Trans women who are prettier than me can get at me sometimes.
They can make me cry because I don't have tons of money to spend on beautifying surgeries and because life is not fair in general.
I pass and I'm greatful for that, but I need make-up to hide flaws while some women don't need make-up at all and can look beautiful without it.
Using make-up to look pretty makes me feel like a cheater and a loser.
I can go into very dysphoric mode when I'm around a trans woman who has less " tells " than me and who looks more " conventionally attractive " than me.
It also gives me anxiety when I see trans women who were naturally more lucky than me.
Am I a weirdo?
It's so exhausting.
I wish I had more money to have surgeries that can assist in removing " tells " but I'm all dependent on hormones and cheap beauty tricks.
The only surgery that I can look forward to is a BA.
FFS is a long way off unless I do sexual work but I think I want to avoid that.
It's so exhausting to live with dysphoria. I wonder if dysphoria ever ends :-(
I know how hard it is living with dysphoria. I wish I could tell you that the 2nd year of hrt gets better. I'm only 5 months so I wouldn't know. But often ffs, ba, vfs, grs, body contouring, etc. may be needed for us. It's a long journey and it's certainly not easy... I'm just starting and the only way I can cope with knowing how expensive surgery is is that I know I have to wait another year or two. But it's not even that I can save money. I'm not working right now and I'm using my savings to survive sadly.. so my future feels very uncertain at the moment too [emoji17]
Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk
Quote from: Allison S on February 25, 2018, 02:06:57 PM
I know how hard it is living with dysphoria. I wish I could tell you that the 2nd year of hrt gets better. I'm only 5 months so I wouldn't know. But often ffs, ba, vfs, grs, body contouring, etc. may be needed for us. It's a long journey and it's certainly not easy... I'm just starting and the only way I can cope with knowing how expensive surgery is is that I know I have to wait another year or two. But it's not even that I can save money. I'm not working right now and I'm using my savings to survive sadly.. so my future feels very uncertain at the moment too [emoji17]
Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk
Still hoping that a rich boyfriend crosses my path.
That or a robbery! Are you in? :-'P
( just joking )
Xxx
Fortunately I'm not feeling that way. I just turned 62 and have regrets that I didn't do this years ago. I don't know where I will end up and spend more time wishing I could look like some of the gorgeous transwomen I have seen. I'm hoping one day I will be passable but like others funds are limited.
I do have a urology appointment at the end of April to discuss an orchi and that might change my feeling if I can get it done. One day at a time right now for me.
All women go through that, dear heart. Does she look prettier than me? Is her dress nicer than mine? Does her hair look better? It never ends. We have to learn to be happy with ourselves as the women we are. The fact that we are working to become our real female selves shows great strides in self-improvement. XO
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk Pro
I have some mixed feelings.
I do become a bit envious when I see a woman much prettier than me. Life is just not fair.
But really, why do us ladies let our personal appearance define who we are? Sure I try to be clean and well groomed, but I do not use a ton of make up or flamboyant clothing. I just want to be me. If that is me in shorts and a t-shirt, then so be it. I am happy to be alive as I am.
I tend to admire them rather than comparing myself with them. They have achieved something in their life. It should not have been easy at all.
There are many beautiful and elegant cis-women here, and I will never look like them. I am sometimes jealous of them. But, I am unique, and I also have something that they do not have and may be jealous of.
barbie~~
Let me ask you this: how do you feel when around women that look nowhere as good as you do?
Where I live, there are very few good looking women, and they are all quite wealthy and young. Lacking any sort of "nobility", I am secure with my looks. Heck, I don't even need makeup to look better than many of the women in my area.
Rather than compare yourself to the most beautiful women around, try comparing yourself to the majority of the women around. I think you'll feel quite a bit better.
All women are beautiful. All women question their beauty. This is what I have learned.
Most women wear makup. Don't feel bad about it. Stop comparing yourself to others. Easier said than done. But I know most women do the same and then they feel bad about them selves for not being pretty enough, beautiful enough, feeling like a fake.
