My neighbor is trans and she has been friendly before to me but Im not really sure how to react or to talk to her. She thinks im a gay man because she saw me with a boyfriend a while back. Ive been on hormones for a while and i wear some womens clothes/ have long hair. My point is I don't know how to get to know her without being offensive. I have a hard time starting conversations because of mental health issues that's why i posted in this section. I don't have friends really and i recognise the value in having connections with people and she would be a very helpful person to know. Is it appropriate to try and start talking to her for no reason like that? i dont want to make her feel uncomfortable or annoy her. How should i handle this?
thank you
Just be yourself.
Take is easy at first and if the topic comes up, then express your true feelings and concerns. Be honest in everything you say and do. There is nothing like having a friend and it really nice to have a friend close by.
Also know your boundaries and respect your neighbor boundaries. Continue to be friendly and just say hello the next time you see her.
You have something fantastic in common even if she doesn't know it. Well if she is trans she might have picked up tells that you might be giving off anyway. She might feel the same about talking to you, she's been in your position and maybe she's being nice by not saying anything.
Bring something up with her maybe, ask some advise- make up, something about social transition or even just asking if there's any lgbt social stuff out there. Be nice and polite and im sure you'll hit it off
Quote from: kaya91 on April 04, 2018, 01:32:26 PM
My neighbor is trans and she has been friendly before to me but Im not really sure how to react or to talk to her. She thinks im a gay man because she saw me with a boyfriend a while back. Ive been on hormones for a while and i wear some womens clothes/ have long hair. My point is I don't know how to get to know her without being offensive. I have a hard time starting conversations because of mental health issues that's why i posted in this section. I don't have friends really and i recognise the value in having connections with people and she would be a very helpful person to know. Is it appropriate to try and start talking to her for no reason like that? i dont want to make her feel uncomfortable or annoy her. How should i handle this?
thank you
I may be misreading this, but it sounds like you think she's transgender and you want to bring it up? If that is the case, stop immediately, do not pass Go, do not collect $200. We can out ourselves, but you never, never out someone else. Approaching someone and saying "I'm trans, too!" is really poor form as well.
If l misunderstood your post I apologize.
It's your neighbor, just ask her if she wants coffee, then see where the conversation goes.
Hugs, Devlyn
Thanks, no i was just saying i feel uncomfortable starting a conversation with her just because hey we have this in common. I do not normally talk to people unless its needed so chatting with a stranger feels rude like im imposing myself because of whatever i might want from her or feel i have in common with her. I have a hard time with surface level talk and i don't know how to finesse the situation. Im not trying to out her im trying to get to know her purely because shes trans idk her. So how can i be honest ? If i pretend to just be a friendly affable person in the neighborhood that's not me at all. I saw her today going out all dressed up n with a bunch of friends and it just depresses me I haven't had fun in a long time.
Sorry didn't mean to complain so much. I will just be casual with her i guess I am just frustrated with . thanks for the advice i will see how things play out
In that case, you might want to wait until there is something you need to ask her about. If it's a good enough issue, you might find a way to make a friend of her. Play it by ear, and be patient. When there is an issue you really need to talk about, you will find the strength to do it.
Just invite her over for coffee and pie. Everybody loves pie!
She talks to my grandma, she has said hi to me several time and i think i offended her by not being overly friendly. I don't know how else to meet people anymore other than dating sites and it scares me. Im sure over time there will be more opportunities to make a good impression idk.
thanks again everyone Really appreciate the help
Neighbors and others can gain an impression from quick simple things like whether you wave and smile if you happen to see them from across the street, or say "Hi!" even if you're in a hurry and need to run off. A smile says a lot, and can open doors.
Start by smiling, waving, and saying Hi when you see her. Engage in short conversations about what you are doing: "Don't you just hate taking out the trash?", "Those are pretty flowers you are clipping. What are they?" After a while, she will realize that you are friendly.
One nice way to out yourself to her, once you are on speaking terms with her, is to do it non-verbally. A trans triangle pendant or a trans flag pin will convey the message without saying a word. Don't draw attention to it, just wear it like it's the jewelry you decided to wear today. That allows her to respond if she feels like it, or to ignore it if she doesn't. Note that, if she doesn't pick up on the non-verbal clue, drop the subject totally, because it means that she does not want you to know about her.
Quote from: Dani on April 04, 2018, 02:19:40 PM
Just be yourself.
I have to have a quiet, sad chuckle when I see this advice. As advice, it is totally true, and I fully agree with it. Now and then, I am tempted to say it myself. But for many trans people, especially in the early, searching stages of transition, it is not possible.
We spend years, sometimes decades, perfecting our ability to be someone we are not. We deny our true selves even to ourselves, and we get good at it, until being ourself is totally outside our range of experience.
I don't know how many dozens or hundreds of times well-meaning people told me to just be myself. Every time, I wanted to cry and scream and shout, "I can't! I don't know how! I don't know who that is!!" The only self I was aware of was that sad, shut-down male character I played in public.
The joy I feel, now that I am out, is the joy of finally,
finally knowing who I am and being able to be myself. I think most trans folks in the early stages of their journey actually need to be coached in how to be themselves.
I am not picking on you, Dani, and I hope I didn't offend. That was just something from my younger days that triggered me when I read it.
Kathy thank you. i get it i think i will change over time n become more relaxed around people and want to engage in idle conversation. when someone starts talking to me for no reason i assume they are working me for somthing or manipulating me. I think thats why i dont chat with people because i dont want them to feel that way. I just graduated college tho so i will have time to work on myself in a lot of ways. anyway wanted to say that was very helpful and thank you