I have long hair I wear in female style, I keep clean shaven and weare mascara and a touch of bronzer daily, I wear pink socks and female skinny jeans, I have pink socks.
I never used to dress like this so why aren't people saying anything? Surely they must've noticed something.
It feels weird that I am becoming more and more female looking and nobody is saying anything
Most people don't care. Unless they know you from before they are too busy with their own business to care about what someone else wears or how they style their hair. Just be confident and no one will say anything.
It's a revelation, the fact that after all the agonising you go through before stepping out the door for the first time as your target gender, hardly anyone bats an eyelid.
Partly it's that trans-acceptance is finally starting to happen. But also it's 2018 and everyone is on their damn phone ;D
I've posted before on this, but the realisation I reached that 'people just don't care' is a very empowering one, and not as negative as it would first sound.
I live in the UK, I've been full time for 11 months, and never had anyone confront me directly. Sure I get plenty of glances (especially when I pop to the supermarket with no makeup, t-shirt and jeans), but the reality is people are busy with their own lives, they'll forget you as quickly as they notice you, if they do at all. X
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Like others said I don't think they generally care. But where I am, location wise, it seems people are noticing. They stare and some men feel the need to say a dumb comment. I just flip my hair and go about my business. They're not important to me.
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The people that matter don't mind. And the people that mind don't matter.
Quote from: KathyLauren on March 18, 2018, 08:05:46 AM
The people that matter don't mind. And the people that mind don't matter.
Yes!!!
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Quote from: krobinson103 on March 18, 2018, 02:41:02 AM
Most people don't care. Unless they know you from before they are too busy with their own business to care about what someone else wears or how they style their hair. Just be confident and no one will say anything.
@ krobinson103: EXACTLY CORRECT..... and as you stated "be confident" .... if one exudes self-confidence and self-assurance that goes a long way in passing and getting along in one's transition. In my opinion it doesn't hurt to smile and hold your head up high... and also not dressing to stand out or to make a statement... at least in the middle of your transition process where passing may be an issue.
Danielle
Quote from: KathyLauren on March 18, 2018, 08:05:46 AM
The people that matter don't mind. And the people that mind don't matter.
@ KathyLauren: I had heard that saying before..... and it is so very true.
Thank you for bringing it to my remembrance today.
With your permission I will start using it in some of my various communications at work, at home and at play.
Danielle
I was at the gym yesterday. A C.D. wore a purple tutu, a bad wig, didn't shave their face for 1 to 2 days, but legs were shaved. She wore a pink zip up hoodie and cleavage that was so large it barely fit into the sweatshirt.
I was looking around some while on a elliptical machine honestly everyone tried to ignore her.
Quote from: Alaskan Danielle on March 18, 2018, 08:59:55 AM
@ KathyLauren: I had heard that saying before..... and it is so very true.
Thank you for bringing it to my remembrance today.
With your permission I will start using it in some of my various communications at work, at home and at play.
Danielle
It's an old saying. It's certainly not mine, so you don't need my permission. Go wild. ;D
Quote from: Allison S on March 18, 2018, 06:36:58 AM
Like others said I don't think they generally care. But where I am, location wise, it seems people are noticing. They stare and some men feel the need to say a dumb comment. I just flip my hair and go about my business. They're not important to me.
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@ Allison S: YES, you have a great attitude and mind-set about all of this.
For me location wise, I am in a very conservative and very small town and I just go about my business with my head held high, dressed and groomed appropriately in a way to not stand out (especially at my business) ... and I always try to present myself as confident and self-assured in who I am....
.....and as
KathyLauren stated so appropriately:
"The people that matter don't mind. And the people that mind don't matter." Danielle
Quote from: Ashley0808 on March 18, 2018, 09:03:52 AM
I was at the gym yesterday. A C.D. wore a purple tutu, a bad wig, didn't shave their face for 1 to 2 days, but legs were shaved. She wore a pink zip up hoodie and cleavage that was so large it barely fit into the sweatshirt.
I was looking around some while on a elliptical machine honestly everyone tried to ignore her.
@ Ashley0808: That is so sad
I see that you have already introduced yourself on the Introductions Forum and have been Welcomed to Susan's.
Thanks for joining us and I am glad that you are getting involved in conversations here.
