Yeah, ;D! I'm genuinely curious! What does it feel like to be a woman?
Honestly - I have no idea!
I'm sure all transgender people have been there sometime: wondering if I'm really trans or trans enough or really a woman/man and what makes me a man/woman... etc. So, I'm pretty sure everyone has at least at some point contemplated this...
So, I'm asking you girls, ;D! What does it feel like? I know that every human being's core essence is most likely just 'a person' with one's own unique personality. But besides that, what does it feel like to be a woman/girl? Can you give me examples? In what way do you feel different to guys or...? Is it just a strong feeling/knowing that you are a woman? Do you combine with that also your gender expression & likes etc. (clothes, the way you want to look)?
---
I can only describe myself as contrast ;D: I know that I feel 100% I'm a guy. But how does it show? I only compare myself to guys on TV etc., never to women. I only like male clothes & accessories. I think I have a crude, male sense of humor. I've always wanted to protect the women around me. I feel like I wanna be able to pick my SO up. (But I hate the idea of someone picking up me.) Though I like to think of myself as emotionally intelligent, I sometimes feel at loss when understanding women. Can't give any specific examples - but I've many times interpreted something wrong. Similarly, like when watching TV, I immediately think like the guys there of some issue. Like... me & my SO have completely different thinking patterns!
And when it comes to this trans thing, I sometimes can't but wonder why in the hell's name would someone want to appear soft, grow breasts, have wide hips etc... ;D! Though those are exactly the things I appreciate in women! I also don't feel any desire whatsoever to wear women's clothes. I can appreciate them as clothes - but if I imagine myself wearing them, I immediately have this mental image of a guy in dress. Same goes for underwear... Considering I'm pre-T I still automatically see in my mind a man in nickers! I can be a douchebag sometimes ;D & I've many times said something that offended women or something they thought to be incredibly crude & thoughtless - though I thought of it as harmless funny joke ;D!
I also feel I have a very masculine energy inside me, though I'm not that masculine in appearance. I also have a tendency to be quick to anger & bang some doors........ ::) I also feel like I have a dick & sex is my life! I've always jerked off in male style..... I mean fast & furious. (I'm sure you all wanted to hear that ;D! Here I go again... ::) Did I already offend somebody?) I've also always wanted to pee standing up & probably would be definitely the urinal type. And I like my junk being groped.
That's the best I can figure out to decribe what being a man feels like.
Oh, and I've always wanted to appear bigger in my upper body than the lower part. I've also always felt this incredible connection when around other guys.
Well, do I sound like a man, :D? That's the best I could do while trying to leave aside all kinds of hobbies, interests etc. as they have really nothing to do with one's gender identity.
---
But, please tell me - what does being a woman feel like in contrast?
Good question. I can tell you as man before my T started getting a bit sad with age I was very driven, always needed to do something, had limited patience, and had difficulty expressing emotions or being empathetic to people. I was also socially awkward and really didn't care about the reactions of others to me. I couldn't care less what clothes I wore as long as they were clean.
As me now? With E and anti androgens I'm more patient, more prone to feel emotions, empathize with people more, and for the first time ever actively seek out the company of others and enjoy it. My need for serious hobbies has decreased, and I feel generally.... more relaxed. In addition it takes much longer to find something to wear. Not sure what that makes me, but its fine being me.
I don't know how to answer or in what order to place everything.
So many people think that biology is what makes one male or female. I have had to accept that as inaccurate and maybe everyone will one day but I won't hold my breath until that happens. If we move past biology what is there?
From what I have seen we all, really everyone, pick out traits of other people that we like and mimic them. Motives may very but that is what we do. I say motives at this point because it is very possible to mimic traits that we think is the way we should be not necessarily the way we want to be. Part of what makes us women then is the people and traits that we want to copy and be like. We want people to see us and see the people we want to be, all of us and I don't think that it is only gender related. I don't remember my early childhood much but I have been told more times than I can count that I wasn't behaving like a boy should. The first person that I can consciously remember wanting to be like was the girl next door when we moved to West Virginia when I was 12. She was my best friend and there was an ease of understanding one another that I had never had with a boy. At that age though we are more than capable of understanding what is acceptable and being self conscious of being different. Want to be as opposed to should be. That is not everything of course but it is a start AND that is not a what, it is a why.
What does it feel like to be a girl? I don't think that I can say that I have ever felt like a guy but like you I can maybe compare women/men to myself. One memory I have of my childhood was when my family separated me from my girl cousins and forced me to only be with the boys. I don't remember why or what led up to it but I do remember the first time I had to play with my brother and my male cousins. If Emma and Crystal were not around I would just play by myself up to that point. When my grandmother told me to go out and play with the boys I was baffled, what would I do with them? It got easier a little over time but I got picked on a lot until I learned to fight back. Which was another of my few memories. From the age of 7 to 9 my family had an agenda that from all I could tell the purpose was "make it male or kill it". My uncles, brother and cousins were allowed to pound on me and call me names until I fought back. They would wrestle with each other all the time and I never understood why but me they were allowed to hit and call names. Meh, I go on.
The point is I have never understood male behavior. I got good at copying it but to this day I still don't understand it. Why throw stones at trees, catch frogs or see how high you can climb up the tree you were just trying to kill before you fall out and break your arm when you can play cat's cradle, Miss Mary Mack, dress up or just have tea?
Very simplistic, I know, the difference never changes though, just evolves. My best friend when I was 12 and I would talk for hours making cookies, singing and dancing or braiding her yorkie's hair while my older brother and her younger brother would leave the shed with a saw and hammer, disappear into the woods for two weeks and come back bragging about how awesome their fort is. Today when I go to my friends house we talk, cook, have tea or coffee, go over colors for her living room and the furniture she will put in it, oh did I mention talk? Meanwhile my boyfriend and her husband have sat down to watch a game, went out to the garage to work on a dune buggy of some sort that after a year still doesn't go where you turn the steeringwheel or have thrown polls into the back of the truck and gone fishing.
At best we roll our eyes at each other when you guys talk vile. Usually it's more like 'Oh my god! Stop!'
We do talk about sex but it is not the same as men do. Um, more quality and less crude maybe?
Erg! Off track again!
Being a woman feels like...
A circle oooo! Or spiral! that goes around the men, children, parents in our lives(usually men) and they are the falcon plunging towards their goals. Er... not quite right.
