Hi there,
As a pre-op on HRT I found myself starting to despair with a growing inability to climax.
I've only been on my regime for.a month or so and was shocked at how quickly the Finasteride and oestrogen impacted my sex drive and I have already noticed a significant shrinkage with my testes,probably about 30% already. I wasn't prepared for it to be so rapid. I'm not complaining but it was one of those moments in the transition process where you really get a moment of lucid focus where you have to be certain of what you're doing.
To be honest, no one should start HRT unless they are certain, and I have had a lot of counselling and medical assessments to get this far, like a lot of others here I guess. Still, when you get faced with certain steps that reinforce how this is very much a one way ticket, like your gonads withering within days, you do spend some time reflecting on it.
I am now completely unable to masturbate like a male. My penis feels more like a large clitoris on the end of a bendy thing than a penis.
I have also noticed a deep seated calm with the estrogen. I haven't felt this calm since I was a child. It's amazing. I am sure part of it is psychosomatic, but in many ways dysphoria is a psychosomatic condition. It is our mind telling us one thing that makes our body feel wrong.
It is more than that though. I feel my moods have stabilised, my perception has changed, my senses of taste and smell have radically evolved.
I spent some time in despair that I had lost the ability to orgasm.
Then I bought a Doxy wand... OMFG!!!!!
I use it through some firm support shapewear knickers when I am all tucked back neatly.
It makes me moan and moan and moan... my climax makes my whole body shudder for ages. I used to make no sound as a man orgasming. This is totally different. I cannot believe it and every time it seems to get better as I learn more about how my body is changing and as it changes.
It takes a while to get there but the journey is just as thrilling as the destination. I just want to linger in the feeling forever.
I am too scared to try for multiples in case I literally lose my mind in there. Phew!
Although, perhaps with the right partner they could do that to me... but that's a long way off. I am so not ready to be with others. Happy to be exploring my new existence.
Still desperately waiting for the emergence of even the tiniest positive bit of breast development, but it has only been a few weeks.
Exciting times.
Hi, Monique. Wow, that sounds like quite the experience! I'm going to have to try that one of these days. ;D
It took my hardware a month or two to shrink. They are now a mere shadow of their former selves. Makes it easy to tuck!
Quote from: MissMonique on March 10, 2018, 03:27:25 AM
Hi there,
As a pre-op on HRT I found myself starting to despair with a growing inability to climax.
I am now completely unable to masturbate like a male. My penis feels more like a large clitoris on the end of a bendy thing than a penis.
I spent some time in despair that I had lost the ability to orgasm.
I know what you mean about it being more of a clitoris just not a large one lmao. I have been on hrt 15+ months and my equipment has shrunk to the size of .... well let's say I the last time I was this size I was around 2yrs old lmao.
I have completely lost the ability to orgasm. :icon_cry:
(https://i.imgur.com/pQw3aoi.png)
I bought an Original magic wand because of what I had read about them but sadly I still can't orgasm. :icon_cry2:
Don't get me wrong it feels damn good and and I can almost get over the edge but it just fades away like a ship sailing out of sight. It's maddening lmao. :icon_weirdface:
Love
Bobbie LeAnn
I found my testes shrinking about a year into HRT. Now 4 years in they have returned to their pre-HRT size. It has been quite sometime since I have my hormone levels checked, something that I need to bringup with my doctor next time I see her.
My situation is complicated as sex is not an issue and orgasims make me physically ill. I have a grape size cyst on the right teste and several small ones on the other. I have noticed a major shrinkage on the right side and a reduction on the left. The cyst is now twice the size of the teste and at the end of April I'm looking to get rid of them both. My penis has for 21 years driven me mad with priapism ( doctor diagnosed and treated dozens of times) but now is retracted and hiding inside my groin. I tiny bit of the forskin sticks out and looks like a clit now. That is fine with my but it's shrinkage has taken almost a years starting with herbals and progressing to doctor controlled meds.
Quote from: MissMonique on March 10, 2018, 03:27:25 AM
Hi there,
As a pre-op on HRT I found myself starting to despair with a growing inability to climax.
I've only been on my regime for.a month or so and was shocked at how quickly the Finasteride and oestrogen impacted my sex drive and I have already noticed a significant shrinkage with my testes,probably about 30% already. I wasn't prepared for it to be so rapid. I'm not complaining but it was one of those moments in the transition process where you really get a moment of lucid focus where you have to be certain of what you're doing.
