I was talking about gaming with someone and realized that my first clear memory where the thought of being a woman made me happy.
I was ten and playing a pokemon game. Somebody tricked me by saying that if you played as a girl you got rarer pokemon. I don't think that is true, but I played as a girl. Eventually I realized no rare pokemon were spontaneously appearing and realized they had fooled me. Yet... I like being May. She was a cool girl in the show and I felt cool playing as her. Also, the guy character looked really stupid in that game (compared to May at least). I was only ten so of course i didn't know anything about what those feelings meant, but looking back its funny to think I've had these feelings for more than a decade.
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I was seven and looking through a kid's magazine. There was a picture of a teenage girl whom I though was pretty. I so wanted to be her!
Around the age of twelve. I'm not sure where it came from, but I just said to myself out loud "I wish I was a girl", and really meant it. It's entirely possible I had feelings before this and hadn't processed them. Maybe this is the first I can remember, because it was the first I vocalised.
That's sweet Kathy :)
Quote from: naa on April 30, 2018, 08:07:41 AM
Around the age of twelve. I'm not sure where it came from, but I just said to myself out loud "I wish I was a girl", and really meant it. It's entirely possible I had feelings before this and hadn't processed them. Maybe this is the first I can remember, because it was the first I vocalised.
I know what you mean I think. I did that much more recently at twenty three. I had feelings in that direction before but I hadn't thought it of it for a long time. But at the beginning of the day I didnt consider myself trans, and suddenly I knew I was a woman.
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I had a couple strong feelings growing up that I attribute to being trans related now. The first was when I was 6 and my sister way 7. She got fitted for glasses since she needed them, and I was so envious. I was envious of her all throughout growing up, still am. Anyway I pretended to need glasses too, so we could be the same. That didn't last long. My eyes stayed perfect till age 45. The second was age 8. I fooled around with a boy in the girls roll. It was not as two boys, at least not to me. We got caught and I was punished, still I thought about that a lot and why I enjoyed it. After that were the raids to moms and my sisters closets. I was a cliche, but still in denial.
Bari Jo
First is hard to remember exactly. More a collection of hazy early canonized stories. Who knows how true they are now?
Playing sisters with a girl in my first year of school.
My mother telling me I had lovely long lashes and I should have been a girl, and agreeing silently.
Staring at the roof in my bed at night, imagining I had a twin sister who was just like me in every way, and how cool she would be.
So I think most of those are are 5-6 years old but who knows?
The first time I remember consciously recognizing that I would feel more at home as a girl was in fifth grade. I have really vivid memories of going out shopping with my family for my sister and being so jealous of her getting to shop for all of the neat clothes.
It would be a few years after that where I would understand that I am trans. Before that I thought it was just something wrong with me and that no one else had these feelings.
So many various and touching stories. Thanks to everyone for sharing :)
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1958 maybe sooner at the age of 7.
I was about 6-7 at my nans , she was a really good looking woman. Was well in with the fashion at the time , she had a pair of thigh high white heels ....... well I had to put them on and strut my stuff around her flat lol. Nice memories :)
5
I was 12 or 13 the first time I wished I was a girl. I was dragged to a wedding with my parents and it was very hot and humid and I had to wear suit. There was this girl there who was 15 and she was wearing a green strapless dress with sandals.. I wished that I was her..
Even though I regularly wore pantyhose and a cheer leader skirt in my teens, it was at 19 that I knew I was really a girl in a mans body. At 19 was the first time fully dressed as a woman. I wore a long sleeve blue dress that came down to my knees, I wore black pantyhose, with bra (Stuffed with bean bags) and a pair of panties.. shoes was a pair of court shoes with a 1 inch heel. (A friend helped me that night get dressed and get the clothes, she worked at a thrift store) It felt so right to be dressed like that.. With her encouragement I explored this feeling.
I could write a novel about this but to keep it short things started in grade school. I didn't know what I was but all the boys called me girl or other derogatory names. I threw a ball like a girl and in general didn't in. Eons later I realized they were right, and I still throw like a girl.
So many of you ladies felt this at such youthful ages!
Maybe I felt it too when I was young, but I can only really remember about a month ago when I was walking around at work...like an electric shock I felt a slight 'itch' that you can't exactly reach in public. That night I decided to scratch it, and was pretty much forever changed- though I still wasn't sure if I could be transgender at that point, either.
So, the actual moment would of had to have been the following 4 days after that where I trained the crap(and nearly ruined) my voice; when I actually sounded somewhat female, I was like, "YES! I CAN DO THIS!" Every other obstacle is just another step to climb to reach my ultimate goal. That first step was my voice.