Okay
I was recently standing in a hallway with 4 police officers, all big, easily over 6 foot and bulky. Pretty amazing feeling actually but I will not go there at this time. They were all bravado and strength which is much more important for this discussion than size, size doesn't matter. 😉 I was soft and quiet and laughed at the right places and everything was exactly as we all knew it should be. It fit. Before I left the building one cought up with me and said sorry, they were best friends and tend to be abrasive towards each other. I reassured him several times that everything was fine. Two days later when I went back another saw me and also apologized if it seemed like they were being rough, they were just good friends playing around. So I had to get him to believe me when I told him that it was okay. They weren't being crude or rude just being guys.
My girlfriends and I have so much fun together. I love my boyfriend who gets tired of me talking but adores me and does anything for me. I like being soft and dressing pretty, even if it is jeans and a cami. I love having a hard man next to me or sandpapering my face when he kisses me.
What does it feel like being a woman? I don't know but if fits me perfectly.
What it feels to me will be different than someone else. I think generally I'm not too hung up on gender labels anyway. I was told by others that I'm a girl. It really confused me and angered me for a while. How come I look like a boy and I'm being told I'm a girl? I avoided makeup and feminine clothes until about 2 or 3 years ago. It was automatically a sense of relief that I never felt. Short lived but still worthwhile at the time.
Being female is something I'm learning because I denied myself out of shame and well, denial. I think our energy comes through strongly to others and that will "out" us like it did for me. I don't dwell my mannerisms, speech, the way I walk or act. Someone once commented that even my "handshake" was delicate for a guy.
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No doubt about it, Wolf, you're a man! :D
What does it feel like to be a woman? How can you describe a feeling? It's like describing a colour: it can't be done. It doesn't help that I was raised in guy mode. I was taught not to register feelings, and for 60 years, my survival depended on being that way. I guess I was damned good at it. So it is going to take me a few years to decompress from that and maybe start to become aware of them. For now, the best I can do is to be open to feelings, to let them guide me even if I cannot be consciously aware of them.
For me, what I like the best is being accepted into female society. I like it that women acknowledge each other. Making eye contact. Passing a stranger in the parking lot, and we smile at each other. It's still a little weird for me that women talk to each other in the washroom, but I'm getting used to it, and I like it. Being social and making connections is a better way to be.
I like being able to wear bright colours and flowy fabrics. When I look good, I feel good. I contrast this to the overwhelming sense of grayness that I associate with being male. Buying women's clothes: "Wow, isn't this a gorgeous shade of purple?" Buying men's clothes: "Which shade of gray would you like?"
I like being able to feel emotions. I always used to cry at movies, but I no longer have to pretend that I don't. I regularly cry when I read news stories and some of the posts here. It feels good because it is real.
And I feel joy! I had never known joy, ever. Can you imagine living for 60 years without having felt joy? I remember when I was new on Susan's and searching, and someone told me to "follow the joy". I was going "Huh?? What's that?" Now I know it, and it is wonderful. I feel it most days. Who'd have thunk it?
So, there are feelings in all of that. What exactly they are, I can't always say. But the contrast between what I felt as a guy and what I feel now is huge!
Quote from: FinallyMichelle on December 15, 2017, 03:54:40 AM
At best we roll our eyes at each other when you guys talk vile. Usually it's more like 'Oh my god! Stop!'
Quote from: KathyLauren on December 15, 2017, 07:00:38 AM
No doubt about it, Wolf, you're a man! :D
Now you have made my day :D!!!
Did I already tell that I can't comprehend how someone can walk in high heels?!
I'm following the joy too :D!
The first time I heard about a trans guy I couldn't understand why would a genetical woman want to be a guy. For me it's like the most boring and horrible experience. Clothes for "macho" guys are boring, and the cool stuff isn't considered manly, you can't wear makeup, play with your hair, take care of your appearance, be sensitive. That was the archetype of man that was imposed on me, and being a woman for me ment being able to do all of those without being seen as a ->-bleeped-<-, a weirdo.
I agree with Kathy. You are most definitely a guy Mr wolf. It kind of hard to describe what being female is like because I've never been male. For the most part I find male behavior baffling and I can't understand it. There are just so many differences I have noticed living with guys. One big difference is that I have a need for things to be clean and organized. My dad and brother are slobs. Tristan spends weekends here and he's kind of a slob too. Guys don't seem to have a long attention span where as I do. I love shopping but most guys don't. My brother totally HATES shopping. I almost have to pull a gun on him before he will go shopping with me. Tristan of course goes with me but from the long sighs he starts doing after about 20 minutes it's obvious he doesn't want to be there.
Guys seem to be aware of only the basic colors. If I say aubergine or lilac I get a blank look. I will never understand how guys can be so sports crazy. I hate sports. I think reading a phone book would be more interesting. I would totally NEVER fart or burp around other people. My dad and brother will just slap one out. My brother seems to like making them as loud as possible. Same with burps. When Tristan and I first started dating he wouldn't fart around me. Yeah, that didn't last. I'm not going to say I don't fart because everyone does. But mine are silent. I can slip one out silently. The times when I can't help but do a loud one (usually from being tickled) I get totally embarrassed where as my brother and Tristan find it hilarious.
And guys just do stupid things. Things I would never even consider doing. A couple of months ago Tyler dislocated his shoulder car surfing. When I asked him why he did something so totally stupid he said because his friends dared him to. I told him I was afraid to leave him at home by himself because if he was dumb enough to do that I was afraid he might stick a fork in the electric outlets or get distracted by the shower head while taking a shower and drown himself staring up at it. And there are other dumb guy things. Like when my brother and his friends took turns wearing a dog shock collar and barking or spraying my pepper spray in their mouth. Stuff like this makes me wonder how guys have survived as a species.
Being female for me is pretty much wanting to do the opposite of most things guys like doing. I will never understand the majority of male behavior. But I suppose most guys find female behavior just as baffling.
Mentally, I am at peace with the world.
Physically, I only changed 3% of my body. The other 97% is the same. I may look different, but I am mainly really much the same person.
I'm not sure that cis women or trans women know how it feels to be a woman. I think that we just know how we feel and presume that similar people feel the same way.
So how do we know that we are women?
