I have only very recently come to the conclusion that I am non-binary or something like it. I am so new at this, I don't know all the terms, and therefore I may not use the right ones...
I am 33 years old, AMAB. Until 6 months ago, I strongly suspected that I was MtF transgender but too scared/in-denial to transition. Then 6 months ago I made up my mind to be courageous and finally go through with it. Over the last 6 months I have been on spiro first, then estradiol 3 months ago.
In the short period of time I have seen surprisingly quick changes, like breast development and skin improvement, and the loss of my libido as well as my "spontaneous" (random) erections. Most of these were all very welcome changes, and I have never felt more pleased with my body or more satisfied with what I see in the mirror. (I don't think I actually need/want breasts...)
But then something unexpected started to happen. I haven't changed my style of dress or the way I present myself at all, but people have started to occasionally gender me with terms like "ma'am" and "she". I thought I would be happy about this, but it frightens and disturbs me. I have no idea why... so I am trying to understand it. I think it may be because it suddenly became "too real"? and I fear what I am giving up...? I never really saw myself having children, but now the prospect of "never" and "can't" are painful to think about.
Looking more introspectively than ever, I think all I really want is female characteristics like the hair, skin, complexion, and fat distribution... but not necessarily breasts or to be gendered female, loss of fertility....
I realize I am entering the territory of "you can't have your cake and eat it, too"... But I have recently questioned why "HRT" is treated as "all or nothing", at least as far as I have found. My doctor in particular is closed-minded and won't even consider changing dosages or medications.
So finally, my question...
Is there any standard or working model for a non-binary individual to have their androgen and estrogen levels more balanced/neutral? Is it possible, or even healthy, for an AMAB individual to have their androgens only partially reduced/blocked while supplementing estrogens? I realize these hormones often work against each other, like testosterone blocking breast development.... but it seems like if one could strike the right balance of medications, one could balance the effects of the hormones. In particular, I want to know if I could keep my estrogen supplemented enough to have some hair and skin improvements, while keeping my testosterone just high enough, just at the minimal level to maintain fertility. (after 6 months on spiro, it may already be too late, but I have kept a very low dose of spiro, so I maintain hope that my fertility is still salvageable)
If anyone has done this, or heard of this, I would love to know how. And if anyone here can recommend any medical sites or studies about this, I would love to read them.
The problem is sex hormones are pretty binary. Both hormones if present at sufficient levels will block the other. In a MTF, testosterone can be blocked by estrogen and for a FTM, estrogen can be blocked by testosterone. About the only truly neutral approach is to block the bodies natural hormone and have very low levels of estrogen or testosterone. Genetics also enter into the picture so not only is the saying you can have your cake and eat it is true, but you also can't chose the flavor. Your only option is to chose a hormone and a dosage then hope for the best but expect the worst.
That's what I was afraid of.
If there really is no kind of non-binary hormonal condition, and if forced to choose, I would choose estrogen.
I guess the (only?) solution would be to come off my hormone treatment for now and bank my fertility (when I can afford it), and then eventually go back on the standard MTF hormone treatment with the "hope for the best" plan.
The main thing that scares me about that is that I would expect switching back and forth between hormonal paradigms may permanently stunt and sabotage my potential even more than it already is.
I don't think this is weird at all. I think this is normal for some who have been successful in a male body for so long. Maybe you can go on spiro only for a while and get laser hair removal or reduce your E dosage. I have read about growing breasts causing more dysphoria so there are also surgical options there. I'm glad to hear others are having the same concerns I am. You are not alone.
It is not weird at all.
I am 64 and I knew 14 years ago I was transgender but couldn't/didn't want to be entirely female.
6 months ago I couldn't take it anymore as my mind was pushing me towards suicide if I didn't do something.
As a mostly very, very happy person the thought that suicide was talking to me, tempting me, enticing me, it scared me.
I sought counseling from three different counselors and two helped me identify my gender dysphoria.
One led me to a doctor who helped me get onto HRT.
Now I can never go back because I finally feel like myself in heart, body and mind but I had to go through these events, doubts and steps as they were "my path."
I am part male because I have 64 years of male habits even though I didn't like a lot of that maleness.
There are parts of that maleness that I do like and I plan on keeping.
I am part female as I have breasts and my body is shaping very nicely (with work) into a womanly figure.