Quote from: Eryn T on May 01, 2018, 07:47:45 AM
So many of you ladies felt this at such youthful ages!
Maybe I felt it too when I was young, but I can only really remember about a month ago when I was walking around at work...like an electric shock I felt a slight 'itch' that you can't exactly reach in public. That night I decided to scratch it, and was pretty much forever changed- though I still wasn't sure if I could be transgender at that point, either.
So, the actual moment would of had to have been the following 4 days after that where I trained the crap(and nearly ruined) my voice; when I actually sounded somewhat female, I was like, "YES! I CAN DO THIS!" Every other obstacle is just another step to climb to reach my ultimate goal. That first step was my voice.
I relate, because my feelings are only trans to me in retrospect. I wouldn't say I knew or even suspected until I was 23......... okay maybe I suspected a little ;*
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One of my first memories, when I was about four, was of my mother telling me no, I couldn't be called Mary, because I was a boy. When I asked her how she knew I was a boy, she replied "because of your teeth". She didn't tell me the truth until I was eight, when she realised that I thought that women had willies. That was a real shock, as until then I was sure that she was mistaken about my gender.
(A few months later, in the spare room where I went to change the toys I was playing with, a Playboy magazine appeared. For many years afterwards, I presumed that it had been left there by mistake. I now think that it was my parents' idea of sex education. I did find it fascinating but I didn't learn much about sex. I've never really noticed women's breasts and Playboy didn't show full frontal in 1964.)
I knew I wished to be a girl at 4 and told my grandmother.
I prayed to God to turn me into a girl at 6 and for several years after.
My first crossdressing was aged 7 in a Wendy House ( as they are called here in UK - some places call them Play House).
I first heard the term ->-bleeped-<- aged 10 and yes it was while watching television with my grandmother and obviously she knew about me from our past discussion.
Pamela
Quote from: Lady Love on April 30, 2018, 03:55:53 AM
I was talking about gaming with someone and realized that my first clear memory where the thought of being a woman made me happy.
I was ten and playing a pokemon game. Somebody tricked me by saying that if you played as a girl you got rarer pokemon. I don't think that is true, but I played as a girl. Eventually I realized no rare pokemon were spontaneously appearing and realized they had fooled me. Yet... I like being May. She was a cool girl in the show and I felt cool playing as her. Also, the guy character looked really stupid in that game (compared to May at least). I was only ten so of course i didn't know anything about what those feelings meant, but looking back its funny to think I've had these feelings for more than a decade.
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Did not realize I was Trans until about 10 months ago, but through therapy have realized at 2 - YES T-W-O I remember thinking I was going to be just like my sister and be a baton twirler in the parade and being happy, also at age 8 We had a switch clothes play -where I got to be a girl, and my sister a boy...! I remember that vividly and knowing that this was who I was. I just did not figure it to be transgender... GO FIGURE!
Probably 8-9-10? Sad to think it took another 15 years to deal with it :(
Dang Marcie, that is young.
Thats part of why it is fun looking back. I thought it was fun being a girl in games for a long time but never realized it was core to my identity until now.
Rachel don't even worry girl, me too. I feel silly for taking so long sometimes, but the idea you want to alter things and the way people view you to become happier is a hard thing to come to grips with. We got plenty of time to live our lives ;*
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At Halloween, when I was 7 and in the second grade. My mother and adult older sister dressed me in a witch costume that my older nieces had worn.
It had a full face mask, black wig, pointy hat and floor length black dress with a full petticoat. I won second prize for costume in the elementary school. The principal asked: "What's your name little girl? We can't guess who you are?"
I asked for, and was denied, real girl panties. I'd still like to wear a floor length dress with a petticoat.
Quote from: Lady Love on May 01, 2018, 10:32:08 AM
Dang Marcie, that is young.
Thats part of why it is fun looking back. I thought it was fun being a girl in games for a long time but never realized it was core to my identity until now.
Rachel don't even worry girl, me too. I feel silly for taking so long sometimes, but the idea you want to alter things and the way people view you to become happier is a hard thing to come to grips with. We got plenty of time to live our lives ;*
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Thanks girl. Oh I don't dwell on it too much nowadays. Back then my dad would have broke my back for it. And so I did what I did to survive :'3
I remember playing pokemon all the time at 10 too.. we must be around the same age.
I didn't want to play May or any female character because they reminded me that I "can't be female". Which I was so wrong about...
I loved Misty and wanted so badly to wear a flowy bathing suit and be a water gym leader...
Also Final fantasy 10.. wow I loved that game. The story between Titus and Yuna was so sweet. I always wanted to be her and the female characters in ff8 so badly.. they're so beautiful [emoji22] it makes me sad remembering them...
