For the purpose of this site, you can call me Anima. I prefer female pronouns, but never really cared what anyone called me. I'm joining this community today because I feel trapped. I'm a young transwoman who only realized this about 7 months ago. It was at once incredibly banal and utterly freeing. I accepted it immediately. Throughout my life I've crossdressed a number of times, but always wrote off any relief as simple fun, my friends chuckling at the ridiculousness of their certainly male friend looking so feminine. I laughed along, which I regret now.I regret more the fact that it's taken me so long to accept the relief, only letting myself feel it through a pursuit of androgyny rather than femininity. I came out to my partner of 3.5 years about 3 months ago. She hasn't taken it well, what with her heterosexuality and abandonment issues. It hurts all the more because while I do love her, I know every second I spend putting off the end of our relationship only serves to hurt us. She's responded to my feelings by saying things like, "It could just be a phase." "Maybe all you need is to crossdress." "Can't you just try and be more masculine?" But it's not, I need more, and that last one is an outright ridiculous statement. She surprised me. I knew it would be difficult for her to accept, but I never thought she'd start parroting right wing talking points. And I can't help but feel like it's all my fault. So I've come here to shed some grief, regret, and guilt (and maybe get some tips, I'm kind of flying blind here). Thanks for reading. Much love.
Hi Anima 🙋 Welcome to Susan's Place! I'm Jessica, a trans woman. I'm sorry you are having a hard time with your wife. It can be quite hard news to try and process quickly. You've had longer time to sort things out to the point you are than she has. Counseling always helps. Hopefully she will be receptive enough to go.
I see your new here, so I'll post some links that may help you get better acquainted with the site.
Things that you should read
Site Terms of Service & Rules to Live By (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,2.0.html) | Standard Terms & Definitions (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,54369.0.html) | Post Ranks (including when you can upload an avatar) (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,114.0.html.) | Cautionary Note (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,82221.0.html) |
Reputation rules (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,18960.0.html) | News posting & quoting guidelines (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,174951.0.html) | Photo, avatars, & signature images policy (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,59974.msg383866.html#msg383866) | Membership Agreement (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,216851.0.html) |
Hi Anima :icon_wave:
Welcome to Susan's Place :) Glad to have you here, join on in the fun
Hugs
V M
Nice to meet you, Jessica, and thank you for the links. I'll go give those a read. As a side note, we're not actually married, though that's only because I'm only 21 and am of the philosophy that marrying that young is a poor choice statistically speaking (of course, no judgement to those who do, it's just not for me)
Hello to you to V M, and thank you both for the warm welcome. It means the world.
Hello Anima, welcome to Susan's!
<big hug>
You sound so sweet and you are definitely not trapped - you found one doorway and it's right here.
My advice is to never feel guilty for being honest and taking action to build the best possible future. I also found I wasn't a very good actor, life is so much better when it's genuine. I had tried to act like my birth-assigned gender but that just never felt right. And now I can finally be me.
I think you've already made some good decisions and are about to make many more that are excellent.
All the best,
Kendra