Hello all. This question is inspired by the "Do you pass or not?" thread. I am still too early in my transition to pass as anything other than androgyne, but it got me to thinking, did I ever pass as a cis-male when I was trying to live as one? The answer is a resounding "no", and remembering this gives me hope when the journey to transition gets hard. So I'm wondering, how was it for those of you who tried to live as your assigned gender at birth? Were you successful, or did you did you feel like an imposter (like I did)?
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I never passed as a CIS boy by any stretch of the imagination. I never tried because I just didn't know how to even try.
I definitely felt like an imposter when I was trying to act like my assigned gender at birth. When I was younger many people thought I was a girl. After puberty, it still sometimes had happened then eventual people just thought I was a feminine gay male when I started getting facial hair in my 20's. In high school, I was teased for having feminine hips (and I wasn't overweight). In my early 40s before I transitioned I started growing my hair out and if I had a really close shave, I would once in a blue moon get gendered female.
Always.
Nobody had the slightest idea I wasn't feminine, which is strange.
That said, I couldn't abide the idea of being seen as a butch lesbian, so I avoided that "look" entirely. And I suppose if you don't look like a butch lesbian, nobody has a clue that you might not be "all woman"?
Anyway, I did feel like an impostor, and I did hate every second of that.
Quote from: Julia1996 on March 05, 2018, 08:38:11 AM
I never passed as a CIS boy by any stretch of the imagination. I never tried because I just didn't know how to even try.
About the same here. I always looked off... now I don't :)
I was a big lump of a guy, I don't think anyone ever questioned my gender identity.
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I was frequently "misgendered" living as my assigned birth gender. I never passed as a girl. Not even with long hair. Or girly cloths.
People who knew me assumed I was gay early on. But little did they know. Except my mom who knew all the time.
I have a chest. That's what makes people gender me female today. Ironically I got a G-cup. I hate those lumps. "Yaaay, you're a guy, that with a pushup can compete with Dolly Parton."
Tony
I was definitely not a strongly masculine guy, but I did pass as a guy.
Yes, I spent a long time perfecting my performance. That with being very muscular, most people never knew. Sometimes I found that very surprising, do you have any idea how many times I have heard;
Dude, you sound like my wife.
Really it's creepy how much you remind me of sister/mom/wife stop doing that.
Sure Deb. Do you want me to pick up milk and eggs on the way home.
My wife just said that last week, why don't I just give you her number and the two of you can talk about it.
No one ever looks at the person inside. Does it look like a duck? Sound like a duck? Well obviously it is a dude then. Then one day you tell them and they remember all of those conversations they have ignored;
Not really into sports.
Sorry, I don't know anything about cars.
Nah, I don't like the super violent movies.
Eww, no thanks. I have no desire to kill a deer.
But for me, besides my best friend who knew me best and was the first one I told, no one was like, 'Oooohhh! That makes sense.' Four years and one month ago, when I learned what I am and that I was not alone, I dropped the guy act. THAT day everyone noticed. Nothing changed about me, I wasn't trying to be feminine but everyone knew and started to treat me differently, just because I stopped trying to make everyone believe I was male, just because I was being myself. When I finally came out one of my friends said, 'Of course we knew you were gay man, I have known you for 18 years and you have never even went on a date with a girl. My wife's sister was all over you at our party three years ago and you acted like she didn't exist. Was not expecting this though. So... You are going to be a girl huh? Can't help there, I can fix your car for you but you are going to have to ask Sarah for advice on being a girl.'
Lol, I talk too much. 😊
Yeah, I passed.
I guess that this depends upon your idea of just what passing is. In junior high and high school I was bullied and occasionally beat on but never had my gender questioned. As I grew older I developed coping mechanisms and a loner attitude that few had the nerve to challenge, some would back away if they gave me affront. I was never invited to join in with anything remotely guyish. I was good at sports but never picked to be on a team. The women liked me but the guys didn't, something that I never understood. But just last weekend I met a woman that had been one of my martial arts students some time ago. When I introduced myself to her, her response was, "Now that explains a lot of things!" (and totally accepted me by the way). Pass??? Accepted???? Survive in Neverland, possibly.
Tia Anne
Interesting question.
Physically... yes, I suppose so. Because people see what they see. Mentally... no, not even close. And in my early life that disconnect was a source of many issues. Even my family made remarks about it, even though they and I didn't know what was going on at the time. My mother used to say, as a joke, "you're more like my daughter than my son". She knew nothing at the time. Although she also used to say "If you were a woman, you'd be a b**ch". Which is kinda also true, lol.
Where people couldn't see what I looked like, such as online... never. Not once. Every single person assumed my correct gender. I couldn't really tell you why, but I've never had to correct anyone. The assumption has always been the right one. To the point where I've never even been asked.
