I don't know if it's because I'm trans, because I'm albino or if I have some form of weird OCD but I have a big issue with having my picture taken. Actually it's almost a phobia. I absolutely hate having my picture taken. It totally stresses me out and I will avoid it if at all possible. I have 2 pictures I use. I've used them here as avatar pictures and I use them when I need to show a picture. In both of them a guy I work with who does makeup did my makeup and it took quite a few pictures before I settled on one that was halfway decent. I've never really thought a lot about it but I'm starting to realize other people find it weird. Especially my boyfriend. He gets annoyed when I won't let him take a picture of me. He said there's no reason for it and that I need to get over it. He also pointed out that he had never seen me take even a single selfie. He said most girls have a ton of selfies. I don't. I don't ever take selfies, they always look awful. And to be honest I don't like looking at pictures of myself at all. A few girls here have put pictures on other social sites and asked everyone on there to critique them. OMG, the thought of doing that totally freaks me out! I could never! Then I find out my dad has a bunch of pictures of me on his phone and laptop that I didn't know he was taking. I got really mad about that. He told me that's the only way he can ever get pictures of me. From now on I'm not letting him near me when he has his phone in his hand. If I wasn't afraid of going blind I would totally erase all those pictures. But once when I was being snoopy I was looking through his pictures and came across a picture of him naked! Since then I don't even like being in the same room as his laptop.
I don't really understand why I feel like this but it's not something I can just get over. People tell me I'm pretty, beautiful even, but I absolutely don't see that at all. I think I just look weird. People have told me that all my life and people have always stared at me. My own mother always told me I was weird looking. If I commented on someone staring at me when we were in public she would say " were you expecting a different reaction? You are strange looking and you know that". I refused to have school pictures taken because a camera flash makes my eyes glow red. Without pigment in my eyes a flash reflects off my retinas and turns red. It's like camera red eye, just a lot more extreme. Tinted contact lenses prevent that but if I don't have them in my eyes look demonic red in pictures and I can't stand looking at them. My dad doesn't say I look weird, he says I look unique but in a very beautiful way. At least he doesn't insult me and tell me I look normal when I obviously don't. Maybe I hate taking pictures because of all that but it was in the past and shouldn't still be effecting me. I have no idea how to get over this and I don't even know if I can. I would say it's a trans thing but I don't ever see myself as looking masculine. I see myself as a girl but a weird looking girl. I've also had people tell me my skin and hair color or lack of color actually, was pretty. But to me it's the epitome of ugly.
Does anyone else feel like this?
I personally don't keep my pictures (that's why I don't have any posted to my profile), but I never objected other people taking photos of me or with me. My thoughts were - if they could see me, they are allowed to save it for themselves if they wish so.
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Yes I dislike having my picture taken.
I barely recognize what I see when that happens, even if I take a picture of myself it can take a lot of messing around to take an image that seems to look like me. It's like I'm looking at someone else. And because I rarely look at myself in that way, whenever I do see a picture of myself (even one that I took) it's sort of a shock.
I think some of it is due to the fact I trained myself to look through the mirror most of the time and not at what was in it as some sort of coping mechanism. Or that when I'm using the mirror I'm not appraising what I see I'm just making sure it's clean, whereas a photograph makes you appraise what you see more.
There's also the added fact most people think they look weird in images because what we are used to seeing in the mirror is reversed in reality and in a photo.
It's weird because I do take part in things where people have to see me and photograph me, but as long as I don't have to see those photos I'm cool. I know it's just me who thinks I look excessively strange and alien, and other people just don't care. I look average and uninteresting in that sense to them I'm sure.
The most recent pic of me that i have shared with anyone is my profile pic on fb and thats about 10 years old now. Its the same feeling as looking in a mirror
Quote from: Julia1996 on January 13, 2018, 10:52:49 AM
Does anyone else feel like this?
I detest having my picture taken. I'm exactly the same as you and will do anything to avoid it. I don't have any pictures of me from pretty much any point in my life, nor do I want any.
I only ever put up a picture of myself here once, briefly, years ago, and then I think only maybe 3 people saw it before I removed all traces.