I loved Lulu's confidence so much and how she carries herself. Really amazing
I always dreamed I would look like Rinoa [emoji4] but with more if Lulu's edge
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First time that I had a trans feeling was when I was a High School Freshman... and perhaps earlier. In my high school years and 6+ years of college I was skinny, no muscles, no bulk, and not tall just 5'4" with soft facial feature and a girly appearance... and a voice to match. I was always kidded and bullied by all my classmates that had the appearance of "real" men.
Obviously all of that worked in my favor when in my very early 30's I decided to transition... then I started HRT in March 2015 a month after my 35th birthday. I transitioned to Full-time ONE year and 9 months later in December 2016.
Quote from: Allison S on May 01, 2018, 06:22:14 PM
I remember playing pokemon all the time at 10 too.. we must be around the same age.
I didn't want to play May or any female character because they reminded me that I "can't be female". Which I was so wrong about...
I loved Misty and wanted so badly to wear a flowy bathing suit and be a water gym leader...
Also Final fantasy 10.. wow I loved that game. The story between Titus and Yuna was so sweet. I always wanted to be her and the female characters in ff8 so badly.. they're so beautiful [emoji22] it makes me sad remembering them...
I loved Lulu's confidence so much and how she carries herself. Really amazing
I always dreamed I would look like Rinoa [emoji4] but with more if Lulu's edge
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She is pretty badass [emoji14] i did that more with video games in general. Lately I have been playing rune factory as a lady and thats pretty fun
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I guess it started around 7 where I went through a really long pause of stealing my mom's bra's and pantyhose just for the feeling. I would hide them under my bed and occasionally get in trouble since my mom ran out of bras to wear.
Middle school theater group gave me some possibility to be a bit more public about it. Rocky Horror Picture Show. I was only the lighting guy then, but there was one scene where everyone would stand on stage in a garter belt or corsage and stockings. Of course I volunteered! OMG - that felt soooo good!.
I guess this would count as the first time. I just had no name for it.
And the rest is history...
I know I have answered already, my mother told me a funny story and I immediately thought of this thread, I mentioned mentioned that at the age of 19, I wore a dress for the first time..
well that kinda not true, its just the first time I can remember. I have a girl cousin about 1 year older than me.. and when I was about 3 or 4 years old, my mother use to make dresses for her and since we were the same size at that stage, I was used as muse to see how the dresses fitted.. apparently I loved it and asked my mother don't I look pretty and why boys cant wear dresses. Of course it upset my father as how could my mother dress his son in a dress, he actually said, you gonna make him into a girl.. oops maybe she did, but I don't mind, I love being a girl. (Thanks Mom)
I was 4 or 5 years old and lived in Oklahoma. I was the youngest of 4, 2 brothers and a sister. It was Halloween and we were getting costumes and I wanted to be a princess. I knew at that moment I was a girl. Because it was the late 60s my parents knew that I was not a girl but I was persistent and they let me be a princess for a night! I still remember my blue gown and tiara from that year very vividly!! I don't recall exactly why but the next day the real me was suppressed and my secret was hidden away for the next 45 years. Still now only my wife, her sister and husband and therapist know. But every Halloween I go back in time and remember how happy I was that night and not just because I got free candy! That was the only day in my life the world knew me as the girl I am!
Paula
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I have a lot of really early memories, probably as early as at least 5, however I don't really count them since I can't confirm that they actually happened(and am so far thankful no one else seems to remember them). However, my first like "real" trans moment, was when I was 11-12, I had started playing a game called Star Wars Galaxies.
I ended up making a female character, and "hid" her under storm trooper armor for the first month or so, I didn't want my family knowing that I played a female character. That time of my life is filled with funny memories of trying to convince my friends in the game that I was actually a guy IRL, and despite using voice chat a few times, no one would believe me.
Around that time I had also started to crossdress IRL whenever I had the chance, used makeup a few times. I have a pretty vivid memory of my mom finding what I think were panties behind my dresser, maybe it was a skirt.. anyways, she confronted me about it while my brothers were nearby, I denied it, she dropped it(yep, there were clearly "no signs" :P).
When I was 6-8, I was at a friend's birthday party at his house and walked down the hallway. His older (10-12?) sister was changing her clothes in her room with the door open. When I realized she was naked, I got out of there before she saw me...but the feeling I had was not "ooh la la" like other boys might have had. It was, after the embarrassment passed, pure envy. I wanted that kind of penis-less body. I remember actually getting upset about it but I wouldn't tell anybody why.