Through a guy's eyes....you women are beautiful with or without makup. I don't notice stuff like that.
Tony
Yeah, I'm sure that's relatively common. I've learned to stop seeking out images of other women online to compare myself to, as it can be crushing even though I'm not horribly dissatisfied with my appearance most of the time. Severe depression does complicate things, though, and casts a dark veil of imagined ugliness over my self-perception that really comes out whenever I see other women around my age with a similar presentation/expression/style.
This is...delicate, but I also think that some of my body insecurities stem from the historical visibility of trans women in professions that are based around physical attractiveness in the public eye--models, actresses, sex workers, nowadays social media and reality-TV stars, etc. This has been slowly changing a bit recently and shifting towards greater representation in other occupations, but I think it's important to realize that that skews our internal standards for ourselves too in a negative way.
This is normal and some cis women feel this way about other women.
Sent from my Moto G (5) Plus using Tapatalk
I certainly envy pretty women. They set a standard to aim for. But I don't get upset if I don't achieve their standard.
I am all about being the real me, not trying to live up to someone else's standard. I did that for 60 years, and I'm done with it.
The more confident I get in public spaces, the more I watch other women. Yes, some are beautiful on the outside, and some keep their beauty internal. These days, I see a lot of women who are farther from society's standard of beauty than I am. I may not be the prettiest, but I am not the bottom of the barrel either.
I was in a public place yesterday when I saw a man walk in with a huge beak of a nose. I was secretly thankful that I didn't have such an unfortunate schnoz, or I would have needed FFS for sure. And then, a moment later, a woman walked in who was unquestionably his sister. Same nose! Yet she was walking around un-self-consciously as a cis woman.
The point is that few of us are extremes, even though society has made us feel like freaks. We aren't. We are just normal people, and we look like normal people. And all of us are beautiful.
Dysphoria is a terrible thing and I'm so sorry you're going through this. I know some very beautiful young trans women, and I certainly admire them, but I'm sixty, and I could never compete with them, but the same is true for most sixty year old cis women. But I feel very comfortable around these beautiful young women, which is something that never happened when I was trying to make my way in the world as a male. I am thankful that I have finally arrived where I belong.
I love makeup and derive a great deal of pleasure from improving my skill with it. Walk into a Sephora or Ulta store today, look at the other customers, and ask yourself, are these women losers? Of course not, they are celebrating their femininity, and so are you! Embrace your inner woman as you care for your outer woman.
My outward appearance is not great, but I do the best I can with it. The best part, however, is that I find more and more that I am being accepted by other women as one of their own. Spend time with other women, both cis and trans, build your confidence, raise your head high, love yourself. I know this is hard, but as your inner connections with others grows stronger, your dysphoria will fade.
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
As Charlie Nicky pointed it out, many cis women feel the way you feel, probably most of them I'd say.
It is something I don't like in womanhood in general because it's like women think they are born just to be the prettiest and the most seductive possible and get obsessed with this. Like there is nothing better to do in life.
(Sorry if I offend anyone by saying this)
The important thing is not that you are or are not the most beautiful trans around, you'll always find less and more attractive than you and it means nothing because it is all a matter of taste. The important thing is that you think and realise that you are pretty anyway, and sure of your charm and uniqueness.
You better develop your inner character so that it can glow inside and out and make YOU and OTHERS feel like "who cares" if someone else has a softer skin, because you glow, your unique glow and charm, only you have it.
Hugs :-*
I feel envious of beautiful CIS women all the time. I don't get envious of trans women though, at least I never have so far. But watch out if you're prettier than a CIS woman! Even if the person is supposed to be your friend they can get really ugly about it. This happened to me once and she said some really nasty stuff to me. I guess it's hard for a CIS woman to handle the fact that someone who started life male could look better than they do.
