So first things first I've recently turned 16, I view myself as asexual and I am male, or that's at least what I'm used to being. For the past three or so years I've been contemplating my gender identity on and off, while I never strongly feel male I do often wish I was female and I often find myself fantasising about being female. While I'm not willing to openly conform to the idea of being transgender I have recently decided that I should seriously question my gender identity and look into it a lot deeper than just telling myself 'I might be'. Not to mention that while I've always been supportive of LGBT people (My sister as well as 3 of my friends are bisexual, my best friend is pan sexual) I've generally been against the idea of an 'LGBT lobby', which I get from my parents, while I understand that's probably quite a taboo thing to say here I also feel that it's part of the reason why I've been so scared to actually explore my feelings about my own gender. Anyways, I have no idea where to start or what questions to ask so any help or any questions I could get would be appreciated. P.S I currently don't feel comfortable about approaching any of my friends or family about it.
Theres no such thing as an LGBT 'lobby'. Yes some LGBT groups can be toxic but most are very useful and supportive. Maybe ask your friends about resources they've used. If you question you're gender identity more after than not you're trans. Cis people just don't do that. Now working out where you fit on the great trans spectrum which includes nb identities can take time.
For now think how you imagine yourself as older. Is it female, male, or a mix of the two or neither? Which presentation right now would make you feel most comfortable? Which pronouns? Do you have social dysphoria or body dysphoria or both? I found body dysphoria harder to work out as I had/have separate issues about my body that aren't trans related.
I can't really see myself being a mix of the two. Not being exclusively male or exclusively female just doesn't work for me in my mind. Were I able to become female with no catch then yes I would like to be female, at the same time I don't see that being wholly possible for me so realistically I see myself as being male. I don't really mind what pronouns people would use around me, I think it would be interesting to see what it would be like to see if people only referred to me with a certain pronoun for a day but I'd still rather not do that as I don't want to involve people in this kind of stuff until I better know how I feel about my gender. While I would say I'm not uncomfortable in my body currently I definitely was a year or two ago, I felt very strongly that there was something wrong with my body even though I couldn't put my finger on it at the time and ate far less because of it. I certainly feel better about my body now however I wouldn't say I'm happy with my self-image. It's hard to say if I imagine myself feeling any better if I was female, so I figure that's just something else that'll take time to work out.
Hi Unsocialist,
I'm Laurie. I am mtf and I've been transitioning with hormones for about a year now. I see by your posts that you are questioning as we call it. You are wondering if you are possibly transgender or not. If I had know that word when I was young I would have been wondering that same thing myself. I preferred playing with the girls, I played jacks, hopscotch and jump rope. I now you probably never did those as they have long gone out of favor with kids. But my point is questioning ones gender is ageless. The number on the calendar changes but the uncertainties of gender has been going on I'd venture to say since the dawn of the human species.
I say I'm mtf and I think I am, but I still have questions to answer. A friend of mine here on Susan's Place, I call him Mr. Wolfie (PurpleWolf) recommended a book to me that I have just begun to read. It isn't much of an entertaining book at all but more of a workbook designed to help those of us that are questioning. Perhaps it might help you. It is called, "You And Your Gender Identity, A Guide To Discovery" by Dara Hoffman- Fox, LPC
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Laurie
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Welcome to Susan's Place. The first thing you need to understand is sexual preference and gender identity are independent of each other. You could be transgender and be heterosexual, homosexual, bisexual or asexual. As it appears you are exploring both of these, I have three links for you to look at. The first is our WIKI (https://www.susans.org/wiki/Transgender) where the word transgender is explored. The next link is "the transition channel" (https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCfO3B57E6NpIn-KsVjvmLLw) where a number of topics will explore your feelings. Asexuality is a complex topic and the last link (http://wiki.asexuality.org/Main_Page) will help you explore that topic. At some point, you should consider a gender therapist to help you explore your feelings but this should give you a start.
Thank you Dena and Laurie, it's a big help knowing where to start. I'll make sure to check out those links!
Well I had a look at that content last night and while I can't say I feel any better about questioning I can say that I know more about the matter in general and definitely feel more enlightened. I'm still rather confused over my feelings however I'm happy to say I got in contact with Be (An organisation that supports transgender people in northeast England) and I'm now talking to a psychotherapist about my feelings and will likely arrange to see help at CAHMS soon. Thank you for all the help I've had in knowing where to start looking and what questions to ask. I'll try to remember to release an update on my progress in the future.