Hello everyone! I've been a quiet visitor to Susan's for almost a year now and finally decided it's time to join the conversation.
My name is Violet; I'm in my early 30s, a former-journalist, a now-programmer, science enthusiast, tabletop nerd, and am just starting my journey (pre-HRT).
I'm not sure what I want to say here (apologies if I ramble), just that I've read a lot of the intros and other stories here and find many of them relatable.
I grew up in, and still live in, The Bible Belt (Southern MO). When I was younger I didn't fit in at school, got bullied, went through a gross self-hating-religious phase. My parents (divorced) were noticeably absent, but weren't awful. My mom even let me have some toys that other parents probably wouldn't have been okay with their little boys playing with (Polly Pocket, Pink Power Rangers, Troll Dolls, Xena, and I always thought Catwoman was waay cooler than Batman (sorry, not sorry)).
However, as I got older I felt more like I was being pressed into a mould. I was forced to play football even after expressing a disdain for it (again; sorry, not sorry), and often felt depressed because of issues at school. I was even put on a "natural supplement" called Symplex M to "make me less moody."
With time, the feminine feelings subsided. Until highschool, when they came back in the form of sexual thoughts. Not wanting to be sexually active, but to *feel* sexy. I remember praying (multiple times! Oh, the irony of it all) to just wake up a woman one day! Wouldn't that be nice!
Shortly after all that started I got mixed in with a religious group and ended up repressing all of these feelings; not wanting to be a sinner and all that jazz. I felt mostly accepted but was still the "odd" one of the group. I still didn't feel quite like I belonged, or as if others could see through my facade.
Once I got away from all that (college), I started meeting people outside my little world. Saw the monster I had become trying to please other people and fit in. I became a more accepting and all around better person after that, but still kept all my feelings on a pretty tight lockdown. I never considered that I might be transexual or gay, not even once; but again, I was raised to be woefully ignorant of things like this.
After graduating college with a second undergrad and finding a cubicle to write code in, it was like all of those feelings flooded out (and with gusto!). I was driving home from work, feeling lousy about my gross-overweight-man-body, and thinking "Am I not taking care of my body because I don't feel attached to it? Mhhmm. Why is that? Is it... oh crap." Suddenly, all these memories and feelings overwhelmed me. I was afraid. What was I going to tell my wife? She said she's bi-sexual, so she'll be cool with it... Right?
It was a hard conversation, but the hardest part was just bringing it up. She cried. I cried. We cried even more.
Dry your tears, this isn't a sad story! We're still together today, with plans to find a less-red-state to move to. She's been my rock. Some days I feel I would've just fallen back into repression and depression without her.
Anyways, that's enough about me for today; there's already a wall of text here. Looking forward to the year ahead, and becoming a more active member in this community! :)
Sent from my SM-G935V using Tapatalk
Welcome Violet! Thanks for your introduction. Very glad to see your wife is sticking with you and joining you on this journey. Once you start digging into Susan's a little more you will see that this is not necessarily the case, so I am very happy for you.
Your life story also resembles the stories of many other members here, so you are in good company!
Welcome again and good luck on your journey. Feel free to ask, participate and share your thoughts and feelings. There is always someone around to help.
Hi Violet :icon_wave:
Welcome to Susan's Place :) Glad to have you here, join on in the fun
Here are some links to the site rules and stuff that we offer to all new members to help them along
Things that you should read
Site Terms of Service & Rules to Live By (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,2.0.html) | Standard Terms & Definitions (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,54369.0.html) | Post Ranks (including when you can upload an avatar) (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,114.0.html.) | Cautionary Note (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,82221.0.html) |
Reputation rules (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,18960.0.html) | News posting & quoting guidelines (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,174951.0.html) | Photo, avatars, & signature images policy (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,59974.msg383866.html#msg383866) | Membership Agreement (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,216851.0.html) |
Hugs
V M
Welcome aboard a Violet!!! I'm glad you decided to join the festivities!!!
Onward we go!!!
Ashley 😀❤️🌻
Hi Violet,
I'm Laurie. Those girls before my left the door wide open as usual, so you might as well come on in and take a good look around. The kitchen is over that way and Coffee should be there unless Devyln drank the last of it in which case you will need to wait until I make another pot. Everyone is supposed to make another if they take the last of it. That Devyl almost never does and when we talk to her about it she just giggles mutters something about the devyl >:-) made her do it and then runs off. You should also find hot water for tea if you prefer. During hot weather you might find a pitcher of iced tea in the fridge. Oh yeah you could get hit by a flying piece of fruit if St(eph(a)nie) has been naughty and is up on top of the fridge in time out. where she find that endless supply of fruit I don't know. BTW don't put you chocolate in the fridge either. The girls are good folk but you can't trust most of them when chocolate is involved.
The chairs and couches have all been claimed but if one is empty it is your to use. Those over by the fireplace are really nice when we have a nice fire going. Just watch where you step those bear rug get a lot of use.
Well that's about it for the lounge I'm sure you know your way around the rest so make yourself at home.
Hugs,
Laurie