*shudders*
Quote from: Julia1996 on January 13, 2018, 10:52:49 AM
I don't know if it's because I'm trans, because I'm albino or if I have some form of weird OCD but I have a big issue with having my picture taken. Actually it's almost a phobia. I absolutely hate having my picture taken. It totally stresses me out and I will avoid it if at all possible. I have 2 pictures I use. I've used them here as avatar pictures and I use them when I need to show a picture. In both of them a guy I work with who does makeup did my makeup and it took quite a few pictures before I settled on one that was halfway decent. I've never really thought a lot about it but I'm starting to realize other people find it weird. Especially my boyfriend. He gets annoyed when I won't let him take a picture of me. He said there's no reason for it and that I need to get over it. He also pointed out that he had never seen me take even a single selfie. He said most girls have a ton of selfies. I don't. I don't ever take selfies, they always look awful. And to be honest I don't like looking at pictures of myself at all. A few girls here have put pictures on other social sites and asked everyone on there to critique them. OMG, the thought of doing that totally freaks me out! I could never! Then I find out my dad has a bunch of pictures of me on his phone and laptop that I didn't know he was taking. I got really mad about that. He told me that's the only way he can ever get pictures of me. From now on I'm not letting him near me when he has his phone in his hand. If I wasn't afraid of going blind I would totally erase all those pictures. But once when I was being snoopy I was looking through his pictures and came across a picture of him naked! Since then I don't even like being in the same room as his laptop.
I don't really understand why I feel like this but it's not something I can just get over. People tell me I'm pretty, beautiful even, but I absolutely don't see that at all. I think I just look weird. People have told me that all my life and people have always stared at me. My own mother always told me I was weird looking. If I commented on someone staring at me when we were in public she would say " were you expecting a different reaction? You are strange looking and you know that". I refused to have school pictures taken because a camera flash makes my eyes glow red. Without pigment in my eyes a flash reflects off my retinas and turns red. It's like camera red eye, just a lot more extreme. Tinted contact lenses prevent that but if I don't have them in my eyes look demonic red in pictures and I can't stand looking at them. My dad doesn't say I look weird, he says I look unique but in a very beautiful way. At least he doesn't insult me and tell me I look normal when I obviously don't. Maybe I hate taking pictures because of all that but it was in the past and shouldn't still be effecting me. I have no idea how to get over this and I don't even know if I can. I would say it's a trans thing but I don't ever see myself as looking masculine. I see myself as a girl but a weird looking girl. I've also had people tell me my skin and hair color or lack of color actually, was pretty. But to me it's the epitome of ugly.
Does anyone else feel like this?
I would say im on the middle on this, i defintely dont dislike getting pictures taken of me, and its not like i love having pictures taken of me. Not good with advices, but my only is: Push forward and never ever give up. Many on this thread have given you great advices.
My ex hated having her picture taken. It's ironic because her father was an amature photographer and took our wedding pictures. But it is this lack of pictures that prevented me from finding out she lived in Colorado Springs. I always wanted to know why we split up. I did not think I had exposed my secret but I found out she knew and was the reason she had an affair. I finally found her, not by her picture but by ancestry.com which revealed her last name. I then found her voter registration online.
Julia I recently realized There are almost no pictures of me pretransition I didn't realize I had avoided having my picture taken until I was looking for a recent picture pretransition for a before and after post and I could only find 5 pictures from the lat decade including my drivers licence and passport the other 3 were taken with out me noticing I think it was because I didn't feel proud of who I was since I accepted myself I have more pictures of myself than I do for the last 30 years [still not many ] and have had my picture in my home town paper for TDOR
Julia I have followed your posts for quite a while and I can tell you are a sweet smart young lady wise beyond your years be proud of who you are yes you look different but in a beautiful way, you are a pearl among the shells
Just keep on being you and try to see what others see
bobbisue :)
Never really liked photos. I'll tolerate them if i must.
I have this aversion to having my picture taken as well. I've always hated my appearance. Always felt ugly. When I do take selfies I literally take 300 and pick out three or four that I can live with. Now that I'm transitioning, I hate pictures of me even more. My profile pic here is 6 or 7 years old (pre transition).
I can only imagine that your albinism adds tremendously to that. The fact that your mother gave you that negative feedback is probably what caused you to be so self conscious. I'm sorry that you had to endure that. I think you are absolutely gorgeous.
I have to admit I find beauty in your "uniqueness". Just like with the Seneca White Deer. I invite you to Google them. They are not albino, just a recessive trait that has become rather common. They are truly beautiful. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder!
I hated when people took pics of me before I cut my hair and became as close to a guy I can pre everything.
I felt like a freak on the pics. I hated the mirror too. I hate the pics from my teens. I have long hair and was forced to wear a dress on one. It was not me.
The pics are not at my home. Dad has them. And I can't have them. Maybe that's good. I'd destroy them.
Today...some selfies are ok. Some not. I can accept myself in the mirror.