What I see in myself is the most important part for me visually and I no longer care what anyone else thinks about my transition.
My hair is longer, my skin is softer and I present as an androgynous male.
I am not "out" to my family except to my wife who has been great and we now seem closer than ever.
To my children and grandchildren I am and will remain dad and grandpa.
When I step out of the shower and I look in the mirror, and see myself, I already look very female.
Inside, I feel and think female and my mind seems clearer, sharper and quicker than it ever was on testosterone.
It to me seems like an analogy to my bass boat that runs on premium gas.
It will run on regular gas for a while but it will run rough and it most certainly will break down in time.
That's where I was - I was running on the wrong fuel and I was breaking down.
Fortunately for me, I was able to change my "fuel" before I completely broke down.
The rest of my life I will live on estrogen as me feeling female, hiding it most of the time and being in the middle as non-binary.
Since I couldn't see or envision myself as totally female, I'm pretty good with that.
AJ
I identify with being non binary and I am doing HRT, E only. At this point I don't plan to transition fully. To soon to say how it is going to go long term but I can't imagine not taking estrogen. The beginning effects on the mind are working for me.
I don't think I'm non-binary, but I have been on HRT for 10 years without socially transitioning. If a doctor told me I couldn't do that I'd just find another one.
You should be able to adjust your dosage - see this thread on low dose hrt
https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,130268.0.html
The WPATH Standards of Care mention non-binary identities (using the term genderqueer among others). This is best practices for the treatment of transgender people.
I hope you're still around to read this. I just posted about my nonbinary HRT choices. Bicalutamide for the AA, which is less likely affect fertility than other AAs, and raloxifene rather than estrogen, which blocks estrogen receptors in breast tissue.
https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,242511.0.html
Does this fit your goals?
Quote from: Nevoxia on May 14, 2018, 02:40:47 PM
But then something unexpected started to happen. I haven't changed my style of dress or the way I present myself at all, but people have started to occasionally gender me with terms like "ma'am" and "she". I thought I would be happy about this, but it frightens and disturbs me. I have no idea why... so I am trying to understand it. I think it may be because it suddenly became "too real"? and I fear what I am giving up...? I never really saw myself having children, but now the prospect of "never" and "can't" are painful to think about.
Hi! I think there are a few reasons for this. One is that you may have already had an androgynous feel to you before and did not realize it. Another is that the smell of your body is one of the first things to change, then your skin quality changes. Combine all of these together and people may start to call you M'am, her, and she!
But after years of social conditioning, many of us freak out a bit the first time someone addresses us as something other than what we were assigned at birth. Its been happening to me most of my life so its not such a shocker.
Just the other day a few couples walked past me in a public place and I could hear them talking about whether I am a man or a woman. If I had not been so tired already, I would have stopped them and said the answer to their question is Yes!
When I was on T, I had blood thickening that caused me to have to go back off of it. I found out though that starting off with E, then getting on T, then going back to my natural hormones worked out okay in terms of a sort of nonbinary way about hormones. Maybe being on one a while then going back to your body's hormonal output might help, or a very low dose of E might do the trick too.
I hear some folks in my real life talk about asking about just hormone blockers, but I never followed up so I'm unsure if that is an option actually available. It may be a decent nonbinary way to go about it. Just be sure to keep up on any vitamins or nutrients that having a lack of sex hormones might cause. Doctors will have the best answers to that.
I don't know if this is still something you're interested in, but I just saw this post and thought it was worth commenting!
I'm on E and finasteride. It's only been 4 months, but I have noticed changes in my face and softening in regards to my skin. However, my breast growth has been minimal, and I'm fairly sure I'm still fertile (my sexual function and everything else hasn't changed, so I can only assume). Many people insist hormones are inherently binary and you can't "pick and choose," but this has not been my experience.
Quote from: male2me on December 04, 2018, 11:53:29 AM
I don't know if this is still something you're interested in, but I just saw this post and thought it was worth commenting!
I'm on E and finasteride. It's only been 4 months, but I have noticed changes in my face and softening in regards to my skin. However, my breast growth has been minimal, and I'm fairly sure I'm still fertile (my sexual function and everything else hasn't changed, so I can only assume). Many people insist hormones are inherently binary and you can't "pick and choose," but this has not been my experience.
4 months isn't enough time to be sure about anything.