Not very many trans women make me feel that way, but admittedly, very pretty cis women make me feel insecure sometimes, like if I'm having a bad hair day😀
Quote from: Julia1996 on March 03, 2018, 11:34:07 AM
I feel envious of beautiful CIS women all the time. I don't get envious of trans women though, at least I never have so far. But watch out if you're prettier than a CIS woman! Even if the person is supposed to be your friend they can get really ugly about it. This happened to me once and she said some really nasty stuff to me. I guess it's hard for a CIS woman to handle the fact that someone who started life male could look better than they do.
When I first transitioned, attractive cis women were kind and friendly to me, and a lot of unattractive cis women were not.
Jealousy is normal. Just try not allow it to consume your life. Goodness knows I have some beautiful females both cis and trans I would die to have similar characteristics of , physically speaking
Quote from: Julia1996 on March 03, 2018, 11:34:07 AM
I feel envious of beautiful CIS women all the time. I don't get envious of trans women though, at least I never have so far. But watch out if you're prettier than a CIS woman! Even if the person is supposed to be your friend they can get really ugly about it. This happened to me once and she said some really nasty stuff to me. I guess it's hard for a CIS woman to handle the fact that someone who started life male could look better than they do.
Oh yeah. One of my co-workers is really jealous that my figure is better than hers. She is still friendly but every now and then. Figures its not fair a MTF can look nicer than her.
I'm going to have to find a prettier girl than me and check it out. 8) :angel: :-*
Quote from: Devlyn Marie on March 03, 2018, 12:59:05 PM
I'm going to have to find a prettier girl than me and check it out. 8) :angel: :-*
Haha
Healthy self-confidence you have, Devlyn :)
Starting so late in life I never expected much. I am happy with my transition, I know that I can't compete so why bother stressing myself over it. There was a brief time when I was envious of young women, cis or trans it didn't matter, I wanted it so bad when I was young. That didn't feel good though if that makes sense. Just made me feel really small, so I let it go.
I don't know how much I would like to be a very beautiful woman. The ones I have seen since transitioning don't seem very friendly or happy and have not been accepting of me at all. Seems like a miserable existence. I have to be honest, I never paid any attention at all to beautiful women before I transitioned. The pretty girls were not nice to me at all until I was 15 or 16, okay I was a grubby kid I accept that, and then they acted like I was the worst sort of person on the planet because I didn't want to do anything with them. And why be so cool to me now? Anyway, I don't get it so I let them do their thing and I do mine, they are beyond me and if they want to feel superior I get it and really don't care.
As for trans women, not really. When I first started the super passable girls made me so dysphoric, not pretty but passable. There was one here that was probably a smidge above average, round face she was cute, but she was completely, 100%, no lie passable. Wow, it crushed me every time she posted. I don't know many trans women in person and... I don't know, doesn't it make you feel icky picking out trans women? Like if I see one out and about anymore I don't grade them and I try not to ever even try to tell if they are trans. It seems so uncharitable, so cruel. Two separate incidents caused this change. A trans girl that was ringing me up at a department store, she was not pretty but she was tiny I mean like shorter and thinner than any of my friends tiny. I was grading her as I got closer to the front of the line, voice, mannerisms, posture, everything, thinking I would love to give her tips. Then it sank in how truly sweet she was to everyone, even the lady that was irate when she got to the front of the line was smiling when she left. Her slightly crooked teeth were made beautiful by her genuine smile. After I left I realized that she could teach me more than I could ever teach her. Then one time I behind a guy in line and I was trying to figure out if he was trans. Kinda of a girly bandanna and sun glasses on his head, broad shoulders, narrow waist and butt. Other than the stuff on his head he looked like any other road worker, then he turned to leave and it was my best friend's niece. She stopped and we chatted and talked some more outside before we left. Both times I felt so horrible, how could I be that way? Who the hell am I to pass judgement in any way?
Anyway, with trans or cis women, why set myself up for failure? I have no desire to feel superior to anyone and I have no desire to feel inferior so I don't compare myself to anyone, for no other reason than it makes my life easier.
Hi Transfused, I am wondering if you have worked through this in therapy? This seems to be a thread that runs though alot of your posts so I am wondering if there might not be something deeper going on.
