Ignore this little unrelated part if you please; question is below.
Wow, hello everyone. I haven't been here in ages because I was going through a lot for some time. However, things have changed.
- I made an appointment at an informed consent center before I came out to my father (appointment is tomorrow)
- came out to him last night, he's supportive but I'm concerned for when the reality of it hits him. For now, it's good though.
I guess that doesn't sound like a whole lot, but for someone who has on/off (mostly on) thought death was a better option than coming out, and has terrible social anxiety with appointments, this is a huge improvement.
Anyway, here's context + my question:
Tomorrow, I'll have to talk to a specialist about my gender, and see if they believe I'm mentally prepared for hormones. However, I don't even slightly pass. Like, I look like a very feminine girl, just with no tits (thanks binders). For anyone with experience going to centers like the one I'm going to (LGBT-focused ones w/ informed consent models), are they picky with appearances and passing right away? I would assume not, but I'm just worried out of my own anxiety and insecurity reasons. I can rush a haircut tonight if I really wanted to--and I might--but I'm just. Anxious. Yeah, that's really it. Guess I just need someone to tell me they'll be chill or not chill with it.
Thank you in advance and I hope I can start posting more and giving others responses again, despite my little presence beforehand.
It's a bit hard to predict whether they'll be chill or not chill. Unless someone here knows the people there.
Here in the Netherlands I've heard very diverging accounts of therapists even within one gender center. Some get it if you (still) look like a girl or are nonbinary, others don't.
If you want full ease of mind, I'd go for the haircut. If you want to just do you, and see how they react, just go for it...
I've never cut my hair short since seeing anyone, doctors, therapists, GIC staff, since the first appointment. I'm not cutting it unless I want to. They have made remarks about it - as if most FTM cut theirs (I'm not surprised) - but haven't pushed on about it. I think it clicked for them I'm just one of those guys who does the long hair and doesn't care what anyone might have to say about it.
I'd say you should be fine with whatever hair so long as you project a sense of knowing exactly what you want and being focused on your transition goals and not seeming confused in any way.
My experience at u of ia Lgbtq Center was very laid back and the first appt was to do some applicable paperwork and talk about where I believed I fit in the gender spectrum. Appt was also whether I had any ideas of how I wanted to use the resource (Lgbtq Center). I dressed how I usually dress and I didn't feel any weird looks or questioning looks either way.
Good luck, dude!!!
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
I wouldn't worry about the hair length either. I kept my hair long before and after seeking gender therapist and starting T. It was never an issue. One of them even told me I reminded her of her son who had long hair and we had a light-hearted discussion about gender stereotypes and expectations. Yes, I was expected to show I was comfortable living in a male gender role and wanting to pass, but hair is just one aspect and they didn't expect me to look 100% stereotypically guyish. I otherwise wore masculine clothes but couldn't really pass either, except from on rare occasions. I probably looked like an androgynous girl pre-t.
If you are afraid, why not attend a couple of support meetings that way you get an idea of what you may need. I don't see where the initial need to dress gender specific. What's important is you are truthful and don't beat around the bush. No pun intended. Where dressing is important is before surgery as it is a requirement to live as your desired sex for a year. to get that second letter. The reason the HRT letter is not as important is because you can always stop. After surgery there is no going back.
Quote from: lc100 on January 22, 2018, 12:48:52 PM
Ignore this little unrelated part if you please; question is below.
Wow, hello everyone. I haven't been here in ages because I was going through a lot for some time. However, things have changed.
- I made an appointment at an informed consent center before I came out to my father (appointment is tomorrow)
- came out to him last night, he's supportive but I'm concerned for when the reality of it hits him. For now, it's good though.
I guess that doesn't sound like a whole lot, but for someone who has on/off (mostly on) thought death was a better option than coming out, and has terrible social anxiety with appointments, this is a huge improvement.
Anyway, here's context + my question:
Tomorrow, I'll have to talk to a specialist about my gender, and see if they believe I'm mentally prepared for hormones. However, I don't even slightly pass.
Whether or not you pass does not matter. Not now. Not ever. Do yourself a huge favor and reject the entire concept of passing at the outset. It will save you a lot of time and aggravation.
Be yourself. You'll get the hormones if you want them and you give informed consent. Listen carefully to the pros and cons, and decide. It's your life.
Just a clarification to what I said previously. You don't need to pass. I was more thinking about that it could be of some importance (for some therapists/T-providers) to show that you're making an effort to try to look like the gender you transition to whether that means you pass or not. But trying as hard as possible all the way from your toes is not necessary at all. (This does not reflect my personal opinions on how anyone should or shouldn't look, it's just how it seems to me the system unfortunately can often be like.)