Hey there I'm 26 years old and just started hormones and my transition from male to female this month.
I work for one of the largest retailers in the countries construction engineering department. I am a project manager who manages the new store construing projects and remodels to existing stores for a chuck on the country. I graduated college 2 years ago with a degree in construction engineering management and have been working full time on salary for the company since.
Now that I have started hormones my appearance will slowly start to shift from male to female over the next year or so. The transition at work will happen on one specific day and I will present as female from then on out whenever that may be when I feel like I'm ready.
Part of me thinks I need to get ahead of this to protect myself and tell HR now. That way if my bosses or someone picks up on what's going on without me telling them over the next 6 months or so as I start to look more and more ambiguous they won't be able to fire me because the disagree with what I'm doing without it looking bad. Like they could claim they didn't know kinda thing when really that's the reason they are firing me.
The other part of me thinks I should wait to tell anyone ( bosses , coworkers, hr) untill I am actually ready to make the transition at work.
What do you think I should do / any advice on how I should logistically handle the transition to make it as easy on myself and my coworkers as possible, while still protecting myself from discrimination??
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Not knowing where you are I'm not sure what legal protections you have. How friendly is the company towards LGBT?
In my case, I was legally protected and the company is 100% on board. I told my boss 14 months before I went full time and HR was 6 months. I slowly told the people I work closely with 4 months before. Then about 3 weeks prior I told everyone I knew. HR did an announcement at our CTO's staff meeting 10 days before and said let all your people know.
I got a lot of congratulations email for a few days. Then March 6 came and it was a non event.
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That sounds like it went well for ya. They are LGBT friendly for sure ( you kind of have to be when your in the top 5 biggest retailers in the us. I live in Virginia as far as laws go. But GO is another state.
My boss is really nice , he is a 60 year old construction guy however, and so are all my coworkers and great but again the part of my company I work for, the construction industry is not great for is acceptance towards LGBT.
So basically my company as a whole is great with LGBT, but the people in my department and that I see everyday not so much. Not that that's surprising it's a bunch of 50 year old blue collar construction types.
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It can vary from state to state and from employer to employer. I'm calling my HR this week, just to let them know. I'm in Texas so I have no protection really. A few people at work know but that's it. I don't have a date planned for coming out, probably around summer. After that who knows.
I have no first-hand experience, since I was retired before I started transitioning. But I have read enough other people's accounts to think that it would be best to tell HR early.
If your company has LGBT-friendly policies, having HR in the loop early will protect you if there are problems with individuals. The HR department can help coordinate how you come out within the company, so that the right people find out at the right time. For example, you probably want payroll to begin using your new name as soon as it becomes your legal name. And you will want your co-workers to know which bathroom you will be using when (and what the company policy is), in order to minimize hassles and unfortunate encounters.
You might want to start by researching what the company's policy is, specifically with regard to transitioning at work. With a company that big, they almost certainly have one. You won't be the first.
Quote from: KathyLauren on January 09, 2018, 03:43:33 PM
I have no first-hand experience, since I was retired before I started transitioning. But I have read enough other people's accounts to think that it would be best to tell HR early.
If your company has LGBT-friendly policies, having HR in the loop early will protect you if there are problems with individuals. The HR department can help coordinate how you come out within the company, so that the right people find out at the right time. For example, you probably want payroll to begin using your new name as soon as it becomes your legal name. And you will want your co-workers to know which bathroom you will be using when (and what the company policy is), in order to minimize hassles and unfortunate encounters.
You might want to start by researching what the company's policy is, specifically with regard to transitioning at work. With a company that big, they almost certainly have one. You won't be the first.
TOTALLY AGREE!
I came out to HR when I started HRT, in case I got too emotional (I didn't know what to expect). I came out to my manager once I had filed for my legal name change (six months later). A few weeks later, once the judge signed the order and my name was legally changed I told my manager I wanted to announce it to my shift. He said he wanted to be there for support. Everyone from work, from HR and manager to ask my coworkers have been supportive. At least no negativity, anyways. I'm in New Mexico and here there are full protections for transgender people. I was just offered a promotion even!
Stacy
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I came out as a crossdresser while working at a seven person company doing DoD work. I've since transitioned on the job into...well, if anyone figures out what I am, please let me know! :laugh:
The company has been very good about most things, a little crappy on one or two things, and they've had to jump through some hoops too, changing my name and then my gender on the ITAR registry.
I'm a firm believer in being right up front about this stuff.
