After speaking a bit with someone else from the forums over e-mail today (I'll leave it up to them if they want to jump in and say "hey it was me!" ;D), I decided I want to write this! This may not be structured very well, and I apologize if it comes across as disjointed at all as I jump around with new thoughts on different parts of it. Anyway, here we go!
This is to all of us who find ourselves nervous, anxious, worried, and scared--us who often suffer from social anxiety disorders that drive our behavior in what we know are often self defeating ways. Not just in regards being trans, or perhaps being trans, but regarding life in general. In particular, those of you who may lurk but fear making your first post on these forums, or those who regardless of posting struggle to reach out for the help you need.
First, a bit of personal context. When dealing with the world at large, I have always been plagued by a few constant thoughts that drive my anxiety disorders. I have worried that in reaching out to someone, even professionals, I am simply bothering them. I have worried that a single response from an individual reflects the responses I will receive from all individuals. I have kept my mouth shut time and time again, for fear of saying something that reveals a weakness, a flaw... things that I worry may come across as silly or stupid, worried that people may think less of me or judge me. Most of all, i have worried that I am being an imposition on people, even those who care about me the most and who do not hesitate to come to me for support when they need it.
For example, when I began my journey in full last August, my first major order of business was attempting to find a therapist. I had a lot of issues surrounding finding a local therapist. Of course, reaching out to a stranger, even one who deals with transgender patients for a living, and saying "I am transgender, will you treat me?" is a terrifying thing. After days of building the nerve, I hit send on my e-mail. And then get back "Sorry, I'm not taking out of state patients". No commiseration, no recommendations, nothing to help assuage my fears at one of my most vulnerable moments. This simple reply set me back almost a full week before I had the nerve to try again. And if not for shear desperation, I don't know that I would have been able to ever try again. If I hadn't, I don't even begin to know exactly where I would be today, but I do know I would not be anywhere near as happy and confident as I find myself becoming. Now I look back and wonder... why? Why was I so afraid of reaching out? Well, being trans is scary, true. But mostly it came down to that I felt that I wasn't worth their (the therapists') time, independent of being transgender. And that quick little reply just confirmed that feeling in my head. Did being trans contribute to that feeling of worthlessness? Probably, but it certainly would have existed even without it.
But the response I received from that therapist brings me to my first major point: People who don't suffer from these types of anxiety... they don't understand. They don't mean to trigger it in others, it simply is not even a conscious thought that they might because it is not something they have ever dealt with. They offer a quick response like they would be able to 90%+ of the population, and move on without any idea or intention of the damage that may have just been done. It does not mean they are dismissing you, or that it is any judgment on you, it is simply how the majority of the human race interacts.
This goes into a second major point: A setback is not the end of the road. You absolutely will face setbacks. In my case, I encountered the fairly minor one all things considered (though I can only say that in retrospect, at the time it felt devastating) of the first therapist's reply, but also have run into a handful of other ones as time has progressed. The worst for me was when I was going to start HRT. I saw my doctor, and did my blood work. And then began the waiting game. I expected it to be a week or two tops, that is what I was told by everyone. But those weeks passed by. Playing into the issue of worrying about bothering people which I will address in a moment, I put off contacting my doctor repeatedly and just kept waiting. I was going deeper and deeper into a depression, terrified that something was very wrong with the blood work. Worried that I would never receive the hormones I at that point so desperately needed. And just plain sad about the lost time spent on those hormones. Well, at about a month I finally work up the resolve to ask my doctor. She says shell look into it. Turns out the results had arrived weeks before and she had slightly misplaced them in a pile of paperwork. She only knew to look because I had contacted her. I was worried over nothing, and by not contacting her sooner I had sabotaged myself and cost myself those weeks of agony. Sometimes things happen. The doctor is very competent, it was just an honest mistake with paperwork that the majority of people would have addressed with her before it was ever an issue. In reality, most issues are resolved quite readily, and a certain margin of error has to be expected when dealing with paperwork or bureaucracy (such as with insurance or dealing with government issues). Yes, it will always be annoying, but I've learned you can't let what would be an annoyance to someone else be a death blow for you.