Tony
My son is like that, unless it's a selfie. He has autism though.
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I hate pictures to, but mainly because they are windows to the soul. Whenever I see a picture of myself, I know the sadness I was feeling and the facade I was faking in it. I'm getting better though as Bari Jo is peeking through. My smiles now are genuine. I never shied away from pictures, just didn't like seeing myself. I don't know if it's a trans thing. It might be. It's not a beauty thing. If it were, Julia, you would love taking pictures already!
Bari Jo
I hated having my picture taken when I had long hair. I've always hated how feminine I looked with long hair. Since I've cut my hair short and spiked it, I don't necessarily enjoy having my picture taken, but I don't mind so much anymore. I've actually even managed to take a couple of selfies recently that I kind of like. Not enough to make them my Facebook profile picture, but at least they don't make me cringe when I see them.
For me I always hated my pictures taken before, I hated the way I looked every thing about me I refused to look at a lot of them. I have destroyed or deleted 99% of my male pics. Now I dont seem to mind my picture taken as long as I think I can look good enough to deserve it to be a memory. Ya I know I am messed up that way I just want to look good.
Quote from: Morgan78 on January 13, 2018, 12:33:28 PM
I hated having my picture taken when I had long hair. I've always hated how feminine I looked with long hair. Since I've cut my hair short and spiked it, I don't necessarily enjoy having my picture taken, but I don't mind so much anymore. I've actually even managed to take a couple of selfies recently that I kind of like. Not enough to make them my Facebook profile picture, but at least they don't make me cringe when I see them.
I know exactly what you mean. Pictures can be traumatic. Once when I was twelve kids had sprayed liquid plastic in my hair and my dad had to buzz it. There was just no other way he could have gotten it out. That was traumatic enough but my mom took pictures of me like that. She said it was the first time I had ever had a guy's haircut and she wanted to get pictures. Those pictures traumatized me. Thankfully she had taken them with a digital camera and my dad erased all of them from the computer. The very worst thing was pictures taken of me at a wedding. I was 14. It was the wedding of one of her friends and she got totally militant about me going dressed like a guy with no makeup at all and she told me I had to cut my hair. My dad told her no one was cutting my hair. (It had finally grown back) So he and my mom argued back and forth but she just wouldn't let it go. Finally my dad told me she wasn't going to back down so would I please just do it for him and it was just for one day. So I had to slick my hair back, put it in a ponytail and tuck the ponytail down the back of my collar. And I had to wear a suit! Seeing pictures of me like that was beyond traumatic. It was even worse than the pictures of me with buzzed hair. The friend had sent my mom actual prints of the pictures. Luckily I got the mail that day and I put every picture that I had been in into the paper shredder. But those were copies. The fact those pictures still exist somewhere still really bothers me.
Quote from: Julia1996 on January 13, 2018, 01:09:00 PM
I know exactly what you mean. Pictures can be traumatic. Once when I was twelve kids had sprayed liquid plastic in my hair and my dad had to buzz it. There was just no other way he could have gotten it out. That was traumatic enough but my mom took pictures of me like that. She said it was the first time I had ever had a guy's haircut and she wanted to get pictures. Those pictures traumatized me. Thankfully she had taken them with a digital camera and my dad erased all of them from the computer. The very worst thing was pictures taken of me at a wedding. I was 14. It was the wedding of one of her friends and she got totally militant about me going dressed like a guy with no makeup at all and she told me I had to cut my hair. My dad told her no one was cutting my hair. (It had finally grown back) So he and my mom argued back and forth but she just wouldn't let it go. Finally my dad told me she wasn't going to back down so would I please just do it for him and it was just for one day. So I had to slick my hair back, put it in a ponytail and tuck the ponytail down the back of my collar. And I had to wear a suit! Seeing pictures of me like that was beyond traumatic. It was even worse than the pictures of me with buzzed hair. The friend had sent my mom actual prints of the pictures. Luckily I got the mail that day and I put every picture that I had been in into the paper shredder. But those were copies. The fact those pictures still exist somewhere still really bothers me.
That is horrific. I'm sorry your mom treated you so poorly. It's a shame when the very people who gave us life can't accept us for who we really are.
The pic I have up now is from about 5 years ago, when I was lifting weights to try to combat the damage to my spine by adding some muscle mass around it, which was suggested by a doctor.
Most of the time, I hate having pictures taken. They are usually very unflattering. When I was using dating sites, I'd have to take at least a dozen selfies before I had one pic I could use. Since I found someone, and no longer need those sites, the only pictures of me include Phillip.
