I came out to my wife last night, and her reaction really surprised me. She has never had much interest in sex, and I always just figured that she had a low sex drive as some women do. She came out to me! Turns out she's been hiding from me for nine years (how long we've been married) that she's bisexual with a heavy leaning toward women. I won't write out the whole conversation, but she admitted she married me to validate herself to her family and had hoped it would "straighten her out".
LONG story short (it was a three hour conversation) she was open to the idea of some transition for me. Her biggest fears are similar to mine: impact on my career (I'm main bread winner, she's stay at home mom), impact on children, and social reaction to being seen as a lesbian couple (we are viewed as a conservative Christian couple). She said what she wishes is that I could have bottom surgery, but remain presenting male. She said she though I would look really cute with female anatomy:). I don't think that is a medical possibility since as far as I know, no surgeon would do the surgery on someone who plans on presenting male. But my therapist and I had already discussed hormone therapy and she believes that she can help me tailor my plan to allow me to look male for quite a while since I have fears about fully transitioning too quickly. So maybe I can find a middle ground where my wife and I can both be okay.
So, wow, what a night. We both got a bunch of skeletons out of our closets. I was scared, but she was really loving and understanding. She was also nervous, since she had been hiding from me for nine years that she feels more attracted to women than men.
That really seems so amazing, that I´m without words...I´m happy for you two.
And I´m nearly certain, that in time she will be accepting, perhaps even demanding full transitioning from you. Just need a few moments to think about it, but I have a hard time of believing, that she wouldn´t be dreaming of doing things with the woman that she loves...and not with someone that poses as a man.
Just my thoughts.
The world is an awesome place! :D
Quote from: Mendi on March 25, 2018, 04:24:57 AM
That really seems so amazing, that I´m without words...I´m happy for you two.
And I´m nearly certain, that in time she will be accepting, perhaps even demanding full transitioning from you. Just need a few moments to think about it, but I have a hard time of believing, that she wouldn´t be dreaming of doing things with the woman that she loves...and not with someone that poses as a man.
Just my thoughts.
I hope you're right. I wish there were more options available in terms of surgery. When my therapist and I were discussing my fears of publicly appearing female, she had suggested I could go for more of a "butch lesbian" look (her words, and she's a lesbian, so not meant to be derogatory). I would have to wonder if living as a butch lesbian would satisfy the surgery requirements. I think you have to identify and live openly as a woman for at least a year. But, even just hormone therapy would have to help.
Quote from: WhatAmI? on March 25, 2018, 05:53:03 AM
I hope you're right. I wish there were more options available in terms of surgery. When my therapist and I were discussing my fears of publicly appearing female, she had suggested I could go for more of a "butch lesbian" look (her words, and she's a lesbian, so not meant to be derogatory). I would have to wonder if living as a butch lesbian would satisfy the surgery requirements. I think you have to identify and live openly as a woman for at least a year. But, even just hormone therapy would have to help.
My advice, live as a woman that you feel to be, dress like you want, do make-up or don´t do. But DO NOT be, behave or dress like someone wants you to.
You wont find peace that way.
Quote from: Mendi on March 25, 2018, 06:34:58 AM
My advice, live as a woman that you feel to be, dress like you want, do make-up or don´t do. But DO NOT be, behave or dress like someone wants you to.
You wont find peace that way.
Thank you. It's hard to tell where the line is between her insecurities regarding me transitioning and my own insecurities. We're going through this together. I understand her feelings. I feel more "girly" than the butch image, but I think I could handle it. At least at first, as a step in the transition.
Does she also want you to take hormones?
I'd love to have a wife like yours and I'm sure the same applies to many others here. Back when I was married, my wife liked to see me in stockings or pantyhose, but that's as far as she was prepared to go. She also had no interest in being with a woman, but said she'd like to see 2 guys together.
I have also given a lot of thought to the various surgical options.
Wow, neat story! Congratulations on coming out - both of you!
It sounds like the only thing holding you back now is social fears. It takes time to chip away at those, but once you start, they come tumbling down and you are free. You might lose a few fake friends along the way, but the real ones will stick with you.
By all means take your transition slowly enough to avoid rocking to boat too much, but keep moving forward. This is all about becoming who you really are.
Sounds very much like another story posted a while back by another MTF who was coming out.
MTF to Wife, we need to have a talk.
Wife yes we need to have a talk but me first. I am a lesbian.
MTF we can work with that.
There are surgeons who aren't as concerned about your appearance as long as you have the proper documentation from your therapist and for that matter, not everybody who has surgery is passible. It is important that you understand part of our dysphoria is social which is corrected by moving into a more feminine role. I don't know how you experience dysphoria but make sure your addressing all your needs in your transition.
Wow. I wish my wife had done that. :) I have no doubt She will accept you transitioning fully given time.
Thanks for all of the supporting comments. I appreciate it. It's still intimidating, but it's nice to have a group I can share my highs and lows with and get feedback. The bisexuality of my wife came as a shock, but really looking back I can see so many indicators that I was just blind to. I always just figured sex wasn't her kind of thing. Never suspected that it was because sex with men wasn't really her cup of tea.
I'm sorry I thought that was funny. It's amazing how things like this can bring people closer. I am happy for you. You have support and a happier marriage.
Quote from: Corrina on March 25, 2018, 11:25:24 PM
I'm sorry I thought that was funny. It's amazing how things like this can bring people closer. I am happy for you. You have support and a happier marriage.
Oh, no, you don't have to be sorry! It's transitioning that I find intimidating. My wife's sexuality is a small surprise, but actually not a big deal to me. In some ways I find it comforting. It explains a lot of her behavior and I find it reassuring that she may find me more desirable if I transition.
Well, we're all rooting for you and hope you and your wife get the results you want. We're certainly envious too.