On to what seems like a minor issue, but one that is quite sinister and debilitating despite that minor appearance. The fear you are "bothering" someone. So before I get into details, I will say unequivocally: You are not bothering anyone. Yes, people can certainly be a bother to others, but it's one of those funny dissonances... If you are worried about being annoying/bothering someone to begin with, then you aren't the one who is a bother/annoyance. It's the people who have no clue or worry about ever being bothersome who are the actual annoyances. ;D (Though in a bit of irony, worrying about annoying someone can actually annoy them! So stop worrying about it, you stop annoying them! :P) Particularly when it is a professional. They actively want you to contact them and reach out to them! It's how they make money! On this topic for my own part it has been a major issue in my life as I forego reaching out to others, thinking that if they want to talk to me they will reach out to me, and that if they don't they just don't want to talk to me (and therefore by reaching out to them, I'd be bothering them). I have let friendships fall apart over it, I have lost touch with many people close to me, and I have generally failed to nurture relationships. As I've found the nerve to reach out to people, more and more I've found that they absolutely love to hear from me! Of course that sends the mind wondering... "Well, why didn't they reach out to me?" The answer was pretty simple: while social anxiety in general is not an issue the majority of the population face, this particular fear seems to be. Basically everyone is worried about the exact same thing, and so no one reaches out to each other when they would genuinely all be happy for the connection! And those who do tend to take the initiative to reach out become dejected about the contact not being reciprocal when you don't reach out to them, and then just assume that is a sign on your end that you are the one not interested. (Essentially, they get sick of the burden being entirely upon them. It takes two people actively engaged in communication to maintain any relationship!)
This is getting a bit longer than I intended, and I am not quite to a major thing I want to say yet so I will leave the rest of it there and just jump to that. The issue of making a post on these forums...
Whether you've posted before and are worried about posting again (be it starting your own thread or commenting on someone else's) or have only lurked, too nervous to make that introduction...
You are wanted here. Your feelings are wanted here. Your opinions are wanted here. You will not be judged. You will not be rejected. You are among those who can understand what you are going through more than anyone else, many of whom have those same fears starting out on these forums.
The point of these forums is to provide support to those who need it, and if you find yourself here then you deserve that support. It doesn't matter if you think you just might be trans either, even if you turn out not to be, you still absolutely deserve support in figure that out and belong here every bit as much as anyone else.
This also goes to those who have engaged in the forums but find themselves worrying about not fitting in, about people not liking them, or anything of that nature. Forums... they can be a bit one sided sometimes in that you only make contact when people actively reply. But the thing is... for every reply, there are a dozen or more views. When people don't reply, be it to an individual post or a thread you start, it doesn't indicate a lack of interest, only a lack of constructive replies. If you ask a question no one has an answer to, you aren't being ignored... it's simply no one has the answer you are looking for and it is only natural for people to not attempt to weigh in on things while assuming someone with the answer will step forward. It's also easy for individual threads to be missed, particularly in the sub forums. Again, it is not anything personal at all against the poster, it's simply logistics of how forums work. It is not often a form of communication. for "me too!" comments that let you feel that interaction, even if there are probably many people reading a post who think exactly that.
Bottom line: It doesn't matter what the little post count based "category" you have under your name, you're family.
Dear Ellie,
a first response with wet eyes. Your post comes soooooo timely. Just a few hours after i had the guts to post my first introduction on this forum.
Your post resonate to me on so may accounts.. i can't even start to mention them. Yes the feeling of bothering people, of rocking the boat. In my case also of disapointing my parents.
I'm sure i wil read your post again when my tears are dried.
Thanks again,
love, Marj
Quote from: Marjolein on May 11, 2018, 01:58:50 PM
Dear Ellie,
a first response with wet eyes. Your post comes soooooo timely. Just a few hours after i had the guts to post my first introduction on this forum.
Your post resonate to me on so may accounts.. i can't even start to mention them. Yes the feeling of bothering people, of rocking the boat. In my case also of disapointing my parents.
I'm sure i wil read your post again when my tears are dried.