To be honest, no one should start HRT unless they are certain, and I have had a lot of counselling and medical assessments to get this far, like a lot of others here I guess. Still, when you get faced with certain steps that reinforce how this is very much a one way ticket, like your gonads withering within days, you do spend some time reflecting on it.
I am now completely unable to masturbate like a male. My penis feels more like a large clitoris on the end of a bendy thing than a penis.
I have also noticed a deep seated calm with the estrogen. I haven't felt this calm since I was a child. It's amazing. I am sure part of it is psychosomatic, but in many ways dysphoria is a psychosomatic condition. It is our mind telling us one thing that makes our body feel wrong.
It is more than that though. I feel my moods have stabilised, my perception has changed, my senses of taste and smell have radically evolved.
I spent some time in despair that I had lost the ability to orgasm.
Then I bought a Doxy wand... OMFG!!!!!
I use it through some firm support shapewear knickers when I am all tucked back neatly.
It makes me moan and moan and moan... my climax makes my whole body shudder for ages. I used to make no sound as a man orgasming. This is totally different. I cannot believe it and every time it seems to get better as I learn more about how my body is changing and as it changes.
It takes a while to get there but the journey is just as thrilling as the destination. I just want to linger in the feeling forever.
I am too scared to try for multiples in case I literally lose my mind in there. Phew!
Although, perhaps with the right partner they could do that to me... but that's a long way off. I am so not ready to be with others. Happy to be exploring my new existence.
Still desperately waiting for the emergence of even the tiniest positive bit of breast development, but it has only been a few weeks.
Exciting times.
My testicles and penis they are shrunk at least 60 % of their original size and I am very happy about it.
Sent from my SM-J727T using Tapatalk
Quote from: Bobbie Ann on March 10, 2018, 11:34:39 AM
...
I bought an Original magic wand because of what I had read about them but sadly I still can't orgasm. :icon_cry2:
Don't get me wrong it feels damn good and and I can almost get over the edge but it just fades away like a ship sailing out of sight. It's maddening lmao. :icon_weirdface:
Love
Bobbie LeAnn
I was at that point for awhile but found that with the proper mental gymnastics I could still get there. It's almost like there was a non sexual period as I hormonally passed from male to female. My sexual ability has picked up slightly as I emerged on the female side.
Since we're all gathered around the fire, I experienced something I'll call "retraction" which entailed the head of my penis pulling back inside the shaft skin. I had to unroll, for lack of a better term, my penis skin to expose the head when I wanted to pee. Does anyone else have this issue?
Quote from: Devlyn Marie on March 10, 2018, 06:42:23 PM
I was at that point for awhile but found that with the proper mental gymnastics I could still get there. It's almost like there was a non sexual period as I hormonally passed from male to female. My sexual ability has picked up slightly as I emerged on the female side.
Since we're all gathered around the fire, I experienced something I'll call "retraction" which entailed the head of my penis pulling back inside the shaft skin. I had to unroll, for lack of a better term, my penis skin to expose the head when I wanted to pee. Does anyone else have this issue?
Yes that is called retracted penis. Mine does not extend beyond the surfac of my groin. I have a little hood of forskin that sticks out above the scrotum and that is it. If I sit to pee I have to cover it to pee into the toilet as it sprays straight out the front
After 3 years, mine had shrunk down to about 1/4" long for each, with cysts, and drawn so far into my body, that the doctor had to use ultrasound to find them.
Sent from my NS-P10A7100 using Tapatalk
4 months of HRT and my testes are size of a large peanut, definitely smaller than hazelnut ;D
I still get erection if I try and I can still get an orgasm too, although it happens immediately, like I touch myself and done, not that the downstairs worked before very well either :D
The orgasm itself almost hurts.
And yes, now and then I still masturbate (If I absolutely don´t have anything else to do, because the idea itself doesn´t really turn me on at all), because as funny as it sounds, I get very very happy from seeing, that the downstairs is not working properly anymore.
I get happy from that. Like haha, look at you poor thing, all messed up and soon you will be gone for good! ;D
Crazy I know...
Mine started shrinking within a few weeks of being on zoladex. Also, on the rare occasion I do bring myself to orgasm (my wife isn't that patient) it feels like I got punched in the balls when I climax... So, not the outcome I was hoping for! On the plus side, sex is just not something I think about anymore. My wife has always been pretty low drive, as well, so it seems to work for us...
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14 years HRT and no shrinkage of the testes, recently flu, pnumonia, and couple rounds of prednisone, so went off for 2 months, the penis is less than half it's original 7 when erect and painful as hell when filled up.