Yes, totally. It's really hard not only seeing a pretty trans girl, but seeing a trans girl further in their transition than you. It can literally ruin my day, seeing cis-gendered females is hard enough
Is that you in that pic?
Bcos the first time I saw you I thought you look very beautiful!!! I thought you are one of those 'strikingly beautiful' trans women then!
I wouldn't have ever guessed you might feel this way.
1) Beauty comes from the inside. People generally are attracted to confident people who love themselves for who they are.
2) Self-esteem comes from the inside too. Maybe being depressed around other women tells more about your own insecurities than their actual beauty. What if you are more beautiful than them - but just don't know it? Different people find different kind of people beautiful & attractive. Maybe other people might find you more attractive than some other girl?
3) Being attractive/beautiful physically isn't the only quality that matters. Someone might look very beautiful on the outside but be a boring person inside. Being attractive is about other characteristics than just physical perfection in itself. A happy, confident person who treats others with respect is always viewed favorably by others! Though the outside matters I'm not gonna deny that - also inner beauty definitely shows outside!!! If you are an unpleasant person it really doesn't matter how 'beautiful' you are on conventional standards. Sometimes someone 'not so beautiful' can be 100x more attractive as a whole!
Remember that you don't need to compete with other people in order to be happy & feel good about yourself! No one can choose their looks after all. You can acknowledge some people look hot or beautiful in your eyes - but still see yourself as equally beautiful and valuable. After all - you are not them - you are YOU. This is your life - if you knew those people a little better you wouldn't want to be them anyway, so why feel envious?
Oftentimes having a bad self-esteem or feeling you're inferior to others stems from your past experiences. Have people in the past told you you are not good enough? Or that you are ugly? People that put other people down have issues of their own. Their words don't reflect the reality. You are beautiful as yourself whatever you happen to look like!
Oftentimes people are their own worst judge. Usually other people are unable to see the flaws you see in yourself.
Quote from: KathyLauren on February 26, 2018, 06:55:56 AMThe point is that few of us are extremes, even though society has made us feel like freaks. We aren't. We are just normal people, and we look like normal people. And all of us are beautiful.
There was a time when I would have considered this superficial psychobabble. Now, I know it isn't.
I know that there was a time when I used to look at trans women differently. I can remember thinking that way. But I don't anymore. (That's a weird feeling: to know and remember having seen and felt things that you don't see and feel anymore.)
I see such beauty in so many non-passing trans women. I was surprised to realize, recently, that the need for that extra step of thought is falling away -- you know, seeing someone and, instead of thinking either, "cis woman" or "not a cis woman; but a woman anyway," now, seeing a trans woman and most of the time just thinking, "woman."
I haven't tried to formulate this beauty verbally, yet. I'm still just experiencing it. It's so cool, though. I know how self-conscious many girls are; I wish I could convey to them that there is no need, that they are lovely as they are. Of course, we all want to look pretty by conventional standards, and I am in awe of those girls who do. But real beauty is deeper than that, and there is plenty of it here.
Quote from: AnnMarie2017 on March 03, 2018, 09:28:26 PM
There was a time when I would have considered this superficial psychobabble. Now, I know it isn't.
I know that there was a time when I used to look at trans women differently. I can remember thinking that way. But I don't anymore. (That's a weird feeling: to know and remember having seen and felt things that you don't see and feel anymore.)
I see such beauty in so many non-passing trans women. I was surprised to realize, recently, that the need for that extra step of thought is falling away -- you know, seeing someone and, instead of thinking either, "cis woman" or "not a cis woman; but a woman anyway," now, seeing a trans woman and most of the time just thinking, "woman."
I haven't tried to formulate this beauty verbally, yet. I'm still just experiencing it. It's so cool, though. I know how self-conscious many girls are; I wish I could convey to them that there is no need, that they are lovely as they are. Of course, we all want to look pretty by conventional standards, and I am in awe of those girls who do. But real beauty is deeper than that, and there is plenty of it here.
