Hi friends,
I'm a transgender man, and have known this for nearly a year. However, due to certain life circumstances, I'm unable to transition/come out, and it's becoming difficult to cope with. I'm out with my boyfriend and sister, and both have been very supportive and kind, but I think that's as far as I can go with it. I'm sure this is a fairly common situation, but my question is: what ways have you found to cope with dysphoria, and just the general pressure of carrying a secret like that with you?
I have a few gender-validating things that I do more or less in secret, like wearing boxers or a binder under a sweatshirt, wearing men's pants and passing them off as "boyfriend jeans" (eyeroll). I have the luxury of coming across as a "tomboy", and I've always been referred to as "one of the guys", which helps in some way. But I still have very severe bottom dysphoria, and can't stand to see my body in a mirror. And it just gets me down in general, not being able to live as myself.
What about cutting your hair? Also, and hope I'm not crossing the line here, role playing with your boyfriend in intimacy so you can be the dominant male?
Quote from: Charlie Nicki on February 16, 2018, 08:51:37 AM
What about cutting your hair? Also, and hope I'm not crossing the line here, role playing with your boyfriend in intimacy so you can be the dominant male?
No line crossed at all, thank you for the advice! I find that my bf and I are fairly interchangeable in terms of dominance/leadership in general, but you're right that changing the way I think about that/roleplaying could be helpful.
Also, it's funny you suggest a haircut, I
just cut about a foot and a half of hair off :D
Quote from: Degenderate on February 16, 2018, 05:03:14 PM
No line crossed at all, thank you for the advice! I find that my bf and I are fairly interchangeable in terms of dominance/leadership in general, but you're right that changing the way I think about that/roleplaying could be helpful.
Also, it's funny you suggest a haircut, I just cut about a foot and a half of hair off :D
Great! It's the small things that count ;)
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Have you thought about a packer or STP device?
I've been in the same situation for 10 years. I can't give any advice on how to cope, but I did make plans and changes to my life to put myself in a better situation if I was ever forced to transition. That finally seems to be coming, and I'm thankful that I prepared for it.
Quote from: Pao on March 07, 2018, 07:48:02 PM
Have you thought about a packer or STP device?
Funds are a bit limited at the moment, but I'm thinking this may be a good next step. Out of curiosity, do packers/STP tend to bulge noticeably through pants (like jeans)? Obviously each model would be different, but it my be a tough conversation if one wasn't too subtle. :P
Quote from: AnonyMs on March 07, 2018, 08:08:07 PM
I've been in the same situation for 10 years. I can't give any advice on how to cope, but I did make plans and changes to my life to put myself in a better situation if I was ever forced to transition. That finally seems to be coming, and I'm thankful that I prepared for it.
Congratulations! I'm glad to hear that, ten years is a seriously long time to live this way. Here's hoping my situation may change someday too. :)
I feel you, man. I'm in the same situation right now. It's good that you're in a healthy relationship. I wish I could say the same. You said that you wear a binder, but have you thought about some exercises for breast reduction? I'm planning to start doing some soon. You could also start training to make your body more muscular and that would definitely help in the future transition.
Solidarity, my man, it's a tough one.
I've started incorporating more weightlifting and such to try and bulk up a little - truth be told, more than anything I want to lose some weight in my face, my facial features are pretty soft and rounded, not the most masculine thing in the world, haha.
I'd never considered breast reduction exercises before, thanks for the heads up! :o
I have the same problem with my face. Even when I was really slim, it was round like a ->-bleeped-<-ing ball. And now I'm fat and I'm round everywhere, so. But I heard about something called face yoga? I don't think it would help with making your face more masculine but maybe define it a little? Make it sharper and more pronounced? I've been thinking about it too.
My breasts are pretty big but that's because I'm fat now. I don't want top surgery and I know it's possible to train your body to look masculine without it. It's obviously the harder way, but on the other hand - you won't end up with scars and enormous bills.
Tell me about it! I'm lucky that my breasts are on the smaller side so I can bind with some success. If only the fat on my body didn't overly accentuate the feminine features I have - straight to my face, hips and stomach, none on my waist, not a straight line on me. Bad enough to read as a female, but being mistaken for a pregnant female is a bridge too far, hahaha ;D
I feel your pain, I kinda do the same as you but in opposite gender, I present myself as a femboy, since im skinny it kinda helps, and I have long hair, but my lack of breast, relative broad shoulders and chicken legs bumm me out mm
Quote from: Degenderate on March 13, 2018, 11:17:11 PM
Bad enough to read as a female, but being mistaken for a pregnant female is a bridge too far, hahaha ;D
I've been there too! That's why I wear only baggy clothes.