I think that it's partly herd instinct. When the herd or social group is divided into males and females, we gravitate towards the group that we identify with. With animals it may be triggered by scent or pheromones. With humans it is probably more cerebral but it might be interesting to study how scent or pheromones affect how cis and trans people identify gender.
We also like certain things. We discover that there are other people who like the same things, and that those people tend to be of a particular gender. Ipso facto, we are of the same gender.
I really don't know how to answer the question. I mean either you are or you not and if so it just feels normal.?.?
I mean I have no desire for SRS and I have small boobs but even if I didn't have any boobs at all it would kill me if my nipples weren't sensitive enough. But with clothing, body shapes and genitalia aside, how do you feel? Men an women used to be naked and boobs were no big deal even in some cultures that have never seen high heels before. On a deeper psychological level, your emotions will tell you more than anything. I mean I watch a sad movie, I cry. If someone in my family dies then I cry too. I get scared sometimes especially in storms. I feel so much for people that are hurting and everyone else does too but it actually hurts me. I get along better with women and can identify with them and even they me than I do men. I don't like hunting but will cook whatever meat my F comes home with as long as I don't have to kill it. Wathcing sports bores the hell out of me so when my BF watches a game I either go into the bedroom to watch a movie or read a book. Ugh, I guess I am just a stereotype though. ??? But as for the sports thing though. I have been to two football games and that was because my BF at the time wanted to go.
On a lighter side though, High heels can be a pain in the butt. That takes a little balance and I prefer high wedges. I do like the high heels and even stilettos but that takes a little getting used to. You have to walk more on the ball of your feet instead of heel to toe. Flip flops they are not. ;)
good and hard question :)
First of all as a trans I think I allways were a girl, so how can I tell you what a man to be.
Second: I think a lot of human attributes are gender neutral. Ok, there are things which are more common to one gender, but we can't say just women can be empathy. or just man can be technical genius.
Maybe the key is "Gender Dysphoria": when there is a persistent sense of mismatch between one's experienced gender and assigned gender. In english, when you just don't fit for you social role.
The interesting thing, that nowdays this role stereotipes are more and more vanishing, the boundaries are blurred. That's why I think today sometimes not so easy just descirebe somebody as a trans. The boy-girl status is not a box, rather a scale.
What does being a woman feel like?
I feel that I have more attributes that belong to the definition of womanhood than menhood. I want to be part of the womanhood, because I feel myself close to that "box".
Quote from: PurpleWolf on December 14, 2017, 10:47:36 PM
Though I like to think of myself as emotionally intelligent, I sometimes feel at loss when understanding women. Can't give any specific examples - but I've many times interpreted something wrong. Similarly, like when watching TV, I immediately think like the guys there of some issue. Like... me & my SO have completely different thinking patterns!
Yes, men and women just think differently. And it really starts to show in the teenage years. I remember when I was a teenager, my male friends would say, 'you're not like us'. And my female friends would say, 'you're not like the other guys'. I wasn't especially effeminate at the time, and nobody made fun of me for being gay (because I wasn't), but even during those teenage years my peers just knew that my mind worked differently compared to other boys. It's unfortunate that I didn't realize at the time that those were signs of my being a trans woman.
Even when raised as a man, and even before realizing that they're trans, a trans girl will not
think like a man. Their brains will reject that social conditioning in some way or another because it needs to express its true gender. I'm sure the opposite is true for trans men - no matter how girly their parents may raise them, their male identity will show through in the way they think and interact with others.
And that's what being a woman feels like. It's defined by the way we think and interact with others, even in the face of male social conditioning.
Good Question
It feels like me... the real me.. I feel free to live my life as an out going woman.
I am a real stereotype woman.. I am into makeup, shoes, clothes and shopping. I love grooming myself to look pretty and painting my nails. I love being held by my man and wearing sexy lingerie for him. I am submissive in the bedroom. I love to wearing dresses and high heel shoes (I glide in my heels) I even get broody and would love to be pregnant..
So how does it feel like to be a woman.. it feels happy.
but I still like to fish..
Quote from: Jenntrans on December 15, 2017, 01:43:33 PM
I really don't know how to answer the question. I mean either you are or you not and if so it just feels normal.?.?
Yes, normal.
Beyond that, answer is different for every woman.
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Ya know Mr PW,
If I could only figure that out I may realize it is just who I am and have been inside forever. Perhaps then I could accept that I really am one and stop fighting it.
Hugs,
Laurie
How long is a piece of string?
Quote from: Laurie on December 16, 2017, 09:32:06 PM
Ya know Mr PW,
If I could only figure that out I may realize it is just who I am and have been inside forever. Perhaps then I could accept that I really am one and stop fighting it.
You will! Go get that book, ;)!
- Your young beau :D -
I have always wanted to be a woman. Wanting is not feeling like one though. The HRT allowed the gates to open so that my emotional self could be realized. This was both a pathway to shut down the T driven aspects that I used to deal with and also allowed my natural feminine self to come forth. This all set the table for dealing with life from a whole different perspective. Feeling like a woman has a great deal to do with interactions with people. When you are seen as a woman and treated like a woman then you start to experience what being a woman is like. For example, what does it feel like to be a race car driver without having the experience of being in a car. Better yet, what is it like to be a rock star. You get up on stage and have people screaming for you or groupies trying to get to you and you start to get a feel of what is like. The longer I live it the more I feel it. I also think that being so involved in transition related stuff is a time where you tend to feel more trans. Living the status quo of an every day female life means you experience womanhood and less 'transhood.' I really think the essence of feeling like a woman to me has to do with your relationship to vulnerability. Guys hate their own vulnerability. Being a woman means having an intimate relationship with vulnerability. It is the biggest factor in me feeling like a woman to allow and accept being vulnerable. It is one of the nicest things but also one of the scariest things. Yes that is the essence of feeling like a woman.
Moni
Understand I am speaking for me and this doesn't fit everyone.
Thanks, Miss Moni - that was a great answer, ;)!
Quote from: HappyMoni on December 16, 2017, 11:30:39 PM
Guys hate their own vulnerability.
So true! This is what I hate the most. I don't want to appear weak & I wanna take care of things myself, without anyone's help. That mindset hasn't worked out that well so far in my life, though... ::)
Still thinking about deleting that post.... ::) You know which one I'm talking about.......
For the first time I tried to be open here, though. So far the results have been good :D!