Its strange. I can exercise, diet, work really hard to get levels right, deal with side effects of HRT and achieve a feminine body. I can spend hours with a laser frying off all the facial hair and get a clear face. But, I still feel that something is lacking. Things that can't be easily changed (big bones, slight brow ridge, height, hand and feet size) all jump out at me. I know I pass most of the time if I shave and keep my voice in the right range. But deep inside I still don't really feel it. Hopefully I can one day. People used to call me handsome. I HATED that. Even if it was true who wanted to handsome. I hope someday people can say I'm beautiful...
Quote from: krobinson103 on March 03, 2018, 10:19:50 PM
Its strange. I can exercise, diet, work really hard to get levels right, deal with side effects of HRT and achieve a feminine body. I can spend hours with a laser frying off all the facial hair and get a clear face. But, I still feel that something is lacking. Things that can't be easily changed (big bones, slight brow ridge, height, hand and feet size) all jump out at me. I know I pass most of the time if I shave and keep my voice in the right range. But deep inside I still don't really feel it. Hopefully I can one day. People used to call me handsome. I HATED that. Even if it was true who wanted to handsome. I hope someday people can say I'm beautiful...
I'm on my way out the door to work, but I didn't want to wait until morning to respond.
I think we will probably always have days like that, even when we get to the point where we usually don't think about it. Our raw material is different from what many girls have to work with. That's life. We're still women.
When I see a non-passing trans woman who is happy, I find beauty in her joy. The fact that she doesn't pass actually makes her more beautiful, because of what she has overcome. I don't have time to say more, now. Take a look at some of the avatars of non-passing trans women here and read their posts for awhile. Once you see the beauty in
them, it may make it easier to see it in yourself. :)
Quote from: krobinson103 on March 03, 2018, 10:19:50 PM
Its strange. I can exercise, diet, work really hard to get levels right, deal with side effects of HRT and achieve a feminine body. I can spend hours with a laser frying off all the facial hair and get a clear face. But, I still feel that something is lacking. Things that can't be easily changed (big bones, slight brow ridge, height, hand and feet size) all jump out at me. I know I pass most of the time if I shave and keep my voice in the right range. But deep inside I still don't really feel it. Hopefully I can one day. People used to call me handsome. I HATED that. Even if it was true who wanted to handsome. I hope someday people can say I'm beautiful...
Being scared of the slippery slope was a major reason why I delayed transitioning for so long. Now I see why. Thinking aboug putting on making up "feminize" myself makes me feel dysphoric.
I think I just need to get out there more and not care. Maybe you too? I was thinking of going to a gay bar nearby but I don't feel like putting on makeup with my face swollen from laser.
I'm just gonna keep waiting it out and holding on. I owe it to myself to give this a try (longer on hrt) even if it's the last thing I do
Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk
Quote from: Allison S on March 03, 2018, 10:55:54 PM
Being scared of the slippery slope was a major reason why I delayed transitioning for so long. Now I see why. Thinking aboug putting on making up "feminize" myself makes me feel dysphoric.
I think I just need to get out there more and not care. Maybe you too? I was thinking of going to a gay bar nearby but I don't feel like putting on makeup with my face swollen from laser.
I'm just gonna keep waiting it out and holding on. I owe it to myself to give this a try (longer on hrt) even if it's the last thing I do
Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk
I don't care out there. They can take a giant leap into a large hole if they have an issue. 95% of people gender me right, its just when you see those young women (yes no time machines I know) and think that should have been me if I had been braver.
The laser yes... it hurts a few days after a really intense session but the pain will be worth it!
Quote from: krobinson103 on March 03, 2018, 11:09:57 PM
I don't care out there. They can take a giant leap into a large hole if they have an issue. 95% of people gender me right, its just when you see those young women (yes no time machines I know) and think that should have been me if I had been braver.
The laser yes... it hurts a few days after a really intense session but the pain will be worth it!
I know but from your photos I'd say you're a young woman yourself. I know it's the same for me. I know I'm young I just haven't convinced myself I'm a woman quite yet because my hair isn't the length I want it to be.