Hugs, Devlyn
It seems your are working for a large nationwide company and most of those have pretty good policies. The human rights campaign annually ranks the largest US employers, you can check your own company (they did take away Walmart's 100 point rating recently. My work only has around 1709 employees and I simply added a preferred name in our HR portal. A few weeks later I sent a coming out email to about 25% of the Company, the rest got informed at the water cooler. After that I talked to HR and they changed my email address and I did get new business cards... I had already informed all the customers I worked for and by now they have all update my ID badges for their sites (last on came today!).
Not the best way of doing it, I would always recommend talking to HR first...
I would wait for a while... at least until you get your performance evaluation in place for last year _and_ until changes began to be noticeable to yourself.
Clear up your face as much as you can, let your hair grow, but don't do anything androgynous/unisex in terms of clothing.
The idea is to be ready to go full time as soon as possible if the company accepts you and be best prepared to start a new job search if they won't accept your transition.
And I think if you tell HR you've been transitioning for several months, it would sound a bit more solid than if you say I just started yesterday.
In terms of actual coming out, I think it's best to include HR first, then manager, then coworkers. But sometimes, we cannot choose in which order, so once anyone now, I think it's best to rush out full speed ahead. Until then, a little preparation won't hurt.
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As an echo definitely research and know your rights (both legally and company policy) then go to hr. Having hr in the know early on can help in the long run on several levels. They may have suggestions on who you should inform first and maybe even guidelines to help facilitate your transition.
You seem to have a plan on how to proceed on the rest of the process. My suggestion would be to have your proper name in place before that day. This will help minimize confusion. Both by your management and by payroll.
Hope all goes well.
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Yeah, some companies won't put anything but legal name on email / name tag. Having one legally changed before coming out is helpful. Besides, you can continue using your old ids for a while after your name got changed, so no harm in getting one done early
Quote from: elkie-t on January 09, 2018, 06:34:26 PM
I would wait for a while... at least until you get your performance evaluation in place for last year _and_ until changes began to be noticeable to yourself.
Clear up your face as much as you can, let your hair grow, but don't do anything androgynous/unisex in terms of clothing.
The idea is to be ready to go full time as soon as possible if the company accepts you and be best prepared to start a new job search if they won't accept your transition.
And I think if you tell HR you've been transitioning for several months, it would sound a bit more solid than if you say I just started yesterday.
In terms of actual coming out, I think it's best to include HR first, then manager, then coworkers. But sometimes, we cannot choose in which order, so once anyone now, I think it's best to rush out full speed ahead. Until then, a little preparation won't hurt.
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This seemes like a good idea and I bet by waiting a couple months HR takes is much more seriously your right. And won't be male failing in only a couple months so no risk there either of getting outed. I guess the only question then when which just depends on how fast hrt works and my hair grows I guess.
Quote from: elkie-t on January 09, 2018, 07:07:06 PM
Yeah, some companies won't put anything but legal name on email / name tag. Having one legally changed before coming out is helpful. Besides, you can continue using your old ids for a while after your name got changed, so no harm in getting one done early
Okay so work wouldn't be notified if I legally changed my name haha?
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I was upfront from the day I started HRT. Management were pleased to know in advance. Then I told the people I eork with directly. So far so good
Quote from: Courtney.lane408 on January 09, 2018, 07:34:34 PM
Okay so work wouldn't be notified if I legally changed my name haha?
Name change is legal from the day the judge issued court order. But you can hold to it as long as you like and continue to use your old ID. Until you change your name in DL and SSA - no one will know any better.
When I changed my name for the second time (I did it twice so far) - I didn't update any IDs for a year, only then started updating documents and records. I am not even sure if I updated all of them or not, now and then I still get a mail in my old name.
Do some research on your company's internal website to see if they have any guidelines for transitioning, many of the larger companies do. I found my company's transition guidelines and read them several times. I knew I was in a safe place, but I wanted to wait until just before I believed the changes were going to become noticeable. I was on HRT for nearly seven months before I told anyone at work. Per our guidelines, any communication related to my transition must be treated as confidential. My manager is in another state, so I sent him an email outlining the situation. His response floored me, I could not have asked for a more perfect response. With my consent, my manager contacted an HR representative who heads our companies LGBTQ employee resource group. We discussed my rough timeline for coming out, and I was told that I was in charge of my transition. In a company of over 30,000 employees, only four people know about me - my manager, one HR rep, one benefits advisor (all in another state), and one co-worker who sits near me. I just had to have someone local to confide in, and she has been a real blessing. I am not out yet, but that day is coming soon. Before my company can update the email and payroll systems I must be able to provide a copy of my driver's license and SS card with my new name. Hopefully this will occur sometime in late March.