The first time I remember actually "feeling" trans (though I had no real concept of what trans was or that it existed) was in middle school gym. I really wanted to change in the girls' locker room and play the "girl sports" with the girls. I remember feeling like it was an injustice and shortly afterwards I started to do the whole " I want to wake up a girl" wish sessions and appropriating my mother's clothes.
xoxoxo
Alyssa
I don't remember, maybe it was always there. Of course I didn't know what it was just that I was weird. My first year at summer camp, seven years old, I wore a dress and stayed with the girls for a long time. I did not get in trouble there for that but they called my grandparents when they couldn't find me with the boys. They were not happy at all and took me home the next morning. That was not the first, just the first that I remember vividly.
I don't think there was a 'first' for me, more of a need that was ever present and grew stronger over time.
As young as I can remember playing with Barbies in the living room, and then wearing my moms shoes and silk slip.
Karen
4 or 5 (in the 70's) wearing my aunt's nylons under the table at my grandparents house. Around the same time sneaking my sisters tights out of her dresser in the middle of the night. When I was 6 or 7 my brother caught me in her princess dress and dragged me out in front of everyone. I wish I had the courage back then to say I wanted to be a girl. It probably wouldn't have mattered though because it was the 70's and we were poor.
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Feeling trans? That isn't easy to answer. I feel trans more now than I did when I was young. When I was young my gender was just a matter of fact until enough correction/coercion taught me otherwise.
The best example I can think of is from when I was in kindergarten. My class went to the pool and I simply went in the girls line to get changed because that is what I simply was. Only when the teacher pulled me aside and redirected me to the other line did I feel confused. It simply made no sense to me. I went into the boys changeroom and walked directly to the toilet stalls and locked myself in and changed alone. I didn't feel trans, I simply was another girl. It was pretty clear to me. It only became a mess once others decided that I needed to learn to be something else.
Not really sure how old I was, it was in early childhood though and although I didn't actually understand it at the time this feeling of lonely secrecy suddenly weighed heavy upon me
I carried on as best as possible but still felt like a misfit, an outcast, a castaway milling about upon my own self inflicted desert island in the middle of society
I've never really felt like I fit in anywhere
Quote from: grrl1nside on May 11, 2018, 10:08:20 PM
Feeling trans? That isn't easy to answer. I feel trans more now than I did when I was young. When I was young my gender was just a matter of fact until enough correction/coercion taught me otherwise.
The best example I can think of is from when I was in kindergarten. My class went to the pool and I simply went in the girls line to get changed because that is what I simply was. Only when the teacher pulled me aside and redirected me to the other line did I feel confused. It simply made no sense to me. I went into the boys changeroom and walked directly to the toilet stalls and locked myself in and changed alone. I didn't feel trans, I simply was another girl. It was pretty clear to me. It only became a mess once others decided that I needed to learn to be something else.
I relate to this a lot. I feel like I was a boy as a child. I definitely had urges to be a woman, but I never really felt wrong being a boy, just being a man. More importantly, I think as a boy I hated the masculine expectations and starting puberty was ->-bleeped-<-.
I remember mostly being uncomfortable in middle school when everyone was talking about sex and relationships and I didn't have any interest in that. I realized recently the first time I was interested in someone romantically it was due to extreme pressure from my classmates about it. I was pretty open as a kid and told people "I don't like girls yet" and once everybody was all about sex you can imagine how that went.
Thanks to everyone for sharing! Such a large variety of memories :)
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Hey everyone. First trans feeling good topic
I was born in 1961 a few years latter' around 3 or 4 noticed something was not right boys clothes felt icky on
Me and I always wanted to wear my sisters clothes. Then entered the totally binary world in first grade going to a catholic school were there was the boys uniform and the girls uniform. I hated my uniform and wanted to be in the girls uniform. I actually had kind of fantasies of going into the girls bathroom and some kind of angle turn me into a girl with all the girl parts and girls uniform. This never happened and I felt like the only one in the world and the freak that my parent's instead I was. Until recently.
I would have to say looking back now it would have to be around 3 to 4 years old .
The morning I realized I was trans I had just woken from a dream where I was female. Sounds dumb I know. After that moment, in retrospect, I did realize that I'd had trans feelings since I was a child. I'd always admired and wanted to be like the girls my age, but felt sort of socially obligated to reject all things feminine, despite the fact that I had a very liberal upbringing, with parents who would have absolutely accepted me as female no matter how young I was. I've always felt a bit insecure that I didn't realize this until I was a bit older, even though I was only 14 or 15 years old. Lots of sources kind of suggest that most people realize it as children, but I really don't think that's necessarily true.
