What is your relationship with your deadname? (aka birth name)
Do some of your family/friends still use it? What do you feel like when you are called that? Do you ever see it written down anymore? Are there situations you still have to use it (like contacting relatives)?
What do you feel when you see/hear that name?
Do you still recognize it when you see it somewhere (as somenone else's name, such as in movie credits, in a magazine...)?
Or are you one of those lucky ones who decided to keep theirs & are happy with it, :)?
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I stopped using it at 13. But haven't still been able to legally change it. (About to, though.)
Actually I don't anymore even recognize it 'as my name' if I see said name written somewhere. I am really not that person. So the name is like any other.
My family members still use it. Whenever I hear said name said aloud as applied to me - it feels the same as someone told me: **** you! and expected me to react to that. By calling me that you are not only making a statement that I don't have a right to my own name - hearing that name actually wipes away my whole human value as a person to be respected. That's how I feel. It's just one word - but it has a multitude of meanings, starting with: You are not a man. You are a woman. You look like a woman. etc.etc.etc. It's like you sign all that by deciding to call me that.
If someone who I don't know (like a doctor) calls me that, it feels exactly as bad - but at least I know that person meant no harm. It doesn't help with the feeling, though.
Each time I hear it it's like a smack in the face.
Having to use that name legally is like being forced to use anyone's ID that's not MINE. That's not my name. Period. So not only do I feel violated by having to use that - I also feel I'm using some other person's ID & information. I feel no connection to it whatsoever. It feels utterly ridiculous!
And when I get mail with that name for example, or see that written down somewhere (as my name) - I get this flash of extreme anger & feel like pulling my hair or strangling someone.
I will not purposely use that name anywhere, ever. I feel like it's some gruesome joke that it's on my ID/files. And anyone who uses that name or sees it I feel like killing, basically.
So - totally neutral in general (no connection whatsoever) - and extreme anger when applied to me.
If there's one thing that makes you start on bad terms with me - it's saying that name aloud in my presence. It makes me instantly hate you, even if you meant no harm or didn't know.
What about you guys?
Mod Edit- Please watch your language
I was Don before I was Dawn. So when people call me by my name they can't get it wrong.
I changed it haven't looked back. I didn't mind my old name, but strongly disliked the shortened versions of my old name. Hugs
Mariah
It's just a name I used to be known by.. No one uses it any more and few people even know what it was. I don't respond to it verbally any more. Any time it might pop up on something, it's simply a reminder to me that I was lazy when I updated my records. And no, my old name doesn't make me angry, nor does it make me hate - there are far more important things in life to spend that energy on.
I always struggled remembering names, I never attached much significance to them. I used my birth name for almost 40 years, and never minded it.
If I'd had a gender neutral name I would have been happy to keep it, so it is not my old name that upsets me, rather the implication of a gender that goes with that is uncomfortable for me.
Sent from my MI 5s using Tapatalk
I had my name legally changed so I don't ever have to use my old name for anything. My new name and boy name are similar, Julian and Julia, so my family switched pretty fast. My dad and brother didn't use my name very often anyway. My dad has called me
" pumpkin " since I was little. My brother usually called me " Smurf ". Really the only person who refused to use my new name is my uncle but I don't have contact with him now. I don't want to be called by my old name but I don't especially hate it. My dad picked that name when I was born so I can't really hate it.
What is your relationship with your deadname?
Fortunately none anymore, it's dead simple as that!
Do some of your family/friends still use it?
No! When I came out I said that anyone who wants to keep communicating with me has to stop using it if they don't want me to ignore them. If anyone still used that name I wouldn't show any reaction to that and give no answer because that isn't my name.
What do you feel like when you are called that?
I don't get called that.
Do you ever see it written down anymore?
Rarely! On old documents from the past I haven't thrown into the rubbish just yet.
What do you feel when you see/hear that name?
To someone else or in a context that has nothing to do with me? Nothing at all because I don't associate myself with that name, I've never been able to identify with it and now there is not even a legal connection between me and that name anymore. I have nothing to do with that name.
Do you still recognize it when you see it somewhere (as somenone else's name, such as in movie credits, in a magazine...)?
I have never recognised the wrong deadname in credits etc. but I recognise my real actual true male name for sure.
Or are you one of those lucky ones who decided to keep theirs & are happy with it, ?
No, certainly not. I always had a completely negative relationship with this name and hated it even though it wasn't an ugly name and didn't even sound bad but I just couldn't make a connection between me and that name, it always felt like a strangers name when I heard it and people calling me that always made me cringe and feel like they just slapped my face. I have legally changed the wrong name into my actual correct name.
And honestly, if someone wanted to tell me that they were a transman but completely fine with a clearly female name and without the will to change it I wouldn't buy that this person was trans for a second.
No one calls me my dead name to my face. I occasionally get a piece of mail addressed to my old name, or I'll see it on an old account. Had one yesterday: my web hosting package was up for renewal. That was one I'd forgotten about. *sigh* Time to send another name change request. That's all it is: just an annoyance.
Not quite as annoying as getting mail addressed to "Mr. Kathleen ______". I mean, really, what do people use for brains?
I go by a lot of names. Artist names, nicknames, online monikers that people have used for so long (13 + years) they just use them as naturally as a real name sometimes. Used to them all being used.
I don't much mind my given name but I'm glad to start with another. There will be some family members that will never get it that the name's been changed and that doesn't matter as the name's unisex anyway, it's not slapping me in the face every time it's used which is not the case for most people. I notice people's memories are bad if they knew you a long time, or are older, for the name change issue. Some will probably just refuse to change use like my mother. Not really bothered. I changed the name for my own use and for legal purposes and if they want to go on ignoring it I'm not interested. Most people have expressed confusion over why I would change my name at all so I took that as a sign the skeptics would definitely feel the same. I don't bother explaining myself to those people on the issue. Or to anyone, really.
It's an easy thing when the only people who would really care about a name change - the family - don't actually care much about you or what's going on in your life.
Whenever my brother calls me it it just sounds strange and foreign. I've completely disassociated myself from it. I've never connected with. Never felt it suited me. It feels the same level of strange whenever I see my relatives on the rare occasions. As I don't see them much they still slip up. So it just sounds odd hearing my birth name and then my real name together as they correct themselves. I want oddly those two names never to be connected with each other.
I still find myself reacting whenever I hear my birth name used. Which is ridiculous 2 odd years later. Hope one day I'll be so far removed from that name I won't notice it being said anymore
Quote from: Elis on December 14, 2017, 02:20:54 AM
I still find myself reacting whenever I hear my birth name used. Which is ridiculous 2 odd years later. Hope one day I'll be so far removed from that name I won't notice it being said anymore
You'll get there, for sure :)! Took quite some time for me too! That's not weird, bro, ;).