You know what, I'm starting to feel a little embarrassed that you keep calling me Mr. Wolf all the time - but actually that does make me feel so damn good, so I can't complain, really ;D! Nor do I want to! I've been called that here more than in my whole life so far, I think. This forum really does make me forget about my current existence. Being in here has made so damn good to my self-esteem. I'm just like a completely different person than when I signed in. I'm at peace, now! I really am! And more and more by each day.
So, thanks again, ;). To you all! And especially to you, miss Money, ;D! (Sorry ;D!)
A few articles I just googled:
https://lonerwolf.com/vulnerability/
https://tinybuddha.com/blog/how-being-vulnerable-can-expand-your-world/
Great answer Moni! And I love your new avatar!
I think it all comes to differences in size and childbirth. And social programming coming from those two factors.
Men were always expendable (as a non-child-bearers), a few strong men is enough to repopulate a village after the war, even older ones can do it. Men are bigger and stronger in general - therefore from early on each society trains boys to be more physical and risk-taking, and protects girls.
I don't know what would it feel to grow up as a girl from the ground up. Not being expected to fight in school yard against other boys that are bigger and stronger than you. Not being bullied because you spend time doing your homework, learning computer programming, reading books and playing chess. At the same time, I had many privileges, and was allowed many freedoms, I wouldn't get if I grow up a girl.
I often wonder myself, what does being a woman (born and raised that way) feel like? Being more insecure? Being more perceptive to other people? Being less self-centered and stubborn?
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Quote from: PurpleWolf on December 16, 2017, 11:57:45 PM
Thanks, Miss Moni - that was a great answer, ;)!
So true! This is what I hate the most. I don't want to appear weak & I wanna take care of things myself, without anyone's help. That mindset hasn't worked out that well so far in my life, though... ::)
Still thinking about deleting that post.... ::) You know which one I'm talking about.......
For the first time I tried to be open here, though. So far the results have been good :D!
You know what, I'm starting to feel a little embarrassed that you keep calling me Mr. Wolf all the time - but actually that does make me feel so damn good, so I can't complain, really ;D! Nor do I want to! I've been called that here more than in my whole life so far, I think. This forum really does make me forget about my current existence. Being in here has made so damn good to my self-esteem. I'm just like a completely different person than when I signed in. I'm at peace, now! I really am! And more and more by each day.
So, thanks again, ;). To you all! And especially to you, miss Money, ;D! (Sorry ;D!)
A few articles I just googled:
https://lonerwolf.com/vulnerability/
https://tinybuddha.com/blog/how-being-vulnerable-can-expand-your-world/
I want to thank you for creating this post, Wolf. What started out as a reply to your question turned into a deeper understanding of what I am experiencing in my life for me and my partner. I kind of stumbled into this through my post, but it has me really looking at vulnerability and a better understanding of what is transition and what is 'being' (the woman I am and will become.) I have seen so many trans folks worry that they don't think they feel like they should if they really are the opposite gender from their birth. It just strikes me now as a thought process that causes fear and doubt when truly what they really should focus on is patience. "Maybe I am not really a ____ because I don't feel like a ______now!" For many people, they are trying to fit a standard that is impossible at the early part of a transition. So much anxiety could be avoided for so many if we accepted that our sense of self will evolve with transition. You
can be legitimate in your feelings/desires even if you feel like a 'transitioner' for a while. It is so logical and yet we don't allow ourselves time to get there. (Trans folk, give yourself a break!)
As for the name, I wrestled with it a bit. I wanted to acknowledge to you that I see you as the guy you are, hence Mr. Wolf. I did not want to seem over the top either as it is not a caricature. I don't want to make you uncomfortable. I asked for your name not thinking you would give your actual name. Folks here sometimes pick names to go by that they never intend to use. If you said you were Tom, then I would call you Tom and you would know I am talking to you, a woman to guy, without the 'Mr." Anyway I'll call you Wolf unless you say different. I am so glad you are finding the peace that you describe. I like that you are feeling better. You deserve to. It is my privilege to talk with you.
Quote from: KathyLauren on December 17, 2017, 06:40:02 AM
Great answer Moni! And I love your new avatar!
Thank Kathy, but I changed it to a picture without the shades. I thought it was more open to my soul. lol Oh, I actually had two dilators behind my back as I was taking some smart*$$ pictures that day. I didn't want to wake up the 'mods' by posting one of those. Heehee! Hope you are well Sweetie!
Moni
Quote from: HappyMoni on December 17, 2017, 10:18:19 AM
As for the name, I wrestled with it a bit. I wanted to acknowledge to you that I see you as the guy you are, hence Mr. Wolf. I did not want to seem over the top either as it is not a caricature. I don't want to make you uncomfortable. I asked for your name not thinking you would give your actual name. Folks here sometimes pick names to go by that they never intend to use. If you said you were Tom, then I would call you Tom and you would know I am talking to you, a woman to guy, without the 'Mr." Anyway I'll call you Wolf unless you say different. I am so glad you are finding the peace that you describe. I like that you are feeling better. You deserve to. It is my privilege to talk with you.
Oh, thanks so much again :D! And no, you got me wrong, by all means call me Mr. Wolf or whatever! It does really make me feel fantastic (being called that). I just don't want to appear as pathetic or being pitied on... ::) It's not like I need some special treatment here or anything!
Plus I called you Miss just to make you happy too, ;)! Didn't mean to be ironic or anything. I just thought you might need some feeling good as well, ;). If you don't like some things I call you, by all means say so! And I'll stop immediately, ;).
As for my name... For real, I don't know what to call myself either, in real life! I'm having some naming issues....... I thought I picked a new name but couldn't have it etc. etc. You might have missed that post I ranted about it (I already deleted it). But actually I do like Wolf coz it's actually a kind of nickname I go by in real life, ;D. So Mr. Wolf or Wolfie is actually what I like, ;)!
So you didn't make me feel uncomfortable or anything! Quite the contrary, ;)! I jump from joy each time someone calls me Mr., he, dude, man, 'you guys' etc... as pathetic as it sounds, ;)!
