Can someone please tell me how they dealt with changing back into boys/mens clothes before they went full-time.
I know it's way too early for me but I find myself having extreme difficulty in changing back into boys clothes after several days of real life experience.
I have been experiencing brand new feelings of extreme happiness, joy and contentment that I never felt before by staying dressed as Tatiana sometimes for several days in a row. I can really feel myself growing into this role more and more and get quite depressed when I have to let it go and change back into what I feel as tarps and duffle bag clothing that never felt right.
I know that I'm a little early for this but I would really like to know how all of you that are full-time Let It Go as I mentioned.
Most sincerely Tatiana
I just threw everything into trash bin, no turning back after that as I was left only with womens clothing...and way too few of them, which I realized after everything that I deemed male, was gone :)
Oh well, but anyways, my way of doing things is not the best. I was on the verge (or actually ready) of killing myself and the situation just was what it was, thus I took some drastic actions.
I'm not yet full time but can't remember exactly the last time I put man clothes on it was about two weeks ago for an afternoon, when I had to put them on I felt very sad and honestly shed a few quiet tears. I set myself a date of 1 July for going full time, I think I may get there before hand but on that date I'm throwing out my man clothes ( what few I have left ).
I think if you get to a point when putting male clothes on is too upsetting it's time to let go.
Back when I had to do the old switcheroo i handled it by changing, then curling up in a ball on my office sofa and crying for a half hour.
In other words, Not Very Well. I went full time within a few months of this.
Voluntarily putting myself back in a little box and going back to pretending to be a man never got easier. As i got more of a taste of being free to be myself, this got harder and harder.
Sorry.
Quote from: Tatiana 79 on May 25, 2018, 10:37:24 PM
Can someone please tell me how they dealt with changing back into boys/mens clothes before they went full-time.
I know it's way too early for me but I find myself having extreme difficulty in changing back into boys clothes after several days of real life experience.
I have been experiencing brand new feelings of extreme happiness, joy and contentment that I never felt before by staying dressed as Tatiana sometimes for several days in a row. I can really feel myself growing into this role more and more and get quite depressed when I have to let it go and change back into what I feel as tarps and duffle bag clothing that never felt right.
I know that I'm a little early for this but I would really like to know how all of you that are full-time Let It Go as I mentioned.
Most sincerely Tatiana
I hated it with a passion and eventually It got to me. Flipping presentation over and over again became emotionally very difficult. I didn't cope and then one day I decided to change. I began dressing androgynously which helped a lot along with under dressing jewellery and perfume. But eventually I just said to myself I don't care anymore and went full time. I have never looked back
Take care
Liz
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For me I was presenting female more and more at work and out and about but I still went to the gym as male because I didn't want to deal with the locker room gauntlet. Well one time I was getting ready to go the gym and I laid my male work out clothes on the bed and I was paralyzed I couldn't bring myself to put them on. At that point I realized I couldn't be him anymore any time and I decided to go full time. It's been wonderful and so much weight off my chest being able to be me 24/7.
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It really seems like, until you can go full-time, have to bear with the pain that comes from it.
I usually just wear male clothes over-top of my female ones, if I need to change.
And, as much as i'm looking forward to my October trip to Disney world....I feel like trying to wear male clothes for a whole week and present as male is going to quite the trial to endure...best to keep my mind on the attractions.
I understand that wearing your female clothes under male ones might not be an option, but I do think it helps. Cause even though you're presenting outwardly as 'semi-male' you can still feel and rely on the female clothes that are touching your skin. Or at least, that is how I feel about it.
Tatiana,
There is no magic answer to switching back and forth. Reading the ladies posts before this tells me I was not alone in having a hard time doing this. Welcome to this fun club! As June rolls around, I am almost two years full time. If I look too masculine in my clothes now it embarrasses me. My point for mentioning that is that this is my reality now, the past is but a memory. This will happen for you. What I might suggest is to focus on your plan to proceed. By focus I don't mean concentrating on what you can't do now, but working on getting to where you want to be. Actively work on making those dreams come true. It helps keep your sanity. Of course, stopping in a phone booth like Supermangirl, still sucks. Tossing the guy clothes was exhilarating but a bit scary too. No more safety net. Hope you are well.