Before I started HRT with Spiro & estradiol nearly 7 months ago, before I could acknowledge even to myself that I'm trans a little over a year ago, I was on HRT with testosterone gel for over 10 years. So my testes had already shrunk before being on the right hormone regimen.
Now they're even smaller which makes tucking easy. My penis is retracted now too, so I have to kind of pull it out & push it downward when sitting to pee. Otherwise the stream will shoot out forwards, making a mess and that would be horrifyingly un-ladylike to me.
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10 months in and still trying to get T down to female levels last week lab showed it at 458 , for awhile the testes started shrinking but they decided to fight back. now they are back to where there started. Jealous of you girls where yours retreated in submission early on
Wow! That's my first serious post on this website and I am blown away by the heartfelt honesty and sense of shared experience.
Transitioning is {for me at least) a lonely, isolating process and I am so happy to find people who get my experience, that I can discuss things with and not feel like no one understands, even when they ask, even when you are brave enough to try discussing with them.
My wife and are are now more like sisters sharing a house and no one else has a clue.
My therapist is amazing, but she is more focused on helping me find my own narrative through the transition than wanting to discus the transition itself.
It's the most amazing experience. I love everything about it and wish I had the courage to do it twenty years earlier, yet, despite it being the most important and powerful experience I have ever had I feel like I can't share it with anyone around me. No one wants to hear about it that you want to share it with, no one would get it anyway, those that might be interested in hearing about it may not be those you are comfortable talking about your shrinking gonads...
So, to come here and suddenly get a flood of sympathetic and honest responses that get it, you are all amazing and I am happy to have heard from each of you.
Thanks you.
We have validity. We do matter and we should enjoy our transitions rather than live in fear of going out, or being scared of what people think.
I am still very androgynous looking and have decided to gradually roll my appearance from male to female very slowly, but everywhere lol the time. As each month passes the clothing and image gets a little less him and a little more her.
Right now I look like a slightly feminine, well dressed by man. I find the big problem is beard shadow. To cover it you need enough foundation to sink a ship and that makes you look at best like an air hostess and at worst like a drag queen. So, at home I am very femme. Outside and at work I wear slightly masculine women's clothes. Lots of blouses and pants/trousers with accessories. As my transition progresses, the clothes will stay the same, but I plan on feminine the accessories a little more month by month. Then, add slightly more flamboyant and feminine tops but still with the pants/trousers. Then, at the end, simply change the lower half for smart skirts and great stockings and shoes.
That's the plan.
I thinking it's lesa challenging to people if they see it as a gradual thing.
And I think it feels more comfortable for me.
Any thoughts?
I kind of went off topic then, but hey, I think it's still pertinent in this group, if not this thread.
😘
Quote from: MissMonique on March 11, 2018, 12:26:46 PM
Wow! That's my first serious post on this website and I am blown away by the heartfelt honesty and sense of shared experience.
Transitioning is {for me at least) a lonely, isolating process and I am so happy to find people who get my experience, that I can discuss things with and not feel like no one understands, even when they ask, even when you are brave enough to try discussing with them.
My wife and are are now more like sisters sharing a house and no one else has a clue.
My therapist is amazing, but she is more focused on helping me find my own narrative through the transition than wanting to discus the transition itself.
It's the most amazing experience. I love everything about it and wish I had the courage to do it twenty years earlier, yet, despite it being the most important and powerful experience I have ever had I feel like I can't share it with anyone around me. No one wants to hear about it that you want to share it with, no one would get it anyway, those that might be interested in hearing about it may not be those you are comfortable talking about your shrinking gonads...
So, to come here and suddenly get a flood of sympathetic and honest responses that get it, you are all amazing and I am happy to have heard from each of you.
Thanks you.
We have validity. We do matter and we should enjoy our transitions rather than live in fear of going out, or being scared of what people think.
I am still very androgynous looking and have decided to gradually roll my appearance from male to female very slowly, but everywhere lol the time. As each month passes the clothing and image gets a little less him and a little more her.
Right now I look like a slightly feminine, well dressed by man. I find the big problem is beard shadow. To cover it you need enough foundation to sink a ship and that makes you look at best like an air hostess and at worst like a drag queen. So, at home I am very femme. Outside and at work I wear slightly masculine women's clothes. Lots of blouses and pants/trousers with accessories. As my transition progresses, the clothes will stay the same, but I plan on feminine the accessories a little more month by month. Then, add slightly more flamboyant and feminine tops but still with the pants/trousers. Then, at the end, simply change the lower half for smart skirts and great stockings and shoes.