Thanks again,
love, Marj
Well, then let me say welcome to the forums! <3!! It warms my heart to read this, particularly as I even was anxious and nervous about making this post itself!
Hi Ellie,
Thank you for putting your thoughts out for all of us to read. If it is any consolation I have that same feeling of not wanting to bother others and being apologetic about it when I do. And you are not alone in being put off by finally getting up the gumption to contact someone and not getting the aide you hoped for. That old "Why Bother" syndrome sets in and you let it drop or at least postpone trying again until you can work yourself up to it again. Yes me! I am a Great procrastinator I have had decades to perfect the skill. A lot of the time I do it for just the reasons you talk about.
So Hun, you are not alone!
The last part where you tell your readers that they are welcome and wanted here is true. We are a community of plain old folk that want to help each other as we can and get the help we are looking for. It takes all of us to do that.
Ellie you are doing that with this thread. Good job! Young lady.
Hugs,
Laurie
You are amazing Ellie. So much of what you wrote resonated with me. I have dealt with this exact thing my entire life. It took me forever to get up the nerve to write my introductory post here. It was not because I was afraid of being mocked or insulted. It was because I wasn't sure if what I had to say would matter to anybody. I didn't know if anybody would even care about me expressing my feelings - and if they didn't, what would that do to me? It turns out, as it almost always does, that my fear was unfounded. I have been barraged with support and well-wishes. In the short time I have been on these forums, I have made connections with people who understand what I am dealing with and truly care. I have also been given the opportunity to return that support to others which makes me really happy. I have learned quite a lot and received answers to questions it never occurred to me to ask.
I have a big problem with little setbacks derailing me. I have purged all of my Alyssa gear several times. It is only recently that I have learned to not let small things turn into big things in my mind. I have a friend on call to hold onto my clothes and makeup if I ever feel that way again. These feelings pass in short order once I give myself time to work through what triggered the feeling. Luckily, I have not had to use her yet. I think this website could serve a similar purpose if I get to feeling that way as well...maybe dive in and read for a while.
Thank you for expressing all of this so wonderfully. You rock!
xoxoxo
Alyssa
<3<3<3<3<3
great post! thank you!
Really Great post Ellie! Thank you! :)
Thank you for your wonderful post :)
I have issues with social anxiety and it can certainly complicate some things - a catch 22 that by its very nature makes it hard to seek support or engage with therapy because.. that involves the exact thing that you can't do because of the social phobia! There were times in my life when I literally couldn't be in a room with another person for any length of time. And I had a friend who randomly quit jobs and ended up doing solitary work in the middle of nowhere because the stress and resulting depression got too much (despite wanting to have friends)
Aside from that issue it can indeed be confusing or intimidating coming in to new forums, and I'm sure plenty of people will be reassured and helped by your post
Including those who don't reply ;)
:)
It makes me truly happy that this resonated with people! I know that all of this has been a pretty common topic of discussion in my chats with the person I mentioned in the first part of the post, and I think that with them and others here the constant back and forth reassurance is just really important to begin to move through these fears/anxieties. :)
Ellie,
You are wise beyond your years. Great post and a recipe for making and keeping connections with others outside of this forum, as well. I wish some one would have impressed your wisdom on me sixty years ago. I have had an anxiety like you describe for much of my life. Even here, I lurked for a long time before making my first post. Then my posts were very sparse. It is only recently that I have begun to PARTICIPATE.
Come join us. One and all. The more the merrier. Ellie-the-wise says so!
Stevi
Hello Ellie
I think I can understand where you're coming from Dear.
Sometimes you pour your heart out here and just get Zippo.
You said a lot of people don't reply because they cannot formulate a correct answer. You also said you feel like kind of a bother to your doctors therapist and members out here and develop anxiety over this feeling that people don't care about you. I personally always try to show unconditional love and support and kind of a shoulder to lean on, and sometimes my words are far outweighed by lack of knowledge but I try the best I can.
I personally have only a few weeks of experience with the Trans scene and feel very stupid out here sometimes because of it. But that means I have been untainted completely by all the preconceived notions developed over the years here at Susan's and with Society so I am kind of a virgin to all of this. But sometimes it takes an idiot like me to approach it from a different angle than most that have been active and familiar with the transene for many years.
Please do not feel like you're being a bother to your doctors and therapists. This is their job this is what they get paid to do so how could you be a bother to them. You should feel no different than any other Medical problems that people go to the doctor for seeking treatment there really is no difference other than the social taboos that Society has developed about us. But basically I see that Society is wrong as it has proven to do with issues they don't understand. Throughout history humans have always discriminated against the unknown and that's pretty much what we are in their eyes.
Please take solace in knowing this and we are not a bunch of freaks as much of society would claim it's simply that medical science has not figured out or pinpointed the exact cause for all of us.
Medical science has just scratched at the surface of this and someday I believe it will all be figured out and we are no different then people with heart disease or other medical conditions that have been figured out. Our brains are so complex it's kind of like trying to figure out the universe. Humans have only had science for several hundred years which is hardly nothing compared to how long humans have existed for. Humans have always tried to formulate explanations for the unknown and because of the nature of all of us out here they can't pinpoint an exact cause as someday they surely will and because of that most of society thinks that were are just Freaks and Weirdos due to their ignorance and narrow-mindedness.
And all of us being exposed to all of that type of thinking would cause anxiety and a Feeling of unacceptance feeling that we are a bother to the medical community.
But I believe those days are numbered, similar to leprosy in the old days where they were all discriminated against and lumped on an island and casted out of society as some kind of punishment from God. but today Society views them as just people with a disease that has been figured out and cured. Nowadays all those taboos about leprosy are gone just as our condition will be in complete acceptance with Society someday.
So Ellie just realize we are all products of our environment but our environment doesn't really understand this and your feelings of anxiety and unacceptance are Perfectly Natural.
Keep in mind though I just signed up here at Susan's a few weeks ago and no nothing of the trans seen other than what I learned here and basically I don't know squat but I hope somehow a newbie like myself Can Shed new light on this.
I hope you can work through this and realize we are no different than any other medical or psychological problem that has been figured out.
All the best to you love Tatiana
Quote from: Roll on May 12, 2018, 10:54:49 AM
It makes me truly happy that this resonated with people! I know that all of this has been a pretty common topic of discussion in my chats with the person I mentioned in the first part of the post, and I think that with them and others here the constant back and forth reassurance is just really important to begin to move through these fears/anxieties. :)
Anxiety this is something ive dealt with for the past 30 years ive gone from one extreme to another with it.When i first came out as trans to a member of my family if that wasn't enough to make anyone nervous and anxious. I soon found that that anxiety was nothing to what i would experience as time went on.My sister was the first person i told and of course immediately told my mother. But instead of being honest with me and telling me she had ,she remained a false confidant and the two worked together in causing as much difficulty as they could.They told members of my church people i worked with or knew who of course knew other people who knew me all of whom were told not to let on that they knew .I soon found that people withdrew from me and i didnt know it at the time that they knew.This was all staged for the ultimate ripping of the rug from under my feet.I was exposed and left and i couldn't get any help at all at the end. The anxiety that this caused turned clinical i couldnt function and at the time i had just started Hrt which when the anxiety hit me caused me to stop everything it was bad.Writing this made me think of all that i went threw at that time i look back on it and see a bunch of barking hateful dogs. You know it took a lot time for me to realize that they cant really do anything to you but what you let them do.But one thing i can tell you is anxiety can really get out of hand cause you to have all kinds of strange un explainable physical trouble .If you are experienceing things like this talk to someone here at least here im sure someone will understand and may be of help if for nothing else a sound board for your feelings and what your going threw. Susans place seems like a good place to reach out and even vent a little[emoji66]
Sent from my SM-S727VL using Tapatalk
LOVE YOU ELLIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! <3
Amazing post!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
You rock girl :D!!!!
And yes, I can relate 1000%...........
Hi
I'm new on here and just read your post. It's far from being disjointed and to me it made a lot of sense. It also struck a few chords with me especially with the social anxiety aspect.
Most people who think they now me as a male would say that I'm not introverted or in need of reassurance. But they don't know me at all. I have circled the issue of my gender like a vture for years and have done nothing but worry about how to address it because of that anxiety and the fear that others wont listen or understand. Even women going through the same issues on sites like this were taboo as I was scared of rejection (where I may just have asked a question nobody knew the answer to :D).
So thank you for putting it down in black & white. It has helped me more than you'll ever know.
Megan x
Quote from: CallmeMegan on May 23, 2018, 06:44:10 AM
Hi
I'm new on here and just read your post. It's far from being disjointed and to me it made a lot of sense. It also struck a few chords with me especially with the social anxiety aspect.
Most people who think they now me as a male would say that I'm not introverted or in need of reassurance. But they don't know me at all. I have circled the issue of my gender like a vture for years and have done nothing but worry about how to address it because of that anxiety and the fear that others wont listen or understand. Even women going through the same issues on sites like this were taboo as I was scared of rejection (where I may just have asked a question nobody knew the answer to :D).
So thank you for putting it down in black & white. It has helped me more than you'll ever know.
Megan x
<3 I'm glad I could help even in the slightest!
Fears for me are more confronting my past failures.
I haven't done a full write up on the forum here about it but when I was a teenager I started dabbling in my gender/sexuality and I was beaten into a coma for it, and I put myself in the closet for over 20 years because of it, hiding it in work, drugs, food, ect.
I'm still trying to come to grips and fix my problems and more frequently then I'd like to admit I get frozen in fear and I just think "God I'm an idiot, I can't ever hope to do this. Just be happy being a stupid guy and don't do this" and I know I'll never be happy but that feels so so tempting.
I'm working hard and I know I'll be better one day, but it feels so far off.
Quote from: Maddie86 on May 12, 2018, 08:04:06 AM
<3<3<3<3<3
great post! thank you!
Congrats on being over a year sober. I'm a little over 5. 👍
Quote from: eden on June 20, 2018, 06:23:45 PM
Thank you so much for posting. I am amazed at how quickly people seemed to have taken action when I scroll by "signatures". Being a slow burner, taking that leap to HRT was filled with trepidation, just like my hesitance to post here. I'm thankful that time has been very kind to me.
Today marks 13 weeks on HRT, and I've taken to it like a fish to water. I knew I would. I'm already developing well. My nearly lifelong anxiety is slowly melting away. My doctors said they believed I would not need FFS. I have already had hair removal. I started dressing femme maybe five years ago and went full time, I don't know, last year? Two years ago? I just evolved. Its been very challenging. But it was the best decision ever, although I'm in a lot of pain.
I wish I could give more background about myself, but anyone seeing this who would want to hurt me will recognize my writing style.
I set up an account in hopes to get some support and to talk about girl stuff. There is no good support in my area, trust me. There are a lot of TERFs and TWERFs in these "safe spaces".
May my experience here be enriching.
Hiya eden, welcome to Susan's! I'm sorry you are in such a bad area, and that there are people who actively want to cause you harm. :/ My area has been weird, there's not a lot of actual support with resources, but there has been nothing but acceptance so far on an individual level I've been surprised to learn though I would have never have guess that would be the case in a million years (southeast Georgia). Anyway, I hope you get even half as much out of the community on this site as I have!
Quote from: eden on June 20, 2018, 11:02:14 PM
Thanks for your welcome, Ellie. Something you said made me want to send you a PM, but I must be too new to do that. I'd rather not say it here. It's no big deal, but you're in a unique position to comment. I guess it will have to wait. On the bright side, I'm doing as well I can. At least I'm in the best shape I've ever been in. Having that and living my authentic self is wonderful (and being able to fit into lovely dresses).
@eden Hello Eden, I see that you had just become a member of Susan's Place a few days ago on June 17th when you posted your very first time on the "... fun cllothing issues... " thread.... so please allow me to give you my Official Welcome.
I am glad that you have taken the step to become a member of Susan's Place and that you have shared your thoughts with other members here on several of your postings so far.
I am thinking that you may lots more questions and concerns, this is the right place for you to be to find out what others have done that may have been in your circumstances.
Be aware that there are a lot of members here that can identify with what you may be going through.
Please allow me now to officially WELCOME you to Susan's Place. You will find this a safe and friendly place to share with others and to read about others similar trials, tribulations, and successes.
It is nice that you had signed up so you can share with others and involve yourself with some give and take with other members.
When frustrated or if you have successes you can share it here if you wish and receive support from others and offer support to others. ....
***It's a very good chance that you might find that you will make some new friends here.
Please come in and continue to be involved at your own pace.
Below, I posted Important LINKS that will tell you about Susan's Place. Included there is information about the site that will help you navigate around and best utilize the features here.
Again, Welcome.
Danielle
Here are some links to the site rules and stuff that all new members should be familiar with:
Things that you should read
Site Terms of Service & Rules to Live By (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,2.0.html) | Standard Terms & Definitions (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,54369.0.html) | Post Ranks (including when you can upload an avatar) (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,114.0.html.) | Cautionary Note (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,82221.0.html) |
Reputation rules (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,18960.0.html) | News posting & quoting guidelines (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,174951.0.html) | Photo, avatars, & signature images policy (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,59974.msg383866.html#msg383866) | Membership Agreement (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,216851.0.html) |
@edenOh, and another thing Eden ... to let more members here know of your arrival and therefore you will receive more involvement in sharing information of interest to you. Other like-minded members reading it will be more apt to share their thoughts with you.
If you would, please go to the Introductions (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/board,8.0.html) Forum to tell the members about yourself!
Again, Welcome to Susan's Place,
Danielle
Ellie and All,
Thank you so much for the post, and also for all the replies. At 57 I'm six months sober and in the process of discovering my true self. It's a wild ride, and while I'm excited I'm also afraid. Luckily I have family support and a great therapist, who recommended Susan's Place. Ellie your post is so comforting and personal, and all the replies show this to be a community of varied experiences with a unified love and respect for ourselves and one another. Couldn't ask for more, looking forward to having the Susan's community by my side through this! THANK YOU!!!!
It warms my heart this post could help in anyway. :)
This forum will definitely support you no matter what!
Yeah Roll. That was a pretty well said post. Good job.
Quote from: Roll on August 27, 2018, 10:58:25 PM
It warms my heart . . .
Ellie Great OP I went thru sheer agony for weeks
thinking "will I ever find help" . . . (https://images.gr-assets.com/books/1347951931l/727327.jpg)
I'm grim and grumpy," says Small to Large, "and I don't think you love me at all." But nothing could be further from the truth--and Large knows just how to reassure Small.. . . but that was forty years ago and now is now! lol Oh wow look! I am still here! I think transgender people are the most blessed ones around!
All of that is me exactly. I've been lurking for a very long time and finally made an account yesterday. I did reply to a post today, which surprised me to be honest lol. I'm still working up the nerve to make an intro post but I'll get there. I also worry because I'm not the best writer particularly when it comes to punctuation. I hope I'm getting better at it, I'm really trying before I never bothered. Today I'm more emotional than usual I'm do for my weekly meds lol so this hit home and made me cry. I wish I could explain all that you wrote as well as you do to everyone I know, heck to everyone in general lol. Thank you OP for taking the time to post this.
Hi Rion1579 :icon_wave:
Welcome to Susan's Place :) Glad to have you here, join on in the fun
How about stopping by our Introductions (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/board,8.0.html) Forum and introducing yourself so more folks can get to know you a bit better ;)
Here are some links to the site rules and stuff that we offer to all new members to help them along
Things that you should read
Site Terms of Service & Rules to Live By (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,2.0.html) | Standard Terms & Definitions (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,54369.0.html) | Post Ranks (including when you can upload an avatar) (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,114.0.html.) | Cautionary Note (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,82221.0.html) |
Reputation rules (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,18960.0.html) | News posting & quoting guidelines (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,174951.0.html) | Photo, avatars, & signature images policy (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,59974.msg383866.html#msg383866) | Membership Agreement (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,216851.0.html) |
Hugs
V M
Quote from: Rion1579 on August 30, 2018, 11:15:53 AM
All of that is me exactly. I've been lurking for a very long time and finally made an account yesterday. I did reply to a post today, which surprised me to be honest lol. I'm still working up the nerve to make an intro post but I'll get there. I also worry because I'm not the best writer particularly when it comes to punctuation. I hope I'm getting better at it, I'm really trying before I never bothered. Today I'm more emotional than usual I'm do for my weekly meds lol so this hit home and made me cry. I wish I could explain all that you wrote as well as you do to everyone I know, heck to everyone in general lol. Thank you OP for taking the time to post this.
<3
Don't worry about punctuation/grammar! Just say what you want to say, however you want to say it. :)
Great post. Many I'm sure are like me and do not post. Maybe it's a mix of anxiety over being unwelcome or something. However, I did enjoy your post and thank you for the boost of confidence.
Sent from my SM-G965U using Tapatalk
Quote from: no_one on August 31, 2018, 11:04:23 PM
Great post. Many I'm sure are like me and do not post. Maybe it's a mix of anxiety over being unwelcome or something. However, I did enjoy your post and thank you for the boost of confidence.
Sent from my SM-G965U using Tapatalk
I think there is an element in forums such as Susan's which tend to be a bit more personal in nature (as opposed to the wild west of ->-bleeped-<-) where it may sometimes seem to already be that there is this community that is built up and ongoing around a core group of people, and it's always intimidating to look in and think "am I welcome?". When you see a handful of people with post counts in the thousands chatting back and forth, I know in my own experience in hte past I feel like I'm intruding. But here, that's what is expected! Everyone is welcome, to post as little or as much as they want, in any thread they want, in any capacity they want (well, within the forum rules at least!). So welcome to the party. :)
Hi Ellie,
I so appreciated your post as it has helped however I am scared. I do have anxiety sometimes and even working up the nerve to register on this site was scary as I kept worrying about "what if someone finds the sites I register to via my email..." I am a 36 yo female who is currently presenting as male 😢 I've been wanting to get the nerve to transition into the female that I know I am since I was 12-14 yo. Chief among the things that scare me is coming out to my family, I come from a very "macho" Hispanic family and I don't want to lose them. Also ever since my mom passed away my father has gotten weaker and I worry that coming out to him may harm his physical well being. That is by far my number one dear a couple of minor things that worry me is; what if I started this process too late? For example I currently have a bald spot at the crown of my head and my hair has been receding. I know we should all love ourselves no matter what but I desperately want to appear passable. I also worry that if I go down this path I may face discrimination when it comes to getting a job or love life. I'm sorry I don't mean to put anyone down or make anyone feel these fears along with me, I guess I'm just trying to get a push towards living my best and most true life. Please anyone on this forum feel free to reach out and ask me any questions you may have in the search for support and help.
Love,
Fem (I haven't picked out a name yet so settled on something a bit on the nose)
Hey Fem! I apologize for the late reply, the events of life (a car wreck followed by an unrelated sudden death) have prevented me from being on Susans the past week, and I usually try to keep up with this thread if nothing else.
I am always happy to chat over PM if you'd like to (I'm going to send this same message via PM as well basically regardless to make sure you see this), and I can keep up with that easily courtesy of email notifications. ;)
Thank you for your open letter, Roll. Reading it was a tremendous help to me in finally coming out to my family last night. We all need a reminder from time to time that "yes, what we feel matters."
Quote from: MichelleStar on October 31, 2018, 11:45:25 AM
Thank you for your open letter, Roll. Reading it was a tremendous help to me in finally coming out to my family last night. We all need a reminder from time to time that "yes, what we feel matters."
Wow, that is always a huge step, I'm honored this post could help in the slightest!!
Hi Ellie,
I just want to thank you for your efforts with this thread at welcoming newer shy folk that come to our site. You make those here feel welcome and help them in overcoming their fears. It been a joy to watch you grow from that new fearful shy person into the young lady you have become.
Love ya Ellie,
Laurie
Quote from: Laurie on October 31, 2018, 08:42:03 PM
Hi Ellie,
I just want to thank you for your efforts with this thread at welcoming newer shy folk that come to our site. You make those here feel welcome and help them in overcoming their fears. It been a joy to watch you grow from that new fearful shy person into the young lady you have become.