I am on the highest possible dose of Finasteride for over 6 years now and I have the higher level of natural estrogen cause by my syndrome. I have natural breasts, and lost fertility about a year after I started Finasterite. My genitals shrank dramatically to the extend that I cannot have intercourse for quite a while now. It is a blessing that I am more or less asexual with a lesbian leaning, and my libido is somewhere in the lower basement!
I think that the non functional sexual part is mainly caused by Finasteride.
i think feelings are quite normal.. that is how i wish things could be..... but now im quite accustomed to estrogen
and welcome the changes.... the sex dept can be annoying but i haven't tried anything since i started 18 mths ago
i,ve been madamed a few times in bangkok but its always sir in australia....mind you i dress pretty butch
but where theres a will theres a way so keep searching
i like being androgynous and i dont mind my breasts
Reading this thread makes me feel so much less alone! I'm soo glad I'm not the only one. Gender dysphoria is hard. Loneliness is harder. Thanks everyone for your stories. I'm not the OP, but your words have helped heal me too
Quote from: Lexi B on February 22, 2019, 04:16:03 PM
Reading this thread makes me feel so much less alone! I'm soo glad I'm not the only one. Gender dysphoria is hard. Loneliness is harder. Thanks everyone for your stories. I'm not the OP, but your words have helped heal me too
And that, hon, is why we're here.
Just knowing there are other folk out there who get this, who understand, empathise is deeply reassuring and comforting in an undescribable way.
(Hugs), welcome
Rowan
Quote from: Sno on February 23, 2019, 05:54:42 PM
And that, hon, is why we're here.
Just knowing there are other folk out there who get this, who understand, empathise is deeply reassuring and comforting in an undescribable way.
(Hugs), welcome
Rowan
Amen!
Hey AJ you started HRT so late, but you said you have breasts. I was told you lose a cup size for every 10 years after 12. Can you tell us how big are you? I am late, but not yet on HRT, and I thought that meant zero development.
Oh, and Sideways do you get the greater emotions and feminine interests, you know the mental changes on rolaxifine?
Lauren
Quote from: Finding Lauren on March 02, 2019, 05:19:16 AM
Hey AJ you started HRT so late, but you said you have breasts. I was told you lose a cup size for every 10 years after 12. Can you tell us how big are you? I am late, but not yet on HRT, and I thought that meant zero development.
Oh, and Sideways do you get the greater emotions and feminine interests, you know the mental changes on rolaxifine?
Lauren
Lauren,
I did start late, and I know that I am one of the lucky ones to have growth this good.
Biggest part of that is genetics as my Mom was very, very big.
Her breasts were too big, and she had lots of back pain from the weight of them.
She always wanted surgery to reduce them but it never happened for her.
I don't remember exactly but I believe she was around a 44D or bigger.
So far, I am at 38C and I am half way into my 2 years or so of development.
I haven't measured for about 6 weeks so I might be bigger than that but at my age, I do not expect too much more growth.
I talked to my doctor yesterday and she said that I still have some growth and fat distribution yet to happen.
She said that my nipples haven't really started yet but that should happen soon.
My boobs have hurt without stopping since the first month of HRT.
My doctor said that she can tell that my skin is clearer and softer, and I love that.
I also love that I smell so much better.
My mom, her sister and my grandfather all had Alzheimer's so I eat different (low carbs) from the way they did and without testosterone, I no longer need anti-perspirants.
They all ate high carb/low fat diets and used antiperspirants.
My waist is clearing of fat and "new" fat is starting to work its way to my butt (Yay!).
I want curves!!!
I wear a vest or, a compression shirt (rarely) and/or loose clothing to hide them as I am "out" to only my immediate family and not the world.
Even though I hide them, I would like a little more growth.
I transition for me, I exercise a lot by lifting weights, doing Pilates and walking 5 to 8 miles a day.
I am 5'11" have lost 42 pounds, down from 210 and am now at 168 to 172 and that seems to fluctuate.
I want to get to 157 which I haven't been trying to do for the past 2 months.
The Pilates, walking and weights will make me look better than just losing weight, so I am very motivated to exercise.
When I try to lose the weight, it happens with plateaus or shelves that stairstep down at about 4 pounds every 2-3 months.
I have goals for how I want to look and my timetable to complete my weight loss goal is 6-8 months from now.
I am what Dr. Ann Vitale describes as a 3rd category of M2F transgender.
I struggle with complete transition and at 65 my old maleness habits are difficult to shed.
http://www.avitale.com/developmentalreview.htm
I am unsure if I will ever fully transition although I did have my orchie 4 weeks ago which should help with my feminization goals.
Sorry for the long reply...
Hugs!
AJ
Wow AJ,
You are doing so well.
I felt I had little hope and stayed completely in the closet. But then for health reasons I began losing weight. I had forgotten that some say that is important for looking feminine. Well, I feel better and have got some hope back. I cannot wait to reach my goal, say by mid summer.
You didn't mention mental changes on HRT. Did you get more emotional and empathetic? Did some of your interests change? Sorry for asking, but this is an important part in my decision.
Cheering you,
Lauren
@ AJ, this study is pretty old, and the conclusions and groupings seem to be pretty flawed to me. After I read the grouping (G1 - G3), I initially considered myself to be G1, but I found many traits described in G3 to be fitting for me.
Either the grouping needs to be more detailed, i. e. , more groups, or forget the entire stuff and not put labels on people!
I am well educated and reached a pretty high academic level and also job level, and that is supposed to be G3, but I also have always had a very feminin body, and transition was kind like super easy for me. I went from fully male to fully female in a few weeks time only (I had breasts at that time already, without knowing anything about HRT), which would put me clearly into G1.
Because of this, I would not put to much weight on this article, it seems that somebody needed to publish again!
Quote from: Finding Lauren on March 08, 2019, 12:24:03 PM
Wow AJ,
You are doing so well.
I felt I had little hope and stayed completely in the closet. But then for health reasons I began losing weight. I had forgotten that some say that is important for looking feminine. Well, I feel better and have got some hope back. I cannot wait to reach my goal, say by mid summer.
You didn't mention mental changes on HRT. Did you get more emotional and empathetic? Did some of your interests change? Sorry for asking, but this is an important part in my decision.
Cheering you,
Lauren
Lauren,
Yes, I did have mental changes and I am still evolving.
After shutting down the testosterone, my biggest relief was in having a reduced sex drive.
I hoped for it - but when it happened, it was very surprising to me how much relief it offered.
I always hated that male drive as it overwhelmed me, it was very hard to control.
I found that after a year my drive was still there, but it is different somehow.
I am different from before because now, "I" am in control.
It is hard to explain but sex has become a situation of not having that drive telling me "I need" it.
Now, I control if I want intimacy or sex because my drive is female driven.
When I started HRT, I feared becoming sexless but that didn't happen, it's just different now.
Yesterday, my doctor told me that my hormone balance is like that of a normal cis-woman and it has been that way for about a year now even though I have been on hormones since December of 2017.
With the orchie now in play, we will need to more closely monitor my hormone levels through blood tests to keep those levels balanced.
As Dietland states "this study (Vitale) is pretty old" and some of the terminology is dated, but I needed to read her article as it somehow validated the way I was thinking.
When I read it, I was so relieved to know that others felt like I did.
I wrote to Dr. Vitali thanking her for the article and she responded a week later in a very kind way.
Older articles are just that, time either proves or disproves them but for me it validated my life experiences.
I do know that the very week I found a therapist who actually understood my dysphoria, was at a time period of my life where I was going to end it all.
I knew back in 2007 that I was transgender, but I couldn't live full-time as a woman in order to qualify to get on HRT.
With rule changes, hope and HRT, everything changed.
Now I am my own person, I am on estradiol, the nuts that drove me nuts are gone, my hormone levels are "cis" levels, and I love my life.
I now live with a mind that seems to be quicker and more sensitive to life, but I don't feel so emotional that I cannot control it.
I no longer think about hurting myself or ending it all or hating myself or my body.
The world now views me with longer hair, softer skin, less weight and baggy clothes and I no longer care what they think because I am validated within myself.
I see and feel the physical and mental sides of me as finally being balanced with who I need to be.
Losing all that weight and exercising makes me feel like I am 30 again and with the added strength and endurance, my balance and agility is back.
I no longer need validation from the world so only my wife and I see the hidden physical changes, it is nobody's business but ours, and we seem closer than ever.
And, I know how lucky I am for her to stay with me...
Hugs!