I'm feeling HUGE peace!!! Started when I came here. And getting stronger by the minute, ;). I already feel as if I somehow got on T already. I've been having this angry inner feeling of my skin being backwards on me & crawling for years. Just the general nastiness of the wrongness of this body. And as I don't pass (not the way I'd like, at least - maybe people are confused to some extent), I've been really feeling like ->-bleeped-<-. Like no outside person is able the see the true me. So, just being seen as that even if just online, feels HUGE. I feel like I'm sane again. And ready to start all over. Being recognized here & being able to openly express myself & how I feel about myself/my body without that constant embarrassment of my looks makes me forget. I've been feeling I'm going insane for not being recognized/treated as myself, ever ::). Hence the immense doubts & panic.
And you guys here are making me see the light at the end of the tunnel. And that there IS an end to that tunnel, after all 8)!
But the most wonderful thing is just being 'seen'. And believed by others. I've been feeling absolutely no one can believe me & take for real what I feel.
Like, I know I'm a guy inside my head - but that's it. Absolutely no one can see that. And that's a one sucky feeling that leads to that experience of your skin crawling inside out on you. Just a lot of anger inside.
And thanks to you guys here, I feel as good as if I'd been totally passing for a month :D! All that nastiness - gone. I feel like total peace & as if I was already on T or had transitioned. That's why I'm addicted to this forum... ;)
With you guys here I feel like I'm this one, sociable, outgoing, happy person! But I can't stand with not being seen as myself in real life. In real life I feel I'm not even allowed to say out loud I'm a man because of this loathesome appearance. So, been having lots of resentment & I have this underlying sulkiness that I'm not like other cis guys. But now I just feel peace :).
And that there's an easy way out, after all. T.
So, if you wanna continue to make my day, please by all means call me Mr. Wolf, ;)!
Plus I continue to write them down, ;). Every single one.
So by calling me that it feels like you are speaking straight to my soul.
I'm happy that you are getting the recognition as the guy you are Sir wolf. It doesn't matter what genitals you were born with, it doesn't matter how the public sees you and it doesn't matter what gender you present as, here you will always be treated as your true self.
Quote from: Julia1996 on December 17, 2017, 11:51:33 AM
I'm happy that you are getting the recognition as the guy you are Sir wolf. It doesn't matter what genitals you were born with, it doesn't matter how the public sees you and it doesn't matter what gender you present as, here you will always be treated as your true self.
Oh, thanks Julia :D! You all here are so god damn nice to me!!!
I'm just sinking more & more into this ignorant blissful peace... :D
For me I don't know what it feels like to be a woman or a man. I have no contrast, I only know how I personally feel (Descartes style) and am not even entirely sure there is a single experience of being male or female at all. In my case, what I've felt my entire life as a "man" has felt wrong and uncomfortable. My forays into womanhood (clothes, the emotional excitement of starting HRT) have felt the exact opposite. Even then, I don't know that the former is the feeling of being a man or the latter a feeling of being a woman. But I know I damn sure want to be a woman.
Quote from: TonyaW on December 16, 2017, 08:00:58 AM
Yes, normal.
Beyond that, answer is different for every woman.
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That it is TonyaW. Like Vicktor's question about the length of a string what either being male or female means to a particular person is relevant though that person. But there is one constant though and that is to be true to yourself and embracing it. Then you can sort of be more open about it without feeling shame. That sounds messed up but if someone has a problem about it then that is their problem and not yours. If they want to discriminate, hurt you or end your life over it then that is a crime.
Look being trans is always going to be hard. I hear that it is easier now than when I was growing up and that is true for me and others it seems. but for those just realizing it, it is just as hard on them as it was for me because the biggest thing you have to overcome is your own psyche. It sux being told constantly that you can't act this way or that way because you were born a boy or girl. But when someone such as parents, in my case, "Screw it! Do what you want to do." then you can be who you are. OMG I fought them hard for long hair, keeping my little boobs, piercing both of my ears and so on. My mom and dad wanted me to take T for my little boobs and if that didn't work then surgery. :o ::) My Grandma stepped in, Bless her heart, and took my side. My Aunts also took my side. I am actually lucky in that aspect because I knew if my mom and dad kicked me out then I had a grandma and two aunts that would take me in. But the hardest thing was accepting it on my own part and facing all the other BS that would come my way. But the BS wasn't near the level as it was for me coming to terms about it myself. I am pretty sure that that part will never get easier until we have more than two sexually identified genders by what genitalia is between the legs.
But at the risk of sounding spiritual, maybe it is time we stopped focusing so much on our physical bodies and start realizing who we really are internally. Not by religious doctrines but more by where we are in the point of human evolution and how we are expanding more by self realization, psychologically and even neurologically. I mean the brain evolves just like the body and that allows for deeper and deeper psychology and self realization.
So in relation to what it feels like to be a woman OP, what does it feel like? No one reply will ever be right for you. Either you are or you are not. It is not a conscious decision or anything that can be forced so just asking the question you probably already know the answer and that answer comes from you. I can tell you how it feels to me and that is pretty much normal and natural. Those times that I tried to be a guy is what felt forced and faked. :embarrassed:
I generally avoid these subjects like the plague, because there are often stereotypes thrown around like confetti at a wedding. And while something may apply to one, it doesn't apply to all. And it's something that, if you asked a hundred different women, you'd get a hundred different answers.
But I understand the intent behind your question, and the reason you asked it. Based on your own post. I know sometimes it's a thing people do to validate themselves based on their differences to people who are asked the opposite question. To allow oneself to get the feeling of "Well I'm not like that, so I must be this".
I will answer your question though, in a sense. To ask me what it feels like to be a woman is to ask me what it feels like to be me. And my answer to that is simply... it feels like being me. It feels like my mind is unclouded by doubt. It feels like I don't have to ask myself that question. It feels like... the absence of feeling. Or analyzing. Of being at peace.
Humans are funny creatures. We measure ourselves often against other people. We look at who they are, and who they are not, to determine who WE are and are not. If there's one thing I've learned in all the time I've been trawling through my head trying to make sense of everything it's that this approach isn't always the best way. If you believe yourself to be a woman because you enjoy feminine pursuits, or have what is considered feminine attributes... and vice versa, then the first time you come across someone who isn't like that... it throws your whole sense of self into question. I've seen it happen. I've seen people feeling threatened by those who enjoy activities, or have attributes which don't conform to their own.
