than. Now I people have asked me in I am in to guy or girls and I say both just has to be a nice person.
I have always identified as a heterosexual male. As a male I could not ever imagine being intimate with another male. However if I fantasized I was a woman, then being intimate with a man was exactly what I wanted. This may sound odd, but after being on HRT for eight months the only person I ever want to be with is my wife. Once I transition, I will be a lesbian.
Quote from: Megan. on December 03, 2017, 01:22:00 AM
I didn't identify as gay, because the thought of being with a man as a man was and still is a turn off for me.
People perceived me as heterosexual, because I was in a marriage to a woman, I never went out of my way to deny this perception.
I now clearly identify as pansexual, and probably always have been.
Similar for me. Knew I wasn't gay male, though simplistically would think bi/pan attracted to women and feminine men. Never had a problem with male parts, but the idea of me as masculine with masculine bothered me. Me as feminine with masculine however is extremely appealing, though definitely also attracted to feminine.
I identified as gay (somewhat bi though) when I was male, but I never felt totally right with that. I mean i'm attracted to men primarily, but I never really found much connection to the larger gay male community, I always felt like kind of an outsider. Now that I am a mostly straight female, it feels more right to me. Although just like before, I don't really know if i'm quite bi enough to label myself bi, lol.
For me, I've forever only been attracted to women. And nothing changed even though I did. Men in general repulse me. The though of having a hairy sweaty smelly guy trying to get it on with me is disgusting. That may seem awful strong but that's just how I feel.
I had previously been very heterosexual, AFAB and socialised until one. I have always been attracted to men. I nearly fell over when I realised I was a gay trans guy. I might be pan now but I still have a very strong preference for men. I have no idea how I'm going to navigate the gay world because that is new to me. :) Lol. Is there a cheat sheet?
I am in the process of coming out to people. Many people thought and still think I'm a lesbian but that's never been the case.
Quote from: Hughie on December 11, 2017, 10:45:26 AM
I had previously been very heterosexual, AFAB and socialised until one. I have always been attracted to men. I nearly fell over when I realised I was a gay trans guy. I might be pan now but I still have a very strong preference for men. I have no idea how I'm going to navigate the gay world because that is new to me. :) Lol. Is there a cheat sheet?
I am in the process of coming out to people. Many people thought and still think I'm a lesbian but that's never been the case.
Oh good, I'm not the only one that took a while to realize that I'm now gay.
But I lucked out. My boyfriend's genderfluid, only AFAB due to family and work. But at home, he's a guy as well.
Maybe that's something to consider for you, looking within the transmale community. If there isn't a dating site for the trans community, someone should create one. There seems to be a need for it. ☺
Ryuichi
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Yes I identified as gay since I was 16 and rationalized my thoughts of being a woman by convincing myself that deep down all gay guys wanted to be women but nobody ever said anything because it was taboo. Oh how wrong I was.
Quote from: Charlie Nicki on December 12, 2017, 10:19:13 AM
and rationalized my thoughts of being a woman by convincing myself that deep down all gay guys wanted to be women but nobody ever said anything because it was taboo.
Jeez ;D!
No, I was confused though.
Back then my ID wrongly claimed I was a chick what I knew I wasn't, I was and am attracted to men, that would have theoretically made me heterosexual in the past and I knew that it would have been perceived that way but I could never see myself as straight or even consider pursuing/entering a heterosexual relationship regardless.
I was only able to see myself as a gay top! What do you call that other than not normal if you don't have a clue about the existence of transsexual people and don't know what your condition really is?
There was no label for me that was fitting before I transitioned and as soon as I understood myself and began to transition I started referring to myself as gay in regards to my sexuality because that's what I actually am.
The hilarious thing is that I got tyrannised at school because people falsely assumed I was a lesbian even though I never had any interest in or attraction to women and I didn't even get along with them well. But they just saw how masculine I was and that alone made me a lesbian in their eyes regardless of me clearly saying that I was not interested in chicks at all dozens of times. They just didn't believe me.
I was put through a lot of stuff not only for who I really was but also for something completely opposite to what I was that had nothing to do with me and that I was not.
Quote from: Corax on December 12, 2017, 01:19:02 PM
The hilarious thing is that I got tyrannised at school because people falsely assumed I was a lesbian even though I never had any interest in or attraction to women and I didn't even get along with them well. But they just saw how masculine I was and that alone made me a lesbian in their eyes regardless of me clearly saying that I was not interested in chicks at all dozens of times. They just didn't believe me.
I was put through a lot of stuff not only for who I really was but also for something completely opposite to what I was that had nothing to do with me and that I was not.
OMG, :laugh:! That's pretty bad! At least I was assumed to be a lesbian by others (presumably, of what I've heard...!) coz I'm actually attracted to girls! That's the one label I hate the f**king most!!! Nothing's worse than when people assume we are 'lesbians' when I'm with my SO!!!!!!!!!!! I really don't like to utter that word really. It's like the TOTALLY OPPOSITE of what I freakin' am!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm a STRAIGHT MALE for christ sake!!!!!!!!! Nothing annoys me more than that. Nothing. Lesbian=woman. I'm not a woman. So! I'd like to strangle everyone who thinks of me like that!!! Never identified as lesbian, ever. I pretended to like guys with the other girls - but actually I'm not attracted to guys, at all, and never was. I wrongly interpreted my desire to be with guys in general & thought that meant sexual attraction!
