I'm struggling with the concept of affirmation vs transition.
I was assigned male at birth, but have never known anything other than being female. I was taught to behave male as long as I can remember but I could never feel or understand being male. Please don't get me wrong, there isn't anything wrong with being male, I just don't understand what that means. I don't have any concept on what it feels like to be male, only female.
Starting HRT was LIFE ALTERING, but not in anyway transformative. It affirms what I've always known I am. It's amazing to feel alive and know I have permission from myself to be me.
Am I missing out on the transition? I don't feel the change people talk about. I think I must be doing this all wrong! I cannot find the transition anywhere, only peace, affirmation, and at last freedom to be okay with who I have always been.
Am I missing something? I don't want the miss out on the rest of the experience just because I'm so focused on being true to myself as a woman.
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Hi Shawnna 🙋♀️ I'm sorry you haven't seen any acute changes in your physical self. Though I'm happy for your acuity of being female. Both are important aspects in everyone's transition and neither can be discounted. The saying ymmv (your mileage may vary) is true, not everyone has identical experiences. Have you looked into surgeries that can help you reach your minds eye vision? That may be an option.
Or just enjoy being who you are and not care what is in other people's minds as long as you're content.
Hugs, Jessica
Hello Shawnna...WELCOME to Susan's Place. You will find this a safe and friendly place to share with others about your transition and to read about others transitions and their trials, tribulations, and successes in their transition journey.
It is nice that you have signed up here on this site so you can share with others and involve yourself with some give and take with other members.
When frustrated or if you have a successful moment in your journey you can share it here if you wish and receive support from others and offer support to others. You might even find that you will make some new friends here. Please come in and get involved at your own pace.
Again, Welcome.
Danielle
Here are some links to the site rules and stuff that all new members should be familiar with:
Things that you should read
Site Terms of Service & Rules to Live By (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,2.0.html) | Standard Terms & Definitions (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,54369.0.html) | Post Ranks (including when you can upload an avatar) (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,114.0.html.) | Cautionary Note (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,82221.0.html) |
Reputation rules (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,18960.0.html) | News posting & quoting guidelines (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,174951.0.html) | Photo, avatars, & signature images policy (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,59974.msg383866.html#msg383866) | Membership Agreement (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,216851.0.html) |
OH, and another thing, Shawnna,
... since you are new here it would be great if you could go to the Introductions Forum (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/board,8.0.html) and tell us about yourself and about more of your transition goals so that the other members here can be aware of your arrival here at Susan's.
"Transition" sometimes refers to the physical alteration of your body to match your gender identity. But more often, I have seen it used for the change from living your life in your natal gender to living in your identified gender.
So if you are not yet living as a female, then, by that common meaning, you would not yet have transitioned. Though it sounds like you are well on your way.
On the other hand, if you have been living as a female all along, then you transitioned long ago.
Quote from: Shawnna on March 20, 2018, 02:05:52 PM
I'm struggling with the concept of affirmation vs transition.
I was assigned male at birth, but have never known anything other than being female. I was taught to behave male as long as I can remember but I could never feel or understand being male. Please don't get me wrong, there isn't anything wrong with being male, I just don't understand what that means. I don't have any concept on what it feels like to be male, only female.
Starting HRT was LIFE ALTERING, but not in anyway transformative. It affirms what I've always known I am. It's amazing to feel alive and know I have permission from myself to be me.
Am I missing out on the transition? I don't feel the change people talk about. I think I must be doing this all wrong! I cannot find the transition anywhere, only peace, affirmation, and at last freedom to be okay with who I have always been.
Am I missing something? I don't want the miss out on the rest of the experience just because I'm so focused on being true to myself as a woman.
I'm not sure if it's what you mean, but I didn't feel the "calm" that so many describe when starting HRT. I did feel it after my orchiectomy.
Hugs, Devlyn
Shawnna: OH, now I noticed that KathyLauren has already welcomed you to Susan's on another thread that you were on. Sorry for the duplication but now you certainly have the informational LINKS for Susan's at the bottom of KathyLauren's Welcome Message that will help you to navigate around the Forums.
It still would be great if you could go to the Introductions Forum (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/board,8.0.html) and let the other members here see you and be able to contribute more to your discussions.
Danielle
Note: I have deleted my duplicate Welcome Message.
Quote from: Shawnna on March 20, 2018, 02:05:52 PM
I'm struggling with the concept of affirmation vs transition.
I was assigned male at birth, but have never known anything other than being female. I was taught to behave male as long as I can remember but I could never feel or understand being male. Please don't get me wrong, there isn't anything wrong with being male, I just don't understand what that means. I don't have any concept on what it feels like to be male, only female.
Starting HRT was LIFE ALTERING, but not in anyway transformative. It affirms what I've always known I am. It's amazing to feel alive and know I have permission from myself to be me.
Am I missing out on the transition? I don't feel the change people talk about. I think I must be doing this all wrong! I cannot find the transition anywhere, only peace, affirmation, and at last freedom to be okay with who I have always been.
Am I missing something? I don't want the miss out on the rest of the experience just because I'm so focused on being true to myself as a woman.
Shawnna,
I think I understand your thoughts. I saw that I had a male role to play and that's just what I was doing. I was playing or pretending. I saw the advantages in doing that for my family and in some part for myself having an "easier" life. Well as it happens to a lot of us - after 50 years "it" catches up to us and the role-playing takes its toll.
HRT for me quieted the noise of the dysphoria, which was a great relief, but I'm 16.5 months on hormones and other than the clarity of who I am, I feel as though I'm the same person as before but free to be me. Maybe none/some/most/all of that will change in the next year (FFS and SRS) but we will see.
Quote from: Shawnna on March 20, 2018, 02:05:52 PMStarting HRT was LIFE ALTERING, but not in anyway transformative. It affirms what I've always known I am. It's amazing to feel alive and know I have permission from myself to be me.
Am I missing out on the transition? I don't feel the change people talk about. I think I must be doing this all wrong! I cannot find the transition anywhere, only peace, affirmation, and at last freedom to be okay with who I have always been.
Am I missing something? I don't want the miss out on the rest of the experience just because I'm so focused on being true to myself as a woman.
Feeling alive, feeling peace and affirmation and freedom... this *is* the change a lot of people experience. You're not doing anything wrong.
Transition itself is more than HRT. It's the entire process of changing your social identity -- coming out, HRT, dressing en femme, changing ID and other documents and accounts, and whatever medical procedures (electrolysis, facial surgery, SRS, etc.) you deem necessary to elicit the female gendering you need from yourself and others to live comfortably in the world.