Good morning girls [emoji1355]♀️[emoji1309]
Help me out here- still presenting as male at work and socially - not even completely out - only to selected individuals-
...But every time I get "sir" or "man" I seethe inside-
I mean I understand that they're only addressing what they see- but still-
Is there way to cope with this?
Thanks
-Christyn
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Good Morning Christyn!
I have the same issue. I can let most of it ride by internally rolling my eyes and saying to myself 'b*tch please!'
It's very annoying but the one that gets me is 'man'. I can cope with the rest just about.
Vicky xx
No, you're not crazy. I think most of us feel like that in the in-between phase. Unfortunately there's not a lot you can do about it if you are not ready to come out. That kind of thing is one reason that my in-between phase was as short as it was: I couldn't take it any longer.
It helped me when I picked a date to go full-time. With a date on the calendar, I could brush it off as a temporary annoyance that I would soon be correcting.
We're all crazy down here.
But yes, I was seriously getting irked by that during the part time part of my life. Much like KathyLauren, it really motivated me to just make that last step.
Christyn,
It makes ya crazy doesn't it. The only thing I can think of is to have your plan, concentrate on your progress. Know that you will get past it. I am full time a year and a half. I have one guy at work who calls me Moni but seems to keep up with using 'he' when referring to me. It's pretty weird when I am wearing very feminine clothes and everyone else says 'she.' You never like it, but at some point you have to limit the time and power it has to make you feel bad. Or, like in this case, you do something about it. I am looking to have a chat when I get the chance.
Moni
I'm pretty much 'out' at work. I wear 100% feminine clothes, less androgynous now. Spoken with HR and several managers. I still get sir, Mr, etc. While it bugs me, I tend to ignore it.
One manager I made a point of asking to drop the Mr and Sirs .. sure thing "OK, Man, no problem" ... really? Habit responses are hard to break.
HR lady, I gave her a DR. summary that specifically highlighted 'gender identity' .. she said, "thank you, sir". You'd think an HR person would be more careful. Nope .. habits.
They respond to what they perceive or out of habit, try not to let it get to you. If they do it on purpose and spitefully then the issue is much worse. As you're presenting male, they are doing nothing amiss.
Quote from: Kc1058 on January 17, 2018, 07:53:51 AM
Good morning girls [emoji1355]♀️[emoji1309]
Help me out here- still presenting as male at work and socially - not even completely out - only to selected individuals-
...But every time I get "sir" or "man" I seethe inside-
I mean I understand that they're only addressing what they see- but still-
Is there way to cope with this?
Thanks
-Christyn
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
They are just trying to be polite, thats what i keep thinking. They dont know me and why would i expect them to think any different of me. Its just one of those things to put up with for now
Yeah and I guess deep down I understand polite and addressing what they see, but I just want to scream sometimes- to the point where my 19 yo son, who I'm out to, will throw me a "yes sir" (he's going to Marine boot camp soon) and I know he's being respectful- but I'm like 🤷🏼♀️.
It's just matter of dealing with for the time that it happens and get to the day when it doesn't.
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I'm right there with you. It bugs the h out of me. I'm not out at work, so they think they are being polite, but still. I may out myself to my neighbors for this very reason. I need a larger space to be she and her. I'll think on it.
Bari Jo
Quote from: Bari Jo on January 17, 2018, 09:51:05 AM
I need a larger space to be she and her.
Bari Jo
This. [emoji1355]♀️
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Its really quite annoyìng. I could solve it by dressing more feminine and wearing more makeup I suppose, but when your kids call you Dad, and your wife freaks out over anything more than skinny jeans its unavoidable. For now its just something to ignore. Cues like facial hair (concealing only lasts so long) and voice don't help much eithef. It takes a concious effort to stay in a higher range for me.