So I was on the phone with a very large corporation's customer service department and the customer service agent was just ma'aming me to a fare thee well. My voice has gotten a lot better after a year and a half of constant practice. Then he asked for my email address and I told him it was trans jane. After that he started calling me sir and then saying, oh sorry ma'am.
That's pretty unprofessional behavior don't you think? My dentist does the same thing. I am beginning to suspect that sort of behavior is deliberate.
Unfortunately thanks to our leaders, ignorance is becoming the norm. We need more education not less.
Have some pity on the customer service people. Give them some cues. If they call me, asking for my name, I say, "This is she." If no such cue has occurred naturally in the conversation and they "Sir" me, I say, "Pardon me, but it's ma'am, not sir." I knew in advance that I would not always have the patience for this, so I intentionally chose a name that is not particularly gendering (until I spell it): Renae. As a result of this choice, I can choose not to redirect the conversation or not, but being deep into transition and confident in my identity, I usually do. And, I have been working on my voice, which often makes the whole thing a non-issue. It's a great time to practice voice, incidentally. There is no pressure to speak above a crowd or project, and the listener's reactions give feedback on how you are doing.
Most customer service people are trained to try to make you feel at ease. Some are better at it than others, but they will at least try to gender you in the manner you indicated. You probably won't have to, but if they persist incorrectly, you do have the option of ending the call, with or without telling them why you are doing so. In the now very rare case I do, I tell them explicitly that I was quite clear about how I wanted to be addressed, and that if they cannot respect that, we have no further business to discuss.
None of what I said above is particularly helpful until/unless you are okay with being transgender. That is mission #1 in your transition, but so many folks here and elsewhere skip it, thinking that they can make it irrelevant or even "not true". Most of them drive themselves batty in the process, and push away those who really might want to help them.
Some of it is likely cluelessness. There is a whole segment of society actively promoting the idea that trans women are really men in dresses. If someone doesn't know any better and believes that (because they don't hear voices telling them otherwise), they are likely to think that Kathy or Jane is "really" a man, and that therefore the respectful thing to do is to address us that way.
Yes, you have to be a doofus to think that way, but I believe that many people do. There is no shortage of doofuses in the world.
They are intentionally gendering us as male, but might not be intending to disrespect us. A correction is warranted, but I avoid getting mad unless I know for sure that disrespect is intentional.
I want to give that person maybe more credit then deserved: Maybe the customer service rep thought of you as FTM, especially the apology before switching genders made me think of it.
On the other hand - I had deliberate misgendering happening to me (why would any deli clerk first say "hello ladies" and then ask me "what can I get you sir?"... while I am standing there with full makeup, a dress and heels???)
I am proud to be trans but personally don't think that belongs into my email address. There are just too many places that simply do not have to know :-)
Hugs
Quote from: Janes Groove on January 20, 2018, 12:42:17 PM
So I was on the phone with a very large corporation's customer service department and the customer service agent was just ma'aming me to a fare thee well. My voice has gotten a lot better after a year and a half of constant practice. Then he asked for my email address and I told him it was trans jane. After that he started calling me sir and then saying, oh sorry ma'am.
That's pretty unprofessional behavior don't you think? My dentist does the same thing. I am beginning to suspect that sort of behavior is deliberate.
As someone with a decade or more of customer service experience I'll say that this was incredibly unprofessional. Without comment from you, there was no reason at all to change pronouns. In most places I've worked a complaint would result in action being taken against this person.
Quote from: Janes Groove on January 20, 2018, 12:42:17 PM
So I was on the phone with a very large corporation's customer service department and the customer service agent was just ma'aming me to a fare thee well. My voice has gotten a lot better after a year and a half of constant practice. Then he asked for my email address and I told him it was trans jane. After that he started calling me sir and then saying, oh sorry ma'am.
That's pretty unprofessional behavior don't you think? My dentist does the same thing. I am beginning to suspect that sort of behavior is deliberate.
A funny thought came to mind after reading this thread. One was I could just imagine the CSR talking with you and then when he input your e-mail, it came up with a different reference, ie. mister, etc. Same with the dentist. Everybody is pretty much computerized and I'm sure the sex is identified in the system.
Quote from: PurplePelican on January 22, 2018, 01:16:39 PM
As someone with a decade or more of customer service experience I'll say that this was incredibly unprofessional. Without comment from you, there was no reason at all to change pronouns. In most places I've worked a complaint would result in action being taken against this person.
Yep! Unprofessional and should be called out. Handle how you see fit. My experience is to just correct them like you would if you were cis and were being misgendered. No need to be snippy, nasty, or to try and make a statement. 'Choose your battles', is the approach I take. ;)
Quote from: rmaddy on January 20, 2018, 01:20:57 PM
None of what I said above is particularly helpful until/unless you are okay with being transgender. That is mission #1 in your transition, but so many folks here and elsewhere skip it, thinking that they can make it irrelevant or even "not true". Most of them drive themselves batty in the process, and push away those who really might want to help them.
I was bothered by this comment. I don't think you meant it mean, but it struck me negatively. It's more complicated than this statement. I feel differently about being trans with different people at different times of the day. I don't feel guilty for those emotions. I don't want to look down on those who do things their way. I don't know maybe I'm just in a bad mood. I hate being misgendered on the phone. It says to me that I am not where I want to be. My goals, my level of self satisfaction! I have enough self pride in me that I don't want people judging how I react to that. Maybe I am in a bad mood.
I'd like to think the best of people but I just can't anymore. I'm too old and have seen too much. Especially when they misgender me as soon as I confess my transexuality. I've 'gone beyond' in other words. My default stance is to think the worst of random strangers. Did I mention I was robbed recently? Uh huh. That happened.
And my dentist is just a jerk(language cleaned up for Susans mods). I'm so sick of Dr. Zell type dentists.