So this has taken me a couple of days to process, first a little bit of background.
TL;DR. When I came out my mother was supportive, my father not so much, now my mother may be withdrawing support.
I came out to my parents July of 2016. My mother seemed supportive, but my father seemed in shock, about a week later he called me and told me that while he was okay with me crossdressing, he "wouldn't be able to handle it" if I transitioned.
I saw my parents again briefly in October 2016 and then for thanksgiving. November of 2016 I started seeing a gender therapist, and I told my mother about it over thanksgiving. We didn't talk about it again, for nearly a year. I started HRT at the end of August. The HRT caused me to drop ~ 13 pounds in a month, so when I visited briefly in October my mother directly asked me what was going on, I told her that I'd started HRT and felt amazing. She seemed fine with that.
By November I'd started getting physical changes, and mentioned that to my mother, she said she didn't see any difference, and that she didn't realize that my taking hormones meant that I was transitioning (WTF?) and we agreed to figure out a strategy to tell the rest of the family. Within a few days she sent me an email that she wanted to wait until January to tell everyone due to hings going on in my father and sister's lives (god forbid my problem come first). I was really busy, and Christmas is big in our family so I just decided it was ok to wait.
So I spent last week with my family, and while it kind of sucked, it was also very cathartic. When I started HRT I realized that I'd had an anxiety issue my entire life without realizing it, because it went away. For the past four months I've learned how to actually feel emotions, and actually have self confidence. I realized that my family really doesn't treat me that well. It's not abuse or anything, but essentially they have zero respect for me, and I've finally realized that I don't deserve this. Anyway I talked to my mother again on Saturday, and not only does she still not think there have been any changes, she wants to push away telling people until just before I'm ready to go full time. She said that when I came out my father said that if I fully transitioned that I would no longer exist as far as he was concerned, and that she said she would leave him if he did that. She then proceeded to try to guilt trip me about how she would live in that case. She did say that he had mellowed alot since last summer. She feels that I shouldn't be allowed to have contact with my nephew until he's in his 20s (hes about to turn 6). She clearly did no research, and though she did seem legitimately happy when I said that I liked the changes from HRT, I'm guessing she doesn't like the idea of having a transwoman as a child.
I was extremely sad angry and upset, all at the same time. How can someone act this way to their own flesh and blood. I can remember statements that she made when I was in Junior High that she found the idea of trans people "Disgusting." Though that was ~20 years ago. When I got home Saturday evening I sent her some links to (reputable) information about trans people. 22 hours later she responded "okay, thanks."
As another strange turn, when my father was driving me to the airport he seemed to really want me to visit more.
Weirdly enough, by Sunday Evening, I really didn't feel sad or upset anymore, I just didn't care. I don't think I'm suppressing my feelings, at least not consciously. I think maybe realizing that they aren't very nice to me means I don't need their approval as much as I used to.
I don't know, if you've read this far thank you.
hang in there
In early hrt there are lots of subtle changes that most people won't notice. I've also had the guilt trip 'what sbout everyone else?' This particular journey starts with you and if in your heart it feels right then don't let others make you feel bad. Some people will adjust, others won't. All you can do is give everyone a chance and see what happens.
Stay strong, patient, and confident and it will all work out better than seems likely now.
I am happy you realized that nobody matters as much to you as you do. If your own happiness cannot come first, you will never be happy. If you parents come around, then that's great. I wouldn't wait for their approval either.
Quote from: AnamethatstartswithE on January 01, 2018, 08:26:22 PM
So this has taken me a couple of days to process, first a little bit of background.
TL;DR. When I came out my mother was supportive, my father not so much, now my mother may be withdrawing support.
I came out to my parents July of 2016. My mother seemed supportive, but my father seemed in shock, about a week later he called me and told me that while he was okay with me crossdressing, he "wouldn't be able to handle it" if I transitioned.
I saw my parents again briefly in October 2016 and then for thanksgiving. November of 2016 I started seeing a gender therapist, and I told my mother about it over thanksgiving. We didn't talk about it again, for nearly a year. I started HRT at the end of August. The HRT caused me to drop ~ 13 pounds in a month, so when I visited briefly in October my mother directly asked me what was going on, I told her that I'd started HRT and felt amazing. She seemed fine with that.
By November I'd started getting physical changes, and mentioned that to my mother, she said she didn't see any difference, and that she didn't realize that my taking hormones meant that I was transitioning (WTF?) and we agreed to figure out a strategy to tell the rest of the family. Within a few days she sent me an email that she wanted to wait until January to tell everyone due to hings going on in my father and sister's lives (god forbid my problem come first). I was really busy, and Christmas is big in our family so I just decided it was ok to wait.