I believe that the more traumatic the childhood, the less likely you'll want pictures taken. It doesn't matter what reasons one has been teased or beaten up, it sticks to the psyche.
Nope, not weird at all. I admit, I don't like having my picture taken, nor do I enjoy looking in a mirror and I believe it has something to do with how I view myself. I don't like how I look, to me I just look wrong...
I'm just glad I was born with some sort of camera avoiding instinct, I mean, it has to be an instinct because some how I naturally avoid getting my picture taken when phones or cameras come out. Usually the most anyone happens to get is a profile shot at best (side view). It causes my aunt who is a bit of a shutterbug all sorts of aggravation.
I'm not a big fan of having my picture taken and never have been. Thankfully, I can "blend" into an environment to the point I'm somewhat invisible.
Not sure how things will be as I proceed in this adventure, might even want glamour shots, lol.
I've always avoided getting my picture taken, when I was in school I would make a point of not being there on the days they would take student pictures. The only picture of me from high school is my graduation picture, I only had that done to appease my mother. She has it hanging in her hallway its the only picture of me by myself she has and its 40 years old, and I still hate it.
Quote from: Stevie on January 13, 2018, 03:46:13 PM
I've always avoided getting my picture taken, when I was in school I would make a point of not being there on the days they would take student pictures. The only picture of me from high school is my graduation picture, I only had that done to appease my mother. She has it hanging in her hallway its the only picture of me by myself she has and its 40 years old, and I still hate it.
Thankfully my mom didn't like the way I looked so she never hung pictures of me. She did with my brother but not me, which I was extremely grateful for.
I've always hated group pictures. If I'm doing something and not paying attention then not much I can do. I do hate anything really that shows my face. My avatar is from November and while I'm not very happy with it there are worse pictures of me. I didn't think I would ever use a picture of me as an avatar because I was always afraid someone would see it that didn't know I was transgender. Got brave one day and posted it. And no I was not drunk at the time.
Totally im 31 now, and after the age of 14 (when i started realizing) i just started hating my photo taken, putting my photo on Facebook or dating sites UGH.. no thanks
There are hardly any photos of me from the ages 15 - now
I have a little different take on this. I used to hate pictures taken of me. I started transitioning at the age of sixty six and in the years previous to that, we probably have less than a dozen pictures recording my life. Since I have been reborn as Tia, I enjoy pictures and want to have pictures around showing that I have been alive in this world. I want to be able to see some sort of proof as well as memories for my kids and grandkids to see and know that there is magic in this life.
Tia Anne
I totally get why you might hate getting your picture taken after reading what you wrote. I also know as a parent, I want to have some pictures of my kids. Knock on wood, if anything ever happened to one of them, I would want pictures. Don't be too hard on your Dad as long as he is respectful of your wishes. There is fairness to you, but there is also fairness to him.
Moni
I'm with Ann here. I hated pictures, now I'm okay with them. I even enjoy taking pictures of myself when I dress nicely.
Its an instant party pooper when someone points a camera at me. I don't have a single picture I like of myself, I have made it clear I don't wish to be photographed and the quickest way to erase a photo is to put the whole phone in the microwave. I'm not fond of having my picture taken at all.
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Hi Julia
Given what you've told of your mother's attitude I think it's rather understandable that you don't like being photographed. It takes much less that what you went through to learn to fear and hate the camera.
As for culling most of the pictures from a shoot—professionals do that as well. The only difference is that a greater percentage may survive. In any case there's no reason to keep photos that you have absolutely no use for.
Your post reminds me of the story of a little boy I knew who liked to be photographed when little. That love affair ended when, at four, he hurriedly tried to excavate a booger from his nose before his father took a posed picture. His father told him to stop but went on to press the shutter anyway, scolded him, and told him that the booger-digging scene was now eternalised. The next picture was of him holding his right hand behind him to hide the booger. After that he became terrified of standing in front of a lens and stayed that way until he grew up. Then he started to work as a model, in part to overcome the fear. And that's when she also finally learnt to not be afraid to wear non-male clothes and makeup.
In the end, the aesthetic worth of a photograph depends on the skill of cameraman. Good photographers don't press the shutter until they see what they want. They certainly don't want the model to feel bad about the pictures. That's why someone skilful can surprise you with something you never expected to see that you still feel happy with. People like that make it much easier to relax because you can feel they're on your side.
Once you do meet someone like that things get easier. When you see a picture showing something you didn't expect but you still like, it helps you look at your other pictures as if they were someone else. Then the photo shoots become more of a cooperative effort. You gradually stop freezing like a deer in the headlights and learn to work together with the photographer to create scenes that tell stories.
