Hello,
This is my first posting and I need some advice for a situation I'm facing.
First of all I'm 47 and a pre transition transguy who likes guys. The people I feel like are my peers are gay men. I play an online game and have many great friendships there but they are unaware of my body or status. They just know me for who I am inside, a gay man. I treasure his greatly as it's the one place I can truly be myself.
That being said I've started to be close to another guy in game and we get along well. He's younger and lives in a country where being gay is a terrible thing so he is very inexperienced. The more I learn about that the worse I feel about not revealing my status. I have no plans to meet him but he's so genuine and earnest I feel like in the future he might want to meet.
I'm afraid my actions are driven from being lonely as well and I'm possibly making selfish choices here.
I want to to do the right thing. The risks of telling him of course is he could be upset and reveal my status to everyone I know there effectively threatening the safe haven I've found there.
I really like this person but what am I doing?? Is it wrong?
Wanting to do the right thing,
Adam
Hello Adam
I do not have an answer to your questions and I see that you are new here and may have questions and concerns, this is the right place for you to be to find out what others have done that may have been in your circumstances.
Be aware that there are lots of members here that can identify with the issues that you brought up in your introduction posting.
WELCOME to Susan's Place. You will find this a safe and friendly place to share with others about your transition and to read about others transitions and their trials, tribulations, and successes in their transition journey.
It is nice that you have signed up so you can share with others and involve yourself with some give and take with other members.
When frustrated or if you have a successful moment in your journey you can share it here if you wish and receive support from others and offer support to others. ....
***It's a very good chance that you might find that you will make some new friends here.
Please come in and get involved at your own pace. Be sure to look at the Links that I posted below, there is information about the site that will help you navigate around and best utilize the features here.
Again, Welcome.
Danielle
Here are some links to the site rules and stuff that all new members should be familiar with:
Things that you should read
Site Terms of Service & Rules to Live By (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,2.0.html) | Standard Terms & Definitions (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,54369.0.html) | Post Ranks (including when you can upload an avatar) (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,114.0.html.) | Cautionary Note (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,82221.0.html) |
Reputation rules (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,18960.0.html) | News posting & quoting guidelines (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,174951.0.html) | Photo, avatars, & signature images policy (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,59974.msg383866.html#msg383866) | Membership Agreement (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,216851.0.html) |
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@ Adam:
Oh, and another thing, be certain to stop by the Introductions Forum (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/board,8.0.html) to tell the members here about yourself.
You will be noticed as a new member and you will receive more interaction from other members here as they will then be aware of your arrival on Susan's Place.
Again, Welcome,
Danielle
I got to know the people I met online for at least a couple of years before I met any of them. By then I'd built up a picture and had enough conversations about different stuff to know how they'd react to things. As always, be careful with online stuff
Why not just get into a casual conversation about trans people in general and get his opinion on them without mentioning anything to do with yourself.
That's a good idea and I gave it a shot. He was essentially not ok with trans people. He finds them scary and doesn't like anything that's not natural. I don't know what to think about that all now, I need to process it all.
You'll likely find that if he truly has feelings for you, he'll accept you for who you are. Open up when you feel the time is right.
I decided today the right thing to do is end things with him and before I could talk to him about it he picked up something was wrong. He ended up confessing to me and was worried he did something wrong. I feel like a monster like I'm the thing that goes bump in the night.
That wasn't necessary. You're free to do what you want of course, but you could have taken a chance on rejection. You know? Put a shield up by having an anything goes mentality, but at least give the opportunity for things to potentially fall into place. Just giving up, that was deciding failure with a 100% success ratio to that pursuit. Did you ever even want to win in the first place?