Again, may I say WELCOME TO SUSAN'S
Danielle
Quote from: CallMeKatie on March 18, 2018, 02:35:22 AM
I have long hair I wear in female style, I keep clean shaven and weare mascara and a touch of bronzer daily, I wear pink socks and female skinny jeans, I have pink socks.
I never used to dress like this so why aren't people saying anything? Surely they must've noticed something.
It feels weird that I am becoming more and more female looking and nobody is saying anything
First of all, I LOVE how you mention pink socks twice. Seriously.
Secondly, If the changes were gradual they probably don't notice. Or it could just be, like others have said, people really just don't care because they're to absorbed in their own stuff.
edited to fix spelling
Most people won't say anything since most people are not rude or outspoken.
But then you get used to that and eventually encounter the one or two who are, which is sometimes surprising. You start to wonder what it is about those people that make them different. Something in the brain.
I think people have probably noticed but don't want to say anything because they don't want to offend you by making assumptions. I know this was the case with me, friends of mine have told me about other friends asking about me behind my back lol. Even when I came out to close friends a lot of them have said that they were wondering about this for a long time but they didn't want to bring it up because they figured I would talk when I was ready, and now that I'm ready I won't shut up! :D :D
Quote from: Geeker on March 18, 2018, 09:52:42 AM
First of all, I LOVE how you mention pink socks twice. Seriously.
Secondly, If the changes were gradual they probably don't notice. Or it could just be, like others have said, people really just don't care because they're to absorbed in their own stuff.
edited to fix spelling
What can I say? I love my pink socks haha
Quote from: CallMeKatie on March 18, 2018, 01:23:16 PM
What can I say? I love my pink socks haha
@ Katie: I love 💕 pink clothing and shoes and earrings and lipstick and...etc, etc.
Even before I transitioned I liked pink but in my old male mode I dare not dress in a lot of pink other than a pink shirt or necktie .... women's clothing choices and colors are so much more fun!!!
Danielle
Pink is my favorite too. And my pink loafers are my favorite
I love my pink mouse for the computer. :) They can make me wear boring clothes at work but they can't take my pink mouse!
Quote from: CallMeKatie on March 18, 2018, 01:23:16 PM
What can I say? I love my pink socks haha
Pink socks with thin white stripes were the first item of female clothing i bought.
I still have them, like a trophy, I still remember how excited I was to buy them and then put them on for my trip home.
Pink, black and green are my favourite colours.
Sonja.
But on the topic.... I too think most people just don't care and have much better things to think about. Though there are those very few immature yahoos that have nothing better to do, that you have to avoid or ignore.
Quote from: CallMeKatie on March 18, 2018, 02:35:22 AM
I have long hair I wear in female style, I keep clean shaven and weare mascara and a touch of bronzer daily, I wear pink socks and female skinny jeans, I have pink socks.
I never used to dress like this so why aren't people saying anything? Surely they must've noticed something.
It feels weird that I am becoming more and more female looking and nobody is saying anything
I would think either some people have noticed to a small degree but prefer not to comment for fear of possible embarrassment either to you or to them as Maddie states or as many others say, they are not bothered as they are too preoccupied with their own lives.
I feel there is less of an anti-reaction to trans matters now than even 5 years ago. We are slowly gaining acceptance.
Pamela
I think I should rename this to "are men genuinely oblivious?" Haha
Girls at work notice straight away I have mascara on and the pink socks.
I found out that I was just NOT that important !! LOL !!! A lil bit of a revelation for me back then, but true as stated here by others. Most folks are just too busy. At my workplace most folks were very concerned about HR matters and being "correct" to avoid any litigation. It was kinda a two edged sword. It was good that a company wide management meeting (several actually), held to go over legal approaches/behaviors/limits etc by employees and management regarding my (and future as I was the first) transition at workplace.
It was not so good in that it brought a LOT of attention to me that I did not desire, but had to work thru. TG for the resources to read and research the best how to's on workplace transitioning. A LOT to know.
Bottom line...people who knew me noticed me changing. Some commented, but most did not not. I had to come out pretty openly due to work tho, so I made like a week long event of it !! lol Friends, work, and family. Done.
hth and ty so much for sharing this topic with us.
Quote from: CallMeKatie on March 19, 2018, 08:37:17 AM
I think I should rename this to "are men genuinely oblivious?" Haha
Girls at work notice straight away I have mascara on and the pink socks.
@ Katie: I agree with you.