Hmm, i am not that good with advice, but asking a therapist about best solution sounds good for me, and i think never giving up, pushing forward, and being honest and telling it to others is best way for you.
Quote from: Courtney.lane408 on January 09, 2018, 07:34:34 PM
Okay so work wouldn't be notified if I legally changed my name haha?
Nope, and you really don't need to tell them until you change it with Social Security due to taxes and such. That said, you might be in for a REALLY awkward moment with angry manager types if it is discovered that you've changed everything but SSA without letting them know.
I simply sent an email to HR and they did a pretty good job of handling most of it. I still had to hold some hands and pester certain groups to fix my identity properly across all of the things I interact with but all in all it wasn't as bad as I had feared. Even though HR knew I was doing the big changearoo they kept it all under wraps until an agreed upon date. That's when a company wide email went out, I sent a few personal emails about it, and everything switched over for the most part. (there were some hiccups but nothing huge)
There may be one argument for involving HR early when working for larger companies: Most of them have anti-discrimination policies. Our policy clearly state that any discrimination based on Gender Identity is prohibited.
It may not be a big deal and I do not foresee anything happening to me, but assuming someone would get nasty about me being trans, I can at least let HR know and may receive some lame protection (I know they only protect the company interest, but still)...
Quote from: elkie-t on January 09, 2018, 07:07:06 PM
Yeah, some companies won't put anything but legal name on email / name tag. Having one legally changed before coming out is helpful. Besides, you can continue using your old ids for a while after your name got changed, so no harm in getting one done early
Hummmm. I wonder if Samantha, Steven, Susan, ... Could have Sam, Steve, Sue... On their name tags?
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Quote from: Denise on January 11, 2018, 09:09:42 AM
Hummmm. I wonder if Samantha, Steven, Susan, ... Could have Sam, Steve, Sue... On their name tags?
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Depends on a company policy... it could be 'as in driver license' exactly. I have no idea what OP's company policy is
Quote from: Courtney.lane408 on January 09, 2018, 03:01:36 PM
That sounds like it went well for ya. They are LGBT friendly for sure ( you kind of have to be when your in the top 5 biggest retailers in the us. I live in Virginia as far as laws go. But GO is another state.
My boss is really nice , he is a 60 year old construction guy however, and so are all my coworkers and great but again the part of my company I work for, the construction industry is not great for is acceptance towards LGBT.
So basically my company as a whole is great with LGBT, but the people in my department and that I see everyday not so much. Not that that's surprising it's a bunch of 50 year old blue collar construction types.
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If they really like your work and if there are already natal females doing your job, they shouldn't have a problem. Always look sharp and professional and do the great work that your boss has come to love.
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I came out at work kind of like a steam-roller. I have not started HRT yet. I started with my appearance, to make myself feel better.
Approximately 3 week period: Clear nail polish, for practice. Then sparkles on the polish, then eye make up, then colored nails. brought up in casual conversation about girl related things.
On a Friday I was asked about it by a friend/coworker. 1st part of the next week I was speaking with HR and it all came out.
So, I waited for people to notice, then informed, now I am clear to wear whatever so long as it fits company-wide dress code.
did I do it the 'right' way? It worked for me, that's all I can say.
our company policy is a blanket, no discrimination, we all get along policy. If someone were to get nasty or speak out of turn, I can notify HR. As long as I do my job good, it's all good. How I dress is up to me - within aforementioned dress code.
Here is the 2018 listing of corporations on the gender equality list. http://www.hrc.org/campaigns/corporate-equality-index These companies have committed to equal rights.
Colleen - It is great you have a degree. It is what sets you apart from many here. You have a skillset that effects the bottom line. There are probably few in your profession and if you are doing a good job I don't see too many problems. Yes there are always a few that don't want to understand. Money talks and as long as you are making the company money you are golden. Where most of us fail, is that we are competing with many without skillset. One cashier is as good as the next. Who couldn't do the work at McDonald's. I bet you think your job is challenging, exciting even. Imagine, having to repeat. Have a nice day. Thousands of times. The first few times you do it sincerely and with vigor. But after a few mishaps and angry customers, finding sincerity is difficult. I hope everything goes well for you. Just remember why they hired you. That reasoning has not changed.