I know this may not be in topic but I do apologize....lately I have been asking myself if this guy who is in my life.....if I love him.....he and I dated for 4 months in 2016. We broke it off because he didnt know if he could fall in love with me and he had feelings for another girl plus I was dealing with my own questioning.....our friendship began in 2015. Currently we are not speaking....he is icing me out....and it makes me cry...I ask myself......if I have fallen in love with this man and my heart just doesnt let me feel it. Him not speaking to me......it makes me cry...
When you put his needs before your own, and panic when thinking of life without him, then you have found love. If he does not feel the same towards you, it is time to rethink what made you feel that way towards him.
Quote from: Lady Sarah on January 08, 2018, 11:49:49 PM
When you put his needs before your own, and panic when thinking of life without him, then you have found love. If he does not feel the same towards you, it is time to rethink what made you feel that way towards him.
What do you mean "made me feel that way towards him"? I cry when he doesnt talk to me.....
To me, love is care. Passion becomes love if the relationship develops that way.
You can love friends in a non-romantic way. I love my friends and I love my husband and kids in different ways.
If he makes you cry, maybe you love him. But how do you love him? As a friend or partner-to-be? Maybe you miss him and that is why you cry.
Remember though. Old romantic fantasies are just fantasies. I have several examples of romantic fantasies that crumble when the persons try again. Things happen in life all the time that make you and everyone else develop in different ways. Not saying forget him, just be causious, your memories are memories and not where he och you are today.
Tony
I feel empty when she is not around, and as if I could move the world when she is there. I am willing to dance with her, but NO ONE else has been able to get me to dance since 1993, she's teaching me. I think she is more beautiful than every person I've ever seen. I crave her smile, I feel her laugh, I love to just sit and stare into her eyes. When she speaks it's as a song. A touch, and I melt into her hand. I would stop a bullet for her. I would do....everything for her.
I miss my girlfriend so much :'( Absence truly does make the heart grow fonder.
I have been in love atleast once, i remember i couldnt wait to see him, to be with him, and have been sad when we stopped our thing, still took me a long time to get over him.. omg we remained friends for awhile after and he got hotter, and i just couldnt stop thinking about him for along time, even after we stopped being friends it was kind of embarrassing TBH LOL, i also started to wonder if we would still be together if i was female
For me its been both......trying to understand just somewhere in my heart I love him.....because for some reason somehow......either my heart wont let me feel it......or all of this is made up in my head that I dont love him...
Love = person has an equal or greater consideration in your life as yourself and your own needs
In love = a chemical/hormonal high associated with a particular person
Lovesick = missing someone you can't or don't have, to the point of it affecting your life
No-one can answer this for someone else, it's up to you to figure out which one it is.
I am not a romantic. I cannot answer specifically to you. I can summarize for me.
If you ask if you're crazy, you probably aren't; If you have to ask if you're in love ....
If you miss someone when they aren't around, they're a friend. If you feel incomplete when they aren't around .....
I know I am. I don't wonder, I don't question, I KNOW.
So many ways to help indicate and express, how it relates to you is unique.
I can only speak for myself with this.
I have fallen in love with very few people in my life. I could count them on one hand, actually. I'm a Scorpio. I know a lot of people don't believe in astrology, but it describes me extremely well. Uncannily well, to be honest. When I fall for someone I fall for them hard. Like... it's all consuming. It's different to platonic love because it drives my senses and emotions utterly and completely haywire. To the point where they're all I can think about. I think that's probably more just me than how it actually is. But for me it's like the whole world disappears and the person I love is the only thing in the world. Our relationship is the only thing in the world. I would do anything for them. Happily take a bullet for them. Maybe to the point of obsession, which probably isn't so good. But it's like all my attention and focus is on the person in question. Like a laser.
It's like... someone put my emotions through an amplifier and jacked it all the way to 11. Every moment with them is like being in an electrical storm. Everything tingles and buzzes. Everything feels alive.
For the last few months to a year I have been trying to figure out if this man I have fallen in love with...
I am sorry to anyone who thinks my topic for this thread is weird. Just the past year or so I have been trying to understand my feelings for this guy I know. He and I dated for 4 months in 2016. We broke up for reasons I will not go into....but....he and I are not speaking....and somehow......him not talking to me and him just ignoring me and walking on by me......it just brings me to tears.....as stupid as that sounds....I just want to know in my heart if there is any love at all for him.....
Sorry for the ethereal answer here, but it's something you just know. It can't be measured or contained. That said, I think I'd be a bit distraught if any friend just started giving me the cold shoulder/snub.
If you have to ask us if you have fallen in love with someone, you probably haven't? ???
Quote from: rmaddy on January 13, 2018, 01:03:54 AM
If you have to ask us if you have fallen in love with someone, you probably haven't? ???
I feel :(
When you can't think of surviving without them. When you stop eating for days because you've been hanging out and can't get them out of your mind. You enjoy their company more than anyone you know. You start making plans for a future with someone, you want to spend life with. You let little things that bug you pass without comment. You look forward to old age with the one you love even if it's 50 years away. Nothing makes you feel better than making them happy. It's no longer being selfish, you begin to think as one. When you reach my age you realize you could not have had a better life with anyone else. You communicate. In my opinion, sex is way down the list. Intimacy is much more important.
I feel stupid.
Quote from: rmaddy on January 13, 2018, 01:03:54 AM
If you have to ask us if you have fallen in love with someone, you probably haven't? ???
I feel stupid...
Quote from: BJ0909 on January 13, 2018, 11:26:12 AM
I feel stupid...
Actually, that
is one of the more reliable symptoms of being in love--constantly catching yourself daydreaming, neglecting your work, being unable to concentrate. People get amazingly stupid for awhile when they fall in love. If the love survives and matures, they may, someday, regain their senses, at least to some extent.
Look hon...you'll know when you have.
Quote from: rmaddy on January 13, 2018, 06:00:47 PM
Actually, that is one of the more reliable symptoms of being in love--constantly catching yourself daydreaming, neglecting your work, being unable to concentrate. People get amazingly stupid for awhile when they fall in love. If the love survives and matures, they may, someday, regain their senses, at least to some extent.
Look hon...you'll know when you have.
I mean I feel stupid for asking.....
Quote from: BJ0909 on January 13, 2018, 11:43:57 PM
I mean I feel stupid for asking.....
There are no stupid questions.
If you are unsure and don't have the answer yourself, you can't answer your question and need input from other people.
At this point......all I have done is cry.....because when he and I see each other.....he does not speak to me.....he does not look at me....and it just angers me.....it makes me cry....he would smile at me all of the time....he would look at me all of the time.....ugh Im tearing up as I write this....
I just have been feeling sad lately...
I believe you feel rejected, hurt and angry because he ignores you.
I think you miss him too.
There is nothing wrong with grief when you lose someone you love. Having grief is not always over dead people or pets. You can have grief over missing friends or breakup with loved ones.
Let yourself be angry and sad. That is how you move on.
Tony
BJ0909,
You may be feeling unreciprocated/unrequited love, meaning the other person does not feel the same way as you and it can potentially set you up for a lot of emotional hurt. Yes, understand you do feel for him, but at the same time, understand the other person can use you, if he does not feel and is caring towards your needs.
Been though it many times as guy, some infatuation of course, but now on female hormones, I am super careful and only allow myself to feel when others feel(ie. put my heart on my sleeve), or else, bah, no matter if their king or queen of the universe.
I'm in a loving relationship with my girlfriend of over 7 years now, others wonder, what the hell, do I see in her, but as long as we both love and understand each other, its all that matters in the world.
Both of you have to be mindful of each other's feelings and wants, or else its no go.
See from all of this I dont feel motivated to move on......because its like I dont want him to forget about me? All I have done is cried.
I am trying to move on.....but its like my heart won't let me? Its like I don't want him to forget me...we have been through so much together....
Quote from: BJ0909 on January 18, 2018, 06:42:39 PM
I am trying to move on.....but its like my heart won't let me? Its like I don't want him to forget me...we have been through so much together....
I know the feeling. My very best friend moved from the east coast to the west coast when I was a kid. I thought I'd never have friends again. I was so devastated.
We never saw each other again. But I got new friends.
Grief over a lost friend or love comes in waves. Strong feelings flooding you. Then it passes for a while and you can relaxe. Then it floods again. But in time the waves become smaller and softer.
Let yourself be sad. Let yourself be angry.
You can not change him. If he does not want to talk to you, you can't force him.
Make peace with yourself and let yourself be sad and angry. It will pass. He might not be forgotten, but it won't hurt as much.
Tony
It takes time, its not something you can do emotionally, its something you do physically.
If you do the physical motions to move on in daily life, eventually your heart will follow.
Where the body goes, eventually the heart goes, its called out of sight, out of mind.
All of this is my fault......feeling as if I dont love or care about him......I pushed him away.......and now he doesnt even talk to me anymore......and I cry...
Quote from: BJ0909 on January 18, 2018, 06:42:39 PM
I am trying to move on.....but its like my heart won't let me? Its like I don't want him to forget me...we have been through so much together....
Your heart is a muscle my dear. Nothing more , nothing less. It's your psyche that is being affected. As they say. "It's all in my head" It's hard, but i can promise you if you do not move on you will never recover. Took me forty years. Problem is I got remarried 35 years ago. Unfortunately my wife was always in competition with my ex. and the ex won every time. I now realize my current wife is my rock, my anchor and I am so lucky to have discovered that. Why she is still with me is beyond comprehension other than she says she loves me.
I think for me......it is knowing in my heart that I either A. fell in love with him at some point in my life.... and B. I may love him now but I may have to move on...I am trying to feel this in my heart.....just knowing I have experienced love. The things I know about him is......he wiggles his nose when he is concentrating. His smile...the way he rotates back in forth when he is waiting.....he tends to rock back and forth when a catchy song comes on....he likes a lot of cream and sugar in his coffee.....when he looks at you.....he really looks at you....when he listens to you....he really listens to you..
If it matters...
When you love someone, it makes you feel better not worse.
When you're in love, you'd want to be with them all the time.
When you love someone, you'd let them be their own self...even if that means they're away from you.
When you're in love with someone, you'd want to be with them all the time
When you love someone, they're the last person you think about before you go to sleep, and the first that comes to your mind when you wake up.
When you're in love with someone, you'd want to be happy with them.
When you love someone, you want nothing more than their being happy.
When you are in love, it passes with time.
When you love, it lasts and grows stronger as time passes.
Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-G890A using Tapatalk
I don't think the person pined for you as much as you pine for him, or else he would've forgiven your transgression(s) and made up, even if its slow.
Matters of the heart, are the most difficult to deal with, because your left you with the "What if's?", and your heart on your sleeve, but in reailty, it was not meant to be, because it's not.
Yea, I fudged up a relationship or two, social grenaded it, because I felt I did not measure up, my fault really, but in reality it was not meant to be.
My past man's perspective
Quote from: SonadoraXVX on January 22, 2018, 06:51:52 AM
I don't think the person pined for you as much as you pine for him, or else he would've forgiven your transgression(s) and made up, even if its slow.
Matters of the heart, are the most difficult to deal with, because your left you with the "What if's?", and your heart on your sleeve, but in reailty, it was not meant to be, because it's not.
Yea, I fudged up a relationship or two, social grenaded it, because I felt I did not measure up, my fault really, but in reality it was not meant to be.
My past man's perspective
I am sorry.
Nah, don't be. All my failed relationships were due in some way or the other, because of my gender insecurities. I just needed somebody who would accept me, which I did find. It takes time.
Let me preface my reply by saying I haven't told this girl I have feelings for her yet. Hopefully one day though.
We met through Instagram a couple years ago. She and I loved the same video games and loved the same characters. We of course have our own interests and of course love sharing these with each other even though it may not be our thing.
She is one of the very very few (less than 5) who didn't question me when I came out as pan, grey ace, or when I began questioning my gender identity. With every time I felt I had a label to describe my identity, she whole heartedly accepted that and addressed me how I wanted. She put in her own effort to educate herself on my sexuality and identity but always knew she could ask me questions and I'd be honest and open with her.
We stopped talking for a long time when I took a break from social media. But we've been talking again and it reminded me why I care about her so much.
I can 100% share my problems and issues with her, knowing she understands and would never judge me.
She is the only person in the world that I'd be comfortable standing nude in front of before surgery, before hormones, before transitioning, and I'd be 100% comfortable.
She is the person I would go around to strangers and be like "This is my girlfriend M. I love her. She's amazing. We love video games. And I want to go everywhere with her. I want to love her forever."
We have actually discussed moving in together before once she finishes school to be a paramedic. How we both want to move out of our home states and start a new life together.
We joke about spending our old age together in a nursing home being the crazy old people yelling about stuff from when we were younger.
I had a boyfriend before I came out. We were together for 2.5 years before I left him. I deeply cared for him. But I have never, ever, felt as strongly for someone as I do for my friend.
I just hope one day I can tell her all this.
To me I do believe in love at first sight. I believe love is a feeling you get when you see or hear someone love is when you just want to hear the person breath and it makes you smile. Love is when you worry about the person all the time they are always on your mind love is when you will do anything for that one person that you would not do for any one else love is just thinking about the person and makes you smile love is willing to die for someone so they can live. I may be wrong but that is how I see love.