Quote from: Izzy Z. on May 14, 2018, 09:17:23 PM
The morning I realized I was trans I had just woken from a dream where I was female. Sounds dumb I know. After that moment, in retrospect, I did realize that I'd had trans feelings since I was a child. I'd always admired and wanted to be like the girls my age, but felt sort of socially obligated to reject all things feminine, despite the fact that I had a very liberal upbringing, with parents who would have absolutely accepted me as female no matter how young I was. I've always felt a bit insecure that I didn't realize this until I was a bit older, even though I was only 14 or 15 years old. Lots of sources kind of suggest that most people realize it as children, but I really don't think that's necessarily true.
Yeah, I think that memories like these we are discussing are extrapolated to "they have always known," when really it has been a life long process of discovery with hints sprinkled throughout.
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When I was a kid, I liked to browse through the lingerie section of department store catalogues, not to look at half naked women, but to think about wearing those items. I then started "borrowing" my sister's tights and later graduated to stockings and garter belt. This was before pantyhose became popular. Back then, I had never heard of "trans", let alone known what it meant. I just thought there was something wrong with me for wanting to wear girls things.
If a trans feeling refers to realizing one likes something that boys don't and most girls do or vice versa, then the first one I can date accurately was when I was four and my parents dressed my sister as a fairy and me as a troll for a masquerade. I cried and raged but couldn't get them to change their minds. I still remember and hate those clothes. Although I do now realize they would look cute on a boy of four.
I vaguely recall earlier occasions but I think this was probably the most definitive. And most of the others I can't place as exactly.
I believe it was also my last true tantrum. It taught me some things could not be changed. To my sorrow I was forced to accept that I was classified as a boy and that whatever was girl-classified would likely be and remain unavailable to me.
I also clearly remember wanting to be smooth like my sisters. Unlike American children we were never discouraged from running around naked inside or outside. The first time I insisted on wearing something at a beach was at the age of seven, when some boys around my age came wearing swimming shorts. I hated to display the dangly bits. I also remember wanting to wear what the girls did.
That year, on entering school, I was elated when the boys sneeringly told me I threw like a girl.
The need to be a girl stayed largely in the want but can't box until I found Frank Baum's Ozma in sixth grade. Then it came bursting out. Oh, how I wanted and needed to be her.
...but all of that came later.
I was about 4.
Quote from: amandam on May 15, 2018, 11:53:48 AM
I was about 4.
When I was around that age, I asked my mother to put some lipstick on me, as she was getting ready to go out. However, I suspect it wasn't anything to do with being trans, just curiosity or trying to be like others. Young kids can get some funny ideas. ;)
I was around 4 when I felt I was being put into the wrong group. I always felt not like a boy after that time but tried to fit into the place people said I had to be.
As a young kid I loved going through my grandma's jewelry and wearing her clip on earrings, spray on a bit of perfume, and wear both her and mom's dress shoes.
I think i was three years old when I told my mom i wanted to wear a dress. She spent the next several minutes explaining to me that I could not because I was a boy. So I told her I wished I was a girl. Mom spent the rest of her life trying to get me to be more masculine.
A trans feeling. Would that be feeling like what people were calling you was wrong, fundamentally wrong on a terrible level? I think it was around 4 or so. I knew deep within I was a girl. Turns out I wasn't wrong, on far too many levels.
I'd dress up, and oddly my brothers encouraged me. They probably thought it was funny. I still dress up :P 40+ years later. My brothers know lol... everyone does (in my family) now.
In preschool I would wear long t-shirts and pretend they were dresses. Since then I've often dreamed about becoming a bride one day. I didn't really put these feelings together until later on though.
I guess around age 8 when I asked my mum to buy me a doll from the local corner shop. It was only a little one, but I REALLY wanted it. She asked why and I said I just want to take care of it. So she bought it for me and I was delighted even though I knew it was 'wrong'. I made a little bed for it and she slept in a drawer in secret in my bedroom. Only mum and me knew she was there.
I really don't have many memories at all of being younger than that, so maybe other things happened, there are huge chunks of my childhood memories missing...
Around 5. I would get so upset and heart broken when I was told I was a boy.
About 7ish, wanting to start a new school as a girl. It wasn't until i was 21 I realised my life was like a jigsaw & when i put the pieces together I realised I was transexual. Another time was when i was 14,1 of the older boys at school came past on his BSA motorbike with his girlfriend on the back. my friend wished he was the boy, I wished I was the girl
It's funny what you sometimes remember when you're very young. I think I was 4 and I was sitting on a blanket in our backyard with a neighborhood friend. She was a bit of a tomboy and was complaining that she wasn't a boy. I remember at the time thinking I would love to be a girl, but I already suspected that if I said anything it may get me in trouble.