AJ
Quote from: AJ on March 08, 2019, 04:18:45 PM
Lauren,
Yes, I did have mental changes and I am still evolving.
After shutting down the testosterone, my biggest relief was in having a reduced sex drive.
I hoped for it - but when it happened, it was very surprising to me how much relief it offered.
I always hated that male drive as it overwhelmed me, it was very hard to control.
I found that after a year my drive was still there, but it is different somehow.
I am different from before because now, "I" am in control.
It is hard to explain but sex has become a situation of not having that drive telling me "I need" it.
Now, I control if I want intimacy or sex because my drive is female driven.
When I started HRT, I feared becoming sexless but that didn't happen, it's just different now.
Yesterday, my doctor told me that my hormone balance is like that of a normal cis-woman and it has been that way for about a year now even though I have been on hormones since December of 2017.
With the orchie now in play, we will need to more closely monitor my hormone levels through blood tests to keep those levels balanced.
As Dietland states "this study (Vitale) is pretty old" and some of the terminology is dated, but I needed to read her article as it somehow validated the way I was thinking.
When I read it, I was so relieved to know that others felt like I did.
I wrote to Dr. Vitali thanking her for the article and she responded a week later in a very kind way.
Older articles are just that, time either proves or disproves them but for me it validated my life experiences.
I do know that the very week I found a therapist who actually understood my dysphoria, was at a time period of my life where I was going to end it all.
I knew back in 2007 that I was transgender, but I couldn't live full-time as a woman in order to qualify to get on HRT.
With rule changes, hope and HRT, everything changed.
Now I am my own person, I am on estradiol, the nuts that drove me nuts are gone, my hormone levels are "cis" levels, and I love my life.
I now live with a mind that seems to be quicker and more sensitive to life, but I don't feel so emotional that I cannot control it.
I no longer think about hurting myself or ending it all or hating myself or my body.
The world now views me with longer hair, softer skin, less weight and baggy clothes and I no longer care what they think because I am validated within myself.
I see and feel the physical and mental sides of me as finally being balanced with who I need to be.
Losing all that weight and exercising makes me feel like I am 30 again and with the added strength and endurance, my balance and agility is back.
I no longer need validation from the world so only my wife and I see the hidden physical changes, it is nobody's business but ours, and we seem closer than ever.
And, I know how lucky I am for her to stay with me...
Hugs!
AJ
AJ
What a well written, well thought out post. I could have, well maybe, written some of what you wrote. Probably not as well though. I find it very interesting, still, that a lot of my experiences and thoughts are similar to others who have posted here. This is very important to people, to read about other peoples experiences and to realize that they are not all alone in this world.
Thank you.
AJ,
I appreciate what you shared greatly.
More than any other story, yours gives me an option I can imagine for myself, imagine following if I cannot stand the pre HRT head space any longer. Reaching a dead end is very distressing, and you feel it well ahead of actually reaching it. Over and over I sense I'm close to blocked, before finding just one more step is possible.
I'm still processing the implications, the possible relief of taking my softening to that stage, and the relief I would feel of not facing full social transition to do it.
Your kindred spirit,
Lauren
Aj indeed your post pin points some of the best effects your experience with the sex drive rings true with me ,
You have articulated the experience well 😊
I really empathize about the control and personalness of your experience
To bad the OP is apparently gone. :(
HRT for non-binary/non-transitioning is not easy. I won't say that full-transition dose is "easy" but there is a well established protocol for it. And pretty much its just smothering T with T-blockers and adding as much E as possible. The interplay between the sex hormones are not simple or linear. E controls female gene expression. But T controls both male AND a cellular growth. Thus why blood tests and what not.
As an example about a year ago, I went on vacation for just 5 days and forgot my meds. In just those days, between T rebound and the residual E I had, one of my breasts (but only one... of course) decided to take off and have a growth spurt. It took about a month to rebalance my hormone levels to get it to knock it off. And this is at 1/4th the regular maintenance dosage.
I'm non binary, Born male, i think not necessary hrt,the castration is the solution. i'm male but i hate my sex,i would like living in male clothes, but without male sexdrive, no erections,onestly i hate my penis and testes, my desire is a pretty vagin, but actually this is impossible,this world see only male and female, not for body shape, but for cock or pussy thats all.i think we must take can only take the maximum that is offered to us.
taking hormones is not the solution for us, when you take hormones you also take what goes with it, if you don't feel either man or woman, but something in between, or neither, then taking hormones doesn't make sense because, it's the hormones that determine secondary sexual characteristics, you can take antiandrogens, but at this point, as I said, castration is safer, and some do it by themselves
Castration, without hormones, is a bad idea, as you will develop osteoporosis. So, it boils down to your choice, estrogen or testosterone.