I'm being hard on myself. I don't get gendered anymore but that's still a step up from getting "sir, man, dude, bro". I'm not getting dolled up with makeup just to go out to the store or for a walk. Yeah it sucks if people misgender me but I guess I expect it.
My roommate still sometimes says dude or man referring to me. It's weird he says it when I'm wearing tight skinny jeans but not leggings. It's also kinda weird I'm noticing/picking up on this lol. My other roommate never genders me and I thought he was kind flirty. But I think it was all in my head anyway.
Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk
Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder. I remember friends that liked women that were contrary to my likes. Some, only like fat women, others older women, more hirsute women etc.Each of us have our unique view of beauty despite the media trying to have us conform.
My views on beauty has been molded by the media and my ego. Fortunately, for many older transitioners, HRT is a fountain of youth. Many of us look 20 years younger as females. We can do alot to improve our looks in each of our minds eye. We can eat healthy, exrecise, keep out of direct sun light and not overeat, this gives us nicer skin and a fit slim body. I sponsor TGs for beauty pagents and know many cis beauty queens. They are my friends and we discuss beauty tips. I admire their looksbit have no jealousy. Not many cis or tg females look great without make up.
I am lucky in Bangkok that cosmetic procedures are 1/4 the cost in the west. There is a price for locals and a price for tourists. For example, the much touted Dr Suporn only does tourists, his pricing is outrageous for us locals, for srs, ffs and ba.There are clinics that are well regarded for facial implants, ba, body implants at such reasonable costs. For tourist there is the additional cost of travel and accommodations and the language barrier. They are there to meet the media hype on beauty.
You look great in your profile pic. Maybe one day you can visit Bangkok for procedures.
Quote from: Allison S on March 03, 2018, 11:39:26 PM
I know but from your photos I'd say you're a young woman yourself. I know it's the same for me. I know I'm young I just haven't convinced myself I'm a woman quite yet because my hair isn't the length I want it to be.
I'm being hard on myself. I don't get gendered anymore but that's still a step up from getting "sir, man, dude, bro". I'm not getting dolled up with makeup just to go out to the store or for a walk. Yeah it sucks if people misgender me but I guess I expect it.
My roommate still sometimes says dude or man referring to me. It's weird he says it when I'm wearing tight skinny jeans but not leggings. It's also kinda weird I'm noticing/picking up on this lol. My other roommate never genders me and I thought he was kind flirty. But I think it was all in my head anyway.
Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk
You flatter me. I'm 43. E is just nice to me. I often wonder how much nicer it might have been if I'd started 15 years earlier...
I have this with both cis and trans females I see. I think they all look more feminine prettier than me or do more feminine things no matter how hard I try. I have gotten complements but some times I think it is out of pity. I hate it I wish I could have FFS SRS now. My Appointment with my Doctor to discuss FFS was pushed to April 12 I want my chin nose and forehead done
Quote from: natalie.ashlyne on March 04, 2018, 02:53:25 AM
I have this with both cis and trans females I see. I think they all look more feminine prettier than me or do more feminine things no matter how hard I try. I have gotten complements but some times I think it is out of pity. I hate it I wish I could have FFS SRS now. My Appointment with my Doctor to discuss FFS was pushed to April 12 I want my chin nose and forehead done
I need the same surgeries! It's hard waiting because I know my nose and forehead need work regardless of hrt. Still I feel like I should wait... I'm so conflicted.
Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk
Quote from: Allison S on March 04, 2018, 09:52:28 AM
I need the same surgeries! It's hard waiting because I know my nose and forehead need work regardless of hrt. Still I feel like I should wait... I'm so conflicted.
Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk
Yeah, the nose and forehead was a biggy for me, it was so awesome waking up from surgery knowing that mask was finally removed from my face!
Quote from: kitchentablepotpourri on March 04, 2018, 01:10:50 PM
Yeah, the nose and forehead was a biggy for me, it was so awesome waking up from surgery knowing that mask was finally removed from my face!
Looks like your surgery went great!! Who did your surgery? If you don't mind me asking
Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk