Hi, I'm a 25 year old current male who's considering doing an MTF transition eventually. I've gone most of my life being pretty unsatisfied with my appearance and social role as a man, as well as general anxiety and depression issues, but never really thought about or considered transitioning until early this year when I suddenly had a bit of a mental breakdown and experienced some very strong feelings of gender dysphoria. This lasted for about two months, during which time I saw some therapists about it and some other issues, then it largely subsided and I decided to focus on some of my other problems before considering a transition as a solution, during which time I've started taking an anti-anxiety medication. It's been helping me a lot and I haven't been nearly as anxious about making long-term decisions as I used to be, so I'm back to considering whether I should transition or not.
If nothing else, I'm planning to get laser-hair removal for my entire neck and beard area regardless of whether I transition, because I have very sensitive skin and shaving of any kind really tears it up; I'm usually bleeding in a couple spots and have some razor burn every day, no matter what combination of razor types and shaving creams/gels I use, and I've experimented quite a lot. I've never had any desire to grow out my facial hair in the ten years I've had any, and I don't like the stubble or grayish tint that I can't seem to completely get rid of either, so I'm just fed up with it and want it completely gone. Luckily, I have very dark hair on top of very light skin, which is supposedly the easiest to get rid of with laser, and I've saved up more than enough that I can easily pay for it out of pocket.
I'm also going to try to grow my hair out long, regardless of whether I transition, and I'm also going to go on Accutane soon at the behest of my dermatologist since I have a pretty bad acne problem which is only getting worse with age, so by the time I make a decision I'll hopefully already have long hair and relatively smooth, clear skin, which would make it a lot easier to transition instead of starting from nothing. And if I don't, that's my preferred male look anyway.
So, I figure I'll think about it for one to two years while I get my health and appearance in order, and consider my options. I've been lurking since the beginning of the year and this seems like such a welcoming community, I thought this would be a good place to ask questions and figure things out.
As for pronouns, let's try female ones and see how they work out, I picked a feminine name after all.
Hello Lucca , nice name by the way
This sounds like a first step and you have to do it your way. At least you have identified your possible self early. Lots of us don't or we hide it very well. You start making the changes you talk about and it may just be enough to help you truly identify your true self.
Keep us posted and best wishes and good luck for your future ma'am.
Welcome to Susan's Place. It sounds like you have a plan and are ready to ask for information as you need it. In reading your post, I picked up on something that while not common you should be aware of. Accutane in some cases can cause suicidal thought. If you experience these, discuss it with your doctor and get off the medication as soon as possible. There is one other way to deal with your skin issues. The HRT package normally consists of a Testosterone blocker which can do wonders for your skin. My T levels weren't suppressed until I was 30 and had surgery, but it greatly helped my skin. I occasionally still get a pimple but it's far better than before. Should you decide to move HRT earlier in your plan, this could be an alternative.
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"Questioning potential MTF"
Ve haf vays of making you talk. :laugh:
Hi Lucca, welcome to Susan's Place! Get busy posting and I'll be seeing you around the site.
Hugs, Devlyn
Hi Lucca!
While we all seem to have that one big thing in common, everybody's path to get there is unique and extremely personal. Best wishes to you and hope to see you around!!
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo
Alyssa
Greetings Lucca! Welcome to the community!
It sounds like you've already made some pretty big, but not life-ruining decisions towards a possible transition. I do not know you, obviously, or what your therapist says, but if you don't fully see yourself as wanting to be a woman, there are other things you can identify as, if they suit you better. Like gender-queer or gender-fluid, etc.
Susan's is a great place to really learn from others experience, ask questions and the like. If you're unclear of where to go in your life, but that you want to go somewhere new, I do think browsing Susans occasionally will help you discover what you'd love/hate and give you advice on how to progress in your life in the way that you want to!
I can completely understand where you are coming from Lucca. I too have made a game plan and I just wanted to add as a reminder along with what others have said: It is not a race. Take your time.
Hi Lucca :icon_wave:
Welcome to Susan's Place :) Glad to have you here, join on in the fun
Hugs
V M
Quote from: Lucca on May 06, 2018, 01:02:26 PM
So, I figure I'll think about it for one to two years while I get my health and appearance in order, and consider my options. I've been lurking since the beginning of the year and this seems like such a welcoming community, I thought this would be a good place to ask questions and figure things out.
As for pronouns, let's try female ones and see how they work out, I picked a feminine name after all.
Hi, Lucca - what pretty name. And yes, another welcome.
I was happy to read that you have seen a therapist to help you get your life back into balance and decided to take care of yourself first. Life offers us enough twists and turns as it is... if I don't take charge and care of myself, who will?
For what it's worth, my own experience (and reportedly that of many others) was that I tossed all my anxiety meds soon after I started on T blockers and low dose Estrogen. While YMMV, losing the T that was driving a lot of my anxieties was a godsend.
Hugs
Susan
Thanks for the warm welcome!
Yeah, I'm aware of all the potential side effects of Accutane, and my dermatologist actually wants me to consult my psychiatrist about it before putting me on it, but I'm doing pretty well now so I doubt she'll refuse. Of course, there's also all the loads of unpleasant physical side effects that come with it as well, but I already had most of them this winter when the cold weather we had in North America destroyed my skin. I'm hoping that if Accutane fixes my acne problem permanently, I won't ever have to go through another winter where my face is sore every day again, even if it's sore every day while I'm on it. Plus, if I can get my facial hair removed, I won't be aggravating my acne with a razor constantly.
Whether I transition or not could depend on how convincing I think I'd be able to look as a woman... I'm over six feet tall and have what I normally think is a pretty masculine frame, but that could partly be because of the clothes I wear. My face is also pretty masculine, but maybe it would look female enough with feminine hair, makeup, and no stubble. I've seen some pretty drastic before/after pictures where I never would have thought they'd be able to pull it off based on the before picture, even though if you look closely you can tell that the bone structure hasn't actually changed.
I really dislike being lumped in with white men as a demographic, though, when I don't really identify with common male emotions, desires, or stereotypes, and it bugs me when people make assumptions about me because they've decided I'm a man due to my appearance. Women seem to be treated more the way I'd like to be treated.
Welcome to Susan's Place, Lucca! :icon_wave:
I can certainly relate on the height front - I'm nearly 6-4, which makes doorways in heels an issue. Nevertheless, I didn't let that stop me from being who I am, and I'm much happier for that! If your concerned about transitioning, have a look at "Susan's Story", which is linked at the top of this forum. She is a beautiful lady and an inspiration to all. :)
Quick question... I'd like to get input on how masculine my face is and get a prognosis on how difficult it would be to pass, but I don't want to post my face publicly on the forum. I can send pictures using the email address I made for this site, but it seems weird to make a thread just to solicit conversation for outside the thread. Would that be fine?
When you reach 15 quality posts, you will gain the ability to send PMs. PMs work much like a post except they are between you and the others you wish to see the image. The are private so even moderators and administrators can't see the contents. People who are comfortable with their images being public often create threads for assistance with their appearance. MTFs often do this for help on a number of issues.