What I would say to you... to all of you... is to measure yourself by how you feel. When you're addressed by your preferred pronouns... when you're seen as your true gender... and it makes you feel RIGHT, and at peace... then take that as the sign that THIS is what it means to be YOU. You don't need to justify it by conforming to a set of standards. We all know cis people who don't, so why should you have to? Just be yourself. If you are who you are then that's all there is to it. If you feel comfortable and happy and like you finally don't have it playing on your mind when you're treated as such... then what else do you need?
Quote from: Sephirah on December 18, 2017, 04:42:06 PM
What I would say to you... to all of you... is to measure yourself by how you feel. When you're addressed by your preferred pronouns... when you're seen as your true gender... and it makes you feel RIGHT, and at peace... then take that as the sign that THIS is what it means to be YOU. You don't need to justify it by conforming to a set of standards. We all know cis people who don't, so why should you have to? Just be yourself. If you are who you are then that's all there is to it. If you feel comfortable and happy and like you finally don't have it playing on your mind when you're treated as such... then what else do you need?
Great answer! Though I did mean this question more jokingly than seriously, ;). Haha, I know people just 'feel' themselves/whatever :D! By all means I don't mean that certain - or any - attributes or characteristics or interests or whatever makes anyone a 'man' or 'woman' or anything, ;)! Just clarifying here.
I more like meant... well... like... What being a woman feels like specificly to you! (Maybe I should've added that 'to you' at the end, then ;).)
Like I said in the first post - of course I find it hard to describe it also! I just 'know'. But I was trying to give some examples what it means to me or how I experience it or... :D? Something like that!
Just clarifying that no one is left with the wrong impression, ;)! This was meant to be somewhat lighthearted if anything.
But I understand it's almost impossible to describe, of course. There have been great responses, though!
Quote from: PurpleWolf on December 18, 2017, 04:56:23 PM
Great answer! Though I did mean this question more jokingly than seriously, ;). Haha, I know people just 'feel' themselves/whatever :D! By all means I don't mean that certain - or any - attributes or characteristics or interests or whatever makes anyone a 'man' or 'woman' or anything, ;)! Just clarifying here.
I more like meant... well... like... What being a woman feels like specificly to you! (Maybe I should've added that 'to you' at the end, then ;).)
Like I said in the first post - of course I find it hard to describe it also! I just 'know'. But I was trying to give some examples what it means to me or how I experience it or... :D? Something like that!
Just clarifying that no one is left with the wrong impression, ;)! This was meant to be somewhat lighthearted if anything.
But I understand it's almost impossible to describe, of course. There have been great responses, though!
Aha, I see.
Well, in that spirit... it means being called a b**ch when I'm sarcastic to someone. Something which happens far more frequently than it used to, haha. ;D
My story started when I was little and noticing there was a difference. I didn't like my shirt off[still don't], didn't like to fight, didn't like to get dirty[I did lay in a mud hole one time, like a spa!]. But what does it feel like to be a woman? I care about others, are they happy or sad or do they hurt, I care. When I see something sad I cry, When I'm happy I cry! Quite a bit of crying huh! To be clear I've been stuck living in 'man mode' until earlier this year but now I'm free! And that's another part of it to, freedom. I've had no hormones or surgeries but still pass sometimes, I've always known I'm a girl and living in a mans world had to learn to adapt. A medical problem 3 yrs ago killed the 'boys' and finally set me free. It's that freedom to be soft and vulnerable and nice and kind and friendly and not being seen as weak because for it. I think a lot of trans girls think that what they're feeling is the estrogen working but it's the spiro' working. Since my 'boys' died all the feelings that have been suppressed or confused have been unleashed! So if you ever start on T your in for a ride! You'll really let your 'guy' out and be taken for a guy much more often[except for breasts, that's a problem for both of us! You some, me none!]. That's some of what it feels like to me. What a lot of us trans girls would love to know is what it feels like to give birth and be a mother [crying again...]. So even we don't get the whole picture either and some CIS women don't, my cousin will never have kids, and that's Very important to a woman. Hope this helps you some! Be Brave and Be You!!!!!
Quote from: Dani2118 on December 18, 2017, 07:19:11 PM
Hope this helps you some! Be Brave and Be You!!!!!
Thanks ;D!!!
1. As the body of woman that desired being hold by the hand, being touched, kissed, while enjoying the feeling of being loved with the whispering of sweet words in her ears.
2. Especially enjoying romantic songs from men that contain words of longing, love and care for her, or describing how beautiful or special she is.
3. More open to initiate or accept friendship from both men and women, and being friendly and caring to them naturally.
4. More font of small and cute animals and like to care for them like their mother.
5. Become physically weaker and easily suffered from tireness after intensive physical activity.
6. Emotionally like to be protected/supported, and naturally love the men that protect them from whatever difficulty or danger, or supporting them, keeping them healthy and safe.
7. Like indoor activities, rather than outdoor.
8. Having a receptive personality, appearing as a quiet person but receptive.
Quote from: Jacelyn on December 25, 2017, 09:15:00 PM
1. As the body of woman that desired being hold by the hand, being touched, kissed, while enjoying the feeling of being loved with the whispering of sweet words in her ears.
2. Especially enjoying romantic songs from men that contain words of longing, love and care for her, or describing how beautiful or special she is.
3. More open to initiate or accept friendship from both men and women, and being friendly and caring to them naturally.
4. More font of small and cute animals and like to care for them like their mother.
5. Become physically weaker and easily suffered from tireness after intensive physical activity.
6. Emotionally like to be protected/supported, and naturally love the men that protect them from whatever difficulty or danger, or supporting them, keeping them healthy and safe.
7. Like indoor activities, rather than outdoor.
8. Having a receptive personality, appearing as a quiet person but receptive.
That was cute :D! Awesome!!!
Like God finally answered my prayers. I smile more, I fix my hair, I feel compassion, I appreciate hugs and kisses. I am more concerned about people than sports and cars and sex. As I get more comfortable in my own skin I continue to be in awe of all those that preceded me. I wish I had the courage of Dena, way back when. I find the miracle of birth as something I wish I could experience. I am finding new respect for the young people going through this. If I could give some advice. Don't settle. With being excluded, Working low paying dead end jobs. Get an education, or a skill. Never put yourself down for discovering who you are. Never lie to yourself. Find a support group. Share your experiences. Never stop believing in yourself. Remind those that believe we are abominations that God created us, if their book is right. You can't possibly love someone else if you don't first love yourself.
Quote from: Natsuki Kuga on December 25, 2017, 09:53:13 PM
Define "woman."
It's a lot different than just being a sex object. Putting on a tight dress, make-up and stiletto's. To me it is an innate desire to nurture. be kind, love unconditionally. As a guy. I could not do that, because it didn't seem manly.
Quote from: Lady Lisandra on December 15, 2017, 09:12:30 AM
The first time I heard about a trans guy I couldn't understand why would a genetical woman want to be a guy. For me it's like the most boring and horrible experience.
Completly agree, i cant describe what being a man or a woman feels like all i know is what it feels like to be me, and even then like mentiones above its like trying to decribe colours to a blind person its just something that feels normal to you and thats a very subjective area.
For me its when i look at girls and see there body ratios, skinny arms all the way up ie no bicepts. A waste that goes in from the hips and then back out again to the chest. A chest that completly changes your profile. A soft jaw and eyes you can hide under your hair. The feeling that you want to taken care off or you want to be submisive and not have to take charge in everything. The instinct to care for others and help when you think someone is down. Oh and the voice, a voice that projects femme.
Feeling me isnt about how i feel about what i currently have its about what im missing, im not who i am now, no thats a shell that other people see. Im the empty space inbetween, the shadow, the dream.
Purple i love your outlook and the thoughts that run though your head, you have a brilliant way in putting your thoughts across.
Quote from: Shambles on December 26, 2017, 05:04:40 AM
Purple i love your outlook and the thoughts that run though your head, you have a brilliant way in putting your thoughts across.
Ha, that made me smile today :D!
Kathy Lauren, I agree with you! Letting feelings flood through your body is new to me! A woman has so many choices! It definitely takes longer to get ready but I now enjoy waking up and getting ready for the day! I enjoy the looks I get! Life is better being a woman! I could never go back! I'm much more than I was! I'm 61 and enjoy my new me! I've been on herbs for a year. I'm looking forward this year to get on hrt by a md! Getting involved in a transgender group!
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After my absence of at least thirty days while going back to the "dark side". LOL ;D All I can say is now and many times before is... Sensual. To me it just feel normal and right. With bare legs a skirt hymn feels really good on bare legs. Stockings feel really good too. Most cis women bitch about bras but if I had to drive a truck without one on rough roads I would be hurting. I abhor body hair and facial hair and not too long ago I actually grew a goatee in a cross dressing phase. It bugged the piss out of me, smelled even though I shampooed it during a shower and it just itched. That was only a month. In that month I got had so many irritations from the hair between my legs and not even the pubes. :embarrassed:
So what does being a woman feel like? Sensual and clean. To me regardless of the hygiene it just feels right and normal. I do not get off on it in the least. I just feel real. Nothing about it turns me on.
I have dated gay guys that asked me if they got me hot. Really. Dude I am a girl so yes you are hot and just because something doesn't go "boing" don't mean I think you are a dud. It don't work that way.
look sweety, being a woman and feeling like a woman is just that. Being and feeling like a woman. There is no explanations that can explain it. You either are or not. And sweetheart, that is ->-bleeped-<-ing pretty hard to explain sometimes. It sux and get ready for it. BUT and I capitalized the BUT, but never be ashamed. You are you and you are unique and beautiful or handsome when it pertains to FTM. How many people thought a redneck "bitch" from Arkansas and lives the same uneducated lifestyle could have any idea? Well I do. I do my part. Has anyone ever heard of Pro Bono? In my home town I do pro bono work. People really need it there but what my business is the companies that I deal with don't need pro bono. In my home town I will never turn anyone away and word always gets out. they do not pay and it may take a while for me and they may have to meet me in a '50 model trailer in the woods but hell I don't charge and I am a trans woman and will give them the ->-bleeped-<- as straight as I can. Trans men are welcome as well. But it is pretty much a "girls" thing though. If a trans man wants to come then they are more than welcome but don't complain because it is more or less geared to trans women and girls.
The thing about pro bono with a degree is that these people become less clients and more friends. Now the shrink that I work with in LR gives me business or paranormal aspects, I still don't charge. How could I ever feel good about charging a person in need of help? If I did how good would I feel about it? That is the reason I will die a pauper.
I have wanted to be a woman since puberty and now at 41 am taking steps to get there. I never did *feel* like a woman, but in the last 4 weeks I have gotten glimpses. Certain ways of looking in the mirror at my body without facial and body hair makes me smile in anticipation. Rubbing my smooth shaved legs together in bed is such bliss and makes me feel feminine and sexy. Wearing women's underwear and nail polish on my toes bring giddy bouts of mirth up through my chest and into a smile just thinking about them. I haven't even started HRT yet and I find myself adopting certain mindsets that I am finding come easily to me after years and years of fierce repression of who I really am. I am a budding rose reaching for the sunlight and embracing who I am. I can feel it growing within me and it brings such joy that I want to hasten and fertilize it. How does a woman feel, I can't speak for any other but I feel pretty darned fortunate...full of joy and hope as I am reborn.
-Julie
Mr Wolf, what does it feel like to be a man.? I can't answer, as quite simply, I do not know :)
Rowan
I may not have a response on what it feels like to be a woman, I often wonder myself, being able to identify with many things Wolf said, but I'm just posting to stress out how feeling like a man or woman depends also on the region you are living. I'm a geek, back in my native city of Buenos Aires I could identify with a lot of people and have similar interests. Now I'm in rural America, I certainly do not identify with men here nor I can relate to them. All their interests seem to be Nascar, hunting and fitting as many pieces of camo possible in their regular outfit. If that's what men are, I'm certainly not a man, not from here at least. However, all women seem to do is work and that's just pretty much it. So I'm not a woman either. I can only find my people at comic conventions, and there there is little distinction between men and women (except for sexy cosplays).
So as several people said above, feeling like a man or a woman is related with who we identify with, but that varies with cultures. I identify more with a geek guy than with a geek girl, but I identify more with a geek girl than with a rural Washington man.
Can you always feel like a man or a woman? Right now I look around me and I feel more like a martian than like a man. I imagine that feeling like a woman then it's also related to how the women you are surrounded by are like.
Wolfie, once again your thread is alive. Or should I say, one of your threads.
