If you came out to your spouse/SO how did you word it?
I'm transgendered
I'm a woman
Or something else?
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"I am pretty sure I am transgender."
Luckily I only had to deal with my mom. I chose to let her know first that I've been in therapy with several doctors and the general consensus is that I'm Transgendered. Then went on to say that I decided to try hormones to ease my depression. The rest will build it's own conversation.
Well, my sisters noticed my changes with hrt and asked me if I'm wanting to be a woman. I didn't really say that was what I'm doing but it's pretty obvious. I just don't want to disappoint myself or others. I just feel like it takes a lot of time and people who love and accept us will at any point in our transition. Those that don't, aren't worth the time.
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I was already on meds and developing nice size girls and she knew I was wearing bras all the time. She asked me after dinner if I liked my breasts. Being me I just blurted out with no though that "I love them".
Well that opened up my heart and soul to her ( and she was pissed that I hadn't included her up till then) a couple hours later she new the journey had begun. That was just before Christmas 2017 and we have been moving forward together ever since including me going full time the beginning of March 2018.
I just sort of blurted it out. My partner was surprised and then realised all of the signs.
I believe I said I want to be a girl.
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Only person I came out to was my mother. Showed her my hormone levels before HRT, told her I feel like a woman & am taking steps to become one. Hint: The hormones showed perimenopausal estrogen, no testosterone.
She suggested and even bought me testosterone supplements. I told her I'd never take them. That's when she told me she wish I'd never been born. That kind of killed conversation for the next 15 years+ with her. Even still she's a stick in the butt about it. She told everyone else, and my grandmother called me an abomination. I'm glad my grandmother is dead now, honestly. She was always toxic, and this just made her evil about it.
My mother has known things about me since the time I was born that she'll never admit, or tell me. I'm intersexed, thanks mom... had to find that all out on my own. I had internal umbilical scarring from no surgery I voluntarily did, and other 'signs' externally.
Anyways, that's my 'coming out' story.
Damn I really wish the doctors and parents would leave the desision of which sex preferred to the child when they get older. I read one terrible case where the girl was misdiagnosed and what they called undecended testes where actually ovaries. They did surgery then realized their mistake.
I am a woman, and have known since I was a child.
We were being intimate and I just told her I think I'm a woman and I was kind of messed up at the time so she thought I was being metaphorical or something but after days of insisting it was true she understood that I was "the same product in different packaging" and came to terms with my gender.
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Quote from: Lady Love on May 20, 2018, 09:41:04 AM
We were being intimate and I just told her I think I'm a woman and I was kind of messed up at the time so she thought I was being metaphorical or something but after days of insisting it was true she understood that I was "the same product in different packaging" and came to terms with my gender.
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Hope I'm as lucky when I try to explain what's going on inside to my wife.
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My current wife knew before we even started to date, so when we started to talk about transitioning it was just a natural conversation between us.
My family is a mixed bag, but I had a pretty good idea of how each one would react, a few I told individually only one of them went bad, but that was more about how I told them (tip never do it when you are mad and in the middle of an argument). The rest I did it in an open letter on my page, offered to answer questions, and left things sort out.
He didn't word it at all, I outed him. I asked him if he wanted to be a woman. Lots of times. The answer has always been 'I don't know'. But he's just started HRT so I think now he does know. He never actually volunteered any information to me. Everything I've found out has been through me interrogating, questioning, almost forcing the truth out of him. He's not a talker or a sharer. Or maybe protecting me, or himself, from the truth.
Good luck Cluck
Syl
My partner has always known. She and I were together well ahead of me starting HRT, but she knew my plans almost as soon as I did. She is one of the few people who knew me in a prior role and has had a front row seat to everything. I was never concerned about her knowing...but my first spouse was not the same story. That led to divorce and never was able to get things out in the open with her until long after we parted ways.
When I came out to my mom decades ago, I hopped up on the counter (I was 10) and told her I felt weird things. She asked me what, so I told her. She was the first person I talked with and she was receptive to what she was hearing, but was powerless to do anything about it.
What are you concerned about, primarily? Does she have an inkling of what you have internalized? Often our spouses can detect things we believe we have some effectively hidden.
Quote from: kaitylynn on June 02, 2018, 10:54:57 AM
My partner has always known. She and I were together well ahead of me starting HRT, but she knew my plans almost as soon as I did. She is one of the few people who knew me in a prior role and has had a front row seat to everything. I was never concerned about her knowing...but my first spouse was not the same story. That led to divorce and never was able to get things out in the open with her until long after we parted ways.
When I came out to my mom decades ago, I hopped up on the counter (I was 10) and told her I felt weird things. She asked me what, so I told her. She was the first person I talked with and she was receptive to what she was hearing, but was powerless to do anything about it.
What are you concerned about, primarily? Does she have an inkling of what you have internalized? Often our spouses can detect things we believe we have some effectively hidden.
Thanks for all the responses, I did finally tell my SO however she did not take it well at all. She at first reacted with anger saying she was disgusted and would never touch me again. After a few days it was no better, and basically my choices were to leave my family (she said she could not trust me around my kids, which later turned to just not being "dressed up" if I was around them) When asked about when would I get to see them was told the weekends. I also love my SO very much and can't imagine life without her.
My other choice was to remain as I always was. After a week a day before my first therapist appt and after being on Zoloft for 5 days anger was still lingering and it was not looking hopeful at being able to retain my family, so the needs of the many must outweigh the needs of the few and the next day I woke up and put in the mindset that I was back to my "old self" and things have been great since. Sure I still desire to be myself, but I will always put the happiness of my family before my own and just hope that someday I can be my true self as well.
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Cluck you have to do what you have to do. Its not right or wrong. I wish you well in your future lives together
Quote from: Sylvia on June 02, 2018, 08:51:49 AM
He didn't word it at all, I outed him. I asked him if he wanted to be a woman. Lots of times. The answer has always been 'I don't know'. But he's just started HRT so I think now he does know. He never actually volunteered any information to me. Everything I've found out has been through me interrogating, questioning, almost forcing the truth out of him. He's not a talker or a sharer. Or maybe protecting me, or himself, from the truth.
Good luck Cluck
Syl
Its interesting that my wife asked me dozens of time starting about a month before we mattied if i wished or wanted to be a woman. Of course I denied it completely as many times as she asked. She really always has know but it is still a huge deal for her to adjust to as its reality now.
I think its a guy thing at least in my mind because even though i knew it too i could not admit i had such a huge and overpowering feminine side.
The only people that know for me right now are my best friend and little sister. I told my best friend a few weeks after she told me that she was transgender (MTF so Im honoring her since shes not on this forum by using the female pronouns) it made me feel that I didnt have to hide anymore I had options. And I told my sister before she moved out (it actually just played out really well that it was before she moved out) I normally tell her everything, we confide in each other a lot. I took awhile because Im still work though a lot but it helps having someone from my family I can talk to.
I have all intentions to tell my mom once I start HRT maybe before... I'll need an army to tell me dad...