So this is exactly as it sounds. If you saw my other post, I'm seeing a therapist, one thing we talked about was my goals and I explained that I have my date for my Orchiectomy. Mid May is when I'm scheduled. I don't know how to tell my mother, the only parent I live with. 2 of my siblings, I don't care if they know. But my younger sister and my mother I'm scared to death to bring it up to. My sister is pretty cool about the whole transition and even asked me which side of the altar I want to stand at during her wedding. So she probably won't be that phased by it, but my mother, might freak out.
Any advice out there?
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First off, I am in favor of full disclosure as soon as it's clear to you who you are. I think the time of discovery that most of us seem to go through is a grey area and I know we are dealing with our own demons during that time and might not be in a good position to share, even though we might want to, I know I was. I guess I would ask a couple of questions, forgive me if you've answered these in another post but you needn't tell me in any case. You're sure enough of some things to go ahead with an orchi. That's a fair amount of commitment. Orchi not with standing, does your Mother know that you are that sure about your GD and future desires, how much have you discussed with her in general?
If your Mom knows a lot about where this is going, is she supportive? If so, you might take a leap of faith and tell her and hope she will continue to be on your side. She may want to know why she wasn't consulted in process, and even feel slighted by your not getting her in the loop, that's a real danger. I know first hand that some will play along, hoping you'll just get this out of your system and as they see you move more and more into the reality of some sort of transition, will fold. Relationships are so incredibly complex, only you and those in your world can even begin to know the complexities you are dealing with, so this is just a heads up.
On the other hand, is there any reason your Mother should ever know about your anatomy? Unless you are worried about someone else telling her, likely to cause a firestorm, how would she ever know? If she isn't supportive and you need to proceed, consider just doing you and keep your mouth shut. Just things to think about. Toni
Sorry it took so long to reply.
She is supportive of me. She is trying to understand it, but is trying to use icons like "I am Jazz" as references instead of asking me questions or doing research. I understand that Jazz does put out some information regarding the Transgender life, but as with all television, there is a lot left out of her daily life and what we all go through.
The reason I want to tell her about the steps that I take is that I still live at home with her. So I think it's fair that she knows what's going on. We have gotten close enough that she helps me with small things like my hair and makeup advice. Because of how she is trying I think it's fair that I do inform her of major steps like this, but I don't know how.
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I agree with Toni, being open and honest about things is very important. I was
kind of secretive about my surgery plans with my wife to begin
with and this caused problems in our relationship. She felt betrayed that I did not
trust her enough to share things with her. I would be open and honest with your
mother since she does sound supportive.
How do I tell her though? Just say, "Hey Mom, I'm having my testicles removed in May"?
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The easiest way on all concerned is to keep them in the loop from day one. "I'm thinking about doing it; I've decided to do it; I've scheduled the surgery." That way, each step reduced the surprise of the next one. Too late for that now, so you have to catch up, and that makes it more abrupt.
"Mom, I've got surgery scheduled in May to remove my testicles. It's part of what I need to do for my transition."
I'd present this as a continuation of the decision you made when you started HRT. Given enough time, MtF HRT reduces and eventually eliminates sperm production.
Might be possible to have the conversation without mentioning testicles. The surgery will remove any remaining sperm production so your body more closely matches your mind, a process started more than a year ago. You can bring up the benefit of eliminating a recurring prescription if you're currently on a testosterone blocker, along with side effects from anti-androgens.
The testicles part was supposed to be a bit more jokish. But you guys have been helpful yet again. Thank you all.
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So update on this. I spoke with my mother finally about the surgery, is was a bit relieving and a little stressful at first. She is being fully supportive and is actually going to take my to my appointment. Her opinion is that I should tell my father about it. I'm of a split mind regarding this.
Last fall him and went on a trip to our cabin in the U.P., I did just about everything I could in the dark so that he couldn't see what was going on. Changing in the dark, taking pills in the dark, everything. There was one time that I slipped up and had accidentally delayed taking my pills and had to take them while we were driving to Iron Mountain. His reaction to my explanation about them was quite a bit less than favorable. He is a rather religious person, I'm not afraid if him by any means. I don't think he'll disown me, but there is always a little fear of that. Tuesday I'm supposed to be adding him to my cell phone plan, so I'm thinking of telling him before we get to the store that way he can decide what's going to happen between us.
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Excellent news with your mother! YES. And I think she is right - it's probably time to have a conversation with your father. I know these are not easy conversations, but I think the relief you will feel even if things don't go perfectly is better than the stress of hiding and wondering forever.