I think I measure my sense of womanhood by looking back over a period of time. If you move from Georgia (guy mode) to Maryland (woman mode), at first you feel like somebody from GA in Maryland. The longer you live in Maryland, the more you feel like a Marylander. I am more woman, mentally, than I was 6 months ago. It is not that I have acquired more outside acceptance, its more that it is 6 months more into my new reality. My self perception has changed. For me, I hear people say they know they are women even living as male all their life. I get that and respect that, but another part of it for myself is living it daily. Having people treat me as a woman makes me feel like one all the more.
I don't want to trigger trans men here, but getting my boobs recently really eliminated me seeing my male chest, boosted my confidence, and quieted any nagging voice in the back of my head saying, "But you don't have boobs!" That last part is embarrassing to admit. My voice is the last anchor stopping me to be completely free from manhood. I am thankful every day for where my mind is now. It will only get better.
What's it like being a woman? I don't know how to answer that. I was never really a guy, and only acted masculine enough to keep people off of my back (and I still hated it bigtime). I doubt I'll ever fit the uber girly girl stereotype (and that's OK - I've had woman friends and coworkers over the years [some of whom are and were happily married to Mr. Right for decades] who also weren't very girly girl), but I'm certainly not butch. I remember hearing some comments back in the late 90s/early 00s after I transitioned from people who had known me since the before time in the vein of "you look and act so natural as a woman, you must have spent a lot of time practicing to be like that." No, I did not. Instead, I let go of/quit playing out that "kind of a guy" image/persona I was forced to have (especially after my parents got nasty with me in the late 70s/early 80s [when I was a teenager], after they learned that I REALLY considered myself their daughter, instead of their son), and could just be myself.
So what does it feel like to be a woman? - it feels like I'm being myself, instead of being fake.
PurpleWolf, you definitely ask the right questions to make us all think! ;)
My life experience, or what feeling like a man is not:
This is a really hard question to answer. I did not used to think of myself as a woman. I thought I was just a different kind of guy. As a child The things boys got into we're not interesting to me. The way most boys played left me trying to figure out what was even going on. I didn't really ever get to play with the girls because that was cause for being made fun of. That I learned very quickly. I avoided things girls did and avoided the girls themselves. I was felt drawn to them and so being around the girls was off limits as was anything seen as girly. So with the boys I was always feeling left out and three steps behind trying to figure out "how" to play the way they did. I managed to fudge my way through and act just male enough to not get made fun of generally. I never did feel like I fit in.
Looking back, being a kid was hard. I never developed good social skills. Being around other kids took effort. I was constantly observing the boys and awkwardly tried to figure out how to be like them. Seems like my entire social life in school was just trying to be as invisible as possible.
Then there was the emotions. Boys are mean to each other. It's the way they interact. I never could understand that. I tried a few times to emulate it but always ended up feeling awful for saying something mean to another. Oh EMOTIONS, yeh boys don't allow that. Funny thing was I always thought that the other boys all had to fight every day to not show them, to not cry when another boy was a jerk to you. I had to learn how to compartmentalize my emotions. I actually did fairly well at this over the years but I also avoided almost everyone after high school that I could. I focused my mind on logical things. I ended up working as a mechanic for a long time. Machines are logical. They require little social interactions and keep the mind occupied.
Men still make little sense to me. As an adult I worked traveling to business locations to work on large machinery. The guys working in these places often tried to get me into their rec time conversations. These invariably went to gross talk of objectifying and using women sexually. Sometimes cars and other "guy" stuff. I kept my mouth shut when they would talk about women. Somehow I always felt offended by group guy talk like that. I never felt like guy talk was particularly interesting to me.
My more feminine experience:
I have always felt more of an association to the girls even though I avoided being around them for so much of my formative years. As an adult, when I was allowed into a group of women talking, I find the conversation, I suppose "relevant" is the best word. It is interesting and actually enjoyable to be part of. Like I actually just feel good in general after being in female conversation. Everything is just sort of more natural. Like I actually do understand why the conversation goes as it does. I understand more what other women are thinking and feeling. It's really the opposite of being around a group of guys talking.
OK so living as a man, everyday was a limited life. I had to monitor how I acted, how I walked even. I trained myself to walk toe out more back in Jr. High to be like the other boys. Sometimes when explaining things to customers at work I had to mind how I used my hands when talking. I don't know why that was. There were occasions whe a guy would start looking at me funny because of how I would talk with my hands. I would pick up on that and immediately put my hands into my jean pockets. I think that the issue was, emulating guys was a conscious effort while acting as I had seen females act over my life was more natural. Being in the MidWest US a guy talking with his hands like women actively do is a big no-no. Basically expression of emotion while speaking is another.
Living as a man was just plain unnatural for me.
Living as a woman is FREEDOM. That is the best description. I do what is just natural for me. I do not have to suppress my emotions. I don't have to consciously think around the emotional part of my mind. The best description is that my feelings are now "free flowing". Like feeling is completely integrated in my thoughts. I just plain don't have to fight my own mind anymore. I get to talk about things that are important feeling to me. I can express my true inner instincts without fear of ridicule.
The problem with these type of questions is that someone like myself, who is very binary female, can't really answer what not feeling like a woman is. I can only describe what not feeling like a man is.
Great post Josie :D! I think that was very thoughtful :)!!!
And I like your signature:
"A lifetime of depression and repressed emotions is nothing more than existence. I for one want to live now not just exist!"
Haha many things on that clicked (ha can't remember what I wrote in this thread anymore) - in reverse, obviously ;). But I totally feel more natural being with and talking to guys. Transitioning and being considered a guy also means I don't have to pretend or repress the way I naturally act and am. Sometimes I've felt people could find it awkward if I'm being myself and saying something you wouldn't expect a woman to say (like for example a reference to my gender as a guy) or speaking with my low voice :P. I totally hate it when in certain situations (like on the phone) I've felt I 'must' pretend I'm a woman by speaking a bit higher or in an unnatural way to me :P.
I also tried to be friends with boys as a kid but was bullied for it then :P. So I mostly played with girls... though I always felt the most natural among boys. I also then tried to mimic the girls or their interests but that wasn't received well either! I totally didn't fit in and was bullied a lot by everyone, but also did have many friends coz I was always social nevertheless.
Also the 'guys talking gross stuff' got me laughing ;D!!!
I don't know what it feels like to be a woman, but I do know what it feels like to not be sure if I'm a man who wants to be a woman or if I'm a woman in the body of a man - confusing!