When I was 8 or so I was at another neighbors with my sister and her girlfriends. The mother brought out all these dance clothes and girly costumes. All the girls were trying on the clothes and the mother convinced me to try on a leotard. I resisted at first but they all convinced me, so I did it. I just loved it. I looked like one of the girls :-) My sister convinced me to go home with her to show our parents the nice outfits we were wearing. Boy was that a mistake.
Well we bumped into my dad first. He started screaming at me to get it off. He told me if he ever caught me wearing anything like that again I would get severely beaten. I'm not sure why he didn't then, it didn't take much for him to bring out the belt or something else. He never beat my sisters so maybe looking feminine saved me that day.
Anyway I went back to the neighbors crying and changed. I learned my lesson to hide it. As life went on whenever I showed the least bit of femininity, my parents would shut it down quickly. I always wondered if they suspected something. They were progressive people for the times but terribly transphobic (the word didn't exist back then but it describes them to a T).
Take care,
Paige :)
I was probably like 3, I would roam around the house and put on any women's clothes that I wold find. Whether it was my mother's, aunt's, or cousins clothes I would put it on and it felt so right wearing it. Whenever the cousins and I would all play, I would always choose to be with the girl teams as much as I could, guys and guy stuff never really got my attention.
After watching anything on the television I knew that I was going to grow up to be a beautiful woman like all the women I had seen. Eventually I found out that I was born a male, that fact broke me down and I became the quiet guy and to this day I remain the quiet guy. Everyone just assumes that I'm shy, it's not that I'm shy, it's just that since that moment I have been very sad knowing that I'm trapped in a stupid male body, cursed to live as a male.
Until the internet came along into the house when I was 15 year old, it took me a few years to finally research my feelings at the age of 17 and that's when I really discovered that I am a female traped in a male body.
I'm now 24 and I'm finally at the beginning of my transition, I'm training my voice and doing lots of feminizing lol wow after reading this post I see that I basically post the same thing over and over, maybe I also suffer some sort of OCD?
Anyways, does anybody know where I can find a good gender therapist in the Houston area? I have done a few Google searches, but I'm paranoid about going to a "wrong" one.
Well at age 3/4 I wanted to wear girly things and recall having desires to play with an easy bake oven mainly due to the female association with it as well as tucking when in showers... that's gotta count. Not sure exactly what inwas thinking but the fact it was feminine stuff I was doing made me feel hally. but then when I was 5 in 1999 I flat out recall having desires to be fully female
Age 7, sitting in class during an Indoor Recess thinking about singing about wanting to be a girl to a song from Sonic Battle. Also just joined the place so woo.
Anyways, this continued for a few years but being early 2000's rural nebraska, I couldn't do anything. It eventually meandered off to me wearing my siblings clothes and stuff until I got yelled at by my father. I'm now 22 and finally doing something about this feeling and well, It's only been a couple months since I started my HRT and it's been a wild ride, but so far fun with an occasional mess now and then. I bet if I were to work on losing some body fat I would look and feel even better.
When I was six and was yelled at for wanting to play dress up with all my other girl cousins at grandmas, of course I didn't know what that meant at the time, butbfast forward to my mid teens when we all got internet in our houses, and found out what it all meant, looking back was like yeah that makes sense.
Hrrmm, I can think of 3 memories from before I turned 7, not sure exactly when any of them happened, but I know my earliest memories are from when I was 2 or 3, so they all fit in that time frame somewhere.
1. Trying on my sister's pajamas, liking it...and getting caught & terrorized over it by my parents (shudders)
2. I'm not 100% sure what this is called, but I think it's a Christmas pageant? My church was having the kids do the manger scene thing and I was in it, and they had me wear robes for the part, and I didn't know what those were but when I got to try them on I was like "I'm wearing a dress! This is awesome!" and then I felt sad afterwards because I couldn't wear a dress anymore. I also vaguely remember being jealous of my sister for getting to wear dresses and skirts all the time.
3. I read a lot (I was apparently at a 6th grade reading level by 1st grade), and asked way too many questions, and at some point I found out that all babies are girls before they turn into boys during gestation, and that got me excited because I USED TO BE A GIRL but then I felt sad, too, because somehow I messed it up and turned into a boy instead.
In spite of those early feelings, I didn't even start to figure out my problem until I was 20. I think it took me that long due to a combination of parental repression and having much bigger things to worry about in my life than being the wrong gender.
I was about 7, neighborhood girl invited me to play dress up, I thought I it was fun and wanted my own princess costume. Word got back to my family and all he'll broke loose. I can't think of a day after that I didn't wish I was someone else.
