So here lately I have been going to therapy and last week did my psych evaluation to get on hormones. I feel like this is a very sloooooow process. So in the mean time I have been more feminine by my mannerisms, skin care, nail care and such. I feel amazing! But, at work I feel my coworkers had taken some sort of notice to this change and I am somewhat scared to be out to family and work. To combat this fear I decided to force myself to dress in full girl mode and watch a drag queen show this weekend - somewhat fitting or ironic, I know. Lol.
Again, the fear is there since I live with my family. I am scared I'll run into family on my way out and they'll have questions. I am not emotionally ready to come out to the people close to me, but I want to BE me. Is this normal and a healthy approach?
Transitioning is a big change and there is a lot of uncertainty.
For myself, I started to wear androgynous clothing when I began to show changes in my body, but not enough changes to be gendered as my preferred identity. I never felt the need to suddenly start "dressing to the nines" to confirm my gender. I just sort of gradually eased into it.
Years ago, WPATH standards required a year of cross dressing to confirm some notion that if you don't like the current women's fashion, hair styles or make up, then you are not a candidate for gender surgery. What a crock! Thankfully, this is no longer a requirement.
Christine Jorgenson has stated that by those standards, she would have been denied gender surgery because she rarely cross dressed before transitioning.
My advice is to just do what you feel comfortable doing at the time. There is no need to force anything. Just be your honest self. Other people will pick up on your transition sooner or later and if they express concern, then you may gently let them know how you feel.
I wish you the best and take care. :angel:
Everyone has their own needs and desires when it comes to transitioning, so there is no right or wrong way to come out. You have to do it the way that seems best to you.
Personally, I came out to those closest to me first, and then to more distant associates. So (1) wife, (2) neighbour/ally, (3) family, (4) friends, (5) everyone else. But if it works for you to do it a different way, that's what you should do.
Things to consider when coming out are who is going to gossip to whom, and who is going to be offended if they don't hear before someone else. You can't keep everyone happy, but giving consideration to those factors when choosing the order to come out might make your life a bit easier.
I don't know if you can ever be truly ready to come out to family. It seems such a stressful endeavor. Wanting to be YOU is all it takes to muster the courage to make that first overture and tell them. It can be scary to come out to co-workers but that will pass and life will go on. Do you know what your company's policy on discrimination is?
Every one progresses at their own pace. There is no right or wrong way. Some of us take years and some do it in a flash. All you can do is what is right for you. My wife has been more concerned than I have and it's sort of been seamless. I don't know if it's my age or just my no BS attitude. I have gained a lot from therapy and I hope you can as well. Give yourself time
So I bit the bullet and did it. Make up, shape wear, padded bra. I went to a bar that was hosting a drag show so I though "might as well go". I'm glad I came. Sure I spent 30 minutes in the parking lot fighting my anxiety. Seeing everyone dance made me a bit dyshoric but I know I'm time ill have the confidence to dance with then later.
This feels like an actual thing, you know, not just banter with my therapist. It's my confirmation. Now time to sneak back home and hope no one saw me on my way out in full girl mode.
Congratulations! That first time is surely anxiety inducing but it gets better and easier now. Sounds like you did enjoy yourself. Yes, its a "thing"!
Congrats and it's a great first step. They get easier from here until one day you will just dress and walk out the door like you always have. Only you will be 180 degrees different.
Update
So I decided to cast my anxieties to the side, called in sick at work, dressed in full girl mode and went to the city. It was a 1 hour drive singing to girl metal, lol. Make up was done, 24hr no smudge lipstick was good. I felt wonderful. For the first time in my life I feel... right. Sure I still have anxieties and depression but I feel like me. I was complimented so many times in my makeup despite the fact I still had verrrrry small stubble coming in.
I had a drink and burger at Dave and busters and the bar guy was soooo nice. Everyone was so nice to me I love it so much... also heeled boots - They make you feel powerful as you walk around. Clnk clnk clnk. Today was a good day, what is next is to tell my family... in a few months....
Amazing!!! I wish I could work up the nerve to do that right now.