That's the plan.
I thinking it's lesa challenging to people if they see it as a gradual thing.
And I think it feels more comfortable for me.
Any thoughts?
I kind of went off topic then, but hey, I think it's still pertinent in this group, if not this thread.
[emoji8]
Electrolysis is the answer to the beard shadow is a slow process but is worth it.
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I absolutely relate to the beard shadow. It's the one thing that terrifies me about being full time - I'm constantly worried about it, even though I know at this point I shouldn't care what other people think. I'll never blend perfectly, I have to be who I am. And right now that's a woman who has facial hair growth that would make most men jealous.
As for slow vs. fast transition, I think it's good if people can say, "Oh, that's why this person always seemed a little effeminate." But I also think most people subscribe to the binary and are uncomfortable with ambiguity. So for me, my choice is that, before I went full time (a few days ago), people either knew me as male or female, not both, not in-between. I'm thinking it will be an easier adjustment if they see a change. We'll see.
Just gone Full Time! Congratulations. I am close to it in many ways, I know I will never "pass" but I'd rather at least get the beard handled first and know it's going to take some time.
I guess I'm fortunate with the beard. Mine is very light color and grows very slow. Has all my life. If I shave at 6am I have 6 small bristley patches 12 hours later. I can hid it fairly well with concealer and foundation. I'm getting an electrolosyst assessment in a Couple weeks on the face hair.
Quote from: MissMonique on March 11, 2018, 12:26:46 PM
It's the most amazing experience. I love everything about it and wish I had the courage to do it twenty years earlier, yet, despite it being the most important and powerful experience I have ever had I feel like I can't share it with anyone around me. No one wants to hear about it that you want to share it with, no one would get it anyway, those that might be interested in hearing about it may not be those you are comfortable talking about your shrinking gonads...
So, to come here and suddenly get a flood of sympathetic and honest responses that get it, you are all amazing and I am happy to have heard from each of you.
Thanks you.
You are more than welcome. You can come here and talk to us about anything.
As for beard shadow use orange concealer first then follow with regular concealer over it.
When I came out to the world I did it all at once as soon as I got my prescription for hormones and testosterone blockers. I was so happy and excited(an understatement) that I went shopping that day and bought all new clothes then went home and threw out all my old male clothes and buried the old me in the tomato patch out back lol. That was almost 6 months ago and I have never regretted it.
I understand that not everyone can do it like I did and they have to do in a way that they are most comfortable with.
Love
Bobbie LeAnn
Quote from: ToriJo on March 11, 2018, 01:25:44 PM
So for me, my choice is that, before I went full time (a few days ago), people either knew me as male or female, not both, not in-between. I'm thinking it will be an easier adjustment if they see a change. We'll see.
Congratulations on going full time :icon_joy:
Love
Bobbie LeAnn
I spent January sorting out my mind and my place in it. February I went full fem clothing and make up and now March I've got my ears done , hair is done and makeup is still developing but that guy never leaves where ever I left him. I did dress down Friday to talk to my mom for the first time. 3 hrs is a long time as semi male and never again will I need too.
Even sitting around at home today is in full female mode and I had to do hair and makeup to run out to the grocery store for milk and cream earlier.
Congratulations Torijo on the switch and I hope you love it as much as I do.
It has been a while ago but when I started fin I had gonad pain. Not severer but a nagging pain. Then my erections became less intense. When I started HRT in a few weeks erections became difficult and soft. I started Viagra to try to keep relations going but even that started to fail. I guess a year in erections were very difficult.
I agree, you really need to know the path we take. At a point I had no interest in erections and the calm was restored.
I am post op now and I wonder how it will be with a guy and if I will be able to orgasm.
My appt to get HRT is at the beginning of May. But these posts scare me quite a bit...Thanks all for your frankness.
Three years of HRT and mine are probably 50-60% of original size. Interestingly is probably shrunk by 30%, which i think does not happen in most cases? Yep its a clit to me and unless i am using pharmaceuticals to temporarily use it as a masculinish (for lack of a better term) organ for intimacy, its treated as a clit. I masturbate as common with all other women and orgasm roughly the same.
My equipment is slightly smaller now.....I can still get erections but almost never random erections anymore....I have to be really really in to it to orgasm or the orgasm wont be worth it. Erections are slightly painful now and I knew that going in....I have no regrets not one