As a high school boy I had a very small stature 5'4" (5'5" if I fluffed my hair), slight build, no muscle, a girlish face and a high voice. I endured bullying and rude comments from all the male students who by that time were becoming young men with muscles and a low voice. The girls would even give me a bad time calling me a sissy. I supposed I passed as a male but only very marginally. The high school locker room scene was brutal for me.
Fast forward to now, after 3 years of HRT and as a full time female for 16 months all of how I looked back then has now worked in my favor... I am able to pass as a female 100% of the time.
If trans women have "male fail" then I sure as hell had "lady lapse"... or maybe "girl gaffe"? "Fem fail"?
Anyways.
I was pegged pretty firmly as a lesbian since 7th grade and all the way through high school, and even now, I was assumed to be at least bi. Other than the fact that I was completely into men, I just rolled with it. Surprisingly enough, when I got teased it was simply for being ugly or hairy or for being a bookworm or for being good at art (??), not for being seen as gay.
Technically I'm still in my "old life" as I'm pre-T and only out to a few people, but sometimes I have a good day and don't pass as a cis woman from the right angle. Aka from behind.
Quote from: BT04 on March 06, 2018, 12:57:03 AM
If trans women have "male fail" then I sure as hell had "lady lapse"... or maybe "girl gaffe"? "Fem fail"?
Yes, it does work the same on both sides of the aisle!
Quote from: BT04 on March 06, 2018, 12:57:03 AM
If trans women have "male fail" then I sure as hell had "lady lapse"... or maybe "girl gaffe"? "Fem fail"?
Anyways.
I was pegged pretty firmly as a lesbian since 7t fact that I was completely into men, I just rolled with it.
I know, I've been firmly pegged as gay from middle school until the current day. It's sad that even today many people really don't understand the difference between gay and trans.
Quote from: BT04 on March 06, 2018, 12:57:03 AM
Technically I'm still in my "old life" as I'm pre-T and only out to a few people, but sometimes I have a good day and don't pass as a cis woman from the right angle. Aka from behind.
Me too, but occasionally I'll get a "ma'am" on the phone or even face to face. I treasure those moments and look forward to the day when correct gendering is the norm rather than the exception.
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I'm still stuck in my "Old" life. I pass okay... Typically. However, I've found the number of times I've been read as a woman has increased in recent years. Especially when I worked and had subtly (gradually moreso) changed my clothing to women's. I got read as a woman a lot even though I hadn't transitioned in any other way. As much as I hated that work life, I really loved how confident I had gotten in dressing how I wanted.
It's funny because I'll be wearing nothing definitively feminine at all, not even really attempting to present and I'll occasionally be read as a woman while out with my mom. Lol. Has been happening for around a decade.
I've never actually fully presented as female... It's a tough step to make, especially when my support networks are hard to keep up.
I did pass but it was because I was so careful to not show my feeling or anything that people would suspect feminine traits. I was and still am a loner. I don't open up to people because I don't want them to judge me. I tried to blend into the background so no one would notice. But when I could be Julie, the happiness came out.
I felt like I didn't, and people would occasionally say that i had a 'masculine engery' etc regardless of how I dressed (which varied wildly from femme to masc and back)
BUT when I came out suddenly everyone only ever remembered me as super feminine, including people that used to complain that I wasn't ~girly enough ::)
Yeah, I made it as a genetic guy decently well. But God did I have to work at it.
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When I shave my face (I hate shaving and am saving up for laser hair removal), I get ma'amed about as often as I get sir'ed.
I'm not out or undergoing hrt treatment.
I'll post a few pics of me and you tell me if I passed.
(https://i.imgur.com/zvvEiTV.jpg)
(https://i.imgur.com/SQPiSMb.jpg)
(https://i.imgur.com/tVCMUeI.jpg)
I passed but it was a front to hide the real me. Thank god I don't look like that now.
(https://i.imgur.com/fzMID3a.jpg)
Love
Bobbie LeAnn
If I was thin, had long hair, and shaved really closely I got called a girl. I think I overcompensated by building a lot of muscle, growing a beard (was pretty good at that sadly - not I'm having fun getting rid of it!), and kept my hair really short. Also my T was always quite low anyway so stuff never really worked as it should have. E didn't really have all that much work to do in terms of 'passing'.
I have only recently started hormones and hence still on "old life". Therefore I consider myself an actress.
I think I have passed reasonably well over the years. However I am glad to say there have been some instances of people knowing or at least suspecting my femininity. My mother always thought I had a girl's face both as a child and as a middle aged man. Occasionally in neutral clothing, I have been assumed female. Some work colleagues have commented on the lines of "You are not a man, are you?"
So I think I only failed to the most observant.
I look forward to the "new life" but appreciate the many hurdles.