I'm spending Xmas with my dad, his twin, my cousin and friend. I'm only out to my dad. I have pretty much been wearing the same clothes that I usually do, but haven't been able to redo my nails. I did those like every three days before. My cousin has been referring to me as Fantas poppa abd it's really starting to bug me. I bought some ladies ugg boots to wear since its freezing here and that helps a little. I'm finding the itch to be femme all the time right now, even in dreams. I'm itching for more. Argh. It's such a weird feeling like I'm holding myself back, but not really. I may come out to my cousin just so I can let Bari Jo out a little bit. My dad doesn't think I should come out to my cousin, but she's going to see my sister in a couple months and my sister wants me to beforehand so they can scheme about me. Mixed up at Xmas, wish I was at my own home.
Bari Jo
Christmas is over, so it's not like you'll be ruining the holiday for your family. You'll have to do it before someone else spills the beans. I'd say go for it.
Much of my coming out, especially the timing of telling various people, was determined by the need to stay ahead of the gossip. Like, I have to tell that group right after I tell this group because there's someone who is a member of both groups. Or, it's safe to tell that group because none of those people has any contact with other people that I know.
Quote from: Bari Jo on December 28, 2017, 08:59:06 AM
I'm spending Xmas with my dad, his twin, my cousin and friend. I'm only out to my dad. I have pretty much been wearing the same clothes that I usually do, but haven't been able to redo my nails. I did those like every three days before. My cousin has been referring to me as Fantas poppa abd it's really starting to bug me. I bought some ladies ugg boots to wear since its freezing here and that helps a little. I'm finding the itch to be femme all the time right now, even in dreams. I'm itching for more. Argh. It's such a weird feeling like I'm holding myself back, but not really. I may come out to my cousin just so I can let Bari Jo out a little bit. My dad doesn't think I should come out to my cousin, but she's going to see my sister in a couple months and my sister wants me to beforehand so they can scheme about me. Mixed up at Xmas, wish I was at my own home.
Hang in there, my sister. I remember that phase all too well, and know exactly what you're going through. It's hard right now. I know you want to just shout it out and let the chips fall where they may, but there's a natural progression to these things, and you can't rush it without causing damage that may not be fixable later. Cherish and nurture your identity in your heart, but keep it close until the time is right. I can't tell you when that is, but I can tell you when it
isnt. It's not when you're all stressed out to the point where you let the situation control you. You need to be as calm as possible (not easy, I know!) and in as much control as you can muster. In the meantime, keep it in your mind that
we all know who you really are and love you that way.
When I was at the point where you are, I took the opportunity to do two things: first was to push all the loving memories I was making at the time onto the stack to keep for forever if things didn't go well later. As it turned out, all of that mental stress was wasted. Things worked out great, and I continue to make new memories with the same people as my new self. The other thing I did was work on building "karma points." I was especially helpful and cheerful with family and friends, banking good will to draw on later. When people remarked that I seemed exceptionally happy, I smiled to myself with the internal knowledge that there was even greater joy coming down the pike. And when I did come out, I could refer to the happiness they'd seen and explain where it came from. If they truly love you they want to see you happy, and when they finally understand the source, it will help them be supportive.
So relax and enjoy your family. Be cheerful and helpful, and secure that you're on the right path. And we're all here if you need us.
Addendum: Kathy posted her advice while I was typing, and though it may seem that way, my post doesn't contradict hers. When to come out is something you need to decide, and it may be that now is right for you. Just don't let yourself be driven to it through desperation. Until then, build those karma points and smile as much as you can!
- Stephanie
I agree with both Kathy and Steph. You must be totally relaxed with Bari Jo. Your state of relaxation will be different from others.
Banking good memories, as Steph said, is a life saver when things go bad.
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The good will exceed the bad right ladies? That's my takeaway and I'm sticking to it [emoji4]
Bari Jo you're miles ahead of me I keep having to take off, put on and again take off my nail polish! It's so sad. I've been having dreams I'm presenting female and I just feel so relaxed. Maybe because it's been almost 2 weeks that I've actually felt pretty! I mean fully pretty in essence and to others.. I know that sounds so vain though [emoji17]
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Quote from: Steph2.0 on December 28, 2017, 09:28:38 AM
Addendum: Kathy posted her advice while I was typing, and though it may seem that way, my post doesn't contradict hers. When to come out is something you need to decide, and it may be that now is right for you. Just don't let yourself be driven to it through desperation. Until then, build those karma points and smile as much as you can!
I totally agree. I don't see our posts as contradictory.
And even if they were, the value of a forum like this is in giving people multiple perspectives. :)
That's the approach I'm taking with a friend. I know they'll start noticing things. So to avoid the wondering and head-scratching. I've asked my wife to think about when and how to have a talk with them. I risk the open friendship but not as much as I would by changing without warning. I think :P
Each person or couple have a different priority and timing for you. You pick it, don't let others pick it (although, sometimes unavoidable)
Quote from: dist123 on December 28, 2017, 10:05:32 AM
The good will exceed the bad right ladies? That's my takeaway and I'm sticking to it [emoji4]
Bari Jo you're miles ahead of me I keep having to take off, put on and again take off my nail polish! It's so sad. I've been having dreams I'm presenting female and I just feel so relaxed. Maybe because it's been almost 2 weeks that I've actually felt pretty! I mean fully pretty in essence and to others.. I know that sounds so vain though [emoji17]
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Hah, I can't believe I'm ahead of anybody. I'm only using clear polish. I've yet to use any color. Presenting female totally is still a pipe dream for me. My beard is still way too visible. The instant i can present I will though. My dreams are advanced compared to where I am currently, usually involves nudity:)
Bari Jo
I ended up doing my nails in the car. It made me feel great and awful at the same time. I don't think I will be coming out to my cousin. The opportunity isn't presenting itself. I really want to get back home, be myself for a bit.
Bari Jo
Sounds like that's exactly what you need. I was in starbucks looking out and I saw a nails and threading salon. I wouldn't do threading but getting a mani/pedi is on my list of things to do for sure
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