It would be so nice if we could just switch - wanna have some breasts? Here, take mine! Just give me your penis and we'll be even!
Quote from: vic on March 14, 2018, 09:37:54 AM
It would be so nice if we could just switch - wanna have some breasts? Here, take mine! Just give me your penis and we'll be even!
Right? I have an excess of girl, please have some! ;D
Quote from: Degenderate on March 13, 2018, 07:01:16 PM
Funds are a bit limited at the moment, but I'm thinking this may be a good next step. Out of curiosity, do packers/STP tend to bulge noticeably through pants (like jeans)? Obviously each model would be different, but it my be a tough conversation if one wasn't too subtle. :P
Congratulations! I'm glad to hear that, ten years is a seriously long time to live this way. Here's hoping my situation may change someday too. :)
You can make a packer pretty easy and there are homemade items that can help STP
Quote from: vic on March 14, 2018, 09:37:54 AM
It would be so nice if we could just switch - wanna have some breasts? Here, take mine! Just give me your penis and we'll be even!
If only it worked like that... I'd make that trade faster than light travels in a 1/10 of a second.
Reading this makes me so sad, I wish we could trade bodies, Im M2F stuck in s similar dilemma. For now I am happy to say that at least I managed to get s job were they are pro trans so I can present myself as femm as I like snd they accept me and while it still tough and not the same as hrt it helps a little. So while you figure it out at least find social spaces were u can be accepted as male regardless of your body.
Quote from: Lilith.lupe.tamayo on March 19, 2018, 04:45:47 PM
Reading this makes me so sad, I wish we could trade bodies, Im M2F stuck in s similar dilemma. For now I am happy to say that at least I managed to get s job were they are pro trans so I can present myself as femm as I like snd they accept me and while it still tough and not the same as hrt it helps a little. So while you figure it out at least find social spaces were u can be accepted as male regardless of your body.
I'm so glad you have a supportive workplace, that's great! Hang in there, sister. Who knows how things will go, maybe a way will open up for us. :)
Supportive workplace, any supportive place at all is like a dream to me. You're very lucky, Lupe.
It's so sad to know that there are so many of us who are unable to be themselves fully. But on the other hand it helps to know that you're not alone. I wish you all the best. I truly believe that one day we will be happy.
Quote from: vic on March 20, 2018, 08:07:33 PM
Supportive workplace, any supportive place at all is like a dream to me. You're very lucky, Lupe.
It's so sad to know that there are so many of us who are unable to be themselves fully. But on the other hand it helps to know that you're not alone. I wish you all the best. I truly believe that one day we will be happy.
I am lucky, that being said even among my pro lgbtq co worker I can not use, female pronouns, I use neutral ones and I wouldn't dare wear like a dress in front of them, I feel like I would look like some pathetic man and not a woman.
I read a little of your dilemma, I would love to take your breasts off your well not so much hands and trade you my chest. I am M2F and also in a hurry and don't like what I see in the mirror. I take a lot of cold showers to shrink it, I' sorry but it's gross to have.
Anyway if you want weight reduction and square man hips, when you go to the gym, do not forget Dead lifts and squats. You will lose unwanted fat all over, bulk up and square up like a guy. If you want muscles like the big guys have do the exercises they do. I go to the gym and get work out advice from the women for hips getting thin and curvy. I am naturally feminine so it helps.
Quote from: Corrina on March 21, 2018, 07:22:49 PM
I read a little of your dilemma, I would love to take your breasts off your well not so much hands and trade you my chest. I am M2F and also in a hurry and don't like what I see in the mirror. I take a lot of cold showers to shrink it, I' sorry but it's gross to have.
Anyway if you want weight reduction and square man hips, when you go to the gym, do not forget Dead lifts and squats. You will lose unwanted fat all over, bulk up and square up like a guy. If you want muscles like the big guys have do the exercises they do. I go to the gym and get work out advice from the women for hips getting thin and curvy. I am naturally feminine so it helps.
Thanks for the advice! It's good to at least have exercise options that can get us a little closer to our ideal shape. :)