All,
I don't know about you but over the past 2+ years of my transition, from coming out to the first person until today as full-time Denise, There have been some notable days that I wanted to climb a mountain and yell "look at me!"
After yelling, metaphorically, I would notice that off in, what seemed like, the distance was another mountain that was slightly higher. So off I trudged. Down the mountain and into the valley to start the ascent to the top of the next. I would say there have been a dozen such mountains I've climbed. Coming out to #1, Coming out to #2 (although that was more like a valley), first time Denise went outside, first time to interact with people etc... With each mountain I climbed, I learned from the last; consider it physical training for the mind and each got easier to peak.
Today I'm sitting at my desk in a company of 15,000 people and I'm thinking I'm at the top of another mountain. I want to yell but not quite as loudly as before.
With the exception of two surgeries that are on the horizon (face and GCS) I don't see many more mountains. In one sense I'm relieved, and in another, I think I need something else to occupy my time. The little voice in my head is 100% gone so no more nagging from within. Maybe it's time to write a book.
After 28 months, I think it's time to start living again. I have no regrets (other than divorce) and I would do 95% of it over again exactly the same way.
- Denise
P.S. I'm posting this to give hope to people who are just starting out and are "scared out of their wits." I was there too. My transition was blinding fast for some, snail's pace for some, and right speed for the rest. My experience was just that, My Experience and your's may/will be different.
Quote from: Denise on February 06, 2018, 07:53:48 AM
P.S. I'm posting this to give hope to people who are just starting out and are "scared out of their wits." I was there too. My transition was blinding fast for some, snail's pace for some, and right speed for the rest. My experience was just that, My Experience and your's may/will be different.
Thank you for posting Denise. Speaking as one of those just starting out and "scared out of their wits" it does give me hope that one day we can get to where we need to be and your story is certainly confirmation of that, so thank you. ;D Writing a book is an awesome idea. I'd certainly buy a copy! ;)
Thank you very much for the summary Denise.
It certainly helps me as one just starting out.
I have been reading your posts for some time: we both (along with many others) realized we had Gender Dysphoria aged 4 without using that term of course.
Good luck for the future
Pamela
Quote from: Denise on February 06, 2018, 07:53:48 AMAfter 28 months, I think it's time to start living again. I have no regrets (other than divorce) and I would do 95% of it over again exactly the same way.
- Denise
P.S. I'm posting this to give hope to people who are just starting out and are "scared out of their wits." I was there too. My transition was blinding fast for some, snail's pace for some, and right speed for the rest. My experience was just that, My Experience and your's may/will be different.
It's so incredible to reach that point - the one when you you start thinking past "transition" and on to simply "living." I guess I'm one of those who are moving at lightning speed, since I just started this journey 10 months ago, and I'm full-time and scheduling consultations for GCS. After fighting it for 50 years, it just can't happen fast enough.
I agree that it's so important to show our progress and positive outcomes. Reading other's success stories helped me so much in the early days. It really is possible. Don't ever give up hope or stop moving forward.
- Stephanie
Nice post my dear sister Denise!
Keep your hiking legs in shape girl... There are always mountains... The mountains of transition kind of pick us but, afterwards... we get to choose the mountains...
One of the mountains I have chosen is teaching mountain climbing to the beginners... Because the view from up here should not be missed!!!
Hugs and Love,
A 😀🌻💗
It is kind of funny how when I look down from the mountain it looks more like a hill yet the next mountain doesn't look any smaller and very much steeper Will it look like a hill as well when I am standing on top ?
bobbisue :)
I get it
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Nice post. I've only crossed a few mountains at this point, but finally resolved to live full time even though I know I don't really pass. The nice thing is - I don't care. I see some really big mountains ahead, but I have my pack on and my climbing gear is ready so bring 'em on.
Quote from: Denise on February 06, 2018, 07:53:48 AM
P.S. I'm posting this to give hope to people who are just starting out and are "scared out of their wits." I was there too. My transition was blinding fast for some, snail's pace for some, and right speed for the rest. My experience was just that, My Experience and your's may/will be different.
Thanks for this post, kinda what I needed to see today. It's basically the beginning of my transition being out to everyone and on hormones so I'm always interested/worried/obsessing about what the future will bring. I guess that voice of wanting to just say "THIS IS ME" won't ever go away, but who says that's necessarily a bad thing right?
Quote from: bobbisue on February 06, 2018, 10:32:37 AM
It is kind of funny how when I look down from the mountain it looks more like a hill yet the next mountain doesn't look any smaller and very much steeper Will it look like a hill as well when I am standing on top ?
bobbisue :)
Bobbi Sue,
I'm not sure if you had meant that to be rhetorical or not but when I would reach a new plateau and I looked back the height doesn't seem as high and the steepness not as steep. That's because it just is. The change is in the past but you have a new reality.
At that point we learned what worked and what didn't work so the next challenge we face we are better prepared.
No one has yet written a book that will work for 100% of the people. So we need to forge or own tools through trial and the unfortunate errors.
Denise
If transition were easy, everyone would do it.
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I'd love to read your book Denise. I think every step of the way we should embrace because we can only (usually) do it once. I have my ups and severe downs but there's no other mountain I'd rather jump off than the one I'm inching to get up!! Okay, that was my sad attempt at humor. But for once I'm not afraid to fail at this because I know where I'm headed regardless. And what's failure anyway? I already lived in enough shame and fear my whole life...
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Quote from: Allison S on February 06, 2018, 06:12:51 PMBut for once I'm not afraid to fail at this because I know where I'm headed regardless. And what's failure anyway? I already lived in enough shame and fear my whole life...
Allison...
That sounds suspiciously like a girl who is going to conquer the world and just doesn't know it completely yet... But she will... 😀!!!
Onward we climb brave little sister!!!
Ashley 😀❤️🌻
Quote from: tgirlamc on February 06, 2018, 10:14:36 AM
...
One of the mountains I have chosen is teaching mountain climbing to the beginners... Because the view from up here should not be missed!!!
...
Thanks T Girl... Today I strolled up your mountain to 'enlighten' cis people about what it is to be Transgender. I spoke in front of 40 people at a company in Chicago for 90 minutes. Of the dozen or so people that I spoke with after the formal session was over, they all said it was too bad we had to stop. I figure it could have gone on for another hour or two and only scratched the questions they had. It was their Diversity and Inclusion Business Resource Group so it was a pretty safe group but still a group who knew nothing about being transgender went home and had dinner with their spouse/partner/kids and hopefully the subject came up.
But as with most new things, this brought a challenge to me. That challenge was: In my opinion, I looked great. I went to work wearing a real dress with nude tights, heels, jewelry, and make-up. That was a first. After working with some of these people for over 30 years to show up in a dress was enough for me to pause. Everyone's challenges are different. In the end, I got compliments on the dress which made my day.