Hi everyone. I'm 37, MtF, and just recently accepted myself as trans even though I've known it subconsciously for a long time. It's amazing to me how well I was able to hide from myself, even while doing things in shameful privacy for decades that should have illustrated how I felt. Denial is a powerful thing. :( But accepting myself has been nothing short of liberating. For me it was definitely an epiphany: the moment that my cross-dressing advanced to where I shaved off a goatee that I'd hidden behind for 15 years, applied mascara and a blond wig. The iron mask melted and I made eye contact with the woman that had been in there all along. I was stunned at how much I looked like my mother, aunts and female cousins, and how natural it felt to make their facial expressions. I'm still stunned honestly.
I went back and looked at childhood photos, and it was SO obvious in retrospect. Once the "Jeannie" was out of the bottle, I couldn't not see her in every mirror glance and old photo. Even in boy mode, I still see myself as her and light up with a smile that hasn't existed since the grade school kids beat it out of me for not being a "normal boy." I'm probably going to inadvertently out myself just because of how happy I've become. For the first time in my life, I can look at childhood photos and love the little person I see: A young Cassie trying her hardest to be a normal 80's boy in the 1980's Midwest.
Anybody else have a similar "epiphany" experience?
Hi Cassie :icon_wave:
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Hugs
V M
Hi Cassie, welcome to Susan's Place and to your real life.
Hi Cassie!
I think most of us probably had that epiphany at some point, it's truly amazing when you think about it. What seems like forever but was only about 4-5 months ago, I looked at myself in the mirror after losing a ton of weight, thinking I should be happy with myself and just thought "Wait, something still isn't right...". Fast forward to the end of September and I'm looking at myself in the mirror with makeup, wig, and female clothes and I knew that was that, no going back.
Thanks Ellie, that's exactly right! The moment I saw myself as female and personified myself as woman, there was no going back! You can't put the Jeannie back in the bottle. The psychology of this sudden realization is profoundly fascinating to me.
Love that name, btw. :)
Hi Cassie [emoji4]
I was also 37 (now 40) when I decided to finally do something about the feelings I'd always had. For me it was more a very slow gradual exploration of who/what I was rather than a 'big bang', but we're all different.
There are lots of wonderful people and shared experiences here.
Megan. X
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Hi Cassie and welcome to Susan's. With me it's the way I dress. My mom dressed in what I call stylishly conservative. I wear skirts, blouse, sweaters and dresses. I've worn more dresses this year than ever. At my senior center people can't wait to see what I'll wear at dinner.
:)
Hi Cassie 🙋♀️ Welcome to Susan's. I know that epiphany well. It took me longer to be able to act on it though. I'm so happy for you!
Hugs, Jessica 💁♀️