In my opinion, and by my personal observation since I went full-time, women tend to dress for other women... and it is the women that notice the progress of a transgender first... pink socks included! :)
During my initial year of transition I found it important to have several cis-women friends that were supporting me in my journey....... safety in numbers! Women do dress for men but for other possibly obvious reasons perhaps. ;)
Danielle
Quote from: Ashley0808 on March 18, 2018, 09:03:52 AM
I was at the gym yesterday. A C.D. wore a purple tutu, a bad wig, didn't shave their face for 1 to 2 days, but legs were shaved. She wore a pink zip up hoodie and cleavage that was so large it barely fit into the sweatshirt.
I was looking around some while on a elliptical machine honestly everyone tried to ignore her.
Awesome! I love seeing someone living free as the wind. :)
Hugs, Devlyn
For me as a cross dresser everybody took notice, and let me know. Some said they were offended that I did not dress, or play the part of a man. Finally the police had to separate them from me. This left me feeling weak and bullied all over again. My question is why should it be any ones business how a person self expresses their identity when we are all free to come and go as we please.
Quote from: Wendyway2 on March 19, 2018, 11:51:31 AM
For me as a cross dresser everybody took notice, and let me know. Some said they were offended that I did not dress, or play the part of a man. Finally the police had to separate them from me. This left me feeling weak and bullied all over again. My question is why should it be any ones business how a person self expresses their identity when we are all free to come and go as we please.
It's so strange isn't it how we have defined as a culture that these type of clothes are for females only.
I'm glad you didn't get hurt btw
I have to be careful what I choose to wear at work. They get touchy if I draw too much attention to the fact that my body is no longer male. However, I listened to the 'rules' and found ways to do it anyway. Legally they can't fire me for meeting the dress code and they have no right to tell me what I can and can't wear. I wear brightly coloured nail poilsh, makeup, jewelry and skinny jeans with blouses usually.
Out in the in community? Tight t shirts and fitting clothes baby! I didn't go through the pain to hide!
Quote from: krobinson103 on March 19, 2018, 01:54:51 PM
I have to be careful what I choose to wear at work. They get touchy if I draw too much attention to the fact that my body is no longer male. However, I listened to the 'rules' and found ways to do it anyway. Legally they can't fire me for meeting the dress code and they have no right to tell me what I can and can't wear. I wear brightly coloured nail poilsh, makeup, jewelry and skinny jeans with blouses usually.
Out in the in community? Tight t shirts and fitting clothes baby! I didn't go through the pain to hide!
@ krobinson: As you are aware, I have been following your transition updates for the last several months and I have to say that you are an
awesome inspiration to all of those that are starting and also the middle of their transition journey.
YES !!!!! out in the community... tight t-shirts and tight fitting clothes... be proud of your new body, be confident and self-assured, hold your head up high, wear your makeup, nail polish, skinny jeans, blouses and jewelry and everything female...
I am always looking for your updates... good and bad!!!!
Oh, a question ???, once you are full-time female, what are the company dress codes then??? ???
Hugs to you,
Danielle
Quote from: CallMeKatie on March 18, 2018, 02:35:22 AM
It feels weird that I am becoming more and more female looking and nobody is saying anything
Hi Katie,
There might be a more straight forward and empowering explanation for what you are observing. One of the most accomplished American business men in history, Henry Ford, famously said, "Whether you think you can or you think you can't, either way you are right."
In other words, people in civilized cultures most often look to us for their cue as to how they will behave towards us. If we are scared and self loathing, people generally will reflect that loathing back at us. As trans people in many cultures begin to self empower themselves and to present a self image of strength and dignity, it becomes easier for all trans people to recognize within ourselves our own strength and dignity. Other people that we encounter are our mirror (as Ken Keyes put it); a loving person lives in a loving world, and a hostile person lives in a hostile world.
It is not that people are oblivious. As we all individually and collectively learn from each other the power of self respect and dignity, those we come in contact with day to day will increasingly reflect that respect back to us.
Other people see us as we see ourselves.
Love!
Miharu
Quote from: krobinson103 on March 19, 2018, 01:54:51 PM
I have to be careful what I choose to wear at work. They get touchy if I draw too much attention to the fact that my body is no longer male. However, I listened to the 'rules' and found ways to do it anyway. Legally they can't fire me for meeting the dress code and they have no right to tell me what I can and can't wear. I wear brightly coloured nail poilsh, makeup, jewelry and skinny jeans with blouses usually.