Must suck even more if you are a gay man, though!
For some reason I can't get past that 'bisexual' label I applied to myself, ;D! Always wondering if I might be 'a little bit gay/bi' after all!!! But it has been proven thousands of times I do not have any sexual attraction to men, whatsoever. But it'd be so much 'cooler' to be more than just boringly straight ;D! Last test I just did: Straight as an arrow! Yeah.
Even as a kid I always felt I was just another boy if I tried to be with guys... and had to pretend interest. But then again - it's always nice to find someone's into you, ;)! So, yeah.
Have you ever heard of a straight guy who desperately tries to be gay??
Quote from: PurpleWolf on December 12, 2017, 01:42:44 PM
OMG, :laugh:! That's pretty bad! At least I was assumed to be a lesbian by others (presumably, of what I've heard...!) coz I'm actually attracted to girls! That's the one label I hate the f**king most!!! Nothing's worse than when people assume we are 'lesbians' when I'm with my SO!!!!!!!!!!! I really don't like to utter that word really. It's like the TOTALLY OPPOSITE of what I freakin' am!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm a STRAIGHT MALE for christ sake!!!!!!!!! Nothing annoys me more than that. Nothing. Lesbian=woman. I'm not a woman. So! I'd like to strangle everyone who thinks of me like that!!! Never identified as lesbian, ever. I pretended to like guys with the other girls - but actually I'm not attracted to guys, at all, and never was. I wrongly interpreted my desire to be with guys in general & thought that meant sexual attraction!
Must suck even more if you are a gay man, though!
Yes, it really sucked to get called that but it sucked even more to be tyrannised and discriminated against for something I absolutely wasn't and had nothing in common with.
And honestly, even if someone actually was a lesbian that wouldn't have justified those teachers and the students of that school to discriminate and mistreat them in such a way for it.
Indeed, I think it is worse getting called that as a gay man because it doesn't only get one but two components completely wrong, ones gender and the gender one is attracted to so it couldn't even be more wrong in every sense of the word.
Now I always get perceived as a straight male by the way xD At least my gender is correct now ;) ;D
Quote from: Corax on December 12, 2017, 02:52:00 PM
Yes, it really sucked to get called that but it sucked even more to be tyrannised and discriminated against for something I absolutely wasn't and had nothing in common with.
And honestly, even if someone actually was a lesbian that wouldn't have justified those teachers and the students of that school to discriminate and mistreat them in such a way for it.
School was hell for me too...
Quote from: Corax on December 12, 2017, 02:52:00 PM
Indeed, I think it is worse getting called that as a gay man because it doesn't only get one but two components completely wrong, ones gender and the gender one is attracted to so it couldn't even be more wrong in every sense of the word.
Right!
Quote from: Corax on December 12, 2017, 02:52:00 PM
Now I always get perceived as a straight male by the way xD At least my gender is correct now ;) ;D
Well that's heck of a lot better than being perceived as straight female... not to mention a lesbian!
Quote from: PurpleWolf on December 12, 2017, 04:37:15 PM
School was hell for me too...
Unfortunately this isn't an uncommon experience for transpeople or LGBT folks in general it seems, especially those who had the pleasure of growing up in small-towns or villages.
QuoteWell that's heck of a lot better than being perceived as straight female... not to mention a lesbian!
True! I actually don't have any problem with people assuming I am a straight man even though I am gay, it's statistically more likely after all and I am a masculine guy, I just deemed it to be funny in the context of this conversation ;)
Quote from: Corax on December 12, 2017, 05:47:47 PM
True! I actually don't have any problem with people assuming I am a straight man even though I am gay, it's statistically more likely after all and I am a masculine guy, I just deemed it to be funny in the context of this conversation ;)
It was funny ;)! Comfortably passing as a straight man seems a little far-fetched for me now ;D! Maybe I'll get there... I'm so happy for you, man! Must feel great... despite all that body dysphoria of yours.
I was just a person attracted to girl had no definition.
Quote from: PurpleWolf on December 02, 2017, 09:52:08 AM
So, have you guys gone that route? And thought you were gay/lesbian etc. before identifying as trans? How did that happen? How did you come to terms with being trans instead?
Nah. Everyone else thought I was gay for a while, because I didn't have a boyfriend and showed no interest in having one.
I knew from an early age I had a physical attraction to women, and a physical and romantic attraction to men. But being trans, I didn't see a way to interact sexually with either because that would mean being the female partner.
In my twenties I just decided to jump in the water and date some guys. I was assumed straight for a long time when in fact I've always been bisexual.
QuoteOr were you just 'typically straight' before transition & now identify as gay ;D?
I don't particularly like identifying as anything but bisexual is probably closest to the mark.
QuoteIf you were very involved in gay circles beforehand, how did your friends take this new information? Still friends/ok? Or did your radfem friends give you the bad look after announcing you were to become a man?
In university I had a ton of gay friends, but I never came out to these people at the time, as I wasn't completely sure myself. They decided I was some kind of "fence sitter" and would often nag me about picking a side, and a sexuality. Which I steadfastly refused to do. I got along with the gays, the regular lesbians I got along with fine, and the butch lesbians and radfems would give me the side-eye because they couldn't pin down what I was.