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Fun little topic, and relates to a thought I had recently when trying to explain why I 'haven't been acting feminine growing up'.
One of the earlist 'clearly trans' memories I can remember was around freshman high school, being assigned some group work - and I can remember just staring at a couple of the girls, thinking to myself 'Dang.. it's really unfair girls got all the nice traits, and guys are stuck with the bad ones' :D :D Like the boys just got unlucky and rolled poorly on the gender chart at birth or something.
Of course it didn't occur to me until some years later that not everyone felt that way, and some people actually wanted to be guys ::) Being told all my life I was a boy, I obviously looked at the other boys and acted like they did. I wish we lived in a world with less focus on fixed genders.. I doubt it would have taken me another 10+ years to go from 'I sure wish I was a girl' to 'I can actually be a girl' if these things were actually talked about..
Quote from: Anastasia E on August 28, 2018, 03:16:17 AM
Fun little topic, and relates to a thought I had recently when trying to explain why I 'haven't been acting feminine growing up'.
One of the earlist 'clearly trans' memories I can remember was around freshman high school, being assigned some group work - and I can remember just staring at a couple of the girls, thinking to myself 'Dang.. it's really unfair girls got all the nice traits, and guys are stuck with the bad ones' :D :D Like the boys just got unlucky and rolled poorly on the gender chart at birth or something.
Of course it didn't occur to me until some years later that not everyone felt that way, and some people actually wanted to be guys ::) Being told all my life I was a boy, I obviously looked at the other boys and acted like they did. I wish we lived in a world with less focus on fixed genders.. I doubt it would have taken me another 10+ years to go from 'I sure wish I was a girl' to 'I can actually be a girl' if these things were actually talked about..
Hmm, i can´t really remember if i had any thoughts during my early childhood, but the part that hit me here was the looking at girls and thinking that exact same thought, Girls got all the nice traits and males are stuck with the ugly stick, and not just in school, but also from movies and tv-shows, i always looked at the females and kind of envied them.
Another thing was friends, always had a closer connection with girls, so many of my friends and best friend is female, which did help when it came to finding girlfriends like my male schoolmates.
But thanks Anastasia for sharing, it was good to hear a similar story and know that i am not crazy.
Now i just need to take the full leap and ya like you i wish society was not so locked on gender, maybe then someone else than a random customer would have asked me about it and i took a offensive stance instead of exploring it.
Quote from: pamelatransuk on May 01, 2018, 10:04:36 AM
I knew I wished to be a girl at 4 and told my grandmother.
I prayed to God to turn me into a girl at 6 and for several years after.
My first crossdressing was aged 7 in a Wendy House ( as they are called here in UK - some places call them Play House).
I first heard the term ->-bleeped-<- aged 10 and yes it was while watching television with my grandmother and obviously she knew about me from our past discussion.
Pamela
Hello Anastasia and Cassuk
I posted on the early part of this thread and I thought I would repeat it for you as I felt exactly the same way you describe. I thought for the first 10 years of my life that girls had all the good traits and boys the bad ones and that that logically there must be 4 groups: girls wishing to be girls, girls wishing to boys, boys wishing to boys and boys wishing to be girls. I was of course right but I never thought in my naivety that second and fourth groups would be so rare as to never be discussed or tolerated.
We are less fixed now but how sad it is that as a rule society still believes in fixed genders.
Hugs to all
Pamela
I think my first memory is some time around 7 when I wore my sister's skirt. After that, I'd occasionally take some of her clothes and wear them when I was alone. During middle school, I realized I wanted to be a girl but I didn't think it was possible. Eventually I looked it up, but I saw it involved surgery and therapy and kinda got startled. It wasn't till high school when an online friend introduced me to one of their trans friends that I got properly informed and decided that's what I wanted. Funny enough, I went back to taking my sister's clothes for a while until I could buy and sew my own.
I was 5 when I started sneaking into my mom's closet. Thank god my dad never caught me at it, as it wouldn't have gone well. I found out later that my mom knew all along. She knew before I did that I was different than the other boys.
Hugs,
Donica.
I was 4. My grandmother routinely hung her pantyhose and slips up over the shower rod to dry after she washed them. I remember putting on a pair of hose and a slip (which swallowed me at just 4) and standing on the side of the tub so I could see myself in the mirror.
My earliest recollection was around 9-10 years old when I would lie in bed at night either praying that I would wake up in the morning as a girl, or fantasize that something turned me into a girl. These prayers and fantasies continued long into my teenage years as well.