Out in the in community? Tight t shirts and fitting clothes baby! I didn't go through the pain to hide!
You really are a massive inspiration you know! :)
It's funny to see the dress-code stuff and the corporate thrashing-about to continue to try and fit everyone into the Western cultural binary.
My last employer (Apple) was a good bit looser when it came to the engineering staff tucked in the corporate headquarters. They were also quite transition-friendly. A couple acquaintances transitioned MtF while I was there, with no issues, lots of HR handholding to make sure the workplace handled it well, and minimal drama and dress code friction.
Sometimes I wish I had transitioned there, in my 40s. But, it is what it is, I'm full time and have been for a while, am happy, and loving my current life in spite of self imposed tasks and stresses.
I'm out in the world every day, not hiding, and rarely have issues. Right now I'm sitting in a Black Bear diner after my electrolysis appointment, just eyebrows and lipstick, dark Merlot cowl top and matching skinny jeans. No issues, no misgendering. Not even a glance from anyone. My friendly regular waitress knows, and we chat, mostly wedding plans (hers) and family stuff (mostly hers). She knows what I am up to, of course, as I do share.
Every day is my Transgender Day of Visibility, but hardly anyone notices.
Every once on a great while I'll notice someone looking hard as they walk past, the occasional old lady scowling at this heathen transgressor. Sometimes a younger woman looking, then smiling. I smile back.
Occasionally I catch a man looking, but their focus is not in my face. Ahem. "My eyes are up here."
I hardly pass, but people just don't look that closely, and rarely assume that someone might be a transgender person. They are more concerned with not tripping, with crossing the street safely, with that shopping list or that meeting with their boss. That they might be sharing a restaurant or sidewalk with a trans woman rarely, if ever occurs to them.
The biggest risk is the bored idler, deliberately looking for their next victim to harass or bully. They're rare where I usually am, only occasionally turning up at rail stations or outside neighborhood hangouts, and they won't go after someone who looks confident and is moving quickly.
That look of self confidence, shoulders back, head high, back straight is far more important for passing on the street than FFS. People won't bother anyone who looks like they belong there.
Looking nervous, hunched over, shoulders drawn inward, on the other hand reads as "hiding something". Now others are provoked by their own instincts to figure out what we are hiding with that posture, looking closer, until... we are clocked.
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I'm definitely oblivious to pink socks. And... well... pink anything. *nods*
Quote from: CallMeKatie on March 19, 2018, 11:54:19 AM
It's so strange isn't it how we have defined as a culture that these type of clothes are for females only.
😊 I have been thinking the same thing but maybe in a different context. Something that I find amusing.
We buy into it as much as anyone else. Pink? Really? It is as arbitrarily feminine as if the world had chosen green. There is nothing wrong with pink, I like it myself, but feminine? That is just convention. And truly, there is nothing wrong with that but we seem to take exception to some conventional views and embrace others. I find it interesting. I personally can't wear most pinks, they make me look jaundiced, I wish that I could wear more but my winter coloring won't allow it. Not if I don't want to look like a walking corpse anyway. I don't like purple at all but most purples work on me, right now I am wearing an obviously feminine flannel with purples, pinks, blues, some white and some grey, the whole thing works. The purple let's me wear the pink. 😉 Right now I am wearing it as a nightshirt(oh my god so comfy!) but it really looks good with almost anything I wear.
Sorry, doing some rambling here, should not post when I am sleeping probably. 😁
I guess what I am saying is that girls like pink because pink is what girls are supposed to like. It is the same as my personal favorite, autumn. Girls are supposed to like autumn so that is what they do like. It drives me nuts, I ask them why and they are like, 'Ah... Um...' I LOVE spring and I can tell the world why, the days get longer, things turn greener, it gets warmer, the world is waking up and coming back to life. Why do you like Fall? Ah, the foliage is really nice?
We as trans have a tendency to complain about people's perceptions and yet we are perpetuating some ourselves. This may seem alien to some here but I embrace my binary role as female, it feels right, I love being what the world sees as female and I try to be understanding of general perceptions that are just as real, that might not serve me as well. In other words, not pick and choose which conventional views work for me and which don't but try to be accepting of any non-harmful rules of convention.
None of that make any sense more than likely. 😜 I am going back to sleep. Please don't take offense and beat me up, or if you do maybe try to do it quiet like and gently as possible.