Moni
Yes, part-time was hard for me too. It got harder and harder to do as time went on.
To handle the dysphoria of having to return to guy mode, make sure you keep doing things to move your transition forward. I was attending support groups regularly, dressed as Kathy, and I was getting my referral letter for starting HRT. I started HRT while still part-time. Then I started planning how I would come out in the community. Every littly bit of progress helped.
It was important to me that I had picked a date when I intended to go full-time. As that date got closer, I started getting rid of more and more of my male clothes. My transition date was in the spring, so I got rid of my summer clothes first. No way I could wear a T-shirt in guy mode with my boobies growing, anyway! By the time the date rolled around, I was down to a couple of shirts and one pair of jeans.
It was such a relief to finally tell everyone and be myself all the time.
I enjoyed looking like an androgenois male. Beautiful Tom Ford suits, white shirt, Berluti shoes topped off with a pony tail. I knew my time as a male was soon to end and I enjoyed those final days. I dont lknow whats its like to switch back and forth, would never live part time its not good for self confidence and if doing it for legal sake, its barbaric and cruel. Never had RLE and I am at peace and happy to be a female tg.
Gosh ladies I must say I'm a little moved by all of your responses.
All of you had very interesting ideas, I didn't think I was the only one that found changing back is almost unbearable.
I really like the ones about setting a date and just throwing every scrap of male clothing out for good.
And Eryn, I never thought about having another set of clothes under the ones I'm wearing, for me I had to go all the way regardless of what gender I'm trying to express I never dabbled much with wearing women's underwear or something underneath but maybe there's something to it and I'll try that the next time I have to change back "YUCK"
I know that I'm way too early for this it should probably be years off and I should let everything work it's magic on me because I really will need a lot of help in this area.
I really can sense everyone's energy of disgust of Faking It Again with men's clothes. I myself feel like I'm crossed dressed in them and I am so very much looking forward to the day where everything just goes into the fire.
Every time I change back it's just getting worse and worse and sometimes I really shed a waterfall of Tears.
I know I should wait many years before even considering this and my looks improve a little but I would bet money it's not going to be that long.
Thanks again for your excellent replies it's kind of got me pumped up already this early in the morning but the thought of just getting rid of everything male is overpowering and growing.
Love you all Tatiana
Thanks Warlockmaker
Your post must have slipped in before I realized it.
Your idea of kind of presenting androgynous might be a middle ground before I go all the way, excellent idea.
And by the way I think your presentation is stunning and I'm so happy for you truly being free to live your life as you want.
take care love Tatiana
Quote from: Tatiana 79 on May 26, 2018, 07:31:04 AM
Thanks Warlockmaker
Your post must have slipped in before I realized it.
Your idea of kind of presenting androgynous might be a middle ground before I go all the way, excellent idea.
And by the way I think your presentation is stunning and I'm so happy for you truly being free to live your life as you want.
take care love Tatiana
I have still let my beard grow out some, but I wear lots of women's tops and feminine colors and nobody said anything. Try to dress in a way that makes you still feel comfortable but also express the parts of yourself that you feel okay showing.
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Quote from: Tatiana 79 on May 25, 2018, 10:37:24 PM
Can someone please tell me how they dealt with changing back into boys/mens clothes before they went full-time.
In a word - poorly.
Thinking I was still but a contented weekend crossdresser, I had begun underdressing daily when the feel of men's underwear and hairy legs got to be to much to bear. Then, after about a year of this, my wife started to encourage me to free myself to let the real me emerge after work instead of hanging around in drab all evening.