Judging from your avatar picture I quite honestly feel you are beautiful—and it's not just the makeup. I've looked at enough pictures of all kinds by now to be certain that every cameraman I know would love to work with you.
And yes—I too still hate being photographed by anyone whose skill level or benevolence I'm not familiar with. ∑(ﾟДﾟ)
Well I used to hate getting my photos taken as well. I still don't like it much, depending. When I was in high school the yearbook staff hated me because I worked very hard in preventing them from getting pictures of me. Like if I was on my iPod and I saw them in them coming from the corner of my eye I would lift my iPod up to where it was right by my face (covering it) or sometimes I'd turn around and pretend someone behind me said something to me that I was responding to. They knew I was messing with them but still, it was fun :)
There existed no information of me online at all of what I looked like until 2016 when I finally decided to post a picture of myself when I joined a different trans community and decided to bite the bullet. I supposed I used to have pics on this site but they were all deleted before I left 2 years ago.
But since then I haven't been so shy to show myself online. I got used to it. But I still hate people taking pics of me in guy mode. I don't want images of that me.
I can't say you would have the same situation but maybe you could face your fear and maybe post some pics of you on a community like this where I highly doubt you will get negative feedback. Maybe over time you will numb to it and learn to like looking at yourself. I don't think it would hurt much to try.
Ps. I think that's pretty cool if your albino. Idk why, just always thought that was something cool when I met an albino person for the first time.
I find that I like pictures much more now as a girl than I ever did when I was presenting as a guy still
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I went through a phase in college where I didn't want my picture taken, but other than that I've never had an issue with it. my friends actually get kinda annoyed with me because I always want pics with them lol
I wish more pictures existed of me when I was a teenager and had long hair that wasn't thinning and not much facial hair.
My parents always made me get my hair cut before yearbook photos, because they liked to give them to my distant relatives. Most of the time it was still fairly long, but that was usually the shortest it was the whole year. I was a teenager back when photos had to be developed and that cost money so not many of those exist, my parents took a lot more when I was a young child.
I don't usually like the way my facial expression is in pictures, there's only a handful of ones I don't think I look wierd.
I don't like pictures of me because I always feel awkward. Perhaps not feeling happy in my own skin has a lot to do with that. I am an amateur photographer and love taking photos, especially portraits of women. I love to study the bone structure and admire the beauty. ;D
Hate myself, hate my face, hate the way I look, hate photos.
Never liked having my photo taken. I have pix on my facebook. I look like my avatar
Hi Julia,
I have read lots of your posts through lots of threads, I think you are a very beautiful person. Your avatar is a great picture and I think you are extremely attractive. Love yourself for who you are and if you don't like your photo being taken then ask that it's not. If the push gets too strong relent and let it be taken because you are a beautiful individual.
You have been through lots and I think you are stronger than you give yourself credit for.
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I don't really like taking pictures but my mom always insisted on it growing up and even now. I still do it but I feel overweight and that my nose is crooked. It sucks but it's what I have to deal with until I can afford surgery. As for my weight I think the camera adds a few pounds.
It sounds like your mom really has effected you. That's something to try and work through if you feel you still need to. Being unique is very different than being strange looking and I think your mom was wrong for say that.
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I don't mind having my picture taken, though I am a bit more self-conscious about it now that I feel a need to present well.
My wife, on the other hand, hates having hers taken. If I take one of her, she makes me promise not to post it anywhere. Her natural smile is lovely, but she is so self-conscious about it that she does a fake smile when she sees a camera which doesn't look nearly as good. Kind of a self-fulfilling prophesy.
I wish I had a little of my brother's self confidence. He never met a camera he didn't like and his Facebook is so full of pictures it looks like a photo album. He asked me why there were no pictures of him on my Facebook. I told him because the few people I talk to on there are people I know, so why would they care what he looks like? He said " because I'm hot". I will admit he's handsome and spends a ridiculous amount of time at the gym, but have a little humility! Ugh! And no I would NEVER tell him he's handsome. If I did his head would get so big the weight if it would suffocate him if he layed flat.
I love my brother but concieted people really get on my nerves. My boyfriend actually did some modeling in Australia but he's not concieted at all. He's actually a little insecure about his looks which is one of the things that attracted me to him.
I'm the opposite, I absolutely love pictures. And make an effort to look good even though I'm still in boy mode. I once thought I would not post anything to social media until I had fully transitioned but I can't get away. I love posting my pictures so whatever, my physical changes are very public.