So I spent last week with my family, and while it kind of sucked, it was also very cathartic. When I started HRT I realized that I'd had an anxiety issue my entire life without realizing it, because it went away. For the past four months I've learned how to actually feel emotions, and actually have self confidence. I realized that my family really doesn't treat me that well. It's not abuse or anything, but essentially they have zero respect for me, and I've finally realized that I don't deserve this. Anyway I talked to my mother again on Saturday, and not only does she still not think there have been any changes, she wants to push away telling people until just before I'm ready to go full time. She said that when I came out my father said that if I fully transitioned that I would no longer exist as far as he was concerned, and that she said she would leave him if he did that. She then proceeded to try to guilt trip me about how she would live in that case. She did say that he had mellowed alot since last summer. She feels that I shouldn't be allowed to have contact with my nephew until he's in his 20s (hes about to turn 6). She clearly did no research, and though she did seem legitimately happy when I said that I liked the changes from HRT, I'm guessing she doesn't like the idea of having a transwoman as a child.
I was extremely sad angry and upset, all at the same time. How can someone act this way to their own flesh and blood. I can remember statements that she made when I was in Junior High that she found the idea of trans people "Disgusting." Though that was ~20 years ago. When I got home Saturday evening I sent her some links to (reputable) information about trans people. 22 hours later she responded "okay, thanks."
As another strange turn, when my father was driving me to the airport he seemed to really want me to visit more.
Weirdly enough, by Sunday Evening, I really didn't feel sad or upset anymore, I just didn't care. I don't think I'm suppressing my feelings, at least not consciously. I think maybe realizing that they aren't very nice to me means I don't need their approval as much as I used to.
I don't know, if you've read this far thank you.
I read everything. I am not to good with advices, but dont give up. And push forward. Doesnt matter what others think of you.
Transition is difficult especially dealing with family. I do not know why your mother would leave your father. You are a grown adult and do not live with them. If he does not want you around then so be it. You can see your Mom and if not in her house then meet for lunch or dinner out.
Your sibling has a lot to say about who their child has contact with, not your parents.
Ultimately when and who you come out to is your business. It sounds like your mother is being controlling and trying to stop you from being who you are. Imagine if you tried to do that to her? However, be prepared to lose contact with your parents and perhaps others in your family.
It is not fair and they have no reference to how being transsexual feels nor how being on the correct hormones feels so right.
Sorry that you are having family hassles.
Don't accept their guilt trips: manage your transition for you. They can like it or not. Your mother can leave your father or not. None of that is your doing. It's all their stuff.
Quote from: AnamethatstartswithE on January 01, 2018, 08:26:22 PM
Weirdly enough, by Sunday Evening, I really didn't feel sad or upset anymore, I just didn't care. I don't think I'm suppressing my feelings, at least not consciously. I think maybe realizing that they aren't very nice to me means I don't need their approval as much as I used to.
That sounds like a healthy attitude to me.
To be honest this sounds like she just wants an excuse to leave him.
My immediate family is taking this poorly as well, so don't feel like you're alone. What's the solution? I'm not sure but keeping my chin up and moving forward has been working so far for me.
Quote from: Colleen_definitely on January 07, 2018, 10:24:10 AM
To be honest this sounds like she just wants an excuse to leave him.
I hadn't thought of that, I have a hard time believing it. I honestly don't think that when push comes to shove they would actually disown me. She's very conscious of social status, so I think that might be why she's hesitant to embrace this. I also think that deep down they think of this as a lifestyle choice, like being goth. Whereas for me it's a medical choice, like getting a rotten wisdom tooth removed. Ah well, I don't have to worry about a boring life, for what that's worth.
Ugh, yes the lifestyle thing. My sister is suggests that I should "just be a drag queen instead of getting neutered."
Im sorry i know what its like to have a crappy family
hang in there
Quote from: Colleen_definitely on January 07, 2018, 10:57:00 AM
Ugh, yes the lifestyle thing. My sister is suggests that I should "just be a drag queen instead of getting neutered."
Neutered is a horrible thing to say to a MTF IMO
Quote from: Christy Lee on January 07, 2018, 03:41:10 PM
Im sorry i know what its like to have a crappy family
hang in there
Neutered is a horrible thing to say to a MTF IMO
Probably because she wants nieces and nephews.