Yes, it is true, but if you take testosterone, you will be more masculine, if you take estrogen, you will be more feminine, there are no solutions, many want to be asexual, the risk after castration is obvious, osteoporosis, but taking antiandrogen brings at the same result, taking testosterone or estrogen, brings problems like diabetes, heart attack, thrombosis and liver problems. in the past history we have had castrati or eunuchs that however have had a life even longer and without particular problems, osteoporosis is perhaps the lesser evil.
I had my orchiectomy 4 months ago. I knew going in that since I couldn't and didn't want to live with testosterone that I needed estrogen to protect my mind, bones and other things involved in living a healthy life. I exercise now and eat better, (things I couldn't motivate myself to do before). I love my breasts and the curves but I do not plan on dressing or presenting female. I hide in plain sight and the main question I get is "what are you doing? You look great!" My skin is clearer and softer on my face which makes me look younger. I have lost a lot of muscle so my legs and arms look less younger. All in all I am finally happy and love who I am now.
AJ
My thinking is that whether a hormonal nonbinary transition is possible or not depends on a lot of things. One factor I'm thinking of is which changes you want. I guess I ended up doing a nonbinary transition although that was not my initial goal, it ended up being my goal down the line. Although I go from afab.
Genderwise I don't really know what I am, but I want for my body to have traits of both sexes, although predominantly female. Mainly I want to keep my genitals as they are and my curvy body shape, to have breasts again, as well as to keep my permanent traits from T like facial hair, deep voice, body hair, etc. Put simply, I like that my body has now gone through both sexes puberties, and I think the result is my face/head appears more male while my body (neck down) appears more female. It's a very comforting result for me, however, and I've never been happier with my body. But just like you OP, I also get a bit uncomfortable being gendered as the other sex (in my case read as a man). Although sometimes I also like it. I just would prefer it wasn't all the time. That is however not entirely within my control. It's alright though, as long as my close friends and family refer to me as female. So the only thing I wanna do medically from here on is breast reconstruction and then I'm hopefully done fiddling with hrt and transitioning.
So, on the hormonal aspect alone: I'm happy with what I ended up doing, which was being on full dose testosterone hrt until I got all or most effects I possibly could get (6 years, the last year I only got very small changes) and then went off it indefinitely; only keeping its permanent effects. Personally I've no interest in my fertility. I'm 30 years old and will happily stay child-free.
However, that I wanted all effects of testosterone may not be common for afab nonbinary people. Also, estrogen hrt for amab doesn't (as far as I understand it) leave as many permanent effects as testosterone hrt for afab does. I'm really not an expert on estrogen hrt though, so I won't say more about it than that, cause I don't wanna unknowingly give misinformation. But yeah, I do understand that it's harder for amab people to achieve androgyny hormonally.
But also, I was lucky that my genetics allowed me to get really thick and full facial hair on testosterone which not everyone who takes it does, that I got the deep and clear voice that I've been very happy with ever since (with the help of some additional voice training though), that I did not go bald, etc. Over all, I was very lucky with that what hrt could give me was what I always wanted and ended up very happy with. My only complaint would be my hairline, but it's not a big deal to me.
Although I did temporarily go through a period of thinking I had regretted my T changes when my dysphoria changed a bunch due to me healing my past traumas a lot last year. But when my panic calmed down I found my love for those traits again, and realised I'd be dysphoric without them, just as I always thought. Figuring out how much of my dysphoria was trauma-based and how much was not, is not an easy nut to crack. But I feel I've now gotten very close to knowing which was what.
I realised in my detransition that no matter what I ultimately label my gender as, physically I do want and need for my body to be transitioned and androgynous. But of course I'm curious as to why that is, considering how unclear my gender is. I'm probably somewhere along the lines of an androgyne, but just have little to no social dysphoria, but a clear amount body dysphoria. Most of which I've now alleviated, aside from my chest. So yeah it is technically possible to do an nb transition hormonally, but it depends on a lot of factors and not everyone can.