Dear everyone,
I myself am not trans but I am dating a woman who is. I met her after she came out and to me she's always been a woman, no matter what happens she always will be. We're currently in a long distance relationship (She lives in the UK and I live in the Netherlands) and we usually spend one weekend per month together (or, we try to). Over the past few months things have been great, she's starting to present herself in more feminine ways to me and it's amazing. She's even met my family who are all very accepting and kind (they only misgendered her once during the entire weekend she stayed at mine!) and it's been a great experience- but her own family does not accept her. Her parents and siblings still call her by her birth name and use male pronouns, and whenever she brings transgender issues up they get angry at her and verbally abuse her. I'm very worried for her wellbeing of course. She does not live with them anymore (she got kicked out when she was only 16) but whenever she sees them and she comes back she always feels very down and depressed. Her parents seem to like me but I am very scared to meet them because I am scared they're gonna be mean to me too, because I refuse to use male pronouns for her. I know how upset that makes her feel so I really won't do it no matter what.
Now, I have two questions.
1. How can I help make sure her family will finally accept her, and
2. How can I make sure she's in a safe place after she's visited them?
Thanks in advance for your help <3
1. Hard as it is to hear you can't really. Nasty ignorant people tend to stay that way. Has your gf sent a letter/email explaining how this makes her feel. It's often easier to express feelings written rather than verbally. Maybe send a few helpful links too.
2. Just let her know she's loved. Send her something girly or fem. Listen to her.
There's a you tuber called jamiedodger who's gf parents weren't initially accepting of him because he's trans but they managed to finally get them to accept him. He's made a vid about his experience with thst; could be helpful
Families are one of the most difficult things to deal with in the transgender community.
The fact that they do not accept their own child makes it very difficult for you for them to like you as well. All you can do is to treat your girlfriend with respect, admiration, and with actions that affirm her female identity. Her parents are another matter, I am not sure there is much that you can do there except treat them with the respect they deserve as the parents of your girlfriend, you don't have to like them but you do have to respect them in my opinion.
The good news is that your parents are very accepting of her so that will be nice for you and for her.
Danielle
Hi, dutchbirblady!
I don't have any answers that are better than those already given. But I see that you are new here, and I wanter to welcome you to Susan's.
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Things that you should read
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Since her parents will probably never accept her, be a good listener, and shoulder to cry on. The best thing you can do is give her unconditional love. She really needs that, since her family won't offer any. I hope you two can find a way to be together much more often.
I'm kind of wearing out this answer but it is so good, I think. I read this coming out letter and it is just so well written and thought out. Just look it over and pick out the parts that apply to your situation. Maybe her parents will gain a little understanding of her situation. Good luck to both of you.
https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,104243.msg780226.html#msg780226
Hello dutchbirblady, I see that you are new here and have questions and concerns, this is the right place for you to be to find out what others have done that may have been in your circumstances.
WELCOME to Susan's Place. You will find this a safe and friendly place to share with others about your transition and to read about others transition and their trials, tribulations, and successes in their transition journey.
It is nice that you have signed up so you can share with others and involve yourself with some give and take with other members.
When frustrated or if you have a successful moment in your journey you can share it here if you wish and receive support from others and offer support to others. You might even find that you will make some new friends here. Please come in and get involved at your own pace.
You should look over the site rules and things you should read LINKS that KathyLauren posted earlier on this thread and perhaps go to the Introductions forum (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/board,8.0.html) to introduce yourself to everyone here.
Again, Welcome.
Danielle