Hey ladies I have been a member for a year and a halfish I think, but had to stay away since 2017 due to various reasons...I was wanting to secretly begin transitioning yet various things have gotten in the way so to speak...tried to help someone who was going through a hard time mentally and let them stay at my place for 4 months for free while they manipulated and took advantage of my kindness while i dug myself into a hole paying for everything I had to, and then in the end they ended up slandering me all over social media and making up lies saying I owed THEM etc once I finally brought up the courage to say hey dude its been a while can you start paying for at least half rent soon etc...terrible time, and the reason I bring it up is that when I had them first come stay, its a bachelor apartment with hardly any privacy, so I had to take Brittany and put her in dormancy for a bit due to fear of being found out...not ready yet... Then I spent a few months going couch to couch and when I finally got my own place, the roomate that I rented the room too was an INSANELY homophobic/transphobic muslim guy (not that all muslim people are, just saying for context), and I had to keep Brittany locked away for another half a year. Now that he is out I am alone in my apartment and ready to "re-begin" a discrete and slow transition.
Now I am absolutely terrified. I need to move away to be able to be out with any of this I think. But I have so much debt that I'm not even sure I could afford it...let alone the actual costs of physical transitioning...and I was talking to my grandfather last I was down home and he had some pretty "old man who doesnt understand" things to say about trans people....its just....im almost positive im going to end up presenting female in life eventually due to the extreme dysphoria and depression and anxiety ive been experiencing for like my entire life....but I am more terrified now more than ever. I took steps to lose weight and im happy to say I went from 215lbs last christmas to 165lbs now... Hoping to lose another 20 or 30 to get where I want to be bodysize-wise, and shave my entire body smooth etc, have showed smooth arms to friends and they have remarked it weird but ive been kinda half joking about it like "heh i shave my entire body, just feels good man lol" to kind of brush it off...I just feel so damn smothered by society.
I live in Nova Scotia (any fellow ladies on here from around the area hit me up :) ) but as anyone who lives here knows...it may as well be the deep south of canada. Its very behind the times in terms of mental health help and trans acceptance. They seem to think we are perverts....i just. UGH.
I apologize if this comes off as whining or pouring out my whole life story for attention etc because its not meant to be...i just mean it as context to my recent extreme dysphoric feelings.
But where do I go from here?? I obviously need to speak to a professional but I think the cheapest ive found is 100 dollars in cash for the session...and that is the one therapist trying to give me a deal when i anonymously contacted them lol..and I cant stop looking at my jaw and my hard to cover stubble and my wide shoulders etc...and my age...turned 30 in the summer....im kind of panicking inside..
So im in the weightloss process and shave myself...what do i do next?? Hope this post is intelligible at least 50 percent lol...feel like im rambling.
Hi, Brittany! Sorry to hear that you have had some bad experiences. Hopefully, things will get better for you soon.
I was reading your post, wondering where you lived, and did a double-take when I saw Nova Scotia. I live in NS, too. My experience has been happier than yours.
I am happy to meet up. I live in the Valley area. I assume you are in the city? I will PM you some information about resources in the area.
Ahhhh, it makes my heart happy when Vikings work together!
Quote from: Cassi on March 09, 2018, 01:31:34 PM
Ahhhh, it makes my heart happy when Vikings work together!
Cassi ur humor is becoming like Devlyns for my soul.
Wonderful <3 lol
As to the topic if you can group up with a fellow member that sounds amazing.
Whether you agree or disagree having someone to really get on a personal level with
about stress and what you are going through sounds very health.
<3
Cincy
Quote from: CincySixx on March 09, 2018, 02:53:24 PM
Cassi ur humor is becoming like Devlyns for my soul.
Wonderful <3 lol
As to the topic if you can group up with a fellow member that sounds amazing.
Whether you agree or disagree having someone to really get on a personal level with
about stress and what you are going through sounds very health.
<3
Cincy
I think it's great!