Love ya Ellie,
Laurie
:icon_redface:
;D
I just wish I had more time to check the forums. It seems like life is just moving a mile a minute lately. Also sometimes I forget that just because I'm talking to half the people I know here on other platforms constantly doesn't mean that I am actually following forums. :P
Dear Ellie,
Thank you! Thank you! Thank you for your post. I have been at Susan's off and on for a year. I have spent some time in Chat, but I never would have imagined writing about myself in the Forum. When I read this post, I knew that I had to post in Introductions. I have no regrets. I have already made friends and some with a similar background. Your words were the inspiration to get me going here. Keep up the good work, girl! Hugs from Marsha.
Quote from: MarshaJoy825 on November 19, 2018, 04:51:12 PM
Dear Ellie,
Thank you! Thank you! Thank you for your post. I have been at Susan's off and on for a year. I have spent some time in Chat, but I never would have imagined writing about myself in the Forum. When I read this post, I knew that I had to post in Introductions. I have no regrets. I have already made friends and some with a similar background. Your words were the inspiration to get me going here. Keep up the good work, girl! Hugs from Marsha.
So happy to hear this!! It's such an amazingly common issue, and I'm glad even if nothing else people can see from this thread that it's not just them that goes through it, I think that is always part of the challenge, or at least it was for me.
Thanks for the great post.
I am heading a therapist in the Fort Worth area.
Not sure how to go about it.
If anybody has one they would recommend please let me know.
AJ
Quote from: Anjanette Miranda on November 28, 2018, 01:18:03 PM
Thanks for the great post.
I am heading a therapist in the Fort Worth area.
Not sure how to go about it.
If anybody has one they would recommend please let me know.
AJ
Hi AJ!
If you haven't, I recommend posting a new topic on it, we are so spread out it's sometimes hard to find recommendations for specific area and the location in the title can get attention from those in the areas. There are also some online searches, such as:
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists/transgender/tx/fort-worth
You can also try telemed providers if you have no luck locally, but Fort Worth should be large enough you don't need to worry about that unless it just makes you feel more comfortable.
It can pay to find any support groups in your area as well, who may have facebook groups or the like even if you don't go to the group itself that can offer recommendations. Finding a therapist can seem daunting, and I struggled getting started (it's why I signed up for Susan's originally to begin with actually myself!). It took a few attempts, as I was limited to telemedicine in my area as well, but it is well worth it.
I want to say how important I think your post is. Hopefully everyone new here finds this! Anxiety and other things like depression have people, meds etc that can help you but if your having anxiety issues this can sometimes be an issue that gets pushed out of the way. Knowing that other people have this problem is huge! MI should not have stigma associated with it - there are a LOT of people in that boat.
A side note on doctors, labs etc loosing track or labs is sadly more of a problem now that health care and insurance are all connected into this huge mess be it here or overseas. Everyone seems hell bent to make whatever system they have the most screwed up thing possible.
Anyway I don't want to add my rants to your great thread. Thank you ellie!
Thank you for posting this! I haven't posted in a long time; partly because I am going through some troubled times where I am back in the closet an partly because I have have pretty bad anxiety! It sure is helpful to see people do care though.
Thank you so, so much! That was really, really helpful. :)
Thank you so much Ellie (wish I could have found this post when you first wrote it), after several years of lurking and soaking up info, I have finally gotten over my paralyzing fear of posting and created an account. Making a mental note to give you a "+" as soon as I'm able, you are the best!
-Sky
it always makes me feel happy to check in on this thread and see that people have continued to find it of help. ;D <3
Thank you for posting a link to your open letter.
Most times that i have posted anything with real feelings on this forum, I have removed it almost immediately because of what someone's response was, or because there was no responses I figured nobody cared to deal or interact with me/my issues.
My world was often no bigger than my room with a closed door. Intentionally had no internet for 3 years. No TV for 10+. After the past few years on the road, I have withdrawn again.
I push others away because I think I'm beating them to it.
Good to be aware of this at least!
I like your new profile name, Roll!