I'm finding that I have a lot of repressed memories that I have dissociated from over the years. And now that I am coming to terms of self-acceptance, along with the help of my counselor, these memories are starting to eke their way back to the forefront. So, my trans thoughts may have started even earlier than this age and I just haven't recalled them yet.
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There's a smattering of memories, like many others here, of various things when I was a kid. I always played with the girls and learned how to talk like them, run like them, in elementary school. My mom had silk pajamas that I would feel when she wasn't home and imagined wearing them but never dared. I would nearly always be the princess or some other girl character when playing as a kid, would usually choose a female avatar when (rarely) playing video games with my brother...
But a vivid memory is when I was 11. I had a friend a year older who came over often to swim, as many other kids did. But I remember her wearing a bathing suit and seeing her newly grown boobs that probably weren't there the year before. I was fascinated, but not because I was attracted...then that night I had a dream that I was the one in the bathing suit with boobs. I don't remember waking up that morning, but I do remember being in the car that day with my mom. I noticed for the first time that I didn't have the boobs from my dream and exclaimed "oh man!" My mom asked me what that was about and I made up some little excuse I've since forgotten.
But the image of my dream is burned there forever.
Honestly, like ever since I can remember... would play dress up with my younger sister until I got busted by my parents and they went beserk. After that it was all done when they were either not around or sleeping. Felt "right" when I was dressed and playing tea party with my sister, now I'm much older, feelings are way more intense and just can't seem to crack that door, because I'm too much of a scared wuss.
For me, it was in preschool. My school was divided into two classrooms. The other class had a girl's dress with built-in panties among their selection of toys that I just loved to wear! It wasn't very often that I got to visit the other room, but when I did I'd seek it out immediately. Not only did I love wearing it, but it felt right!! Since then I always wished I were a girl. I didn't know I was trans until some 30 years later, but my trans feelings have always been with me.
Danielle
That was at the age of four. I noticed the differences between my baby sister and me an thought something wasn't right. I tucked my thing away, looked in the mirror and thought that looked much better. After that I grew up identifying as a girl until I was nine. Before that time I only had girlfriends, went to ballet classes, wore lots of girlie clothes. After that I was bullied at school for it and went into hiding.
Mine was when I around 8 years old. Was watching Little Mermaid and I so wished I was Ariel :D. After that I watched Barbie movies (e.g. Princess and the Pauper, Nutcracker, Fairytopia, Mermadia, Diamond Castle etc.) and I've always felt empowered when I feel like I'm Barbie hahaha. But of course, all of these were suppressed because of the norms of society so that little girl in me was kept hidden for a while til I got educated enough on gender identity and sexual orientation that I've managed to rekindle that little girl inside me and embrace it.
Quote from: Azurite92 on September 22, 2018, 09:42:54 AM
Mine was when I around 8 years old. Was watching Little Mermaid and I so wished I was Ariel :D. After that I watched Barbie movies (e.g. Princess and the Pauper, Nutcracker, Fairytopia, Mermadia, Diamond Castle etc.) and I've always felt empowered when I feel like I'm Barbie hahaha. But of course, all of these were suppressed because of the norms of society so that little girl in me was kept hidden for a while til I got educated enough on gender identity and sexual orientation that I've managed to rekindle that little girl inside me and embrace it.
Now that you mention it.. a lot of people are going to bash me for this, but I adored the 1997 animated movie Anastasia :D. I remember watching it in the cinema so I must have been around 9 and I really wanted to be her (I mean, she was an orphan and found out she was supposed to have been a princess all along!.. I guess that's not too far off from being a boy and wanting to find out you were supposed to be a girl all along?).
[My IRL chosen name is not Anastasia by the way.. I love the name, and similar names, but in Western Europe it'd be considered a little weird. But now that I think about it, it's probably one of my first trans feeling moments too.. and it was the first thing that came to mind as a username when I was making an account here].
QuoteMine was when I around 8 years old. Was watching Little Mermaid and I so wished I was Ariel :D...
QuoteNow that you mention it.. a lot of people are going to bash me for this, but I adored the 1997 animated movie Anastasia :D. I remember watching it in the cinema so I must have been around 9 and I really wanted to be her
Now when you both mentioned this I start to believe I wanted be one of Sailor warriors (and not Tuxedo lol ) when I watched "Sailor Moon" in childhood :D Or maybe my memory playing with me. But I think it's true :)
See! Mainstream media definitely helped. So we shall support transgender visibility more and more in media to enable our future sisters to be part of us as soon as they can :D.
@Anastasia E, hence your username. That was already a premonition! I so love Anastasia. At the Beginning song always make me cry for no reason hahaha.
@Alice V
Well I've watched Sailormoon and I thought there dress up and transformation is very empowering too!