Fast forward six months. My lady had seen me weeping almost every day as I hid myself away to play "him" garbed a suit or slacks and a sports coat... One evening as we cuddled in our negligees, she said she knew the time had come to bury the dead and had cleared half of my male clothes from our closet; I dreaded them so much I hadn't even seen it. Within the week, I spoke to HR and arranged a division transfer and, two weeks later, Susan emerged in perpetuity.
Sooner or later, when the absolute torture at thought of another day in "tarps and duffle bag clothing" flattens you, you will know your time has come.
Hugs
Susan
Thank you Susan for your reply
You gals sure do sound a lot like me and my wife.
But I hope she doesn't get rid of half of my tarps and duffle bags quite yet.
Although the feeling I have is incredibly strong and I fear to say growing.
I think most people would probably hold this off as long as possible but I don't seem to do this very well.
I can't even get the s**t grin off my face.
I do believe I should wait for a little while, even though the urges are outweighing where I'm at.
But I don't think deep down I can make it much longer. Hopefully things that are about to happen to me with my new doctor that will make it more possible.
See ya, Susan love Tatiana
As been written, it is hard to go back and forth. But it is a good test for how much this means to you. That period was the most stressful for me. Going full time, while having it's own issues, was a relief and so easy to do.
Judi
Thanks Judi
You're right this really does test a person.
My feelings are incredibly strong to remain this way, more so than ever in my life and it feels so very correct.
Personally I don't believe I would have any trouble starting it today but as the first trans woman ever seen in my Tiny Town I wouldn't want to portray this without letting hormones do their thing for a while hopefully reducing my maleness a little, but preferably a whole lot.
Thanks so much for your opinion Judi, love Tatiana
FtM but I am so happy to see this thread. (Thanks, Kathy, for pointing it out :) )
I ALWAYS hated getting dressed in girl clothes. Nothing ever felt right, no matter how fit I was or how awesome the clothes were.
I bought some clothes recently for transition, and just when trying them on I was amazed at how magical everything felt. I assumed it would feel even more awkward than my girl clothes, but it was the complete opposite.
The urge to wear them again hit me last night while I was alone and I still couldn't believe how calm and peaceful it made me feel.
Then after I changed back, dysphoria hit me SO hard out of nowhere that I felt sick and went to bed. I woke up twice during the night feeling like I was going to throw up. It was so intense.
The more I experience what feels right, the more intensely I'm aware of everything that feels wrong and needs to change.
I know I'll get there eventually and I'm working on everything, but ugh. It's nice to know I'm not alone in feeling this way, because I felt so ill and flipped inside out last night I wondered if I was going crazy. It was overwhelming.
I kept positive. I took the time in drab to plan out my next outfit and outing. What shoes, what dress, what earrings, what braclet, and the list goes on. It made the days go by as I got things coordinated and researched my makeup and hair to complete the looks. It kills the time, and allows you to save those femme clothes for the important stuff while you continue to wear out all your guy clothes.
Hello Blackcat
Wow I know exactly how you feel that story is so similar to what I described.
I feel the same calm peace you mentioned as I sit here in my very slinky Frederick's sleepwear.
I sure know what you mean about extreme dysphoria, it's just amazing how much your mind has control of how your body feels.
I know that I will feel this tomorrow because I have to come down and go to town for a little bit and rest assured the dysphoria felt seems to be growing.
I too always hated my clothes as far back as earliest memories they always felt icky and as I previously mentioned like tarps and duffle bags and I was very uncomfortable in them especially having two older sisters with all their stuff around.
Good luck with your new clothes just know there will come a day when you will put them on and leave them on forever. best wishes love Tatiana
Thanks Harley for the advice
I try to keep positive but it seems like the more I plan outfits and accessories the more I want this life
forever, It's the only thing I ever wanted in life.
I know I need to be patient but it's pretty hard.
I do love organizing all my girl stuff and trying out different looks and combinations, and for the first time our bedroom now contains more of My girl stuff than my wife's. I admit that I do love it but the thing that got me the most is feeling free for the first time and having hope for the future.
