Is it normal to not be sure whether I want to go on hormones right away?
-Sarah
Of course it's normal. It's a big step, and once you start, you can go off of them, but you'll never be completely the same again. It's not something you should rush into. You should only start if you are sure you want to do it. And there are some of us, that don't want to do the treatments. Everyone is different and you gotta find out what is right for you.
I wasn't sure for 3 years. So I tackled hair - grew out my hair style and eliminated hair where I didn't want it - laser and a lot of electrolysis. When I made the decision to start HRT I hadn't touched my face with a shaver in a year.
Unless you are at the front end of puberty, when blockers +/- HRT are most effective, there isn't really a hurry. You have options. You don't have a chess clock.
I questioned being trans many times over a course of several years. A few months ago I decided to start hrt. I have my fears and doubts but I don't think I could ever look back.
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It's completely normal. It's also normal to question after starting... The unknown has that effect on many of us. At the end of the day, you'll figure out what's right and where transition sits in your future.
I started in early November even though I wasn't 100% sure. Not getting my first estradiol vial right away (due to my insurance giving me trouble despite their trans health care policy) made me realize how much I wanted it. And looking forward to my weekly shot reminds me of how much I still want and need it. There is still 'some' doubt, but not enough to make me want to stop. Through therapy and slowly coming out to my loved ones, I have realized that the doubt is mostly rooted in the fear of not being loved as a trans woman by those I care about. I thought I doubted my desire, but that doubt is for the most part connected to how others will perceive me.
Again, this is my experience. I doubted for 14 years and now I see that I've always been a woman; I was just too afraid to confront it, and understandably so.
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