Thanks so much for your reply love Tatiana
Just for anyone's amusement l thought I would reveal the horror that I was talking about as I remove my nice silky smooth sleep attire and then have to put on stiff tarps and duffle bags.... ACH NO.
Sorry it gets a little rough and depressing, but literally the only thing saving me is the thought that, these days are numbered and there will come a time l won't have to play an actors part any more.
Most Sincerely Tatiana
I hated having to go back to wearing guys clothes. Before I went full time (way back when) I avoided the issue by wearing women's tees and jeans on the job (while I was not an hourly worker, I spent a fair amount of time on the shop floor [I'm a Quality Engineer], so I could get away with wearing casual clothes). Most of them looked androgynous enough, that nobody realized I was wearing women's clothes. Problem solved - I got to avoid wearing the men's clothes I hated so much, and I didn't cause a ruckus in the process. Realize though, that unless you wear baggy clothes, your breasts will show. Luckily for me, by the time my breasts became an issue (in early to mid 2000), people already knew what was going on, so it wasn't that big of a deal with having to try to hide things.
Thanks for the practical advice Ellen.
You must have felt pretty good wearing women's clothing right under everyone's nose.
You said you had your look pretty toned down, l don't think the men would notice but what about women.
This is excellent advice and l plan on using some of your idea's
Thanks and l hope you have a good weekend. Love Tatiana
People (especially the other women at work) knew something was up (but my coworkers knew already in 1999, when I came clean to my boss, and they were informed [my female coworkers were as good as gold to me - they took it upon themselves to be my very own support system!!]), but weren't absolutely sure what was going on. At the time, women's jeans had higher waistlines than men's jeans, so to avoid raising too many eyebrows, I wore my tops & tees un-tucked in my pants. This helped hide the waistline. I also avoided wearing V-neck tops at work (guys typically do not wear v-neck tops [at least not with as much of a V in the neck cutout as women't tops can have]), and stuck with your typical crew neck tees and tops. The V-necks were kept away from work, and worn outside of work (my favorite tees to this day are V-necks).
Shoe-wise, I was required to wear steel toes. I wore (and still wear to this day), lady's steel toes (sorry Jenny [one of my current coworkers], I know you've occasionally bought guy's steel toes for work [and have suggested it to me, when I have have a hard time finding the lady's steel toes I want in a 12B], but it's a philosophy/mindset thing with me). I've always preferred the athletic style steel toes, and you can get lady's athletic style steel toes in my lady's shoe size (12B), in pretty neutral colors, so that's what I wore. Of course by the time I needed to get them (my guy's steel toes were wearing out, and I was beyond the point of hating to wear them), and was able to get them from the shoe mobile (at an employee discount, which was great, due to money being tight for me at the time) that occasionally made stops at work, everybody already knew I was transitioning, so it was even less of a big deal for me to wear lady's steel toes.
In short, try to keep things as neutral looking as you can. They can assume by looking at you, that you're wearing guy's clothes, when you know that you're actually wearing women's clothes. When the rest of the company (outside of HR and the Quality Assurance department) found out what was going on with me, they asked me what I was going to wear to work for clothes. When I told them that I had been wearing women's jeans and tees to work for the past year or so, some them were quite surprised!
Tatiana, your OP/question was actually bought up in a group therapy session I went to in 2001, for the gender program I was in for my transition. At that group session (which was one of the last I attended [got sick of coughing up $75, to do nothing but listen to others oftentimes do the "woe is me" thing, while I said nothing, due to not having anything to moan about] - I went to them because I felt I was obligated to do so), the question was brought up about what to wear in the workplace. I mentioned what I mentioned in my previous post, and the moderator (who was one of the gender program's therapists) mentioned that that was a good idea/approach to take. Still, be VERY careful. Get too femme looking, and eyebrows might be raised, and questions asked before you're ready to come out about your transition.